Lockdown
Lockdown
“On what grounds would you be basing the necessity of my recusal?” Liz said, almost smugly. Daring Alex to continue.
But, Alex never was one to back down.
“You have a previous relationship with the assistant district attorney.”
Liz almost smiled. She rose and walked to the office’s small, in-cabinet refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water.
Liz offered one to Alex. “If we were in my office, I could offer you something stronger.”
Alex unclenched her jaw, took in a deep breath. “Water is fine.”
“Do you think that I would let any previous relationship bias my opinions?” Liz said, taking her time to sit back down.“
“I think that the fact that it has never been disclosed makes it a point of contention.”
Liz inclined her head at the notion, then smirked, ever so slightly, in suspicion. “I’m not the only one who had the chance to disclose.”
When Alex’s expression grew angry and firm, she knew she had hit the emotional target.
“You know at first I assumed this-,” Liz waved her hand at Alex’s bearing and animosity. “- was just about the case, but now I understand.” Her smirk grew. “This is about Casey.”
“This is about the case,” Alex stood, her voice as loud as one could get without outright yelling at a judge.
“Sit down,” Liz said, smirk gone.
Alex sat down, posture rigid and looked Liz in the eye.
“Say what you need to say,” Liz said. “If this is only about the case, then my impartiality isn’t your problem.”
“Only Judges believe that they should be the only arbiter of whether they can be impartial.”
Liz wasn’t moved. “As they should be.”
“If you were truly impartial, then how did Casey lose ten objections before even getting through motions?” Alex said. “Casey’s never lost ten-anything in her life. Not even to Rita Calhoun.”
“It was a contentious morning.” Liz waved her off with a motion of her hand. “She was doing fine.”
Alex shook her head. “Not when I came in.”
Liz raised an eyebrow. “She was badgering.”
“If she was really badgering,” Alex countered. “You would have held her in contempt.”
Liz’s tone was annoyed and amused all at once. “She knows exactly where the line is.” She almost looked approving as she shook her head. “Don’t doubt that I would have put her in holding the second she crossed one.”
“No one would.” Alex scoffed. “I assume that is one of the reasons she didn’t ask you to disclose when she took over the case.”
“Obviously, there was no need,” She looked almost proud. “Besides, she was doing fine. In fact, I think she’s actually gained more self-control in her absence.”
“You know she’s that good,” Alex said, clenching her teeth a moment. “Factor in the total number of cases, and she’s a percentage point better than me and two better than you were.”
“And yet she immediately came to you with complaints of bias?”
“It wasn’t a complaint. She warned me that she was losing. It only took me five minutes in your courtroom to figure out why.”
“She wasn’t,” Liz smirked again.
“What?”
“She wasn’t losing,” Liz said.
“Then what was going on in there?“
“She hasn’t been in my courtroom in three years, and this trial was always going to be a challenge.”
“And yet, despite getting hammered down by you, she was… what, winning?”
“She already had the jury on her side, and every move I made was fair.”
“Fair?” Alex raised an eyebrow in response and waited her out.
Liz looked over her glasses at her and finally admitted, “I also wanted to make sure she’s returned to the level of competence she once had.”
“That’s my office’s decision to make, not yours.”
“Don’t kid yourself, Alex, she was always going to receive a frosty reception from the bench upon her return.”
“Are you really trying to speak for the entirety of the Manhattan municipal court bench? Tell me, your honor, do you go after every attorney with a past that comes before you? Because hitting one specific ADA over and over again looks very much like prejudice against someone ‘you’ have a past with.”
“Watch yourself, Alex.”
Alex stared her down once more, but indicated for Liz to continue with a single nod.
“Many, if not most, lawyers move right past any infractions they’ve committed without ever being affected by them,” Liz said. “The DA himself is a perfect example. And if I recall right, you had a particular non-stick related nickname for a while as well.” She paused. “But some cannot, and Casey’s one of them. She doesn’t move past her mistakes, she takes them personally and lets them linger.” She sighed and massaged the back of her neck with one hand.
“Most of us are two completely different people,” Liz continued. “We are who we need to be at work, and then we go home and are someone else entirely. But Casey’s never been able to do that and you know that means that someday, this job will tear her apart.” She shook her head and looked off into the distance.
“If she wasn’t so damned good, I would have drummed her out years ago,” Liz said.
Alex opened her mouth to object, but Liz held up a hand for her to stay.
“I had hoped that maybe the suspension would let her leave this job - but for better or worse, she’s back and you and I both know that if something didn’t shake her out of the wallowing, she’d let that one mistake follow her. She’d let it define her. No matter how much good she’s done before and after. That’s what today was about. And that’s why it needed to be me testing her.”
“Did she pass your special little test?” Alex asked, her rage and frustration barely controlled.
“This case isn’t a test, it’s a nightmare. And she ‘was’ badgering,” she shook her head at the litany of problems with this case. “Everyone has a valid complaint here, Alex. The delays in arrest, arraignment, in setting a court date alone are an indictment of the entire system. I don’t care what the suspect had on any crime ring or who else he could take down. From beginning to end this case was an embarrassment. The jurisdiction problems, the police, the FBI… the sheer amount of cases that depend on this one conviction, not to mention the first ADA having to abandon it after jeopardy was attached,” Donnelly said.
Alex fought back an urge to roll her eyes. “You’re mad at Barba?” She barked out an incredulous laugh. “You really think he can plan emergency surgery?”
“I’m angry with ‘everything’ in this case.”
“And you were taking it out on Casey.”
“Ease up on the indignation, Alex. She can take it, and like I said, she was doing fine.”
“Hunting season on her is over,” Alex said. Her voice had dropped an octave and held no room for movement.
“It was always going to be far kinder coming from me than from anybody else.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me?!” Alex balked. “You can’t possibly believe that. Coming from you it’s ten times worse.”
“It will mean more to her to get a real result.”
“Great, I’ll be sure to tell her that you think she’s ready if she gets out of this,” Alex said, and then gasped and put her hand over her mouth. When she had herself back under control, she cleared her throat. “When she gets out of this.”
“They’re doing their best to get everyone out.”
“She shouldn’t even be in there,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe she did that.”
“Yes you can,” Liz breathed out, her voice growing shaky. “It’s very much like Casey. Only she would have the nerve to lock me out with ‘my’ panic button.”
“She was protecting-“
“I know,” Liz said gravely. The silence hung heavy between them, and then Liz let out a weak laugh through her nose. “You do know what she’s going to be the most pissed about, don’t you?”
“That the federal prosecutor wins because this idiot took hostages in open court?” Alex said, adjusting her glasses.
After a lengthening silence between them, Alex continued. “It should be me in there.”
“This is not your fault, Alex.”
“I should have taken over for Barba.”
“Bullshit,” Liz said.
“It’s my bureau.”
Liz shook her head. “In lieu of a second chair, the next ADA available according to the roster takes over. That’s the protocol.”
She could see Alex wither slightly, the level of stress and anger unable to maintain itself after the argument.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“I know.” Liz flashed a small, comforting smile, indicating just how much she understood. She let her head fall back against the chair. She dropped a mangled paperclip onto the desk where it served as a warning to the other stationary.
She looked over and made eye contact with Alex who seemed to be going through the same fight with her inner thoughts.
She gave herself a particularly long pause to gather her approach to ask the next question overtly, without Alex getting any more defensive, or at least without unsettling her further, but she was too curious. She purposefully dropped the argumentative tone native to her Socratic style of conversation.
“How long?” she asked, gently.
Alex stared back, trying to evaluate her chances of getting anything past Liz. She drew out a long breath, resuming her resolute pondering of the floor.
“It’s complicated.”
Liz smirked wry-fully. “No, it isn’t.”
“A few months now,” Alex shrugged. “It’s fairly new.”
This time Liz did roll her eyes. “You look pretty torn up for new.”
Alex leaned back heavily and laughed, helplessly. “She has that effect on people.”
Liz smiled sadly in agreement.
After
Casey couldn’t believe that it was over.
The week, and hell, the day had been so unbelievably long. The silence after all was said and done was almost too much for Casey to handle.
Her legs dangled over the side of the ambulance gurney that she was sitting on.
She had the childish urge to let them swing under her, after all, she was drinking from a kid’s sized gatorade handed to her by the medics.
She shook her head, marveling that after hours of a standoff, it was finally over, but stopped short as the motion reinvigorated her headache.
She just wanted to go home.
The situation was finally under control, they were releasing the lockdown and letting everybody go, and yet she had to stay. It wasn’t fair.
The relief when SWAT finally breached the courtroom, getting the defendant back into secure custody, should have been immediate.
Casey thought she had felt it, but somehow she still felt overwhelmed.
She tried to stand. But somehow it was difficult. She remembered taking a deep, shaky breath trying to steady her legs. She stared at them a minute, blaming the shaking on too much coffee. She vaguely heard the deputies in the courtroom escorting everyone out. She had stood to look around and follow the others, and felt a sudden wave of dizziness and had to sit back down.
She was trying to stop the spinning in her head when she heard a familiar voice.
“Casey?”
She heard Alex’s voice again, and stood suddenly, turning toward her voice.
Strangely, she was so, so startled to see Alex.
She had never, ever, been so viscerally happy to see someone before.
The sight of her brought tears to her eyes, she felt a quavering, uneven smile grow on her face, and a brightness expanding in her chest.
Everything felt so much in that moment that she didn’t have time to register her violently racing heartbeat.
She had only been vaguely aware of her vision fading and the ground coming up quickly.
She sighed, thinking about it, and tossed the small, empty gatorade, into a nearby wastebasket. She was immediately handed a juice box. She eyed the medic, who was unfortunately very cute in her deep blue uniform, yet implacable.
“You know the deal,” she shook her head. “You get to keep drinking, and we will recheck your numbers in fifteen minutes. The alternative is a fun ride to the ER. That, or I can get on the phone to an attending and get directed to do IV fluids in a courtroom.” She tilted her head in consideration. “That’d be a first.”
“Do as they say,” Alex said, coming back into the vicinity as the medics continued packing up their supplies and going over their paperwork. She’d been pushed aside while they attended Casey, but was allowed back when things had calmed.
Casey sighed and punched a straw into the juice box lid.
“You are okay, right? He didn’t hurt you?”
“It wasn’t my first time at gunpoint. It also wasn’t my first hostage situation in court come to think of it… though the last one was much shorter.”
“Casey-“
Casey reached out with her empty hand to her otherwise unharmed body. “See, I’m fine.”
The paramedics cleared their throats in disagreement.
“I just didn’t get enough sleep.”
“Or apparently, enough to eat,” the male medic interrupted, looking again at Casey’s chart.
“Casey,“ Alex chastised. “I know you didn’t sleep well last night, but this has to be more than that.”
“I’ve only had the case for like, 50 hours. There was no time,” Casey said. “You’re not much better.”
“I may have issues sleeping, but even I know that if I don’t eat, I bite everyone’s head off, and worse.”
Casey laughed for what felt like the first time the entire week. “Well, the kids are afraid of you most days, maybe I should feed you more.“
“The junior ADAs are actually more afraid of you than they are of me lately.”
“They should see me with a juice box.”
“Well, those are premium juice boxes, so they’d probably be jealous,” she said. She smiled briefly, but crossed her arms a little tighter as the medics came by once more to check Casey over. Happier with the results, they gave her the clearance to go.
“See, Alex, I’m fine. I get to go home. Finally.” She was still the smallest bit annoyed that everyone else involved in the chaotic scene had already been able to leave, but she was feeling better. She picked up the papers still strewn all over the table, she placed them in her briefcase.
“You passed out. You are not fine,” Alex said, stopping her progress by placing her palm on Casey’s cheek. “When was the last time you ate?”
Casey tried not to lean her head into Alex’s hands. It took her several moments to be able to answer. “I know, I know… it was just… it’s been a hard week.”
“Look you’re allowed to have a reaction to the stress, but..”
The medics chose exactly that moment to wheel their gurney back out to their rig. “Eat, drink, sleep, repeat,” she said as they walked by. “And report immediately to an ER if the symptoms return.”
“She will,” Alex said.
Casey sighed as Alex leveled a look at her.
“I’ve just been a little busy.”
“Too busy to eat? This morning I offered to get you breakfast.”
“I lost my appetite, and then the time crunch was so intense.”
“I thought you got a little sleep last night.”
“I- “ Casey looked away. “A little.”
“Apparently not enough,” Alex said. “I can’t believe that it got this bad without me noticing, without you saying anything… Casey, we have to talk about this.”
Casey’s shoulders dropped.
“But, not tonight.” She reached out her hand, and Casey took it automatically.
“What?”
“Tonight, we’re taking a night off of all issues. No talks of any kind.”
“But-“
“We’re getting Thai food, and going to my place, and sleeping.”
Casey closed her eyes and squeezed Alex’s hand. “That sounds so good.”
-
After eating more than she thought possible, Casey found herself camped on Alex’s couch, not wanting to move, not wanting to think, and not wanting to sleep or dream or be alone.
Alex dropped the tv remote onto her lap, interrupting her mood shift. “Turn on whatever you like,” she said, and put her drink and phone onto one of the end tables. “I’m sure you can find some sporting event to watch.”
Casey set through perusing the cable listings as Alex brought her yet another bottle of water. “Do you mind if I put on the Yankees/Blue Jays?”
“No.” She waggled her fingers at the side table with her book and phone and full wine glass.
Casey sank into the couch, fighting the urge to close her eyes, and tried to subtly stretch and not yawn.
“Come here,” Alex said, obviously still watching her too closely. She pulled a throw pillow to her lap, patting it for Casey to lay her head down. When she did, Alex threw a small blanket over her.
“I’m going to fall asleep if you do that.”
“That’s the plan,” she said, and sipped at her wine.
As she started to focus on the game, Alex took the remote and turned the volume down.
“Is it bothering you? You can turn it off.”
“No, just wait a moment,” she said, fiddling with the remote further. The radio broadcast coverage of the game began playing from Alex’s stereo speakers to accompany the game on the tv. “Is that better? I know you like the radio announcers better than the tv ones.”
“Yeah, they have faster stats and are better at commentary…How did you remember that?”
“You’re not the only one who pays attention,” she smirked.
Casey turned her head away from the tv and up to Alex’s face with big, open eyes.
“Even when I’m really just listening to the sound of your voice,” Alex said. “I’m still listening.”
Alex dodged the question in Casey’s eyes, and kissed her on the forehead in lieu of any more talking.
Casey’s eyes softened, and her lip quivered, and she knew if Alex kept looking at her like that, it was going to be too much, and had to turn back to the game.
Alex settled herself again, and picked up her book in one hand. The other hand absently ran a pattern fingering through Casey’s hair, lightly scratching at her scalp, tracing down along her arm, and back up the same path and to her hair. Within five minutes, Casey’s eyes grew too heavy to hold open.
“Who won?” She responded to the gentle nudging much later in the evening.
“Toronto.”
“Hmm,” Casey said, eyes falling closed once more.
“No, no, no, bedroom first,” Alex poked at her. “Come on.”
When they were finally settled, warm and comfortable in the deeply soft bed, Alex caught the thick hair at the base of Casey’s neck and tugged her head down until their mouths met. She took her time with the kiss. They’d be asleep soon, and in the morning they’d have to untangle the mess of the day, but for the moment, they had only this.
“You can’t kiss me like that if you just want to go to sleep,” Casey said, breaking the kiss but looking her in the eyes and searching her face.
“You need sleep.”
“Fine,” she sighed, “I’m too tired to do all the wicked things I want to do to you anyway.”
“You can do them in the morning.”
“Promise?”
Alex smiled and kissed her again, and then nudged her to turn over.
Alex in the big spoon position for once, let her fingers lightly run down Casey’s arms and back again, several times, and touched a kiss to Casey’s shoulder while tightening her hold around her waist.
“There is one thing I forgot to tell you.”
Casey fought the weariness settling over her and turned over to pay better attention. “What?”
“Sigourney Weaver.”
“What?” Her eyes squinted trying to figure it out. “Sigourney Weaver?” She repeated, unsure she heard right.
“Yes.”
“Did I fall asleep in the middle of a conversation because-“
“For a cat,” Alex said, unable to hold back a grin.
Casey still looked confused for a moment but then a smile slowly grew. “You finally found a good cat name?”
“Yes,” she said. “Sigourney Weaver as a girl-cat name.”
She watched as the spark came back to Casey’s eyes and she smiled the biggest smile Alex had seen in days.
Even if she had just opened the door to Casey bringing home a cat, it was worth it.