Chapter 4
winter couldn't sleep. it wasn't uncommon for her recently, but the reason is different. even when she tried to sleep, it was as if sleep was literally running from her. every time she was just about to succumb to sleep she'd hear the faintest bump, scratch, or groan from the living room would jolt her awake. so now, she is laying on her side, facing the door and staring at the clock on her nightstand, and sure maybe also the drawing ellie gave her. it was three forty three, and every minute felt like ten. she only let herself think about a few of the racing thoughts she's had all night, taking the empty time to pick the feelings apart.
she knew she wanted to be awake when ellie leaves, she decided that probably an hour ago. she's decided she actually does want ellie to come back, as dumb as it makes her feel. she wasn't exactly sure why, but she wants to blame it on her father's absence. somewhere in the back of her head she was cursing herself, deeply hating that she's let herself start to trust ellie. she hated the feeling of despair she'd get when she was alone now, even being a room away from someone felt too far away. she hated that she was feeling it again, she'd only felt this feeling when her dad died, the feeling of longing. she didn't want to feel that way ever again, but she's been stupid enough to let herself fall into it again.
she knew she shouldn't be letting ellie stay at all, she shouldn't long for the time ellie would came back. she's concluded that she'd slowly lean into it though, it felt nice knowing someone was also in the house again. she wanted so bad to ignore that, ignore every small feeling that was attacking her heart, but it felt suffocating tonight.
she knew that she's come to the conclusion to give ellie a horse to ride to and back from jackson. although, she'd be lying if she said it was just because ellie was hurt. she wanted to help her home quicker and safer, but she also hoped it'd make her stay even ten minutes more, to give her a semi-definite reason to come back. she knew she was also betting on the fact that ellie could just steal from her and winter would never see her again, but she hoped so badly that ellie was good. she wants to believe ellie wouldn't do that to her.
she tries to rationalize to herself that they haven't seen each other but two times, that maybe she shouldn't be so easy to comply, she so badly wanted to though. she wanted to be around ellie more. she could keep telling herself that alone is safe, alone is good, but then why isn't ellie alone? why isn't she avoiding winter like winter should be avoiding ellie? winter isn't exactly sure what a normal relationship should be like, she's not sure how friends act, lovers act, siblings act. she's not even sure if these feelings are normal, she's not sure what normal is. she wasn't sure what was too much or too little effort. when it was her dad and her, it was so natural because that's all she had. she couldn't help but fall into a rabbit hole of overthinking every action she's had with the other woman.
there were soft, slow steps in the living room. obviously ellie trying to be quiet, winter could hear ellie's bag jingle and soft grunts every few steps. when winter heard what sounded like ellie shimmying her backpack on she quickly sat up and pulled a hoodie over her head for the morning chill, basically running to her door before taking a deep breath, preparing what she wanted to say. she then slowly opened her door, sticking her head out and seeing ellie's back turned to her. ellie had her backpack on and she's folding the blankets she was using. winter went to open the door more to slip out into the living room, but the door loudly creaked because of the slow movement.
winter just stares at ellie, who quickly turned to the sound with concentered eyes. when winter stepped out, fully into the living room, ellie's eyes lightened. a smile tugged on her lips at the sight of winter, she relaxed her shoulders and let out a heavy breath.
"hey.." ellie whispers.
"hi." winter nods, pulling the brown sleeves down nervously. ellie only stares back, waiting for the other to speak first. winter glances at the clock by the recliner, forcing herself to say literally anything. "it's three forty seven.." winter's soft voice trails off. ok maybe that wasn't the best way to start the conversation. ellie lifts an eyebrow, also looking at the clock then back to winter.
"seems it is." she hums back. she slightly tilts her head, watching winter bite on the inside of her cheek. "i'm sorry, did i wake you up?" ellie asks, searching winter's obvious anxiety stricken face. winter quickly shakes her head.
"oh no, i didn't.. um, i didn't sleep." she mutters, barely meeting ellie's constant gaze, now finding the walls and floor more interesting.
"is that normal?" ellie's eyebrows pinched together. winter opens her mouth only to close it, her overthinking has made her feel uncomfortable doing anything.
"did you sleep?" she asks back, glancing up to ellie when she sees the other take a few steps toward her while shaking her head. "but i told you to rest.." winter wanted to seem annoyed, but she wasn't even half annoyed, only concerned about the other's pain and hopeful about the conversation she wants to have. ellie stops a few feet in front of her, just letting winter look where she wants but letting her know she's listening.
"you've told me to do a lot of things, i thought we agreed i only do half of what you tell me to do?" ellie smiles playfully. winter looks up at her with nervous eyes. "what's wrong? you aren't shooting daggers at me with your stare." ellie now had raised eyebrows, waiting for winter to bite back.
"uh.. no it's just.. um do you want- i mean it's not a big deal if not, it's not even a small deal if you don't want to but-," ellie giggles at the stumbling over words, bring a hand up while inhaling and lowering it with a loud exhale, and winter follows taking a deep breath, "right, it's just.. yeah, since you're hurt and all.. i was wondering if you'd want to take dot?" winter stares up into ellie's confused face. "i'm sorry, yeah uh.. d-dot is the black horse. he'll get.. he rides fast, he's healthy. i thought it'd help you.." winter pulls on the sleeves of her hoodie, twisting and untwisting the ends. when she looks back from the floor she sees ellie's wide smile.
"you'd trust me with dot?" she tilts her head to see winter's face better, making the other huff. winter quickly tucks a piece of her air behind her ear, a blush incasing her cheeks with pink hues.
"do.. do you want the horse or not, ellie." she tried her best to give a warning but it came out choppy and lower than she intended. "plus.. maybe he'd, uh. m-maybe he'd enjoy other horses around? he's a bit jumpy though.."
"i'll bring him back." ellie smiles back, grateful for not having to walk more hours.
"i know.." winter whispers, hoping to convince herself while saying it. ellie hums.
"mhm. and your books.. and your food.. and flowers.." ellie fondly smiles to winter, taking small steps forward. winter stares back at her with wide eyes, totally frozen by the new actions she's receiving. just as ellie is in front of her winter snaps out of the shock, she shoots her hand up. she softly pushes ellie's shoulder back as she takes a step back with a barely open mouth. she also chooses to ignore this and pick it apart later on a sleepless night. they stare at each other for maybe a minute, ellie just smiling to the other.
winter couldn't completely understand what ellie was wanting, maybe this was normal for ellie and winter is being weird. maybe this is a completely normal interaction and winter is clueless and as dumb as she feels in this moment.
"horse." winter barely gets out, her mouth going dry with nerves. winter's chest was rising and falling hastily, even with her trying to regulate her breaths. ellie smirks, slowly nodding in response. "you can use my saddle.." winter waits for ellie to nod again before whispering she'd be back, glancing behind her as she quickly walks to the back door. she runs down the path to the gate, leaving it open and rushing to the stable.
once she fastens the saddles and attaches the lead to the halter she starts leading dot back up the path, shutting and locking the gate behind her. dot huffs and sighs, not liking how early he was up. eventually she rounds the side of the cabin, loosely knotting the lead on the railing of the porch. winter looks back to dot, petting his head, almost regretting saying ellie could take him. but even if she doesn't bring him back, ellie said they had more horses. he'd be ok, they'd have to take care of him either way, which just means he would still be taken care of.
winter gives a pat to his neck, then walking up the steps to the front door. she knocks on the door, a pause before she hears ellie unlock and open the door. ellie looks her up and down, scrunching her face up.
"may i help you?" she says in a snide tone. winter gives a judgy look back, rolling her eyes and pushing ellie's should back so she can push through inside.
"hey, i'm still in fucking pain! if you push me again i'm going to push you back, asshole." she grumbles, rubbing her side. ellie didn't feel much pain when winter had pushed her, but she likes seeing winter's guilty and worried face. 'sorry' she hears winter mumble as she stares up to ellie with wide eyes. ellie chuckles, walking past winter and ruffling the others hair as she goes. "i'm just fucking with you, come. " winter just nods, following closely behind ellie. ellie leans against the kitchen counter, putting the jam jar on the counter and patting the top of it while looking at winter.
"you need to put this in the fridge, it goes bad quick if it's left out." ellie brings her arms to fold them against her chest. winter nods, trying not to look too hard at her dirty bandaged right forearm. of course ellie notices, though. she tracks winter's flickering eyes down to her arm, furrowing her brows when she realizes. "it's not important. but this jam totally is, so.." ellie raises her brow, lowering her arms to her side.
"yes, keep it in the fridge." winter repeats, deciding to leave the wound conversation behind in her head. ellie breaks out into a wide smile and shakes her head, again patting the others head as she walks towards the front door. 'so easy to influence.' she hears ellie mock under her breath, cause her to scoff. she walks behind ellie, out the door.
she watches ellie pick up her guns with a bit of struggling bending down. winter could practically feel every atom in her body shake with anxiety as she watches ellie unhitch and climb on the horse. winter stays in the front door, wanting to say so much but of course nothing comes out.
"just.. just promise you'll turn back if it hurts too much. don't-uh, yeah don't mess up your side anymore than it is please.." winter awkwardly pushes out, only staying long enough to see ellie smirk and hear a scoff mixed with a giggle, ellie's mouth opens to say something snarky back but winter quickly shuts the door.
"so annoying." she mutters, locking the door. she spins, looking around the room. it definitely felt empty now. she barely moves the curtains back, peeking out to see ellie had already left. winter roughly exhaled, she thought she'd feel at least a little better when ellie left, but now are she can think about is how long it'd take for ellie to come back.
winter leans back against the door, her hands rubbing her face, trying to ground herself instead of spiraling. she figured since she's up it'd be easier to get everything she needed done now.
only now, around seven in the afternoon, she's done, wishing on everything she can to time travel. she wanted to skip the waiting.
she knows if she wanted to actually skip the waiting, she'd have to come with ellie. it's possible ellie doesn't understand the gravity that leaving has on winter, but it's also possible winter doesn't- couldn't understand how much ellie wanted her to. she shakes her head, wanting to ignore any and every thought of leaving.
then the old feelings came back. she suddenly started to find things to be mad at that ellie's done. she couldn't find much, but one reason was enough to grow the hatred right? she could just be mean and cold toward ellie next time she comes, make her not want winter around. she could do that, she could make ellie not want her around. it'd be easier than moving, easier than letting ellie in closer, easier than accepting that she might actually want to leave. that's scary to her.
her family worked so hard for this place, they spent all this time here. all winter could think of is how disappointed they'd be to even know she's thought about it. the thoughts make her feel dirty, feel guilty. but most of all she hated knowing that she was genuinely considering it. would it be safer in a community? surely not, her dad had always told her everyone has bad intentions. that every place was eager to take and make people work for them without leaving.. but then ellie? ellie leaves, often too. what if she was one of the higher up people, though. that would match up with her dad's opinion better. then, is ellie more evil than she felt? was she completely playing winter? it's possible, she'd killed those two men, maybe it was a lie so she could get help.
but then the food. why would she steal and give her food? well, if she's able to leave and has power she could've just lied about stealing it, or maybe using it to draw her in. through all of this noise in her head, she started trying to convince herself to hate ellie.
she's spent hours with a concentrated face, staring off into space. she's now spent hours going over every interaction she's had with ellie, trying over and over to find even one piece of evidence of betrayal, only coming up with theories. she couldn't just say ellie was bad because her dad would've, but she couldn't just trust ellie, surely. she was extremely frustrated that she couldn't just automatically know if someone meant harm, she didn't want to keep letting ellie close if it was just going to go south. but then again, she already knows where winter lives. correction, has a route marked on her map that leads to the cabin.
winter groans loudly, shoving her face down into her hands and leaning over her crossed legs. her mattress is starting to dip in one spot from how long she's had it, but perfectly fits her snug in the dip when she sits on it. she wonders if ellie's mattress is as thin as hers.. nope. there it is again. that's what's annoying winter the most, she now finds ellie in the smallest things.
does ellie have new clothes, does ellie have better blankets, does ellie get to see movies, does ellie take warm showers, would ellie fold laundry this way, would ellie sing, would ellie laugh or poke fun at her when she makes a clumsy mistake..
it was utterly exhausting. winter literally couldn't stop it if she tried, and she did. she tried cleaning, tried folding everything she could, she thought of rearranging the cabin, thought of going through her dad's things finally. suddenly not much felt interesting, it all felt boring or unneeded. she bet ellie hadn't thought of her once, she'd be an even bigger fool assuming ellie cared for her in the way winter is finding herself care for ellie.
every thought had winter's stomach in knots. all of her nails were bitten, her hair had to be pulled up into a bun so she would stop pulling at the ends in thought. everything seemed so pointless and she slightly wished she had kicked ellie out the first night, she wouldn't have to deal with her mind splitting over this dilemma. she wanted to hate ellie for introducing her world to winter, but she found herself questioning her parents' way also. why would they hide here if there was a town so close and so welcoming. maybe they've encountered this group before and maybe winter's parents already knew how bad they were. they had to have another reason to stay hidden, other than infected.
she tried to ignore the feeling of anger toward her parents. they left her, even if it was inevitable and not their fault. she just wanted to blame something, blame everything on something. nothing made sense. nothing ever did, but now winter was left alone and was finally feeling everything she pushed down.
it came out through angry tears, sad tears, sobs, and clenching the blankets around her. she was even more frustrated and disappointed when ellie didn't come back that night, though she wasn't told when the other would return. a part of her sincerely hoped ellie would come back by the night time, somehow convincing herself ellie would be back any minute.
so she then blames her blotchy, red, tear stained cheeks on missing dot. it wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the reason she was so distraught. she blames her bloodshot, puffy eyes on dot. she blames her shaky hands and tight chest on him too. it was easier than addressing why she felt the way she did.
she fell asleep and stayed asleep through the night for the first time in a while.
-
winter had marked down twelve days since ellie left. she had waiting every night by the fireplace, hoping she'd show up more and more each day. it felt painful at this point. she felt ridiculous each time she'd mark another tally for the day, every time she waited by the fireplace she felt stupid. she needed ellie to show up though, she needed the breath of fresh air and smiles ellie always brung. the looming feeling and thoughts of ellie getting hurt, killed, robbed, bit littered her mind for days.
after fifteen days winter started thinking of how to do a self intervention. it was unreasonable the amount of time she was just staring off, imagining ellie coming back. she just hoped she wouldn't go another two months without knowing if the other was ok. she hated that she thought more about ellie than dot.
after twenty days she started pacing everywhere she could, feeling like she needed to do something but feeling stuck at the same time. she ran out of the jam, she had cleaned the jar, setting it on her nightstand when it was dry. she slowly opened the jar, trying to take in the sound of the lid and the very faint smell of jam still radiating off it. she sighs, slumping forward to grab the paper by her clock, softly putting it in the jar and closing it, turning the jar until the smiley face faced her bed. she spent the rest of the day in bed, staring back at the drawing. she hugs her pillow, still imaging what ellie's world was like.
on the twenty third day she started feeling frustrated again. she was late to putting the horses up, it was past dark. winter had to whistle five times to get them to come in, making her slightly annoyed, but she had been the one late so she didn't show that frustration. at least not until after she latched the last stall closed. she tripped on a water pail she had left to the side a day before, sending her tumbling back and landing on her butt. pain shot through her back as she sat still for a few seconds, processing what had just happened. she took a deep breath in, leaning back to lay down and exhaling loudly when she's fully on the ground.
her hands reach up to pull on the roots of her hair, kicking her leg out angrily kicking the bucket off her foot then again, sending it flying across the barn.
"ugh!" she let out a long and loud groan. her frustration coming out all at once causing tears to stream down her face. the hot tears hit her sweaty cheeks, running back into her hair. she lays straight out, staring at the ceiling of the barn with tears making it near impossible to make out a clear image. she puts her hands over her face, rolling onto her right side to face the stables while letting the emotions completely devour her. "so dumb!" she exclaims, curling into herself.
"bad time?" a soft voice came from behind her, making winter jolt up and twist to look up with wide, red, puffy eyes. "oh.. hun.. what happened?" the fear left winter as she saw ellie standing, holding dot by the lead. winter's chest felt lighter, but that also meant that her tears started pouring. she put her head in her hands, wincing as she pushes herself with her legs to scoot back the the wood post of the stable. she tries to quietly cry, really tries, but she's way past quiet crying.
she could hear their steps and the creaking and latch of the stable door. then she felt ellie shuffle next to her, standing to her left and leaning on the wood post. ellie gently put her hand out to guide winter's head to rest on her thigh, running a hand through her hair afterwards, repeating the action.
"don't keep your hands over your face when you cry, it makes you feel sick after." ellie hums, carding her fingers through the others hair, entertained by the softness. winter let herself rest on ellie's thigh. she just started crying even more because she just spent almost a month being frustrated with ellie, talking herself up to tell ellie to just never come back, yet her she was. she listened to the first thing ellie told her to do. she was getting progressively more angry with herself.
"why don't we go inside? huh?" ellie asks, barley bending down to let her left hand run down the side of winter's face that wasn't on her thigh. she cups it over winter's cheek, wiping some of the tears while waiting for winter's response. her crying has gotten quieter from the comforting, reminding her of her dad who used to just hug her until it was over. he'd done that for almost every panic attack she's had. everything was just so dull lately. winter snaked her right arm through ellie's lower legs, hugging onto her left. her sniffling echoed through the barn, her body still shaking with every cry.
after a minute of letting her cry, ellie wiped a few more tears then moved her hand farther down winter's cheek, now cupping under winter's jaw. she tilted her hand up and pulled, making winter's face tilt up to ellie's. she's met with the sight of the others cheeks bright red, face dry in some places and soaked in others from tears, and her eyes narrowed and bright red with puffiness. winter was biting her lip to stop the sobs, afraid she would annoy ellie with her emotions. ellie hums lowly with pinch brows and soft eyes.
"lets go inside where it's safe, ok? want me to help?" ellie's voice was riddled with sympathy and for once winter loved that. she loved getting the tiniest bit of attention from her, which also made disgust at herself build. she couldn't understand any of the strong feelings that were eating away at her currently. instead of trusting her voice, she nods, but not moving. ellie realizes the nodding that bumps her hand down, going to step away so winter could get up, only to be held by winter's arms still. "c'mon, hun. it's getting too dark out." there was an undertone of worry in her voice, but mostly powered by firmness which she's now learning is the only way to get the others attention when she's stressed.
ellie leans down, grabbing both of winter's hands that were clasped together over ellie's leg, and hoisting her up.
"hurts.." winter whimpers, hands tightening in ellie's. ellie hums again, carefully pulling on her arms to get her to start walking.
"i know, it's a short walk. i'll clean your face when we get in. feels dry?" ellie looks down to winter, only getting a slight nod.
ellie held her hands the whole way back, winter just going along with whatever ellie wanted. by the time they got inside winter was only sniffling, a few tears sneaking out here and there.
"go to bed, i'll be there in a second." ellie pats the small of winter's back, making the other wince but nod. winter quickly kicked her boots off and changed out of her leggings, back into her dads old grey sweatpants she was wearing this morning. she shucked off the jacket she had on, making a mental note to pick the hay off before washing it. she kept her dark blue t-shirt on, not caring much to change it. she sat crisscross on her bed facing the door. she rubbed her eyes, then puts her hands down quickly when she hears footsteps, sitting up straighter.
ellie has a damp rag bunched up in her hand, her bag in her other. she steps out of her shoes, leaning the bag against the side of the bed. she looks down at winter with a small smile.
"can i sit?" she asks, earning another nod from the other. ellie sits with her legs straight out, incasing winter. she thumps on winter's left knee and nods her head once. "turn." ellie says shortly. winter quickly faces her, meeting the others eyes.
"you have green eyes.." winter mumbles, not noticing she's spoke. winter eyes are flickering all over ellie's face. with each time ellie's shown up she wants to memorize more. she'll blame that on the excitement of meeting another human. ellie chuckles lowly, reaching out to angle winter's face up slightly.
"yes they are." ellie smiles, bringing her other hand up to start wiping the others tear stained face. winter feels warmth crawl up her neck and onto her cheeks, confirming she's blushing when ellie giggles. "and yours are brown." she fondly smiles. winter slowly nods.
"your freckles are pretty." winter speaks a bit more comfortably. she takes in ellie's scar, her dark lashes, full lips..
"yours are too." ellie gives a sly smirk. winter subtly shakes her head so she doesn't bump ellie's hands.
"they're so faint. yours are everywhere.." winter brings a hand up to just barely touch ellie's cheekbone, but pulling her hand back before actually making contact. quickly looking back up to ellie's eyes to distract herself from the speckles all over ellie's skin.
"i'm not going to bite you." ellie chuckles, she grabs winter's chin with her thumbpad resting on the front of her chin. she pulls winter's face to the side, running the cloth over her other cheek. she lightly drags it, not wanting to irritate winter's skin. "yours are still very pretty, winter." something about the way she said it made winter's stomach flip.
"see look all clean and pretty." ellie smiles widely, cupping winter's cheek and running her thumb over the swell of it before dropping both hands. winter sat frozen, unable to comprehend what she was supposed to do know. the intense eye contact maybe ellie's heart beat faster and faster.
".. is your side better?" winter asks while looking down as if she could see through her shirt. she drops her gaze down too, leaning slightly back to grip the bottom of her shirt and tug it up. the puckered skin was a dusty rose color and shiny, bruising still visible around the edges. "did they stitch you?" winter whispers, trying to not look too long and instead averting her stare back to ellie's freckles.
"nah, it'd started healing before i got home, they just bandaged it and cleaned it. i couldn't ride a horse for at least two weeks though." she purses her lips in annoyance. "but i came as soon as i could, i had a week of rounds." winter nodded like she knew what the other was talking about. winter furrows her eyebrows in confusion when she sees ellie look over winter's shoulder, leaning a little to the side to see whatever caught her attention.
"what?" winter mumbles, turning her head back quickly when she hears ellie stifle a laugh by covering her mouth with her hand.
winter's eyes zeroed in on the jar on the stand, her heart felt like it stopped. embarrassment was already stabbing at her lungs. she turns back, absolutely horrified at ellie's reaction.
"n-no, it's.. no j-just.." winter groans loudly, rolling to her side to shove it into the first drawer, just wanting it out of sight. she cowered back, throwing both arms over her head while she lays back onto the pillows. "..i'm sorry." she basically whispers. she's trying to keep embarrassed tears in as she starts trying to think of another subject, only making her sniffle.
"oh stop it. that was so fucking cute." ellie shuffles, positioning herself to lay by winter, her head level with the others. "are you crying again?" ellie scoffs. winter blindly reaches out and shoves her arm.
"stop." winter drags out with a groan. "i always cry easy after a big cry, you aren't special." she grunts. ellie hums next to her.
"i seem pretty special though, the one and only winter aconite keeping my detailed drawing and expensive glass." she places a hand over her heart with an open mouth, breathily laughing in between words. "i feel pretty fucking special." winter ignores the way her heart does summersaults when she realizes ellie remembers her name. she slowly removes her arms from her face, peeking over to ellie who of course had a smirk. "put it back." ellie smiles. winter shakes her head though, making ellie narrow her eyes as if it's a challenge.
"stop teasing me." winter rolls over away from ellie. there was a brief second before winter felt the bed shift and dip behind her. she then feels the light press of ellie's against her own, ellie's left hand snaking over winter's side onto her hip. winter stiffens, not exactly sure what this type of interaction is for, especially when ellie always makes everything more intimate than it actually is. lastly, she feels the soft, warm breath of ellie's on the side of her neck. her breathing was controlled, very opposite from winter's. "ellie-." she mummers.
"put it back." she says in a playful sing songy voice. her breath made winter's neck ticklish, her scrunching her shoulder up to her jaw in reaction.
"this isn't funny, ellie." winter wants to roll her eyes, to have a smart response, to be able to deflect the others questionable actions. ellie's hand trails from winter's hip to her shoulder, her skin developing goosebumps at the feeling. she shoves winter's shoulder down, scooting forward more, pressing firmly against winter's whole body. winter's breath hitched, her body freezing even more. ellie then gently lays her head into the crook of winter's neck, hand wondering back down to her hip again. she squeezes her hip, warm boney fingers digging into winter's cold skin.
"i said put. it. back." the strict tone made winter's body quiver. she's not sure what these reactions are or why it's happening because of ellie. "do it." she whispers into winter's ear, making the other let out a noise close to a whimper and whine. when winter reaches and leans forward to the drawer, ellie harshly gripped winter's hip and pulls her back quickly, not letting her lean forward. "you don't need to move away." she huffs out.
winter slowly nods, doing her best to breathe and do the task she's demanding. her shaky hands fish through the drawer and tug the jar out as fast as she could. she had to wiggle to reach where it was sitting before, only stopping when ellie fully clamped down on the others hips with a small hiss noise.
"what are you doing?" she grunts. pulling winter's hips close to hers.
"i'm.. i-i'm putting it back?" winter sounds airy, no doubt her cheeks are bright red. ellie hums.
"don't move your hips like that." ellie mumbles.
"i-i have to p-put it back though.." winter gasps at the feeling of ellie's hot breath against the shell of her ear. ellie lessens the grip on winter's skin, only enough for her to prop the jar up by the clock. the paper was tilted up more but still facing the same way. ellie immediately pulled winter back into her.
"you're so fucking cute." ellie giggles after a minute of them just laying in that position.
"um.. why are you, like, hugging me like this? did i upset you?" at that ellie let up, letting go of winter's hip and pulling her head back, but still pressed against her.
"i forget you're like sheltered to the max." she chuckles at the end, still having a firm voice.
"am not." she sighs, frustrated. she reaches back behind her, lightly pushing ellie back as she leans forward to create some room between them. just then, ellie grabs both of her hips this time, tilting them so winter falls onto her stomach. she pulls her arms up to pillow her head as she's pushed. ellie straddled the back of winter's thighs, just under the swell of her butt. "ellie. hurts, stop."
"you fell right?" winter only sighs, nodding as best she can and laying her head right and facing the wall. ellie bends over winter's back, whispering into winter's right ear. she keeps her right hand on winter's hip, the other holding her weight up beside winter's head. "want me to help?" winter's breathing was shallow.
winter felt ellie's hand smoothing over her side and up on the flat of her back. her hands had enough pressure to almost knead winter's skin under her palm.
"i haven't filled up the ice tray.." winter mumbles, wanting to hide because of how quiet her voice seemed. she wasn't sure if her heart was beating this fast out of fear or from simply being this close to ellie. she had to admit the roughness scared her, only picturing the scene ellie described when she had killed those two men. she slowly moves her right arm down, finding ellie's arm that was traveling across her body and squeezing it softly. "ellie.." she wasn't exactly sure what to say or do. she'd read of people cuddling, people hugging, sometimes kissing, but this wasn't familiar. she wasn't sure what normal, socialized people would do in this situation. she felt like she was just laying there powerless. ellie hums softly at the feeling of winter's hand on her arm.
"not ice, a massage for your back." ellie still hovers over winter. ellie wants to just engulf winter into an embrace and never let go. every reaction to smallest things ellie would do had her mind racing. winter does her best to look over her shoulder, up to ellie, but only catching a sliver of ellie's face. she quietly sighs, not really having a choice.
"be careful." winter whispers, laying her head back down, deciding to trust whatever ellie wants. she feels ellie shift on her, then her shirt being tugged up. winter thrashes shortly, not able to move much. "what are you doing?" a spike of fear went through her, but also a warm tug in her stomach. ellie giggles, holding winter's hips down with both hands.
"relax, i'm not taking it off, hun. i'm just moving it." ellie follows through, bunching the fabric up on the line of winter's bra. winter shutters at the chill air brushing against her back, only to feel ellie's warm and callus hands rub lightly over her back a few times. winter buries her head into her folded arms, hoping to hide the blush that's eating away at her face. ellie chuckles at the sight.
she works circles in with her thumbs while caressing her skin with her palm. she moves up slowly, then back down, working on a few knots on winter's lower back. she took her time to properly get the knots worked out, being careful to not press too hard. she then went lower, feeling a bigger knot just barely above winter's sweatpants. she gasps in pain, letting a few small whimpers out.
"hurts here?" ellie questions, letting up a little to massage it lighter than before. winter quickly nods, her back tensing up also. ellie clicks her tongue. "you need to relax, winter. i just spent all that time helping those knots out, hmm?" she ends with a hum, trying to encourage winter to loosen her muscles. winter harshly nods, ellie could feel the others back twitch as she relaxes then tenses her muscles over and over, seemingly unable to relax. "is it because it's painful? how can i help?" ellie whispers down to winter, still lightly tracing over winter's back. the soft skin under her felt addicting.
"hurts.." winter mutters into her arms, not moving her head to be heard better. ellie nods to herself, knowing that was probably all she was going to get out of her. she then started to lightly massage in the opposite way, bringing her hands inwards over the lump, then lightly working circles and phasing it out. winter stopped whining, just soft sighs being heard every few minutes. ellie waited until the muscle felt mostly flat, feathering her hands up winter's back and bending back over her. she moves some of winter's hair behind her ear and lowers down to her ear.
"all done." ellie smiles, waiting for the other to respond, only realizing the other was asleep when she let out another huff. ellie coos, moving back and slowly getting off winter.
she quietly puts her shoes on and steps out into the living room, cracking winter's door as she leaves. ellie lightly walks over to the backdoor and slips out. she walks around the side of the house, using the dim light from inside the cabin to see where she was stepping. once she reaches the front door she glances at her guns that poke out of a bush, and then crouching down and pulling the clear vase full of flowers up. she inspects them, making sure that there's no bugs or messed up flowers in the mix.
ellie slowly came through the backdoor, immediately locking the door and turning off the kitchen and living room lights as she passes through the cabin. when she opens winter's door she sees the other now on her side facing the wall, her legs were brought up to her chest and small huffs still snuck out of her lips.
ellie couldn't help but smile and let a slight chuckle out at the adorable scene. she slips out of her shoes and softly places the vase just behind the jar that already sat on the stand. the purple and yellow petals mix perfectly.
ellie takes off her flannel and jacket so she just has one shirt on. she holds winter's legs up for a minute, pulling her blanket out from under her then slowly putting her legs back down. winter only moves more on her side, hugging into herself with furrowed eyebrows.
ellie turns and goes towards her door, closing it and turning the light off. she takes the can strings across the frame onto the other hook. a couple of cans clinked together. making ellie wince when she hears winter sit straight up. she quickly finishes putting the other up, walking over to winter's bed.
winter was mostly awake, tiredness was in her droppy, squinted eyes as she turns her body to look toward ellie. ellie took her pocket knife out of her jean pocket, placing it on the wood of the nightstand, close to the edge of the bed.
"ellie?" winter's sleepy voice asked, going up to rub her eye.
"mhm?" ellie mummers, laying on the bed next to winter and patting where winter was laying on the mattress before. winter sluggishly looked down, thoughts becoming a blur with each second. she turns back to the wall, shuffling down to lay down again.
ellie sits up, leaning down to pull the blanket over them. she feels winter grab her side of the blanket, helping ellie guide it up. ellie layed back, just staying still for a moment, trying to figure out if it's too creepy to cuddle the other while she sleeps.
after a few minutes she decides to just roll over, softly putting her hand on winter's side and scooting near her. she smelt the herbal scent of winter's hair that was bundled in front of her. ellie took her hand away from winter, moving it up to move the others hair to the side and up so she doesnt lay on it.
she lowers her hand again, slyly putting her forehead into the crook of winter's neck. she knew winter was already asleep again, judging by the soft snores. however she couldn't help but feel triumphant and giddy when winter shimmies back against ellie's warm front.