The reunion of what was once lost
The days following Regulus’ devastating discovery that James was in the same school as him, were for lack of a better word, hectic. Every Time he saw a brown tuft of hair, or heard a mesmerizing laugh, he would run to the nearest corner and hide. He'd somehow gone from not seeing James at all, to suddenly seeing him everywhere he went. It was like he couldn't hide from the rays of sunshine that James Potter cast.
Unfortunately however, he had had no luck locating Sirius. A fact he was both grateful for and terrified of. Since he had yet to see Sirius, this meant that there was still a slight chance that he may not be in New York and that Regulus could therefore stay here in peace until he was inevitably sent away. But then why was James here? Did Sirius and James not live together anymore? Why? Where was he?
As much as he hated to admit, he was worried. (though he would never say it out loud. His pride much prevalent in his mind for it to be able to slip past the iron walls encasing his heart)
Still he avoided James just in case. James and Sirius had always been attached to the hip, brothers from the moment they met. It was clear to Regulus the first time Sirius dragged him to the Park, telling him he met his soulmate, that Sirius would always turn to James before he even looked in Regulus’ direction. The gleam in their eyes when they looked at each other was one of pure trust and love. Something that he and Sirius has not shared in a while.
So he went about his life, slowly going insane from not knowing if Sirius was 200m away from him or if he was even ok. He was finding it gradually harder and easier to hate Sirius. He hated him for possibly being near him, but at the same time he couldn't despise him knowing that there was a possibility that he too was somewhere alone.
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And then he saw him.
Everything melted away, all the hate, the love, the pain. He was left bare in a room full of hungry teens. Slowly coming apart as he saw a seventeen year old Sirius for the first time.
Suddenly he wasn't Regulus Black, a sixteen year old trans guy who managed to escape his crazy bitch of a mother, go through 7 foster homes and somehow still managed to be here. No. He was a sacred seven year old boy, hiding behind a cupboard to run away from the women who raised him while she beat his brother.
He must have been shaking because Pandora turned to him with a concerned frown.
“You doin’ ok? What are you looking at?” she asked, her kind and sweet voice snapping him back to reality, the fog lifting from his eyes as his living nightmare turned out to just be a memory.
Regulus turned to her, mask gone and exposed. If it was anyone else he would have rather died than show them this state. But this was Pandora. Loving and beautiful Pandora.
Somehow, he couldn't fake it in front of her, and he was thankful for that.
She turned towards where he had been staring, eyes locking with the grey ones across the room. It was a good thing that Regulus had turned away towards Pandora or he might have been discovered right there at that moment.
“That's Sirius Black right? Do you know him?” she asked, breaking her gaze with Sirius as she turned towards him. When he didn't answer he started to see her putting the dangling puzzle pieces together like a jigsaw.
“You know now that I think about it you two look oddly similar, and you have the same last name,” her mind was turning and he saw it in her eyes, the moment it clicked. Thoughts inquisitive “Is- is he your brother?”
Regulus turned away, he couldn't look at her. He didn't want it to be real. He felt his throat close up as tears came to his eyes. He couldn't breathe, all the air sucked out of his delicate lungs. Unsaid words building up inside of him like the memories he worked so hard to seal away.
Pandora took the trembling boy in her arms, drawing circles on his back to sooth him.
He was so thankful that she didn't ask questions, didn't call Sirius over to get them to talk. She just held him as silent tears ricocheted off his porcelain skin.
Even when he eventually stopped crying like the emotional wreck that he was, he didn't make the effort to turn around and look Sirius in the eyes. Too much of a coward to face him.
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The transition was quick but just like with James, all he could do now was see Sirius, strutting down the corridors confidently as if he owned them. Arm slung around James’ neck as they talked.
He noticed that there were two others that were often around the pair. One quite a bit shorter than Sirius and James, but taller than himself. He would always be carrying the same brown bag lying on his shoulder. Laughing and grinning at the jokes that they made, smirking while replying to them with a sarcastic tone.
The other was perhaps the tallest boy Regulus had ever seen. He was much taller than James, who was already above average height, as he towered across the corridors. Always holding some kind of book. He hardly ever said anything using words, opting for sign language most of the time. Signing something that would make James and Peter laugh while Sirius swooned.
When had Sirius learnt sign language?
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However, for all of Regulus’, as Pandora would say ‘stalking’, he had made no advancements towards the group. Preferring instead to lurk in the shadows and gawk at the four boys.
“You know, maybe instead of digging holes in the back of your brother's skull with your eyes, you could always just march over there and do it with a fork. Maybe then you’d feel better.” she’d said once in a mocking tone after they'd spent a quarter of their lunch sitting at a hidden table in the corner of the cafeteria that overlooked the entire room. It had become their table after Regulus decided that he would rather die than let Sirius see him unprepared.
Regulus had just turned to her with an unimpressed look and apologized for being distracted. He knew that she probably didn't mind and on some level might even understand, but he still felt bad for ignoring her. Pandora didn't deserve to ignored, she deserved to be adored and fawned over.
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It wasn't until he was forced by a teacher to see James that he even dared to look in his direction in public. Despite Regulus’ best efforts to stay out of trouble (not that he actually did put in any effort), he’d somehow found himself in detention for the second week in a row.
He swears it wasn't his fault, it's just that his Religious Studies teacher was saying complete bullshit about how trans people were going to hell while looking straight into his eyes with a disgusted stare. What was he supposed to do? Ignore it?
So naturally he told the teacher all the ways in which she was wrong, and she responded by giving him detention.
That's how he somehow managed to end up in detention again. Any plans for a relaxing Friday evening gone from his sight before they were even allowed to be born.
Detention also meant that he was forced to see James again. Something that he had been completely dreading for the past week. He had been planning to avoid the older boy for as long as he could, but for some reason fate had other plans.
James came strolling into detention on a cold Friday evening, once again 15 minutes late coming up with ridiculous excuses on why he was late while flirting with the 50 year old women that was supervising them. So that she would not mark him down as late.
To be honest the entire process was extremely amusing. He watched as James tried to play off of her reaction in an attempt to woo her, then realizing that he was not succeeding in making her feel noticed and appreciated, but rather annoyed and offended. As retaliation to his antics, she gave him next week's detention in addition to staying 15 minutes after this one.
“Well that was a complete fail,” James said, mildly embarrassed, cheeks flushed as he went to sit down in the seat next to him.
Regulus failed to ignore him as usual, turning to him, eyes widening at the sight before him. It was clear that James had just come from ice hockey practice and he looked ethereal.
His already naturally messy tuff of curls had managed to get in an even bigger heap of strands. His glowing skin covered in rays of sunlight.
“Putain” Regulus mumbled under his breath. Too busy staring to remember what James had been saying.
“You ok?” James asked in a concerned tone, and oh Regulus couldn't do this. Not when he knew that Sirius was here, somewhere, probably waiting for James so that they could go home together.
Regulus blanked for another few seconds before somehow managing to gather his cluttered thoughts and reply. “Yeah, just you know, long day.” He tried to play it of cool, not wanting to seem too shocked by how angelic he looked.
“Yeah, no I do. My best friend he gets like that too sometimes when he's tired.” James replied in a nonchalant way, but the reference to Sirius was enough to seep all the comfort out of Regulus’ body.
In a moment of weakness Regulus asked the question he’d wanted an answer from for the past two years. “How is he? Your best friend?” He stared at James with vulnerable eyes, uncertainty and fear seeping through his mask.
If James noticed, he didn't say anything.
“He’s ok, yeah. Things get better you know. Sometimes it just takes time. They say time heals all wounds, i think they might be right” James's smile was sad.
In that moment, it was like Regulus was seeing James for the first time. The real him. Not the person he thought everyone needed, that smiled and was there whenever you needed something. He was just James. A seventeen year old boy trying to figure himself and the rest of the world out. Trying to navigate the world with the sky resting on his broad shoulders.
Regulus’ eyes softened. How could they not when the realization dawned on him that James was human. It seemed like such a strange thing to say, but James had always felt like some far away deity, something not tangible or real. Something that he could never grasp, but now in front of him was a just boy.
Not some glorified idea that he’d created when he was twelve years old. Just James.
“Somehow I think I believe you.” Regulus whispered, a small smile forming on his lips.
James just stared at him as if he'd just unlocked the secret to the universe. A moment of understanding passing between them as Regulus reflected James’ vulnerability.
A comfortable silence lapsed between them, neither knew what to say next. For once in his life, it seemed as though James Potter was at a loss for words.
Surprisingly it was Regulus who spoke first, the bubble that blurred out the harsh world around them, swaying but not breaking.
“How come you're here?” It was a weak effort at small talk, he knew that. But any conversation with James felt like a forbidden treasure. Warm, delicate and addictive. He knew he probably shouldn't be talking to James if he wanted Sirius to never find out he was here, but talking to James was captivating. He couldn't let him go even if he tried.
James looked at him through his brown doe eyes. “Ah, well I pulled a harmless prank on this jerk in our year, and I got caught. I won't lie, it wasn't the smartest plan in the world, Remus usually comes up with all our best pranks-but don't tell him I said that!” He said quickly, embarrassment flushing his cheeks as realized his mistake.
“What would happen if I did?” Regulus replied with a mischievous smirk. James’ eyes widened in amusement, biting down a smile.
“Then I would probably die and I wouldn't have the privilege to talk to you.” James smirk widened.
Regulus’ brain short circuited, 'shit I am so screwed'.
“Ah, that would be a shame now wouldn't it.” Regulus replied in a sarcastic tone, all seriousness gone from his features as he grinned, cheeks aching from the unfamiliar feeling. His ears filled with the wonderful sound of James’ laughter.
“It really would,” James replied, smiling impossibly wild.
They continued to laugh and smile for the entirety of what was supposed to be a punishment, but Regulus had never felt happier. Part of him was unsure if he deserved this happiness, but he was a selfish man. So he took James’ kindness and he reflected it. If he didn't deserve it, well that was a problem for another time.