Lost Girl
Jemma awoke with a small cry in the dark of her room. Hulk, who had been asleep at the end of the bed, immediately stirred and moved to lie partially on her chest instead. Jemma looked around the much too big room.
"JARVIS," she whispered.
Yes, Jemma?
"Can you turn on the night lights?" She asked. She didn't know if that was the term, but it always worked.
Of course, he answered and the room lit up in a soft glow.
"Thank you," she whispered.
You are very welcome. Would you care for me to alert Dr. Banner or Mr. Stark of your nightmare?
Jemma thought about it and then sighed. She wanted to say yes, but she was supposed to be a big girl now and crying for daddy in the middle of the night over a small nightmare wasn't what seven year olds were supposed to do.
"No," she answered. "Thank you anyway," she added.
It wasn't really the nightmare that had bothered her. It wasn't so bad and Hulk was there to keep her safe and comfort her. It was the fact that she was having lots and lots more nightmares than before and she didn't know why. And it was waking up to a big room by herself that she didn't like.
Jemma missed the comforting presence of her two older sisters. Even when they ignored her because they were busy being older and cooler than she was she still liked knowing they were there.
When she would wake up from a nightmare, or when she couldn't sleep as sometimes happened, it wasn't so bad because Natasha and Jane were right there – Natasha in the bed on the other side of the room and Jane in the bunk above her. She would listen to them breathing, and try not to giggle when they snored, while thinking over stories or things about science that she had read until she fell asleep.
And when they used to all go to schools that didn't start at nearly the same time Jemma liked to wake up early and listen to Natasha and Jane as they got ready. She liked that the house was small enough that she could stay in the quiet of her bed reading but still hear the arguing and laughter and comforting voice of her dad as they all got ready for the day before her and Peter.
Now Natasha got to have the big girl room she'd always wanted, all by herself. And Jane got to share with Darcy because she obviously liked Darcy better. That left Jemma to be alone in a room that was much too big for her. Now the house was big and the walls were what Tony had called soundproof and they all got up at the same time so she couldn't read.
But she did like breakfast and the ride to school. After a night by herself in a room that was much too big she liked being able to be with everyone and hearing the arguing and laughter and comforting voice of her dad. Tony's voice was comforting too now.
Jemma just wished someone would have asked her if she wanted a big girl's room by herself. Instead her dad and Tony had mentioned a few people needing to share because there weren't enough rooms. Before she could speak up Jane and Darcy had said they would – she didn't care about Peter and Harley sharing – and her dad and Tony seemed satisfied. That was that and nobody else would be sharing. Nobody offered to share with her anyway so they probably didn't have room for her in their rooms.
Jemma started petting Hulk with one hand and she squeezed the bear Leo had made her with her other arm. She was very confused and sad.
She loved her new house with Tony and the others even when there didn't seem to be room for her. She wanted to be there even when it felt like nobody wanted her there. She had even told the police that she loved her family and she had meant that she loved Tony's family too even if they didn't love her. She even kind of liked her new school and her new friend Antoine and things weren't always bad.
But she still missed Leo. She still missed their old house. She still missed Aunt Betty and Uncle Leonard. Her dad hadn't read to her much lately because he was always so busy now with work and taking care of them all or being tired; she tried to understand of course, sometimes daddies were busy, but it still hurt and sometimes it felt like she was forgotten about.
She was very confused because she wanted to stay, but the room was much too big and there wasn't room for her anywhere else. She was very confused because she knew it was wrong and dangerous to want to run away, but the room was much too big and there wasn't room for her anywhere else.
She was sad because she knew she would miss her dad and brothers and sisters and Tony and the others, but they might not miss her because there were plenty of them there to not notice her. She was sad because she knew she would miss Hulk and she would miss JARVIS and she would miss the cats and the horses and the fishes and the movies and the games and even maybe Harley's rat, but only Hulk would miss her.
She was very confused and sad because she knew that this was the only way. The room was much too big and there wasn't room for her anywhere else so she would go back to a place where rooms were small and had just the right amount of room for her.
Tony looked down with a small laugh at the small dog yapping and circling at his feet as he came into the house along with some of the kids he'd taken to the beach. It wasn't overly warm, being near the end of October, but some of the kids had wanted to get in a little more surf before the weather became too cold.
"Well, I'm happy to see you too, Hulk," Tony said crouching down and attempting to pet the excited dog. However, Hulk was avoiding his hand in favor of continuing to bark before then rushing over to the door back and forth in a frantic pattern. "That's weird," he said with a furrow of his brow.
"What's wrong, Hulk? Do you need to go outside?" Peter took over trying to calm the dog down.
"Oh, good, you're back," Bruce said coming into the atrium. "Now maybe Hulk can calm down," he said and Tony looked back at the dog squirming in Peter's arms strangely. "I figured it must be a little separation anxiety. Him and Jemma are practically inseparable."
Tony turned his head back sharply. "What are you talking about?"
"Jemma…" Suddenly Bruce's eyes widened and he looked around at the other kids. Some of them had started to walk away to other parts of the house, but had stopped suddenly at the mention of the girl. "Where's Jemma?"
"She's not with me," Tony said, feeling his heart quicken. "Bruce? Why do you think she's with me?"
"Tony, she said she was going with you to the beach!" Bruce said, voice pitching higher and higher in panic that matched his own. "What are you saying she's not with you!?"
"JARVIS!" Tony shouted, rubbing his suddenly clammy fingers against his palms. "Is she in the house? On the property? And tell all the other kids to get here now!"
"I'll go check her room," Thor said and hurried off in that direction.
"I'll help," Steve said and ran after him.
The rest of the kids that had stayed with Bruce at home came rushing in, skidding to stops and looking at one another in distress.
Sir, Jemma is not in the house or on the premise. The last record I have is of her telling Dr. Banner that she had decided to go with you to the beach. She then shortly after exited the house with her beach bag. She is no longer on camera after that.
"Bruce, I swear she never came to me and she didn't come out to the SUV," Tony said as calmly as he could manage. He looked at the kids that had gone with him. "Did any of you see her or know about this?"
"No," Skye said. "When I passed her room, she was still in there."
"JARVIS, talk to me. How the hell did she get pass your notice? I'm not happy here!" Tony practically growled at the AI.
I… I do not know, sir. JARVIS sounded truly distressed. I must be malfunctioning.
"Dad," Wanda suddenly spoke up, "she knows about the blind spot."
"The what?" Bruce asked with barely restrained heat in his voice as he looked at Tony.
Tony didn't know what Wanda meant either and looked at his daughter expectantly. "It's a lapse in JARVIS' programming," she explained. "Skye and I noticed it earlier this year while looking at his coding. The camera on the south exit of the house, if you time it just right you can get away from his line of vision."
Tony felt his mouth go dry. Years of paranoia and attempting to create an impenetrable AI and safe home suddenly felt wasted and a thousand horrible scenarios that could have happened had anyone exploited it sooner flashed through his mind, causing him to feel a little dizzy.
He looked at all of his kids and Sam in anger and horror.
"And you all knew about this?" The looks on their faces were an admission of guilt. Not only his kids, but Bruce's kids seemed to share that guilt. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, partly attempting to will away the dizziness. "And you told a little girl?!"
He opened his eyes to see Bruce was pacing frantically, shaking his head and clenching and unclenching his fists.
"She's only 7," Wanda protested. "I didn't think she would want to use it. She just seemed curious about what it was when we mentioned it. And I was finally going to tell you. I didn't know this would happen before then."
"No, no that is not an excuse! None of that is an excuse! You are all in so much trouble!" He stared them all down, not caring if it wasn't his call to say so to those of Bruce's kids that were standing there. He didn't have to be a genius to know Bruce shared that sentiment and just wasn't in a state to speak it.
"Dad," Steve returned then, "Her doll and bear are gone and we found this."
Tony hurried to read the small scrap of paper over Bruce's shoulder. The note was short and bitter.
Dear Daddy,
I'm sorry. Don't be mad. I'm going to go somewhere that has room for me. I still love you. Please don't hate me.
Love,
Jemma
"She's maybe been planning this, Bruce," Tony said. Bruce spun quickly and looked at him angrily. It would be more intimidating if he wasn't already too frightened over Jemma being missing. "She waited for an opportunity. And she… She took stuff with her! JARVIS, track her phone!"
And when everything was okay again, as he prayed it would be, JARVIS was getting a serious upgrade to track the phones at all times and signal him when something seemed amiss in addition to having the AI alert him to lapses in his own programming. He cursed himself that this could happen on his watch in the first place. He wasn't a genius. He was a fucking idiot!
"You don't know she took it!" Bruce shouted. "She said there wasn't room for her. This is… This is all my fault. This is all my fault for letting you talk me into this! What were we thinking? What was I thinking? Tony, we can't take care of thirteen kids! We just can't!" Bruce was directly in his face and there was cold fear in his eyes. "I swear if anything happens to her… I don't… No, no… You… You need to get away from me." He looked like he was torn between lunging for his throat and caving in on himself. "No matter how much I hate you right now I don't want to hurt you."
"Dad…" Thor said gently, but Tony could tell Bruce was already too far gone with a flight or fight response.
"No, I will not," Tony refused and, perhaps foolishly, squared his shoulders and ignored the way the world began to close in around him.
"What?" Bruce looked at him like he'd been slapped.
"You're angry. I get it. You hate me. Whatever. You want to beat me into a bloody pulp, go for it." Bruce's eyes seemed to begin to soften as if coming back to his senses at the unexpected offer. "But neither of us are in any state to find Jemma on our own and if she… If she—"
Suddenly Tony's vision tunneled and he stumbled backward as the room felt like it was spinning. He began breathing in and out heavily as pain shot up his arm.
"Tony?" Bruce sounded far away, but he sounded concerned and he felt himself being helped back to the couch by two sets of hands. "Tony!?"
Sirs, Jemma's phone has been traced to the local transit station.
"JARVIS, contact 911! Something's wrong with Tony!" Bruce exclaimed.
All of their voices seemed to be getting further and further, but he had heard what he needed. Tony gritted his teeth and looked at Bruce's blurry face. "Go find Jemma," he forced out through what felt like water filling his lungs and stealing his breath.
Bruce backed away at that suddenly, nodding desperately. "Some of you come with me and help me find your sister and the rest of you stay here with your dad and make sure he's safe until the EMTs get here."
The last thing Tony registered was the sound of crying from at least one kid and Steve and Sam both urging him to stay with them.
"Yes, Dr. Banner, she seems fine."
Jemma sat in silence on a bench as Sig used her phone to speak with her dad.
"She's just very tired and a little chilled. I don't think she realized what running away entails," Sig said, glancing at her with a small smile. "Or anticipated how far the transit is from your house." She paused. "It's really not a problem. I'm just glad I was here at the same time she got here. I almost didn't go to my family's stables today." Sig paused again. "Honestly, I think she wouldn't have tried. She was already missing you. She let me call you, no problem. Alright, I'll keep an eye on her until you get here."
Sig ended the call and handed her the phone back. Jemma didn't want to take it so Sig placed it in her bag. Jemma didn't want to do anything except cry. She had made a mistake in running away and she was glad Sig was there, but she was afraid what her family might think now. If they hadn't wanted her before...
Jemma couldn't stand it and burst into tears.
"You're going to be okay. Your dad's on the way."
"I'm sorry I ran away. I thought it was the only way."
Sig wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry you felt that way, Jemma," she said kindly. "Is everything okay? Do you not like your family? You know you can tell someone."
Jemma gasped and looked up at her. "I love my family. And I know daddy loves me, but…" She hung her head and cried some more.
"Jemma, I'm sure your whole family loves you. Your dad wouldn't be coming to find you if they didn't want you."
"Everything's different," Jemma tried to explain through the sobs that made her chest rise and fall painfully. "Daddy is busy. And there's so many other people for my brothers and sisters to play with. They don't need me. I didn't want to run away, but there wasn't any room for me. I don't fit in. And I want my old friend back. And I want my old room back. And I want daddy to read to me sometimes and t-to…" She gasped again. "And to drink tea on the porch while I play with Hulk and…" She couldn't get any more words out. Sig hugged her tightly as she cried.
"Change is very hard," Sig said. "But lying and running away isn't the answer. Believe me, I've tried it before. Does your dad know all of these things you just told me?" Jemma looked up at her curiously. "Because daddies can't always read minds even though they probably wish they could."
Jemma furrowed her brow and then shook her head. "I never told him."
Sig smiled at her. "What would you tell your dad or your brothers and sisters if they were with you right now?"
"I love them," Jemma answered because she decided that was most important. "I love all of them. And I don't like sleeping in a room by myself. And I just want to play what I want to play sometimes. And… And sometimes I just want it to be me and daddy and sometimes I want it to be me, daddy and Tony." She paused. "Maybe sometimes just me and Tony because he's funny and nice too and he reads stories differently even if daddy reads them better," she said, sniveling here and there around some of the words which made it difficult to speak. "But mostly I love them."
"Oh god, Jemma, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."
Jemma's eyes widened and she turned to see her dad standing there with some of her brothers and sisters and some of Tony's kids. Her dad flung out his arms and knelt down. She flew off the bench to hug him.
"I'm sorry, daddy," she cried.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He kissed her head over and over. "I should have realized. I thought… Oh god, Jemma. I thought you were gone. I thought I'd never see you again. I love you so much, Jemma. I never want to lose you. Please don't do this again."
"I won't," she promised. "I'm so tired and I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you wouldn't want me anymore because I ran away," she sobbed into his chest.
"Not possible," he told her. "I love you too much to ever want you to leave. Where were you going to go?"
"Aunt Betty's," she answered guiltily. "But I don't want to live with Aunt Betty."
"I know, sweetheart. I know. I don't want you to live with Aunt Betty either," he said and kissed her again.
"We were so scared, Jemma," Harley suddenly said.
Jemma blinked, eyes stinging with the tears as she did, and pulled away to look at them.
"If anything had happened I would have blamed myself," Wanda said sadly.
"You're such a foolish little girl if you think we don't love you," Loki said, taking her by surprise as he rarely said he cared.
"But maybe we should have tried harder to make that clearer," Natasha said. "At least your own brothers and sisters," she added.
"But we care about you too," Wanda said and Harley, Pietro and Clint nodded.
"I'm sorry," she apologized and they suddenly enveloped her in a hug as her dad stood to his feet.
"Thank you so much again, Sig. I hate to think about her walking all the way here by herself, but I'm very grateful you were here and stopped to help her." Suddenly his phone rang. "Skye? Please tell me—"
Bruce gasped and there was a long pause. Startled, Jemma looked at the others to see they were obviously scared of something.
"Okay, Skye. Just calm down. Yes, yes, we have Jemma. She's fine. Yes, tell the others. Did anyone go with him? Okay, grab some stuff and we'll be right there. Can you call Pepper and Happy? Let them know since your father mentioned they're next of kin. Okay."
Bruce ended the call and Jemma startled again as there was a burst of "Is he okay!?" from the others around her.
"Your dad became unconscious after we left. The ambulance is taking him to the hospital. That's all I know and we need to leave now. I'm sorry for rushing out and leaving you here, Sig. Are you okay?" He turned to the girl.
"Yes, of course," Sig said with worry in her voice. "Just go find out if Mr. Stark is. I hope everything is fine. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. We owe you so much."
"You have our gratitude," Loki added as he took her small hand into his.
Jemma didn't ask questions as Natasha took her bag and Loki led her along just behind their dad. She didn't know why, but she knew that Tony was in the hospital and that scared her. She was maybe just as scared as when she wasn't sure she'd ever see her dad again. She didn't want anything to happen to Tony.
It was a little after eight in the morning and the hospital waiting room was mostly taken over by the large group of Starks and Banners. Tony was okay, but the doctor didn't want him to have any visitors until visiting hours started again. Bruce alone - with the exception of Pepper and Happy - had been allowed back there during the previous evening's visiting hours and only after they had stabilized Tony. It had turned out to be an extreme PTSD attack that had elevated his blood pressure dangerously. Of course, Tony had been out of it still so Bruce hadn't gotten to speak with him the night before.
Bruce had asked the kids if they wanted to go home and come back in the morning, but unsurprisingly they wanted to be near him. While the kids were sprawled out in the various chairs and on the floor, some asleep and some just keeping themselves entertained by their phones, Starkpads and conversation, he sat in a chair holding Jemma close as she slept. Once she was assured that Tony was okay and all of the kids were checked for any immediately concerning symptoms of anxiety she had passed out from her exhausting and traumatizing day.
Bruce wished he could sleep, but instead he had spent the whole night long lost in his thoughts. He had replayed the events over and over in his head. Jemma's words at the transit station were on loop in his mind. His own actions against Tony, how close he had been to losing his temper because of his fight or flight response, were a painful memory. The millions of scenarios that had played through his head on the way to the transit station before Sig called him, scenarios where she didn't even make it to the transit station along with scenarios of her having been taken once there, played through his head again and were joined by thoughts of 'what if it had been any of them?' – he thought of the blind spot the kids had mentioned and felt his mind fall apart the same way Tony's clearly had over the thought of worst things that could have happened.
The fear of almost having lost Jemma and the fear of not knowing if Tony would be okay had plagued him as well.
He wasn't even sure if he deserved to have found Jemma safe and sound and sorry for her actions because he had obviously failed her somewhere as a father. It wasn't Tony's fault. It wasn't even having all of the kids between them. It was that ugly side of him that sometimes came out when he got caught up in science, the part that didn't pay attention to warning signs or didn't think things through. He should have noticed sooner – he vaguely recalled Tony telling him something seemed wrong when he was sick and there were probably other signs he'd missed – and he should have heeded Tony's assurance that the deadline was tentative. Instead, he'd been too busy trying to prove himself again even when he was finally in a position where Tony told him constantly that he had nothing to prove because he was brilliant and wanted. Trying to prove himself could have cost him dearly.
And he most certainly wasn't sure if he deserved Tony now after this. What if it had been Harley, he had asked himself. What if he had lost one of Tony's kids because of his tunnel vision? And what if he had hurt Tony? He had already all but blamed Tony for the situation which was hardly fair. And given Tony's attack he could only imagine Tony had also felt responsible since it was his house and AI that had seemingly failed.
Bruce wasn't sure of much of anything save that he was going to fight to prove to Jemma that he loved her and that he had to fight to fix what he had maybe broken between himself and Tony. He maybe didn't deserve the right to keep what he wanted, but he didn't want to lose Tony. God, if anything this had proven how much he didn't want to lose him.
"You look like you need this." Pepper's words broke through his thoughts before they could cycle once more through all the angles, creating new tangent points each time. Bruce focused his eyes to see her sitting on the edge of the chair beside him and holding a vending machine coffee in her hand. "Not Starbucks, but it'll get the job done," she said with a small attempt at humor.
He smiled softly and took the proffered coffee. "Thank you."
"If you're wondering where Happy and I ducked off to…" If he were being honest, he hadn't even really noticed because he'd been so lost in his own mind. The only times he'd come back to was in order to check on the kids. "…damage control."
Bruce furrowed his brow. "Damage control?"
"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "No matter how hard we try to contain them these things always get out. Press got a hold of the fact that Tony was admitted and so they've been hounding outside. Happy's been working with security and I've been on the phone with PR. I'm actually going to take off in a little bit to give the press an official statement."
Bruce sighed. "How hard is it to respect people's privacy?"
She shrugged empathetically. "I want you to be the first to know that we have enough reassurance from the doctor that his blood pressure has very likely been high from undue stress for a while. The PTSD attack was just too much on top of it. So we're not going to mention the PTSD if we can help it and the official spin will include that it's possible Tony has been under great duress since General Ross' threats against his children."
Bruce raised an eyebrow. "A bit dirty."
"But not entirely unlikely," she countered. "Tony will have to confirm it of course and it'll be spun as only one of many possible factors to avoid false statements. Factors such as being the CEO of a fortune 500 company. But Ross being a factor is very possible."
"That's true. It did stress him out," Bruce conceded. "And he's been keeping a close eye on the legal proceedings against Ross."
"Precisely. Also," Pepper looked at his daughter, "it's best if we keep it at that. We don't want it to be linked to Jemma's running away or any other domestic crisis not caused by outside sources."
"That's not true," Bruce said with a rueful sigh.
"No, but these things happen to parents who love their children every single day. It's your business to handle without the media wolves baying for blood."
"Thank you," Bruce said genuinely.
There was silence for a moment and then a very soft, "I'm sorry." Bruce looked down as Jemma opened her eyes. "This is all my fault. I never wanted Tony to get hurt."
"I know. And I forgive you for running away," Bruce said as Pepper squeezed Jemma's knee. "Do you forgive me for not trying harder to make you happy?"
"Of course I do," she said as if confused by the question.
"I know it's been overwhelming. It's been overwhelming for me too in different ways." He repositioned her so that he could look into her face very seriously. "But I'm supposed to take care of you. I love you and being your father should always be my number one priority. So from now on, promise me you'll come to me when you have a problem okay? No matter how small or silly you think it is. And if I'm too tired – because, Jemma, sometimes I will be – that doesn't mean I don't love you. Come back to me again when I'm not tired or go to one of your brothers and sisters. We're a family okay? Promise me you'll do that from now on?"
"I promise," she said very seriously.
"Now I have to ask you a very important question." Bruce kept his gaze on her to let her know he meant it. "If you have a problem with living with Tony and his kids then I need you to be honest with me. We can find a place somewhere else, maybe a little closer to your school. Do you want to move into our own place?"
Jemma's small face scrunched up tightly and she shook her head.
"It's okay if you do, I promise," Bruce pressed.
"No, I don't want to move," she said determinedly. "I just… I want it to be like it used to be sometimes. But I want it to be like it is now too." She sounded torn and Bruce understood. She didn't know how to balance her conflicting emotions and needed support. He hadn't supported her enough in the transition and he would have to remedy that.
"Okay, sweetheart. Will figure this out. I promise," Bruce said. Of course, he would have to figure out where he stood with Tony before he made any promises that they would stay.
"Hey, dad," Peter called and Bruce turned his head in the direction of his voice. "I'm really hungry."
There was a round of agreement from all fourteen kids who were now all wide awake.
Pepper gave a soft laugh. "I think the cafeteria is open and serving breakfast." She looked down at her phone, waking the screen to see the time. "Tell you what. Since you'll want to see Tony as soon as visiting hours start up and I'll be leaving in a little bit anyhow, I'll take the kids to the cafeteria. I'll just give Happy a quick text to let him know."
"You sure?"
"Of course," she insisted. "I may not want this many kids, but Aunt Pepper still thinks they're pretty great. It'll be fun." She stood and held out her hand and Jemma took it, hopping off of Bruce's lap.
Bruce quickly pulled out a couple of hundred dollar bills for her to take, although he hoped it wouldn't cost that much. She looked at him like she was about to protest and mention company credit card or some other nonsense. He wanted to pay for his and Tony's children's breakfast after everything that had happened. He maybe even needed that kind of grounding to remind him that he could still be a normal parent, or in this case co-parent of sorts.
"I insist. Tony always pays for everything. I can more than afford it now too. Just send the change back with Steve."
"Alright," she conceded.
Not fifteen minutes later, a nurse came to let Bruce know that Tony was awake and able to receive visitors along with the condition that when the kids returned, it would have to be no more than two or three at a time. Bruce thanked the nurse and quickly followed to Tony's room.
"You have your first visitor," the nurse said to Tony, knocking softly on the door and then leaving them.
Bruce went into the room and over to the side of the bed. Tony gave him a soft, relieved smile. Bruce pulled over a chair then and sat down as close to him as he could manage, which was pretty close.
"I'm assuming if you're here—"
"She's safe," Bruce said quickly.
"Thank God." He exhaled deeply.
"Jemma had only just reached the transit station when JARVIS alerted us. On my way there Sig called me. She'd been on her way home from her family's stables and saw Jemma. She took care of her until I got there. And even helped talk her through what was going on with her."
"She's so getting a reward of some kind. I'll even play the piano for her if Clint decides he can't do it," Tony said determinedly. Bruce nodded in agreement. "But other than that she's okay?"
"Well, she was pretty exhausted and realized running away wasn't really the best solution. And…" Bruce sighed. "She was going through a lot emotionally, Tony. I'm going to have to make some changes."
"You were right, Bruce," Tony said and he looked up at the ceiling as if he hated to admit it. "I should never have suggested this arrangement. Maybe I should have left well enough alone from the beginning. The last thing I want is for a repeat of that. So, if you want to leave—"
"I don't want that, Tony," Bruce protested quickly and grabbed Tony's hand with his own. Tony looked at him as if shocked. "I love you." He knew it wasn't enough of an explanation, but he needed to say it.
Tony blinked. "Really because I got the impression you hated me. And I didn't blame you. Still wouldn't."
Bruce squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. "I'm sorry. I was just… This is what I've been trying to tell you. Sometimes I get angry. I say and do things I shouldn't. I even believe them in that moment. And I was so afraid of this happening, of getting close to hurting you… So I understand if it's you who wants me to leave after that." He paused and then opened his tear-brimmed eyes to meet Tony's gaze.
"But…" He continued, "The entire way to the transit station the only thing running through my mind was my fear that I was going to lose both of you at once. If I had lost Jemma my world would have fallen apart and it wouldn't have mattered, but after I found her I realized that had it been any of your kids I would have been just as relieved, and just as afraid as you were for Jemma. And the entire way here I was so scared that I had found Jemma just to lose you instead. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I didn't like either prospect." Bruce wasn't even sure he was being coherent anymore at this point he was so overwhelmed with emotion. He closed his eyes and shook his head sorrowfully. "I love you, Tony. And I love your kids."
Bruce felt Tony squeeze his hand and he looked back at the billionaire. "Other than Jemma being okay, that's one of the best things I've ever heard," Tony said in a sober tone. "Because I love you and I hope yesterday proves that I love your kids. I think it maybe even proved it to me how much. The thought of any of your kids…" His sentence trailed and his eyes darkened.
"No, no," Bruce gently shushed him when the heart monitor quickened. "I know. You don't have to relive it or think about it. Jemma triggered your PTSD," he told him. "That’s proof enough and we can leave it at that."
"Can we?" Tony asked, looking at him then.
"I think we can," Bruce said with a nod. "I'm not saying we'll forget this anytime soon and… I feel so bad for not noticing anything was wrong. I've just been so busy lately. The move, the settling in, the new school year, getting sick, getting back into the kind of job I have now, the project, the obsession and… It's not an excuse," he finished with a sigh. "None of it is."
"So are you sure we can handle this?" Tony asked him earnestly.
"No," Bruce answered with a shake of his head. "I'm not sure of anything except that I need to try harder and I need you. I've been thinking about something you said." He paused. "You said that neither of us was in any state to handle it on our own when we didn't know where Jemma was. She's been dealing with this since the move apparently. I knew she was upset, buy not to this extent. Had my schedule changed in our own home on top of everything she still might have tried this. I still might not have noticed before it was too late. But I wouldn't have had you. I blamed you for talking me into this arrangement, but you also talked me into giving her a phone," he pointed out. "That could have made all the difference in the world. Just like JARVIS in spite of the anomaly. On my own I might not have found her, Tony."
Bruce shook his head and then buried it against Tony's hand as fresh emotion overwhelmed him. Tony was quiet for several moments. He moved his other hand to stroke at Bruce's hair.
When the other man finally did speak he said, "I've been thinking about something you said too. When you called Jemma the kids' sister and me their dad, you were talking to them collectively weren't you?"
Bruce raised his head and blinked away his tears, although the hand that had been in his hair thumbed away some of them. "Yeah, I was. I wasn't thinking. I just…" He shrugged, unable to explain.
"I'm not complaining," Tony reassured him. "It sounded right. You know, not that— Not that I'm trying to freak you out or rush things any further. Clearly we still have some learning curves to tackle, but…" Tony shrugged. "I'm just saying it sounded like something I wouldn't mind eventually." Bruce smiled softly in understanding. "But even if we decide we don't need that, I do need you. For as long as you'll have me which I hope is from here on out. So let's tackle the learning curves together, yeah?"
Bruce's smile widened and he nodded. "Yeah."
After a few more quiet moments, Bruce stood to his feet. "Ready to see some of the kids?" He asked. "Only two or three at a time. House rules."
"I'm fine. The doctors should just release me," Tony grumbled minutely.
"Your blood pressure was through the roof, Tony," Bruce reminded him, sure he'd probably already been made aware of the situation. "You're very lucky it wasn't your heart. The doctors want to monitor you and we also maybe need to talk about your stress levels in general," he said in concern. "Because you're not going to scare me like this again."
"Bossy," Tony teased with a small chuckle.
"More like determined to keep you around," Bruce replied more sentimentally. "So kids?"
"Yes, but first if you don't kiss me I'm going to have to take desperate measures," Tony answered in a tone that managed to be playful and serious at the same time.
"Please don't," Bruce said with a laugh before leaning in until their lips were almost touching but not quite. "I've already been through enough. And there's really no need for desperate measures anyway," he said teasingly before kissing Tony as tenderly as he could manage, because a small part of him had worried he might never get the chance again.