Chapter 1
For the 100th time, Loki checked the clock. 3:47h, and still no Tony. He didn't understand. Yeah, Tony had gone to that stupid Avengers party and yeah he had gone without Loki, but still. He had promised to be home as early as possible, had he not? He had promised to spent the rest of the night with Loki, to make it up to him because he hadn't been allowed to come!
So where were he.
Loki tried not to think about Tony talking and laughing with his fellow avengers. Not to think about Tony drinking with them. He didn't understand why Tony wasn't home yet, he had promised!
Hadn't Tony told him, how he didn't even want to go to their “team bonding session”, as he had named it? Hadn't Tony complained about how Cap forced him to participate? How he had tried -but obviously failed- to get them to invite Loki, too?
Loki, who was currently all alone in their -Tony's, really- bedroom. Trying to understand, why his boyfriend spent the whole night with people, he had told Loki, he didn't even want to have around right now!
He didn't even understand, why he hadn't been invited, to be honest. He had thought to be on the right way!
Talking to Thor more often and accepting him as his brother once again.
Steve, he actually had considered him as something like a friend! Trying to explore the many wonders of midgardian technology together, they had somehow developed a close bond. Or so he had thought.
The green rage monster had managed to always stay in his human disguise, once he got used to Loki sticking around. progress, right?
And the two spies, after Loki had sincerely apologized and showed them he meant it, they never even once tried to kill him!
But somehow they all had agreed that they didn't want him with them, that evening. Except Tony, who had promised to be back by now. But maybe, he also had lied to him, played him like all the others had. Tricking him. Pretending to be his friend, his lover, pretending to care about him. Or, what other reason could there really be for Tony to avoid him like this. Maybe, it was even his idea, to not allow Loki to come? Had Loki done something to anger him? Was it a punishment for him, to be at home, all alone, waiting for Tony who, obviously, didn't want to come home to him? Or had he maybe embarrassed Tony, when they had last been with his friends? Did he just want to keep face in front of them? But as hard as Loki thought about the last weeks, he couldn't find a single situation, that would explain Anthony's behavior.
Loki turned in bed to lie on his left side, now. But as he tried to somehow just fall asleep, he thought further about his lover's absence. Because, maybe, it was so much simpler than those complicated thoughts. Maybe, Tony just didn't want him anymore. Maybe he had just realized how broken and worthless Loki really was and was trying to show him now that it was over between them? That he didn't want to continue, whatever it was they had had? After all, Tony had never given it an official name, so... could he even end something that never really existed? Maybe Anthony had just lost interest. Simple and plain.
Or maybe, he hadn't been interested in him to begin with. Maybe it had all been a trick. Just a dare. One you made with your guys after a night of heavy drinking? Barton seemed like the man to suggest something as cruel as this. Why hadn't he realized earlier? Of course Stark didn't want him. Stupid stupid stupid. He had been home alone every so often, now that he thought about it. All those Avenger events, he had never taken Loki with him, had he? But, obviously, he wasn't just ashamed of being seen with him in public – and Loki could deal with this, he would! If he would just get to keep the man of Iron! But no, Anthony just didn't want to interact with him at all, anymore. But why. He had kissed him, before leaving, had he not? He had told him he would be home soon. He had told him, he looked forward to being alone with Loki, later. He had told him... he had. Told him. Why. Why would Tony say those things when he didn't mean them? How could he be so cruel and lie to Loki? Lie to him over and over again. Evening after evening. All just for an idiotic bet? But, thinking about it, that was Tony, through and through. Was it not?
A tear found its way into Loki's eye and slowly made its way down his face, until it fell on the soft pillow. A pillow, smelling of Stark.
But maybe, maybe it had just been pity. Poor little Loki, wanted by no one. Make him feel loved and cherished for some months. Maybe even Thor had asked him to. He probably had just been a charity case. Stark did those, right? Charity work? Loki knew, he had been left home another evening before, because Anthony went to one of those charity parties. Stark had pretended to be with him, helping him to feel wanted and needed. Helping him to talk to others, to get to know them better, to start to like them. And now all the people he had almost considered his friends abandoned him, too. Following their real friend. Of course. It was like always. When the other noble children realized he had no interest in presenting them to his brother. Or his brother's warrior friends, when they realized they could insult and mock him without risking Thor's wrath. Or the girls -and sometimes guys- who just too eagerly left him, once they saw, sleeping with him wouldn't bring them into Thor's bed. Honestly, it was like always. He had no friends, never would have any who would want him just for him. And he was alone.
It wasn't fair, of course it wasn't. He always tried. Tried so hard to befriend someone, anyone, honestly. But since he could walk, he learned over and over again, that he just wasn't made for love. He had not a single person he could call his friend, and he had met more people than most. And why would it be differently, here on Midgard. What was he thinking, seriously. It was nothing new, the pain, the pain inside, the tears, he knew them all to well. But that didn't help. Nothing did. He should just go. Before Anthony made him. They had all shown him over and over again how he wasn't really wanted. And why would he be, in the end all he was, was their enemy, was he not? Instead of just telling him, they had chosen the cruel road, slowly showing him what they thought of him. But now, finally, he had gotten the memo.
Loki straightened up, abruptly. He should leave right away, should he not? What meaning in staying any longer, right? But still, his heart ached at the thought of never being with Anthony again..
Tony groaned. Only thanks to JARVIS' help he had found back on his floor. Watching the time, 5:12h, his drunk brain decided that it would be a brilliant idea to got to sleep right now, so he stumbled to his bedroom and jumped on the bed as he was – with cloths, shoes and everything – and just dropped dead, without paying attention to his environment. He woke about an hour later with the urgent need to use the bathroom, so he slowly got up. JARVIS turned on the lights so Tony would find the way to the door and- Tony seemed to sober all of a sudden. He turned all of his attention to the other side of the bed.
“Loki..”