Chapter 5
winter was the first one to wake up, blankly looking at the wall she was turned towards. she sharply inhaled, stretching her arms and legs to wake up faster. she paused when her leg brushed against another, then feeling an arm draped over her side and holding her middle. winter sighed once she remembered the night before, relaxing her rigged body at the realization. she lays still for a few minutes, trying to decide if waking ellie up to is worth the energy or if she just sneak out to do morning chores.
after a bit of focusing on ellie's soft breaths, winter gently lifts and moves ellie's hand off of her, leaning forward and lifting her body to climb over ellie's. right as winter had one foot on the ground and tossed her other leg over ellie and placed it on the edge of the bed, ellie groaned and grabbed winter back down onto her. she tugged on winter's arm, pulling her down and making winter fall back onto her side with her head just beside ellie's pillow, facing the door now. ellie then threw an arm over winter's chest as she turned over to hug winter again.
winter grunts, trying to sit back up only to be yanked down again. she sighs, not completely hating the idea of sleeping in more, but she couldn't even if she wanted to. winter looks up to check the time, frowning when she sees that it was already ten in the morning when she'd usually get up around six. her eyes drift over slightly to the vase and flowers, opening her mouth in awe at the colors and shapes of the petals. a blush crept onto her neck, up her ears. she brings her let hand up to rub ellie's left arm that was slung over her.
"ellie.. i need to get up." she rubs the others arms a bit harder, turning over to look at ellie. ellie's face was almost buried in winter's hair, she kept her eyes closed but shook her head with furrowed brows. winter chuckles at the stubbornness. "come on, it's time to get up." she pats ellie's forearm. ellie opened one eye, only looking at winter for a second before closing it and shaking her head again. she gripped winter tighter, making the other sigh this time.
"thank you for the flowers." winter smiles to ellie, ellie kept her eyes closed but started smiling, the smile growing wider slowly. winter giggles at her, lifting her left hand back to brush some of ellie's stray hairs back. "they're very pretty. i have to get up now, i'll be back in a few minutes." winter mumbles, pulling off ellie's hand that was reluctant to let go of the other. ellie sighs loudly, rolling onto her back, still trying to sleep more.
winter grabs her shoes on the way out, putting the canned string down slowly and slipping out of the room. it'd be closer to an hour before she'd be done with anything, but she assumed ellie wouldn't notice. she cleaned and filled all of the animals water bowls first, then letting the chickens out of the coop and into their fenced area with food scraps to eat. she let the horses out and cleaned their stables before walking back up the path. she grabbed a few pieces of clothing off the drying line before coming in, beelining it to the shower.
she tried to hurry in the shower, afraid of being too loud for ellie, but she also wanted to make them breakfast before ellie was completely up. however when she opened the bathroom door ellie was standing in the kitchen with her bag and a few tupperware bowls. she was leaned against the counter with her back turned to winter, rummaging through her bag.
"you're up?" winter says, slowly stepping toward ellie while trying to see what she was doing. ellie turned quickly, looking a bit startled but happy, her smile radiating over to winter.
"you took too long." ellie replies, pulling out a few books from her bag. she holds them up in the air with a now sheepish smile, then setting them on the counter when winter was closer. "ok so, i picked a few random. there's 'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time', a few poetry, anddd." she says in an announcing voice while dragging out the last word. "savage starlight!" she exclaims lifting up two slim books with an excited expression.
winter breaks into a wide smile, taking the books from ellie's hand and inspecting it. it was so colorful and the layout of the text and pictures were totally different from any picture book winter had ever had. she flips through the first book with pinched eyebrows and an amused face.
"these look so cool, i've never seen one like this." she smiles wider at the pages when she sees how detailed the pictures are. "wow."
"they're comics. i think you'll like them! i only brought you two of those in case you don't, but at i have the rest at my house." ellie smiles while watching winter flip through pages, setting those books down then picking up the others.
"i've never read poetry either, this is so cool! thank you!" winter flings her arms around ellie's shoulders, still holding a poetry book while she hugs ellie. ellie brings a hand up to hug around winter's back.
"food?" ellie asks, pulling her head back to look at winter. winter pulls her arms back, nodding and looking back down at the book. she carefully puts it on the stack on the counter, looking back up to ellie.
"seriously thank you, i'll be careful with them." winter shyly smiles at ellie's fond stare. ellie nods, tearing her eyes from winter's to reach for one of the bowls.
"i trust you, and even if they don't come back in one piece i don't mind. except for my comics, i'll die if you lose those." ellie gave a jokingly pleading glace to winter, causing winter the chuckle. ellie puts the bowl with bread in front of winter, also grabbing another jam jar and paper bag in front of her. "they didn't have any new jars before i left so i brought mine from home, sorry it's not full. it's grape jam this time, and this is your new food to try. jerky!" she opens the bag and gives a piece to winter.
"what type of jerky?" winter mumbles while taking a bite. she knows what jerky is, her dad had only made deer jerky twice and it's been so long since she's had it. she giggled at the nostalgic taste, looking up at ellie with gleaming eyes. ellie chuckled while taking a bite too.
"cow, sometimes deer." winter hums back
"i haven't had deer jerky since i was like thirteen, this is good." winter then glances at the jar of jam. winter puts the rest of the jerk in her mouth, walking over to the side table by the recliner and opening the drawer. she rips off a paper from a notepad, grabbing a pencil from the same drawer before closing it and hurriedly walking towards ellie. she stops just before ellie, putting the paper in between them on the counter. she looks up at ellie while holding the pencil out to her. "draw grapes." her eye flicker between ellie's bright eyes, watching ellie's small smirk grow bigger.
ellie chuckles and takes the pencil, leaning over to sketch a grape vine. winter doesn't move back, only standing on her toes and slightly leaning with ellie to watch over her shoulder. ellie makes effortless strokes of lines and circles, easily drawing the fruit before stepping back and dropping the pencil by the paper.
"purpleish red grapes are sweet, green is usually somewhat sour. they're like this big." ellie holds her fingers in a medium sized circle. winter hums back, picking up the paper and studying it.
ellie opened the jar and quickly spread some on some bread for winter, who took it with a smile while still looking at the picture as she eats the bread. winter hums again after a moment, setting the paper down. she bites down on the bread, holding it with her mouth as she jumps back on the counter to sit. she then holds her bread again, taking another bite.
"this is sweeter than the last." winter says, looking over to ellie. ellie nods in agreement.
"yeah, definitely sweeter." ellie gives winter another piece of jam and bread when she finishes, the other graciously taking it. "so.." ellie nervously glances to winter, making the other raise their brow. "a house opened up next to mine in jackson." ellie bites her lip, scanning winter's face.
winter feels herself wear thin every time ellie asks her to come back with her. in both ways of frustration and realizing that she's starting to want to. winter slowly breaths in, straightening her back. she clears her throat but stays silent, searching for what she should say. she begins getting frustrated at herself again for not knowing what she wants. she still doesn't want to leave. but she does? or does enough to recognize she might want to? the confusion and pressure to respond was starting to make her blush.
"i don't.. i don't know, ellie.." winter can feel herself tear up, which is the opposite of what she wants right now. "i don't know, it's just really different for me.." winter mutters, shoving the last of the bread in her mouth and picking at her fingers.
"i didn't mean to upset you.. i'm sorry. i just don't want you to forget you're welcome there, and.. i'd like you to be there." ellie scratches the back of her neck, staring at winter with a worried look. she lets the silence hang before reaching her left hand out to rest it on winter's left knee. "i just don't like the idea of you being alone all the time." winter shoots her head up at that. her heart feels warm from the thought of someone caring like this for her, raising even more internal conflict within herself.
"then stay here." winter tried to not let hope pool in her own eyes but she knows ellie saw it, ellie's face full of 'sorrys' without even saying anything. ellie frowns slightly and shakes her head slowly.
"i can't, winter." she says sympathetically. winter couldn't help the disappointment she felt, but it was the same as ellie was asking, just reversed. maybe that'd help ellie understand she can't just uproot everything she's ever known. winter sits back, loosely folding her arms in front of her.
"well.. there you go. we're both stuck.." winter mumbles, avoiding ellie's eyes. "when are you leaving?" she askes, bracing herself to hop off the counter before ellie steps in front of her with her arms also folded.
"that's not fair." she lowly says, staring into winter's eyes. "you know it's not." winter scoffs.
"you're always gone by now, so i don't know why you're staying. i was just asking." winter mumbles, pressing on ellie's right shoulder to get her to move. ellie didn't budge, though, standing with a voided expression. "just move so i can get down." winter glares at the other. ellie only looked more frustrated after that.
"no. now, stop being mean just because i'm asking you to think about your safety, winter. you think you're safer out here alone, but it just isn't true. don't take a dig at me just because i can't stay here. you have no idea how much i've worried over you while i was away." ellie's face started to pinch together with anger. that only made winter just as angry, her attitude made winter roll her eyes again.
"i've been safe for this long. i'm sorry i'm not just blindly trusting everything you do, ellie. i don't know your group, they don't know me. there's a reason my parents never came to you guys, there has to be.. so don't.. don't try all this savior crap on me. don't act like i've just refused any advice or help you've gave." winter keeps her glare on ellie as ellie steps closure, ensuring that winter couldn't leave the counter now.
"i'm starting this with you. whatever reason you have to be fucking upset doesn't include me, and if it does then you can use your fucking big girl words and tell me. i'm not letting you make a shitty decision based on shitty emotions right now. so stop acting all fucking hard and mad at me when i know it isn't solely that." ellie's gazed hardens as she bites the words out. winter's anger wanted to turn into tears, a bad habit of hers when she's mad. she takes a deep breath in, closing her eyes, then sighing out as she opens them again. "i promised to tell you when i'm mad, right? i'm pissed right now."
"you don't get to come here and decide what's best for me, ellie." this only made ellie smile, disbelief and anger laced in her tone.
"i'm not deciding, i'm offering. my people approved for you to come the day i got back the first time. they care about you. we didn't know your parents, and i'm not here to talk shit on the dead. i'm sure whatever reason they had for being alone was valid, but now it's just not practical. especially for you living alone miles away from any help. my group cares for you and they haven't even met you. do you understand just how much i've talked about you for them to let you stay? for them to understand you're no threat to us? they care for you. i care for you. i want to help. so don't flip these dumb fucking emotions on me when i'm putting everything on the table for you." ellie warns, her tone low and icy.
winter wanted to curl in on herself, she didn't want to fight. she didn't want ellie mad, but she couldn't just bend over backwards for the other. she feels a tears slip out of her eye, running warm and down her cheek.
"i can't just leave, ellie." winter whispers, her voice breaking. ellie shakes her head.
"then don't. just come for the night, see how it it. see how we work. see how we care for our own. please. i can even tell them to ignore us when we get there so you aren't surrounded by everyone." ellie still had an upset glare, but the was sparks of hope and worry back in it now. winter opens her mouth, only to close it. it's becoming hard for winter to understand what to do.
one day wouldn't hurt, but what if they were just going to force her to stay? what if this was a trap? everything about this screamed danger to winter. but now she's not sure if her dad's idea of danger was the same as others.
"winter, please. i'm not asking you to fully move." ellie squeezes winter's right thigh with her left hand, dropping her other hand. winter searches ellie's face for any malice, only finding ellie searching hers for something.
"what.. what if you guys refuse to let me leave?" winter mutters, a few more tears falling on her red cheeks. ellie shakes her head slightly.
"we would never do that, i swear. i mean maybe if you got super fucking hurt, but that's a big maybe." ellie says back.
"they.. know about me?" ellie nods quickly.
"about you yes."
"they know where i live?" winter loudly swallows, pushing tears back. ellie shakes her head with a small 'hm mm'. winter let a few tears fall, wanting to believe ellie really didn't share where she lived.
"why are you crying, hun? i swear i didn't tell them." ellie raises her right hand, left still on winter's thigh, and wipes a few tears. "we can skip the main entrance altogether too, i have a loose board in the fence of my backyard. we can just find a way in from the side."
winter wants to beat herself silly, feeling so many parts of herself argue. she sighs softly, running a hand through her hair.
"if i go tonight, you have to help me home tomorrow." ellie nods quickly, perking up and biting a smile back. "i'm serious, you can't make me sleep in like today." winter tries to ignore the pit of fear, worrying, and anxiety bundling in her stomach. she tries to focus on the side of her that's wondering about ellie's life and what jackson will be like.
"i swear." ellie holds a hand up with a small smile.
"i'm serious." winter mumbles. ellie leans in, resting her forehead on winter's. she looks into winter's eyes, still holding back her smile as much as possible.
"i'm serious, too." ellie mumbles back.
winter gives a small smile, slumping down a little. ellie leans back, stepping aside from winter's hanging legs. she jumps down, pushing on ellie's should as she walks toward her room.
"you're annoying." winter mutters. she hears ellie chuckle behind her.
"i'll radio for them to tell them you're coming, and i'll tell them not to crowd you. let me put the food away." she hears ellie say with the sound of stuff being stuffed into the others bag.
-
after winter packed a bag with clothes she got dot ready to travel, putting the animals up for the day.
"you sure you don't want to take the jam back?" winter asks shyly, watching ellie strap their things onto the saddle. ellie shakes her head, turning to look at winter.
"nah, it'll probably be ok on the way to jackson but on the way back i think it'd be unrefrigerated for too long. plus it was for you and i can steal some from someone else. plenty of people owe me." ellie says, holding onto the saddle as she hoists herself up onto dot. she holds out her hand, waiting for winter to take it.
winter just stares up at her with wide, stressed eyes. ellie softly sighs out.
"don't think, just do. c'mon, winter." ellie says, leaning more toward winter. winter's breathing turned ragged, her chest felt heavier by the second. "i know you can do it, winter. we'll be back tomorrow, hun." she smiles down to the other.
"ok.. ok.." winter whispers, trying to catch her breath. she grips ellie's hand, jumping to sit behind ellie.
"good girl, hands." ellie says, holding her hands out slightly behind her. winter complies, blushing, giving her hands to ellie's who wrapped them around ellie's stomach. "hold. it's rough getting out of the forest, but once we're out you shouldn't be bouncing too much." winter nods, forgetting ellie can't see her, then humming in acknowledgement when she realizes.
just like ellie said, it was very bumpy until about forty minutes out. there was an overgrown road, trees lining the sides. winter didn't hide her amazement at the smallest things, ellie couldn't see her anyways. she's never seen an actual road.
it was about three hours into the trip, ellie had endless stories about jackson and the people she knew there. she talked about dogs, kids, old people, the different fruits and vegetables, the different livestock. she talked about her own horse that she finally got assigned, shimmer, and how dot and her got on great. she kept them in stalls next to each other when they were put up. she talked about how she lives in a converted garage behind her dad not dad's house. she liked the privacy she said. she gave a run down on the people she liked, and didn't like. she talked about extra clothes if winter wanted, which winter of course accepted.
just as ellie had finished a story about how she failed miserably at growing food before, they started coming up on a huge fence that seemed to wrap around the town. winter felt her stomach knot up again, her chest feeling super heavy. she gripped tighter onto ellie, making the other reach a hand down to rub one of winter's hands.
"it's ok. we'll go to my yard and ill take you into the shed. you can lock the door, i'll have to go back and put dot up. i shouldn't be longer than ten minutes, ok?" ellie glances over her shoulder with a smile, only making winter's stomach knot up again with a different feeling. she slumps forward, closer to ellie.
"i'm scared." winter whispers to her, wide eyes scanning everything around them, having never seen and area so open.
"i know, hun. we're almost there. you're doing so good." ellie hums, slowing the horse down from a gallop to a trot. winter just holds onto ellie, shoving her head into the others back to hid herself from anyone that could've maybe seen them.