Shelter in Place
“Shelter in place.”
Those are the only words from the hulking deputy that Alex Cabot actually registered before she was nearly lifted off her feet as she was bodily removed from Donnelly’s judicial chambers.
There wasn’t even any time to actually panic.
Her vision didn’t go staticky, her heart didn’t race. Her mind understood what was happening, but all she felt were hands pulling her from the room.
There was an absolute whirlwind of activity and she couldn’t focus or make any sense of it at all because she couldn’t get past the expression on Casey’s face, not even when she was unceremoniously locked into an office out of the way.
“Shelter in place.”
Few other phrases in life could make Alex feel this powerless.
The preceding moments had been fraught enough all on their own.
Casey had been right next to her as they made their way for the impending blowout with Donnelly, ready to make the one argument and judicial request that everyone had wanted to avoid the most. Her posture deflated and her face was resigned, but she looked Alex in the eye, and nodded through a sad smile. She was ready.
They met Liz at the bench where she stood, fuming, rigid arm out directing them to the door to her chambers.
Alex had been so furious at Donnelly, and so caught up in the silent conversation between her and Casey, that she hadn’t even noticed the defendant losing it.
No one had.
They only made it as far as Liz opening the door to her chambers.
That was when all hell broke loose.
Why Casey was able to size up the situation faster than anyone else was a mystery to Alex, but, Casey reached behind Liz, pressed the courtroom panic button, and pushed them both firmly and completely through the chamber doors. She met Alex’s gaze for just a moment before the door closed in their faces, locking with a loud click.
Her deep, faded jade eyes, were worried, panicked, and a little relieved.
Placed in lock down, unable to get true updates from the officers, courtroom cameras and cell signals blocked, Alex was stuck in an unyielding limbo with Liz, who was simmering in impotence and indignation.
“I’m the presiding judge,” she shouted, nearly picking a fight with every deputy who went by. “I demand to know what’s happening in my courtroom!”
Liz’s voice was so deep, angry and commanding, that Alex almost expected the officer to comply.
“I’m sorry, I have my orders. You both will remain here until we lift the lockdown.”
Alex watched their standoff distantly, sitting in a leather club chair across some judge’s desk, trying to still her shaking hands.
She thought that she had been prepared for the worst when she signaled for Casey to ask for a side-bar.
Liz had looked at Casey, and then Alex, and called for a recess instead, ordering both Alex and Casey to her chambers.
Alex felt like she was being marched to the principal's office, but between the defense objecting to the ex parte meeting and people yelling from the gallery, the suspect freed himself from the unsuspecting bailiff, and a gun was obtained. Whether he planned to kill the judge, his own lawyer, or Casey, Alex still wasn’t sure.
When Liz realized that the door’s lock was frozen by the panic button, she’d become apoplectic. She still was, even though she had calmed to the pace of a lion pacing in its cage after capture.
Alex didn’t blame her though, and kept shifting her focus trying to get a handle on her thoughts.
Liz huffed loudly, ran hand through her hair, and finally dropped into the matching chair across from Alex.
“You know I’m having a hard time trying to in a stay place of anger, but I don’t want to know what emotion will be next.”
“I’m having a hard time not being terrified, your honor.”
Donnelly sighed. “We’re not in court, Alex, call me Liz.”
“We’re in your office.”
“We’re in Talbot’s office. And it’s his office, not chambers. They’re not going to let us any closer, not until this is all over.”
“Don’t remind me.”
Liz sighed deeply and rubbed at her forehead.
“Why don’t we take this time to talk about what we would have in chambers.”
“This is hardly the place.”
“What else do you propose? We’re stuck in here and you spent all morning staring me down, itching to object even though you are not the prosecutor on record.”
Alex pressed her lips together and drummed her fingers. “Calhoun may have a point about ex parte-“
“Not if we talk about what you wanted to ask, before you formally ask it.“
“That's quite the technicality.”
“Our jobs are rooted in technicalities. That being said, Alexandra,” she leaned back in her chair, trying to decide if Alex had the balls to do it. “Are you actually considering demanding my recusal?”
Sunday Morning 4 Days Ago
“Liz?”
Alex’s succinct question pierced the quiet, gentle lassitude of the room.
“Yes.” Casey said. She looked up from her paper at the tone, and nodded, not sure why Alex had started this line of questioning.
“Elizabeth Donnelly?”
“Yes, that Liz.”
“That was the ‘workbrunch’ you had on Sunday?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
Casey lowered her paper at the tone to look at the woman sitting next to her.
Enmeshed with her, actually.
Casey’s leg was thrown over one of Alex’s, enough touch to border on the cuddling that resumed once coffee and the Sunday paper were in hand, and just enough separation to let them consume their coffee without fear of spilling.
She studied Alex’s expression, trying to discern if she should give up on her article altogether. She bit her lip and held it for an extended moment looking for an indication of how deep this was going to go.
“Oh?” Casey repeated, offering to continue the conversational volley that Alex had started.
“You and Liz Donnelly?”
“Liz and I what?”
“Well, ‘was’ it a work brunch? Because I wasn’t aware that the two of you were still chummy enough to have brunch?”
“Chummy?”
Alex glared at her.
“I did work with the woman for years, if you remember.”
“And more.”
Casey’s eyes drifted toward rolling territory, but she took a slow breath in and let it out even slower and waited for Alex to continue.
“It’s just odd,” Alex said.
“Is it stranger than you using the word chummy?”
“You use that word.”
“Yeah,” she cracked a crooked smile. “But that’s me.”
“Fine then,”Alex said, unamused. “I’ll restate. That she would meet with you, ex parte, in an intimate setting such as brunch at [x], is unusual. And at least as weird as me using the term chummy.”
“It wasn’t ex parte. I’m not presenting before her.”
“You will eventually.”
“I’ve been able to avoid her courtroom fairly easily since I’ve been back.”
“I know that your court services buddy is doing you favors, but even so, why would you meet with her now?”
“It was Sunday. We were both available,” Casey said, perplexed. “What’s the problem?”
“What if the office keeps Barba’s case?”
“I thought you were going to hand it off to the Feds? They really want it.”
“The meetings haven’t gone well, Jack and Raf were determined for us to have the first shot.”
“Last I heard, Raf said he was feeling better and didn’t need any help.”
“Olivia’s been threatening to force him to go to the ER. She hasn’t called back with an update, neither has he.”
“Shit,” Casey breathed out and sat up straighter, quickly disentangling them from one another. “And you’d want me to continue for Raf?”
“I don’t,” Alex said. She immediately missed the warmth of Casey and adjusted her feet underneath her, scooting toward the arm of the couch. “But your name has been floated as a contingency.”
“By you?” She said, her tone still incredulous.
“By Jack,” Alex said.
“I don’t understand… This is high profile, and if someone needs to take over, why not you?”
“The jury consultants have their reasons, including the fact that you’re good and you are the next ADA on the roster so they can claim protocol and transparency. The press is already all over the fairness aspect of this trial.”
“But, if Jack ‘knew’ ,” Casey stood and started pacing. “I mean, he’d have to let you take it over.“
“If he knew? How on earth would he know? I don’t even ‘know’ officially. I guessed. You’ve never even talked to me about it.”
“I was trying to respect her privacy,” Casey said and sank back into the other end of the couch. “She’s really… private .”
“ ‘I’ understand private, but even I-“
“Even more than you,” Casey said. “She didn’t want anyone to know. Yet another thing you have in common.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not what we’re talking about.”
“No kidding,” Casey sighed. “We never talk about that.”
“Casey.”
“Besides, the Liz thing…there’s not that much to talk about, and you know more than anyone else anyway,” Casey said.
“As much as I like to think I have a bit of insight to you, I am not Agatha Christie incarnate.”
For as much as Casey talked, was open and honest, there were some things she still kept particularly close to the chest.
She knew it had to do with Liz’s own recalcitrant, private nature. The woman probably valued her privacy even more now that she was a judge, but still, the uncharacteristic lack of openness from Casey drove her to distraction.
She couldn’t help it, even if it was a touch hypocritical of her, it still felt pointed and unfair considering how forthcoming Casey had been about everything else in her life.
She could feel Casey’s walls coming back up too.
“You were the one who called that talk to a halt,” Casey’s voice was, calm, soft and scratchy, and somewhat faint as it was directed at the floor.
“And I’m not trying to start it up now.”
Casey took a deep breath. “It was just brunch. We literally just caught up with each other.”
Alex’s eyebrow went up an octave.
“Not about us,” Casey did roll her eyes this time. A frustrated sigh escaped her lips before looking her in the eye and continuing.
“I didn’t mention a word about you. But you know, now that I think about it-” Casey paused and furrowed her brow. “-this really is an interesting, common thread in my life: being quiet about relationships.” She bit her lip and nodded her head at her conclusion and crossed her arms.
“But, if you need to know, we only talked about work and what I did during the suspension, how I’m doing now, and how she’s doing…”
“With the woman that nearly shut down your career.”
“I did that on my own.”
Alex crossed her arms over her chest. “She certainly didn’t help!“
“Alex.“
“I never said you couldn’t talk about us.”
“Oh, really?”
“Don’t,” Alex said, uncrossing her arms and rubbing at her temples. “Look, my whole point was that if you get assigned this case and have to disclose, then that little meeting has the possibility of blowing up in all our faces.”
“You said Rita is the defense counsel, right?”
“Yes.”
“Rita wouldn’t care.”
“Not personally, but she is always willing to do anything to win her case, including bringing this up.”
“How would she even know,” she scoffed. “How would anybody? It was just brunch. We’re worrying about nothing, anyway. Raf’s been doing okay so far and he told me he’s been feeling better. I’ve seen him power through walking-pneumonia before. And there’s still a chance that the Feds could get an injunction.”
“Look,” Alex said. “I know Liz would be impartial. But this was just the least helpful time to have a cozy little meal to reminisce.”
Casey tilted her head and furrowed her brow. After a moment her eyebrow quirked in disbelief.
“Are you… are you jealous?” Casey felt the words come out before she could stop them, wondering how this conversation spun out of control so quickly.
Alex, predictably, sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes. “I am not jealous.”
The side of Casey’s mouth almost dared to twitch.
“In fact, I’m alright with it, you know,” Alex continued.
Casey retrieved her now cold coffee mug and drained the remainder, happy to look somewhere else. “Alright with what?”
“You and Liz and whatever you used to be to each other, I just don’t trust whatever she’s doing now.”
Casey pressed her lips into a fine line and closed her eyes briefly, before looking back at Alex.
“She’s not doing anything.”
“I just can’t fathom why on earth you'd still trust her to do right by you.”
Casey could only sigh in response.
Twelve hours later, Casey had just cleaned up their late dinner, rinsing all of the dishes before starting Alex’s dishwasher, and hadn’t even begun thinking about everything she had to do the next day when Alex came back from her home office, the harbinger of bad news.
“It’s official,” Alex said. She leaned heavily against the door frame. “Barba is going into gall-bladder surgery tonight, and he’ll need a couple of weeks off to recover. Jack has assigned you to take over the case,” Alex said. “He’s already released the change to the press.”
“Shit,” Casey muttered.
“Indeed.”
“I know you wanted me to stay over, but-“
“It looks like tomorrow’s going to be a long day,” Alex said, softly brushing a lock of red out of Casey’s face. “And Donnelly was already in a mood about this case, this is going to make her even more unhappy.”
“I guess you were right about brunch,” Casey said, frowning. “That should make you happy.”
“Nothing about this situation makes me happy.” Alex took a step back and crossed her arms.
“Hey,” Casey said, stepping closer, and gently uncrossing Alex’s arms, squeezing one of her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I even put you in this situation.”
Alex squeezed it back. “You know I won’t hold it against you, if you don’t end up disclosing. Especially considering that Donnelly’s already unhappy with this case.”
“The delays?” Casey guessed.
“Yes, and the press nightmare, the FBI pressure, the threats… And, Donnelly already had to put Raf and Rita on a tight leash. That means that Rita will be missing her favorite sparring partner. I really can’t predict what will happen if you end up disclosing.”
“It’s not just me… Liz has a chance to disclose as well, but I doubt she will.”
“It won’t be easy, either way.”
“I don’t know if I can. But I don’t know if I can not either,” Casey dropped her face into her hands. “But hey, at least she’s used to being angry with me.”
“It’s your decision, I’m behind you either way,” Alex said, placing a hand on her back.
Casey pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Shit.”
4 Days Later
5am reared its ugly head, but they were both awake before the alarm went off anyway.
“So,” Casey’s voice broke through the quiet of the morning.
“So,” Alex repeated, listening to Casey’s breathing change under her ear, waiting to hear what Casey decided.
“What would you name a dog?” Casey asked.
Whatever she expected Casey to say, that was the last thing she had imagined. Alex lifted her head from Casey’s chest and stared at her. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Sleep is a distant memory,” Casey said, brushing it off with a little finger wave.
Alex shook her head and sighed. “I’m sorry I made you come over, I thought it would help.”
“It did,” she said, and kissed Alex on the cheek.
Alex smiled softly and crossed her arms, propping her head up with her hands even as she continued to lay atop Casey.
“I think your coffee-only diet is starting to wear you down.”
“I haven’t had time to eat,” Casey shook her head.
“It’s early enough… Do you want me to order you some breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“How about toast?”
“I’m fine, Al,” she flashed a small smile before tooling her face into a more serious expression. “Now, answer the question.”
“What question?”
“What question!? The most important question all week.”
“This isn’t going to work.” Alex said.
“It’s a rather simple question. I’d think even you would agree.”
“You're trying to distract from the topic at hand.”
“It’s barely light out,” Casey said. “What other topic can we possibly be on already?”
“Casey-“ Alex sighed.
“Oh,” she said. “You mean TheConversation. The conversation we haven’t been having all week since the last time we had it.”
“Casey-“
“ The conversation where you want to know if I am going to go into court and disclose to Rita Calhoun, on the record, in front of Liz’s entire courtroom and press, that Liz and I were, once, a sort-of part-time thing. That conversation?”
“That’s the one you’re trying to avoid.”
“What’s to avoid?” Casey sighed. “It is what it is.”
“Are you ready for today, when you might have to deal with that conversation, like it or not?”
“Are you sure that we can’t switch cases? I can definitely win Higgins for you.”
“At this point, switching would require just as much disclosure as not-switching, and I think Liz would blow a gasket. She’s already threatened to dismiss all charges. She’s ready to put you, me, and Jack in a cell for contempt if there are any more delays with this case.”
Casey sighed and softly ran a finger down Alex’s bare arm. “You know, I don’t know what I was thinking anyway,” she said.
“About what?”
“You would never get a dog.”
Alex closed her eyes and sighed, but let it be nonetheless. “No,” she answered. “I’ve never seen myself owning a dog.”
Casey laughed at being right and stretched out a bit to dislodge Alex so they could speak easier, throwing a leg over her to make up for any loss of contact and body warmth. “Now,” she placed a quick peck on her lips, traced a gentle finger across her cheek, and then tapped her, ever so lightly, on the nose. “What. About. A. Cat?”
Alex let her head fall back and beseeched the ceiling for patience. “Casey- we really should talk about this before court.“
Casey’s chest moved with a false laugh that was mostly scoff. “I, more than anybody, understand the serious nature of what has to happen today.”
Alex met her with an understanding glance.
Casey flashed a sad smirk, and then grinned. “So, that means that I get to set the conversation.”
She took Alex’s eye roll as confirmation and continued.
“What would you name a cat?”
Alex shook her head in disbelief, but gave in and answered. ”I do not currently want a cat. Nor do I have any plans to obtain a cat.”
“This is just a what if.”
“Casey.”
“Come on, I just wanna know what Alex Cabot thinks a good name for a cat would be.”
“Casey-“
“Please?” she said, invading her space once more, placing a small kiss on her mouth and flashing her a small, hopeful smile.
“That’s not fair.”
“No,” the smile fell and Casey’s face grew momentarily serious. “What’s not fair is having to disclose in front of the court that I was once so enamored of her that I considered switching departments so that we could try and actually be together. But that Her Honor never once spared even the thought she could ever commit to me, even untraditionally .”
“I’m sure that’s not-“
“That’s. What. Happened.” Casey shrugged. “ Or the gist of it, anyway. It has happened to me a lot, actually.”
“Casey-“
“Best. Cat. Name.” She said, tapping her lightly on the chest with each syllable, but Alex allowed it because it made the serious face smooth out into fondness as she looked at her hopefully.
“Fine,” she rolled her eyes in exaggeration to cover just how much pull that expression had on her.
She had not seen Casey much since she’d been handed the case, and seeing even the silly, sleep-deprived, playful side of her made her melt enough to play whatever little game Casey wanted.
“Fine,” Alex repeated. “Fine. Fine. Then… Mittens, I guess.”
“Mittens?” Casey blew out a raspberry. “Alex, please take this seriously, that’s too normal of a cat name for you.”
“For me?” Alex laughed incredulously.
“Yes,” she nodded in fake solemnity. “Besides, if you were going to be prosaic about it you might as well go with ‘Socks.’”
“Socks? That’s just as common of a cat name as Mittens.”
“But Socks is a classic.”
“And what if it didn’t have little white patches on its paws?”
“Why would that matter?”
Alex poked her. “You’re hopeless,” she said.
She got a dimpled grin as a reply.
“You have way too many opinions over hypothetical cat names. And I haven’t heard anything better from your end, by the way.” Alex shook her head, “You’d probably give it a sports related name.”
“What, like fast-pitch?” She tilted her head in thought. “That’s actually not that bad. Wait! What about Southpaw?” The dimples came out with glee once more.
“See? I was right. You’re pigeonholed in sports names.”
“Not necessarily. Great Cat name inspirations are all over the place. It could be after a favorite food, like Pasta, Noodle, or Smoothie, or after your favorite movie, or,” Casey said, and smirked slowly. “Oh, what about Meryl Streep“?
Alex let out a little laugh. “Meryl’s kind of a heavy name for a little cat, isn’t it?”
“Meryl Streep. Both names.”
“Why would a cat need two names?”
“You have three names.”
Alex rolled her eyes again.“Fine… then, okay,” she let her thoughts roll around. “What about Calliope?”
“Calliope?”
Alex nodded.
“As in, the Greek muse?” Casey tilted her head.
“And just what is wrong with Calliope?”
“Isn’t that also a name for that weird piano-organ steam whistle?” Casey smirked.
“Yes.”
“Okay,” Casey shook her head. “You’re just asking for a horrible caterwaul with that kind of name, besides, what if it’s a boy cat?”
“Willoughby for a male,” she nodded at her own choice. “And if Calliope is out, then… Ephigenia for a female.”
“Willoughby is pretty cute, but Ephigenia?” Casey screwed up her face into a goggled expression. “My god, Alex, is it a cat or a docent at the Natural History Museum?”
Alex swatted her shoulder. “It’s a traditional name, it means ‘ of royalty. ”
“Of course you’d like that, but I think that one princess per household is enough,” Casey giggled and pulled up the sheet over both of their heads, determined to block out any other thoughts until the alarm went off and they’d have to face the world once more.