A Thing That Happend

Although Loki claimed his spell work would last two and a half weeks at best, on the second day the clone faded away while talking to Bruce. Bucky knew Loki was probably watching from a safe distance, but the others began to get a little suspicious and and on the fifth day the assassins trio was interrogating Bucky.

“You were the last one with him,” Clint reminded when asked why they were questioning said winter soldier, by said winter Soldier.

“Actually I think Bruce was talking to him last.” Bucky reminded hoping they would just let him go.

“We know the difference between our Mommy and one of his clones!” Natasha yelled, it had been ten days without any word from Loki and she was worried something bad had happened. Her worry had not had the best impact on her abilities to remain neutral, and the others were beginning to feed off the negative energy.

The stress was getting to everyone in the tower, and all of them were moody and often times hostile with one another, each trying, and failing, to find the lost god, in fact the only ones not worried sick were Thor, Bucky, and Bruce. Bucky because Loki explained the situation to him beforehand, Thor because he had placed a tracker on his smaller brother a couple thousand years ago without the others knowledge, and Bruce because Thor gave regular updates, since he didn't wasn't the Other Guy to go on a rampage looking for his margarita buddy.

And because Thor told Bruce everything, he couldn't help it, every time he looked into the soft brown eyes of the doctor his resolve melted and all his secrets came flowing out, almost against his will, since Thor and Bruce were out, Natasha had rounded up her brothers to “talk” to the suspiciously calm Bucky.

“Come on Tasha,” Phil patted the his sister on the shoulder as she tried to get her emotions back under control “we’ll find him, we just need to keep it together long enough” Bucky flinched when Phil turned his dead gaze onto him and he knew if he didn't give them what they wanted it was going to end badly.

Glancing over to Steve Bucky prayed he could get his “kids” in check before they started using anything sharp, but the Captain had a jaded look and Bucky knew he was fucked. Surprisingly the trio did let him go, and Bucky managed another two days of having each agent ambush him with threats and false promises at random moments in the day, but when they sent Tony to talk to him he couldn't hold his silence anymore.

“Come on Bucks tell me where he is,” Tony pleaded from his side of the couch.

“I made a promise,” Bucky refused to look at the sure to be pitiful sight of Tony Stark begging. They were in Bucky’s personalized apartment of the tower, Stark made sure everyone had one filled with anything you could need except a kitchen or living room. The team had decided it was for the best, they wanted to have personal space but didn't want to end up distancing themselves either. It was an unwritten rule that you didn't go into someone else's space unless they invited you.

The trio of death respected the silent rule, but Tony had broken one of the most important rules of the tower, claiming if he paid for it he could do whatever he damned well pleased, and, after two hours of one sided banter, practically begged Bucky for information on Loki’s where abouts.

“I know and I respect that I really do,” Tony bit his lip and looked down at his feet, not quite sure how to go on,

“But?” Bucky offered finally noticing how much trouble Stark was having, it was cute.

“But, Steve is having a conniption over this and i just want him happy, ya know?” Tony smiled softly as he met the Bucky's eyes and spoke about another man, and, if Bucky was being completely honest, it hurt, he had had a crush on Tony for a while now. Barnes figured if Stark was willing to break a Tower Rule for Steve he must feel pretty strong for the guy, and it sounds like Steve had been spending a lot of free time with the genius, which sucked considering Loki had a thing for The Man Stuck in Time.

“...Not that i would mind cause i don't hate you or anything, but Steve and Loki have the ‘married-with-kids’ thing going, and i think he would feel better knowing SOMETHING-” Bucky had zoned out for a moment and decided to cut the playboy off.

“He went to see Fury about some things” Bucky wanted him gone so he could schedule a Margarita Night with Bruce, he was going to need it. Tony seemed shocked at the news, but he was also confused at why Bucky was ignoring his attempts to ask the other man out, he could've sworn…

“Uh, thanks, I’ll, uh, go tell Steve to stop worrying.” Tony said as he got off the couch, he quickly and silently left the apartment after that, thinking over the last bit of conversation.

When Tony left Steve was pacing the large family room, periodically glancing to the kitchen, mumbling under his breath and rubbing a hand across his jaw. When Tony found him, on the other hand, he was sitting in the small kitchen nook looking like a kicked puppy, staring down an unopened bottle of tequila.

“Hey Cap, holding up ok?” Tony treaded lightly, the last time they talked about Loki’s disappearing act he not only almost lost one of his only friends he came very close to getting a shield to the the face.

“What if he got taken by Thanos again, and is being tortured somewhere?” Steve looked up sad as hell and tony couldn't help his next comment.

“Thanos? Your thinking worst case scenarios again, aren't you?” Tony sighed as he felt the beginnings of another headache, “No, no Thanos, but there is a real chance he's getting tortured right now.”

“What?” Steve was VERY confused, but quickly processed Tony's last words.

“We need to go help him!”

“Relax cowboy, Bucky gave me the four-one-one, he's fine.”

Steve wasn't processing the information very well, mostly because of the new age slang, but eventually asked, “You got Bucky to talk? What did he say?!?”

“Calm down”, Tony could handle a happy bouncing Cap., but the slightly pissed and a whole lot of panicked Cap. he couldn't and waited, watching as the man in front of him did as instructed.

“I’ll have Jarvis show you the whole thing.” Tony opened the bottle as Jarvis spoke overhead.

“Yes sir, would you like commentary?”

“Absolutely,” Steve didn't wasn't to over analyze the whole situation and was glad Jarvis was willing to do it for him.

“The clip starts out with Tony plopping down next to the more muscular man and tries to start a conversation, but when that fails, it shows Sir begging for information-” Jarvis is cut off b a whinny Tony

“I was NOT begging!”

“- on your behalf. It then appears Bucky is in deep thought as Sir begins stumbling in a pathetic attempt to ask Mr. Barnes on a date-”

“Jaaarrrviiiss”

“-which is interrupted by Mr. Barnes stating, and i quote ‘He went so see Fury about some things’ lead by Sir awkwardly muttering something before he rushes out” Jarvis finishes sounding waaay too judgmental on Tony's actions for an Artificial Intelligence.

“Fury hates Loki.” Steve comments confused as to why Fury and Loki would be meeting up for any reason, And Ignores Tony threatening Jarvis.

“Hey tell the kids Mommies Fine.” Tony finally turned back to talk to Steve.

“You know they don't listen to their father,” Steve joked, leaning back in his seat “The boys are both Mommas boys, and Natasha? Well she might as well be one of the boys, what with the way she worships her Mother and all.” The two men chuckled, and Steve took the bottle from Tony's hands and dook a mighty swig.

“Seriously though, you can't keep worrying like this, he'll come back when he's ready, have a little patience yea?” Tony advised, finally sounding his age for once.

“Yea,” Steve breathed before changing the subject “So you finally tried to make a move on old iron fist eh?” Tony groaned.

“Come on Cap. you saw the clip, he completely blew me off- and not in the way I wanted.”

“You did invade his space without asking.” Steve pointed out in a very Captain-Obvious-y way.

“Yea, but he didn't start to get that far away look until I mentioned how upset you were and how I was trying to make you happy...hmm” Tony got his own far away look while Steve looked at him like he was the most unintelligent being he had ever met.

“Did you say it just like that?” Tony turned at the ‘I'm-so-done-with-your-shit’ tone the Cap. had directed at him.

“Yeah, i did, and i meant it too, you were starting to freak me out and- what's wrong?”

Steve face palmed himself before laughing hysterically.

“I know you're a genius,” a pause for more laughter “But you are the stupidest man!” queue holding sides and wiping of tears “I have EVER met!” aaaaand die out to giggles and red faced amusement.

“What? what'd I do?” Tony for the first time in a while couldn't figure something out.

“He probably thinks you have feelings for me….Holy SHIT! do you have feelings for me? Because it's cool that you do but I kinda have my hopes set on someone else, and-” Now it was Tony's turn to laugh.

“Ohhh, do tell,” Tony grinned as Steve's face went from an amused ruby to an embarrassed merlot. “Who's the lucky person to ensnare and captivate the ever elusive Captain America?” Steve panicked, he knew tony wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted, so Cap did the best he could do with what he had, and lied.

“Maria! it's Maria Hill!”

“Furies right hand? You're interested in a WOMAN who is basically Fury with a-”

“TONY!” Steve quickly interrupted “She's a lady!”

“She also hates Loki,” Tony defended, and watched as Steve's eye twitched at the mention of the absent man. Bingo.

“Anyway,” Tony takes the bottle back, “Now that you know he's safe what are you going to do?”

“But I don't REALLY know he's safe, do I?” Steve leaned forward holding his chin in the heel of his hand.

“Yeah, but you could always talk to your girl, Maria, for that” Tony teased.

“Nah, it's like you said before, she hates Loki.” Steve casually shot back crinkling his nose.

“Well,” Tony's left eyebrow rose as he also placed his head on his hands

“On the bright side you can stop bugging me with your crazy ‘the-guy-I-like-but-don’t-is-in-danger’ stories.”

“Whaaaat?” Steve did a wonderful imitation of a minion, “I'm don't like Loki, were just really good friends”

“Friends who have a pretend marriage with assassin children” Tony was now being a condescending little shit.

“Hey!” Steve really needed to think before he spoke “It's real to me!”

“What?” Tony barely held his laughter in “That means you're cheating on your ‘wife’ with Maria!” and there goes Tony's self control.

“Well, I mean…. It's not...” Steve stumbled for a way to retract his last comment without digging a deeper grave “I'M NOT GAY!”

screaming that probably wasn't for the best but it did sober tony up pretty well

“Ok, first of all your a terrible liar, second, you clearly have feelings for Loki if you take the fake marriage thing seriously, and third of all, it's the twenty first century Cap., it's ok to be gay now.”

“I know," Steve was getting exasperated “Clint and Natasha made a PowerPoint and made me take notes” Steve hoped his embarrassment would be enough to take Starks attention away from his hopeless love life.

“Great," Tony took a sip of last of the tequila they had been sharing handing the rest to Steve, and waited for him to relax before he continued, “How long have you had feelings for Loki?” Steve choked and Tony patted the poor man on the back.

“Come on I told you when I had a thing for Bucky” Tony waited way too long for this information and now that he had a chance of getting what he wanted he wasn't about to let go.

“Fine, you remember when I had left for a few months with Sam?” Steve waited for Tony's head nod before he continued “Well when I first got back, everyone greeted Bucky back with a face full of weapons.”

“He was dangerous!” Tony defended with crossed arms.

“Everyone but Loki,” Steve continued as if Tony had never spoke “Loki stepped in front of everyone with a plate of cookies, a big smile, and a ‘Welcome to the Family’ hug.” Steve had a dreamy little smile on his face and Tony was glad his friend finally confided in him.

“Great we’ll ask them out on a double date when Loki gets back” Tony clapped Steve on the back, both in high spirits

“Sir,” Jarvis spoke from above “I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as i understand, Master Bucky and Mister Loki are already in a relationship.”

“WHAT?!?” Tony and Steve yelled at the ceiling together.

“Well,” Jarvis spoke sounding slightly nervous “Natasha had me download a bunch of Russian soap operas and according to my scanners they MIGHT be in a secret relationship” Jarvis knew he was lying, but he did so love romantic drama, and he did exchange negotiations with Loki. Loki got to keep all conversations private and Jarvis got a personality and everything spell enhanced.

“Oh,” Cap bowed his head in sadness, accepting defeat

“Oh?” Tony was pissed “No, ‘oh’, Jarvis clearly said MIGHT, that means we still have a chance, and we aren't going down without a fight!”

“You know what?” Steve look just as determined as Tony “You're right! We should keep trying ‘till we get what's ours!”

“That's the spirit Sir!” Jarvis encouraged from the ceiling, and the two, with the help of Jarvis, spent the rest of the night coming up with ways to get their one and only true love- Jarvis's words- even if they did like the sound of it.

It had been a few days since Steve spread the news about Loki’s location, and the kids had gone to headquarters in hopes of catching a glimpse of their Mother. Natasha went in to finally teach that class of trainees she'd been avoiding, Clint went in to play with the new shipment of arrows- and Natasha's trainees, and Phil went just to do his regular job.

Clint watched from the rafters as Natasha attempted to teach the idiots how to defend themselves.

“Alright,” she tried to sound positive, but they sucked way too badly “How about we try two lessons at once, I'm going to put you in a scenario where you actually have to defend yourselves while also teaching you to keep a level head ok?” Clint chuckled at the confused glances of the cadets.

“Try to piss her off” he yelled out helpfully.

“You’re fat?” one cadet spoke and easily dodged the fist that flew towards his face

“Good” Natasha encouraged and soon all the cadets were defending and laughing.

“You’re ugly!”

“You’re the worst Avenger EVER!”

“You should've stayed in the kitchen!”

“Your Moms a fat dirty whore!”

The last trainee who spoke was instantly pinned to the wall by an arrow to the shoulder.

“What did you say about our Ma?” Clint's voice was deadly calm and Natasha brought out one of her throwing knives- a gift from Loki, her mother. The other almost-agents left the room to get the first agent they came across- Phil Coulson

“Hey! What's going on in here?” the knife was only centimeters from one of the kids eye, and Phil really didn't want to fill out any paperwork on two rogue agents.

“He called our Mommy a dirty whore” Natasha informed, confident her brother wouldn't try to stop her. As predicted Phil joined his other siblings in teaching the whiny cunt a lesson. Laughing sadistically he took out his own, personalized pillywinks and tongue tearer- another gift from their saint of a Mother.

After three hours someone had finally ran to fetch them after watching the three began to force the idiot to perform The Judas Cradle. Before they could tie the poor boy down their Daddy had ran in began yelling at them, and it took the combined effort of both Thor and The Hulk to drag them from the room. They dropped the crazed children in the cage Shield had around, in case The Hulk ever needed to be contained.

The group noticed something that appeared to be another cage with a sheet thrown over the top, and were curios, but when pained moans sounded from the other side of the sheet they all assumed they placed the injured cadet there and all easily ignored the other being.

“What do you have to say for yourselves?” Steve began scolding his three delinquents.

“He called Ma a dirty fat whore” Clint recited. Steve went calm for moment, and after ten minutes of struggling against Thor's hold, was locked up next to the other three certified torturers. Thor decided the four need a LOT of time to cool down, so he took it upon himself to calm the jolly green giant outside of the Hulk cage. It took, eight hours, 19 smashed walls, three broken employees, and fifty seven shattered windows, but he finally did it.

The next morning was welcomed by most of the tower dwellers attempting and failing to make something edible for breakfast- they had grown accustomed to ordering food in Loki's absence but today they had a craving for something homemade. When suddenly Thor and Bruce burst from the elevator- they had been held at Shield for the night, in case Clint, Phil, or Natasha decided to sneak back in- and began to telling the group what Loki was planning on doing. The words were all jumbled due to the Thor's over over dramatization and Bruce trying to talk and soothe the thunder at the same time, but, with help from the others, they eventually calmed Thor down enough to tell them whatever had him so panicked.

“Fury is sending Loki to Asgard, to hold court with Father on behalf of Midgard!” The news finally erupted from Thor in an articulate fashion.