Chapter 5
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The soldier does not sleep right now, stays awake and watches the figure next to him rest. Clint, he said his name is Clint but he is also known as Hawkeye and James wonders which name came first, which one he likes best, wonders if he will have time to ask. There is so much he doesn’t know about him, just knows that he said some of his words, is a good shot, and is young. There is something about him that almost seems innocent though the soldier knows he has blood on his hands, saw him kill a man tonight but it might have been the way his eyes widened when the soldier had him against the wall or the curiosity that flickered across his face as he asked the soldier if he could see the words. Perhaps it is the way he is lying next to the soldier now, by his side and sleeping peacefully even though the soldier had him by the throat earlier, the trust he is giving him right now. The soldier is not quite sure what it is about him that is making the soldier a little curious but there is something there and he shifts just a little bit closer to him, takes his hold away from Clint’s wrist and moves his hand somewhere else.
He finds himself moving Clint’s shirt up just a bit, wants to see the words again and Clint moves a bit at the touch but settles down quickly. The words are there, black against Clint’s skin, and the soldier thinks they looks a little strange. It is almost like they have been written twice , on top of each other and the soldier isn’t sure why they would be like that but he doesn’t understand much about the words anyway. He knows to most that they are important, mean a great deal but to him they are supposed to be nothing. He has his missions and that has to be enough but sometimes he wonders if he could have more, if the words could mean something, if he could be allowed to have some brightness and warmth and that thought makes him think of red hair for some reason but he pushes the thought aside.
Clint is not red, not really fire or blood from what the soldier has seen of him, but there is something warm about him. He is warm next to the soldier, the words across his ribs warm as the soldier brushes a gentle finger across them and Clint shifts in his sleep at the touch, shifts closer to the soldier. Clint’s head is near the soldier’s shoulder and neck now and he can feel his warm breath against his throat. It is nice, this feeling of warmth and the soldier wonders if maybe he will get to keep it since he is supposed to bring Clint in but he does not know for sure if he will. There are few things the soldier gets to keep and he isn’t sure he will get to keep Clint or not.
Only a few hours have passed since Clint’s breathing evened out into sleep but it is already changing, his body starting to shift again. He is waking up and the soldier watches him still, watches as his eyes open, as he stretches a bit. Clint looks around as he does so, is becoming aware of everything around him quickly and his eyes settle on the soldier almost right away, looks him over.
“Did you get some sleep?”
He asks and there is just a little bit of concern in his voice and the soldier is not used to it, not used to concern directed at him.
“I did not need it right now.”
He says this simply and Clint just looks at him for a long moment before accepting his answer.
“Ok, I need to eat, I have some stuff here and then we can talk a little more.”
Clint says this simply, gets up now and the soldier gets up as well, follows him into the little kitchen like area. Clint opens up the cabinets, gets some stuff out, opens up a can of soup and starts to heat it up. The soldier sits down at the little table there, watches him and he is a little surprised when Clint pours the soup into two bowels and gets two glasses of water and sets one of each in front of the soldier along with a spoon.
“Figured you need to eat too. I have some crackers too.”
He puts the crackers on the table now too, sits down across from the soldier and starts to eat. The soldier just sits and Clint arches an eyebrow at him after a moment.
“I promise you, it isn’t poisoned. Can’t promise it tastes that great but it isn’t poisoned. Would be a little counterproductive to poison it since I’m eating it too and besides for all I know you are immune to almost everything. Have people tried to poison you before? Is that why you’re not eating or are you just not hungry? Although if you’re not hungry, you don’t have to eat, just thought you might want to have something.”
All of this is said in a rush and the soldier just sort of stares at Clint, not used to someone saying so much to him at once. Clint sort of squirms a bit at his look and then picks up the bowel and drinks directly out of it instead of using his spoon and the soldier thinks he might just be doing that to stop himself from talking. He picks up his own spoon now, gets a spoonful of soup and brings it to his lips. He can feel the steam of it as he opens his mouth and it is warm going down his throat. Warm and a bit salty but it is better than what the soldier has had for years and he starts eating quickly after that and Clint gives a little smile as he does so. They eat in relative quiet and when they are finished, Clint gets up and searches the cabinet again and gives a little cry of triumph when he finds something.
“I knew I still had one here. Want half?”
It is a chocolate bar and Clint is already unwrapping it and splitting it in half and the soldier finds himself giving a nod. Clint holds it out and the soldier takes it, takes a small bite. The chocolate melts in his mouth and he hasn’t had something sweet like this in a very long time and he takes a small pause before the next bit.
“Thank you.”
He says this, means it and Clint just gives a little smile and it is nice.
“Hey, everybody likes chocolate and you have my words and didn’t kill me so I figure I can share it with you. You don’t get it often do you?”
He asks now and the soldier just gives a nod, continues to savor the chocolate while Clint watches him. After a moment, Clint breaks his piece in half again and offers a little bit more to the soldier and he is surprised and not sure if he should take it.
“Go on, I still have some and I figure you are enjoying it more than I will.”
With Clint’s words, he takes the offered chocolate, gets a few more bites of it and Clint eats his own. A few moments of quiet pass as Clint gets up and rinses out their dishes and the he wonders if he should say something when Clint does.
“So you said you heard about me but you probably don’t know much right? Just my name and that I have taken jobs for hire, that I use a bow?”
He gives a brief nod.
“Ok, so I guess maybe I should tell you a bit more about myself. I mean, I always figured that is the first thing you do when you met your marked. You want to know about me?”
This is asked and he knows that it doesn’t really matter, Clint is just a mission now, someone he needs to take back to his handlers but he does want to know and so he answers.
“Yes.”
Clint gives another smile and starts to talk, tells him about himself. He says he is from Ohio, parents died when he was young, he and his brother went to foster home to foster home before settling in the circus. That is where he learned to shoot and when he had to leave it, he took that skill with him, made use of it the best he can.
“I don’t like it, not really but I try to make the best choice I can when I take a job. That guy I killed a while ago, the one you were after as well, he was not a good guy so I don’t feel too bad about that. I don’t kill kids, don’t kill people who don’t deserve it. I choose what jobs to take, you don’t get that choice do you?”
He asks now and the soldier answers with what he has been told before.
“A weapon doesn’t get to choose how it is used.”
There is a look that crosses over Clint’s face now, something that looks like a mix of fear and pain and worry and he doesn’t like. He much prefers the smile Clint had earlier but he isn’t sure how to get it back.
“You’re not a weapon, you’re a person and a person should have choices.”
“You believe that, don’t you? That I should have choices.”
He asks, wonders at it a bit as Clint gives a nod. It is a strange concept to the soldier, someone thinking he should be allowed to choose what he does and he isn’t sure what to do about it, what to think about it.
“Yes, I do. Think everyone should. We do need to figure out what we are going to do about your mission or whatever but we have a couple days, right?”
Clint asks this now and he gives a small nod.
“Ok, we should do a perimeter real quick to make sure everything is still secured and then I think I have some cards here if you want to play something. Sound ok?”
Once again he gives a little nod, content to follow Clint’s lead right now. They look over the perimeter and it is still secure, Clint knowing what he is doing for the most part and then they do play a couple games of cards. It is something the soldier has seen people do on base before, playing cards to pass the time but he is rarely invited to play and it is nice playing with Clint. Clint wins the first couple of rounds but the soldier wins this one and he gives his own little grin as he collects the card and Clint returns it.
“Your smile is nice. You look good when you smile. I mean, you look good when you’re not smiling, it is just a sort of scary good. This is like a relaxed good. I’m just saying I like your smile.”
It is the babbling of before and the soldier tilts his head a bit now, asks a question.
“You always talk this much?”
Clint sort of shrugs a bit.
“Sometimes? My mouth just sort of runs when I’m not sure what to say . I can shut up if you want me to.”
He shakes his head.
“You don’t have to shut up. I like you talking to me.”
He means it, it is nice the way Clint has been speaking to him, hasn’t really given the soldier a single order the whole time they have been together. It is nice and he wishes he could keep it.
“Ok, I won’t shut up then. You want to hear about the time I lost an elephant?”
“Yes. How do you lose an elephant?”
He asks with genuine curiosity and Clint tells him about it, tells him a lot of things as they play cards and then eats another meal together. Clint not only talks and tells stories but encourages the soldier to do so and that is a different as well. Most people don’t listen to the soldier, there are a few exceptions and red hair flashes through his head again and it is nice. He tells Clint what he can and Clint listens as he starts cleaning his bow.
“I have never cleaned a bow. I have cleaned many knives and guns though, have taught others to as well.”
“Really? Like do you remember who you taught?”
Clint asks and it is his turn to shrug.
“Not usually but I know I have taught a few, can remember little bits of things the longer I’m out of the cold, pretty sure I have worked with one of them a few times now.”
He says this and Clint is looking at him with a bit of curiosity.
“What do you mean out of the cold?”
He asks and the soldier tries to explain the best he can.
“The cold is where I’m kept when I’m not need, put to sleep in a chamber. I’m woken up, sometimes taken to the chair and then wiped clean and sometimes just the words are used. I remember more the longer I’m away from the cold, from the chair.”
“And they always take the memories away from you again, wipe you down, stick in you in the cold when you’re not of use to them ?”
There is anger in Clint’s voice and he is trying to figure out if he should try to soothe it or not. For now, he simply gives the truth.
“Yes, that is how it has been for as long as I can remember.”
“That isn’t right.”
Clint says this now, voice almost shaking and he simply shrugs.
“It is how it is, can’t change it now. “
“You could not go back, could run from them, I’ll help you.”
There is honesty in Clint’s voice, honesty and determination and it is something he has thought about before but he doesn’t know if it could work, it has never worked out in the past.
“I’ll think about it. You should probably get some more rest soon.”
“Ok, think I’ll take a quick shower. I’ll try to save some hot water for you so you can have one too. “
Clint says this and then makes his way to the little bathroom. He just sits and waits, tries to think a bit about what to do. He is supposed to take Clint to his handlers, he knows this but he isn’t sure he should, knows that Clint doesn’t want that from what he has said. He knows what he is supposed to do but he needs to decide if that is what he should do and he thinks about it as he takes his own shower, finds clothes waiting for him. They aren’t his, are obviously some of Clint’s and they fit a little snugly but it warms something inside him to have clean clothes, that Clint cares enough to share this with him. He goes back into the small bedroom to find Clint already in the bed, some space left for him and he settles there quickly.
“Figured we can share the bed again, worked out ok last night. You ever share a bed with anyone else that you remember?”
Clint asks now and he thinks about it for a moment, can remember soft red hair and a bright smile and he gives a nod.
“I have, I think she said my words, the ones I am to done nothing about. She’s bright, warm. Warm like you.”
Clint is tense for just a moment at the mention of the other words but then he seems to shake it off a bit, gives a smile again.
“I’m guessing warm is good?”
“Warm is good, I like warm.”
He says this in response to Clint’s question and gets another smile.
“Good. I want to ask you something, and you can say no if you want to but I just want to see what it feels like, if it is different doing it with your marked than with someone else. People say it is but I don’t really know yet. “
He is babbling a bit again and the soldier just raises a brow and gives a nod so Clint will ask his question.
“Can I kiss you?”
The question is simple and he can’t remember having a kiss before so he gives a nod. Clint leans forward now, brushes lips against his, and they are warm, the contact is warm and brief but good and he smiles when it is done.
“That was nice.”
He says it simply and gets another bright smile from Clint.
“Yea, it was. Still have a lot to figure out but that was nice. Good to know. I should probably try to sleep. Try to get some rest if you can.”
That is what Clint says now and he gives a nod, watches as Clint closes his eyes. He just lays beside him, closes his eyes after a bit, dreams of brightness and warmth and wakes up before Clint, watches him again. He thinks he knows his decision now and he hopes he is making the right one and he waits till Clint wakes up, till they are eating to say anything about it.
“I’m supposed to bring you in but I won’t. I won’t take you to them. “
He says this and Clint gives anther bright smile and he looks at it for a long moment, wants to memorize it. It is beautiful and it almost makes him question his decision but he knows he has to do this.
“Ok, we will need to plan a few things out, can’t stay here long term but I know other places and we can get some more supplies and stay here a few more days if we need to.”
This is the opening he needs and he takes it.
“You should go and get supplies, come back here so we can plan. I will stay, look over what we have now.”
“You trust me to come back?”
Clint asks now and he gives a little nod.
“I do but I can’t leave till we have a plan, might be found if I do but we need more supplies. Can you do it?”
Clint gives a little smile again and the soldier is going to miss those even if he hasn’t had them very long.
“I can do that, let me get this stuff cleaned up.”
Clint does, gets his boots on and then is about to leave. He stops Clint right before he leaves, wants one more little thing before he is gone.
“Can I have a kiss?”
He asks and Clint gives a nod and then they are leaning in together, lips brushing once more, warm and soft. He smiles as they part, watches Clint smiles for a moment, and then watches as Clint leaves. He waits a little while, finds the arrow he brought here just a couple of days ago and gets ready to leave. He has to check in soon or they will look for him and if they look for him, they will find Clint. He doesn’t know what they would do to him but he knows that it can’t be anything that Clint would want and so the soldier will keep them from him.
He makes his way to the base now, tries not to think about what he is leaving behind. This is something he has to do. He lies to them in the briefing, tells about the target being taken, that he tried to find the one who did it but that he couldn’t. They accept it as the truth, don’t think he is lying. After all lying is something people do, weapons don’t lie and everyone here sees him as a weapon and little more.
He is punished for not finding the one that took his target, lashes across his back that cut and bleed but will heal soon enough. It hurts but he thinks it is worth it because Clint won’t have to have the same done to him. Clint told him he deserves to choose what happens to him and he is choosing this so that Clint won’t be forced into it as well. He thinks it is a good choice and it is all his and he holds onto that as they get him ready for the chamber, not wiping him yet and he is glad that he may dream about those smiles a bit more, dream about blonde hair along with the red, and it is enough for now, has to be enough and soon he is in the cold, asleep to the world.
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