Just to stop the feeling

The rooftop bar was buzzing with life, people all over talking about nothing and everything, flirting shamelessly, drinking, and being overly friendly. With the city glowing beneath them, Suzie felt so light and happy. It had been a long time since they had all been together like this, and there was something so comforting about them falling back into their usual chaotic dynamic.

Kori and Lydia were sitting together, wearing the cutest matching outfits as usual. Suzie had known Lydia since high school—they had been best friends for a long time, both being a little too weird and kooky for the liking of those around them. But they had always had each other’s backs.

Kori was Lydia’s very loud, sexy, and sporty girlfriend. Suzie often wondered how in hell these two had ended up together, but the relationship they had—the kind of devotion and mutual understanding they shared—was something she could only dream of ever having for herself.

Sam and Lexi, the other couple there, were delightful to be around. Suzie hadn’t liked Sam at first, finding Jewels’ cousin a little too perfect and stiff, with a personality that demanded attention, her perfectly blonde hair, and her southern drawl. But Sam was the sweetest and most caring older sister figure in Jewels’ life. Even if she was sometimes incisive or too honest for Suzie’s taste, it hadn’t taken long for her to warm up to her.

Lexi was Sam’s extremely talented dancer girlfriend and Suzie and Jewels’ co-worker at the academy. Lexi was a gifted choreographer and taught the older class at their dance academy.

She had mastered the art of taming the teenagers—who Suzie sometimes found very scary—so she was grateful for Lexi. She and Susie had taken a liking to each other. They were very different, but Suzie admired someone who was passionate, creative, and professional.

Sam playfully nudged her. “This is nice, right? All of us together again?”

Jewels, who had decided to sit across from her instead of beside her, hummed in agreement, her finger toying with the rim of the glass “Yeah, it feels like a time jump really, you know? To those crazy college days”

Kori already a little tipsy grinned at the comment. “Speaking of time jumps, you and Suzie were like inseparable back in college. Remember that?”

Suzie rolled her eyes playfully at the comment and responded “We were roommates. It made sense.”

Lexi smirked. “Roommates, sure. But we all thought there’s was something else going on there, at some point at least.”

Suzie stiffened. “Oh, come on guys.”

Jewels just chuckled, and shook her head a little, actively avoiding her gaze, “You guys were reading too much into it,”

“Were we?” Lydia teased. “I mean, all the late-night study sessions, always showing up to parties together, disappearing from parties together…”

Suzie took a sip from her drink and shot Lydia a warning look, but Lydia either didn’t notice or decided to ignore her, she could feel her face getting too hot “We were best friends, that’s it. The same way we are still best friends.”

Jewels could tell that the redhead was getting a little annoyed at their friend's teasing, but it was really nothing new or out of the ordinary, they always teased them about their closeness, and she knew that it came from place of love, everybody knew what Jewels felt for Suzie and the later seemed to be the only one that was blind.

Jewels decided to not say anything. She just gave them a little smile, unreadable for Suzie, and when their eyes met, she quickly turned her attention back to the group.

Lydia, who was very clearly enjoying herself, clapped her hands, and she had this cheeky smile on her face that only signaled to Suzie that she had one of her mischievous ideas.

“You know what we should do? A game. Just for fun, Truth or dare, but not dares, because we´re all too lazy to get up. So just…´truth.”

Lexi smirked “You just want an excuse to be nosy.”

“Damn right I do” Lydia responded making everyone erupt into laughter, but they were pretty on board with the game, it was a nice time to catch up, and be nostalgic sharing dumb college memories, embarrassing work stories, relationship horror tales. Then Kori, grinning like a devil, turned to Jewels.

“Okay Jewels, since you´ve been away and all… what's your deal? You seeing someone?”

Jewels hesitated a little, and Suzie pretended to be completely uninterested, but her heart hammered in her chest.

“No actually” Jewels said finally in a casual voice “Not really looking either.”

Sam snorted, “Not even looking? Please. Someone like you? People look at you.” Jewels just shrugged in response, but there was something indecipherable in her expression. Suzie couldn’t help herself.

Kori kept going, “So, if the right person came along, you wouldn’t be opposed to it?” Suzie silently huffed, what was wrong with Kori right now? This interest in Jewel's love life seemed a bit excessive for her, where did she want to get to with all this?

Before responding, Jewels´ eyes flicked to her, then away. “Guess that depends on who the right person is.”

The table went silent for a second too long. Lexi ever so expressive arched a brow but said nothing.

And then, as if faith wanted to make things even worse, Lydia smirked. “Okay, okay, I have a question for both of you.” She gestured between Jewels and Suzie, “Have you two ever kissed?”

Suzie almost choked on her drink.

Jewels meanwhile just laughed, shaking her head “Lydia.”

“What? Is a valid question, part of the game”

 Suzie forced a scoff, hoping no one noticed how off-balance she felt “Why would we have?”

Kori shrugged, “You tell us.”

Jewels looked at Suzie then, just for a moment. Then she leaned back in her seat, smirking slightly. “No. We never did.”

Lydia groaned playfully “That is so anticlimactic.”

Suzie let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, but the way Jewels was looking at her now- amused, a little knowing, sent a shiver down her spine.

Because the answer was incorrect, and only Suzie knew that they had indeed, kissed once, but she wasn’t sure that Jewels didn’t remember, they were so drunk when it happened.

It had been after a party, or loud and drunk intimate gathering, that described it better. They were walking back to their dorm, hands brushing, the city quiet around them. Jewels had been tipsy, grinning at Suzie like she had all the answers to the world’s questions. And Suzie—heart pounding, pulse racing—had kissed her. Quick and clumsy, with the kind of reckless certainty that only came with being twenty and drunk on something far stronger than alcohol.

Jewels had frozen for just a second. And then, before Suzie could panic, she had kissed her back. Slow, deliberate. Like she was memorizing the feeling of it. And then it was over, just as fast as it had started.

The next morning, Suzie had played it off. Acted like she didn’t remember. Waited for Jewels to say something, to bring it up, to laugh about it or ask what it had meant. But she never did. And eventually, Suzie convinced herself that Jewels had simply forgotten.

Even now, years later, sitting here with the city lights flickering around them, Suzie was almost sure Jewels didn’t know. Almost.

Later, as the group got distracted by another round of drinks and inside jokes, Jewels slipped away to the balcony, drawn to the quiet hum of the city below. The air was cool, carrying the distant sounds of traffic and the faint thump of music from inside. She rested her arms against the railing, letting her thoughts settle.

She heard footsteps behind her, then a familiar voice.

“Are you hiding?”

Jewels smile all toothy and nice, without turning around. “Just needed a break from Lydia’s relentless interrogation.”

Suzie chuckled and stepped up beside her, mirroring her posture against the railing. “She’s been waiting years to ask us those questions. You should feel honored.”

“Oh yeah. Deeply honored to have my personal life put on trial.”

Suzie nudged her with her elbow, grinning. “I think you handled it well.”

Jewels side-eyed her. “You mean I dodged it well.”

Suzie shrugged, a knowing glint in her eye. “Same thing.”

They stood in easy silence for a while, the city sprawling out beneath them. The lights flickered like stars, and for a moment, it felt like they were suspended in time—like they were back in college, sneaking out from their friends to have their social batteries recharged.

Jewels sighed. “It’s weird, being back.”

Suzie tilted her head. “Weird how?”

Jewels turned, leaning her hip against the railing so she could face her fully. “Like… I expected things to feel different. But somehow, it still feels like I never really left.”

Suzie thought about that. “Maybe because you didn’t. Not really. Not with us.”

Jewels’ smile was soft, almost shy. “That’s nice to hear.”

Suzie huffed and giggled a little. “You thought we forgot about you? You are so dramatic, baby”

Jewels hesitated. “No. I just… sometimes wonder if I missed too much.”

“You didn’t.” Suzie’s voice was firm, even though she wasn’t gone for too long, she could relate to Jewels’ feelings, the fear of missing out. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.” She decided to reassure her.

Jewels held her gaze for a second longer before shaking her head with a chuckle. “Look at you, being all wise and sentimental.”

Suzie smirked. “I have my moments.”

Jewels raised a brow. “Oh? Name one.”

Suzie gasped, feigning offense. “Excuse me, I am a pillar of wisdom and emotional depth.”

Jewels snorted. “Sure. I’ll believe that when you stop tripping over air.”

Suzie groaned, throwing her head back. “One time.”

Jewels laughed, leaning back against the railing, her arms crossed. “Oh, please. That’s a lie, and you know it.”

Suzie groaned again, shaking her head. “I might be a little accident-prone.”

“A little?”

Suzie rolled her eyes. “Fine. Maybe you have a point.”

Jewels grinned. “I always do.”

There was something so easy about this—standing there, teasing each other, slipping back into their old rhythm. And yet, beneath the lighthearted banter, something else lingered.

Suzie could feel it in the way Jewels’ laughter softened when she looked at her. In the way her own heart sped up when Jewels shifted just a little closer.

After a moment, Jewels exhaled, looking back out at the skyline. “You ever think about how different things could’ve been?”

Suzie’s smile faltered. “What do you mean?”

Jewels hesitated, then shook her head. “Never mind. Just me being nostalgic.”

Suzie studied her, trying to read between the lines. She had a feeling she knew what Jewels meant—but she wasn’t sure she was ready to touch that yet.

Instead, she nudged Jewels again. “You know, I could push you right now.”

Jewels raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You could, but then you’d have to explain to everyone why I mysteriously vanished from the party.”

Suzie pretended to consider. “Hmm. Accidental balcony-related disappearance does have a certain drama to it.”

Jewels chuckled. “Suzie, I swear—”

Before she could finish, Suzie lifted her hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. I’ll let you live.”

Jewels huffed in mock relief. “Thank you, Your Mercy.”

They fell into another comfortable silence, but this time, Suzie couldn’t ignore the way her fingers twitched at her side—the urge to reach for Jewels just a little too strong.

She exhaled, shaking her head at herself. “You make it really hard to think straight sometimes, you know that?”

Jewels turned her head, surprised at the redhead´s comment, amusement flickering in her eyes. “Good.” She responded, feeling suddenly brave to push her a little, to see if this lead to anything else being said, she didn’t want it to end.

Suzie blinked. She opened her mouth to say something—anything—but before she could, Lydia’s voice rang out from inside.

“Hey! What are you two conspiring about out there?”

Jewels grinned and straightened up. “Guess we’ve been caught.”

Suzie sighed dramatically. “I suppose we should go back.”

Jewels hesitated for just a second longer. And then, with a small, knowing smile, she nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

As they walked back inside, Suzie had the sinking feeling that nothing about this night was as simple as it seemed.

It should have been. It was just a night out with friends, the kind they’d had a hundred times before. Just laughter, drinks, and half-serious questions thrown around for fun. But now, everything felt heavier, like the air between her and Jewels had thickened with something unspoken.

She had spent years carefully crafting the way she saw Jewels—her best friend, her safe place, her constant. That was all Jewels was supposed to be. That was all she allowed herself to believe. But tonight, had unraveled something, just a little. A single thread pulled loose.

The way Jewels had looked at her on the balcony, the quiet between them that wasn’t quite uncomfortable but wasn’t entirely safe either. The way Jewels’ gaze had lingered on her, questioning. Knowing. And worse, the way Suzie had felt under that gaze—like a wire pulled too tight, waiting to snap.

She told herself she was just imagining it. That nothing had changed. That nothing needed to change.

And yet, as Lydia tugged her back into the warmth of the bar, Suzie couldn’t shake the thought that maybe—just maybe—something had already shifted, and she was too late to stop it.

But for now, she let it be.

And Jewels knew that maybe she was coming on too strong, maybe she was putting herself in danger—but she decided she wasn’t going to hold back anymore. Holding back had only left her feeling miserable and doubtful, trapped in a cycle of what-ifs. But after her conversation with Sam, something in her shifted. It was time to leave her fear behind, to take risks, and to hope for the best.

She wasn’t going to push Suzie with words, not yet. But she would be open with her in every other way that mattered—with the way she looked at her, the way she stayed close, the way she let herself feel without hiding. If Suzie wanted to run, that would be her choice. Jewels had already decided—she wasn’t running anymore.