Just to stop the feeling

After their catching up day, they decided to accept Daniels offer to have dinner the next day in a very nice restaurant downtown, the restaurant just recently opened and Suzie was very excited to go, she was always dying for a chance to wear out her nicest vintage garments and super shiny jewelry pieces.

She cautiously adjusted the little red waves in her hair, she applied carefully one of her and Jewels’ favorite perfume, a very musky floral with the right amount of jasmine. Looked at herself in the mirror and felt proud of her choice, a sensible silk slip dress with a dropped waist and her favorite emerald vintage earing and necklace set.

Jewels would be in her apartment soon, and together they’ll wait for Daniel to pick them up. When she heard the doorbell, she hurried out the bathroom and opened the door quickly, she felt so anxious about the whole thing.

When she opened the door, she was taken aback by the beauty of the girl in front of her, she was stunning, her long dark hair was down and in a very wavy voluminous way, she was wearing a soft satin blouse in a bushy shade of pink, a pair of perfectly tailored beige pants, her accessories were minimal and gold.

“Oh my god, pants?” Was the first thing she could muster out of her mouth to Jewels, because she wasn’t used to seeing her in pants, Jewels was the most stereotypical girly girl she ever knew, but Jewels in those pants? That was a sight to be cherished.

“Of course, I’m showing the judges some versatility” Suzie let out a giggle that helped her relax a little bit, she felt her body tense and didn’t even knew why.

When Daniel arrives, Suzie can tell Jewels is genuinely happy to see him again, they easily fall into familiar banter, but she guessed that’s what happens when you put together two social butterflies.

Daniel, ever the charming guy, is kind and engaging, making sure both women feel comfortable. The restaurant was incredibly nice, she was content they all decided to dress up.

As the night progressed, Suzie was hyper aware of every interaction she had with her boyfriend, when he tried to caress her hand on the table, she quickly brushed it off to grab her glass, when he leaned closer to whisper something in her ear, she laughed and tilted her head a little backwards.

“So, Jewels,” he said with a smile, “how’s everything at the new job? Getting into the swing of things?”

Jules gave a small shrug, trying to keep it casual. “Yeah, it’s good. Just getting the hang of being an assistant teacher again, it’s hard to not be the one in charge of the class, you know”

Suzie nodded quickly, almost too quickly. “It’s been great. The kids are always keeping us teachers busy.” She laughed, but it was a little forced. “You know, just the usual stuff.”

Daniel grinned, glancing at Suzie. “And Suzanne’s been showing me around the academy. She’s great at it, but of course you know that, right?” He reached over to squeeze her hand. “My bossy lady.”

Suzie smiled, but her eyes quickly darted to Jewels before she pulled her hand back, almost subconsciously. “Oh, yeah. I’m not that special,” she said, brushing it off with a small laugh. “Just the usual things we have to do to run a whole dance academy.”

Daniel, not picking up on the tension, continued, “Well, I’m glad we are getting along. You’ve got to have some fun after all that hard work, right?”

“Definitely,” Jewels said, glancing between them. “It’s good to see you both enjoying yourselves.”

Suzie smiled, but it was tight, rehearsed. “Yeah, it’s been… really nice.”

When Daniel playfully called her “babe,” Suzie’s smile stiffened just a fraction, and her response was a little too quick. “Mm, yeah. It’s been fun,” she said, her fingers nervously tapping on her glass.

Jules raised an eyebrow but said nothing, sensing something off between the two of them.

Daniel stepped away for a few minutes after receiving a phone call, leaving Suzie and Jewels alone at the table. The moment of quiet was almost a relief—Suzie felt herself relax a little, the tension leaving her shoulders.

Jewels took a sip of her wine and cast a generous glance at her best friend. God, why is she always this stunning? she thought to herself.

Even though it might seem like Jewels was just as aloof and oblivious to her feelings as Suzie was, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Jewels had known that she loved her best friend for a few months now and had been actively trying to suppress the whole thing. And now that Suzie had been away for months, the whole ordeal was coming over her like a bucket of warm, sticky honey, clinging to every part of her being.

But now that Daniel wasn’t there, she decided to enjoy the time they had alone in this very beautiful place.

“You doing okay, Suz?” Jewels asked, her voice quiet and sweet.

“Yeah, of course,” Suzie replied quickly—a little too quickly. She was already overcompensating, as if trying to convince herself as much as Jewels. “Everything’s great. Really. I’m just happy you two are getting along.”

Jewels didn’t respond. She just gave her a knowing look that Suzie recognized as the classic I’m not buying this, Suzanne look.

Suzie let out a small, very fake laugh, brushing her red curls and trying to play it off. “What do you mean? Don’t give me that look, please, you’re making me feel self-conscious.”

“You can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool me, Suz. What was that all about? Does he have the plague or something?” Jewels said, using that funny voice Suzie loved—one that made her giggle a little.

For a brief moment, Suzie considered telling her the truth—that when she was with Daniel before, she felt fine, happy even, but now, with Jewels here, being all lovey-dovey with him felt awkward, forced, wrong.

But instead, she responded with, “I really like him, Jewels. He’s amazing.”

Jewels studied her for a moment and decided not to press or make her uncomfortable. She just wanted to make her friend feel reassured and cared for.

“Well, that’s fine, but I just wanted you to know that it’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out yet. It’s not like you’re getting married next weekend.” She smiled at her gently and softly grabbed her hand under the table, just above her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Suzie would let her hold her hand for as long as she wanted under that table because just one little touch from her was so charged—so warm and filled with familiarity and anticipation. This was what she was supposed to feel with Daniel. But with him, she felt empty and confused.

“I’m so glad to have you are back, I always feel better when I have you close, you are my person”. Suzie said, while they held hands under the table for until Daniel came back.

Suzie suddenly came to one dreaded realization—no one would ever come close to making her feel the way Jewels did. And she had always been looking for it, longing for it in other people, when she had it so close all along.

After the dinner with Suzie and Daniel, the next day Jewels was ready to contact with some of her other friends, they were mainly her cousin Sam, Lydia and Kori, who Jewels knew since high school, they were also Suzie’s friends and they usually hanged out together, but right now, she wanted to talk to someone about Suzie.

Jewels sat across from Sam at their usual coffee shop, she was stirring her cup absentmindedly. The smell of espresso and vanilla filled the air, but she was barely aware of it.

Sam, watching her, smirked. “Alright, spill.”

Jewels sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Spill what?”

“Don’t play dumb. You had dinner with Suzie and Daniel last night, and I know you’re thinking about it because you’ve been stirring that coffee for five minutes without taking a sip.”

Jewels exhaled sharply, finally setting her spoon down. “It’s just… I don’t know, Sam. I thought maybe she was happy with him. But last night? It felt like she was trying so hard to convince herself. And me.”

Sam nodded knowingly. “You’ve always seen right through her.”

“Yeah,” Jewels murmured, her fingers tracing the rim of her cup. “And she knows it too. She kept saying she liked him, that everything was great, but her smile was just a little too tight, you know? And then—” She hesitated, biting her lip.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “And then?”

Jewels shook her head with a small, self-deprecating laugh. “We held hands under the table until he came back, and she also told me I was her person.”

Sam whistled low. “Damn.”

“I don’t think she even realized what she was saying,” Jewels admitted. “But it hit me, Sam. I mean, I know why everything is so easy with us. I know why she keeps comparing. But she won’t let herself see it.”

Sam leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. “So what are you gonna do?”

Jewels sighed, staring into her coffee. “What can I do? She’s with him. And even if she wasn’t… I don’t think she’s ready to see me that way. Maybe she never will be.”

Sam didn’t argue. She just watched her for a moment before asking, “And what about you? Are you staying? Or are you still leaving?”

Jewels hesitated. “I don’t know. I told myself I’d figure it out when I got here, but now… I feel stuck.”

“Because of her?”

“Because of a lot of things,” Jewels admitted. “But yeah. She’s part of it. I don’t know if I can just walk away from this again.”

Sam studied her, then gave a small nod. “Well, you don’t have to decide today. But you should figure it out soon. Because if you stay, and she never realizes what she means to you… that’s gonna hurt.”

Jewels swallowed, looking away. She knew Sam was right. But right now, she wasn’t sure what hurt more leaving, or staying and pretending she was okay with just being Suzie’s person when she wanted to be so much more.

Sam took a sip of her latte, watching Jewels closely. “You know, for someone who always claims to be level-headed, you’re really out here torturing yourself.”

Jewels scoffed. “Thanks for the insight, Dr. Phil.”

Sam smirked. “I’m just saying, you keep waiting for Susie to wake up and see what’s right in front of her, but what if she never does? What if she keeps convincing herself that Daniel is it?”

Jewels let out a breath, rubbing her temple. “Then that’s her choice, isn’t it? I can’t force her to feel something she won’t admit to.”

Sam leaned in slightly. “And what about you? Are you just going to sit around and suffer in silence forever? You could tell her.”

Jewels shook her head immediately. “No. That’s not an option. She’s already in a relationship, and I’m not going to be that person who complicates things for her.”

Sam sighed, setting her cup down with a small clink. “You know, for someone who preaches about going after what they want, you sure are scared to take your own advice.”

Jewels frowned. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Sam challenged. “You keep saying you want her to be happy, but are you sure you’re not just letting her go because it’s easier than risking rejection?”

Jewels hesitated, and Sam saw the flicker of doubt in her cousin’s eyes.

“You don’t have to answer that now,” Sam said more gently. “But at some point, Jewels, you need to figure out if you’re really doing this for her, or if you’re just protecting yourself.”

Jewels exhaled slowly, staring at her untouched coffee. “It doesn’t matter. She’s with him. And I don’t think she’s ready to see me that way.”

Sam nodded, but there was something knowing in her expression. “Maybe not yet. But what if she’s closer than you think?”