Teenage Dirtbag

Regulus rolled down the window of the car as he gazed at the tall buildings and strange people. The wind blew softly in his hair as if not to disturb the strange peace that this city had created. Even through the heavy traffic and loud honking of angry drivers in their cars rushing to get to work, he could feel it. The undeniable feeling of comfort, everyone here had their purpose, their place in this world. It was truly mesmerising. Even after only a few minutes of driving through the city, he knew he loved it. New York city was a marvel, a true rebel in the pristine colony of American cities. It had personality and heart. So very different to his origins in Washington. Big white houses with intimidating Greek columns that looked so out of place yet fit. It was truly strange, but he could feel it. Part of him belonged here.

The car drove through the city for another half hour, passing many different types of shops and neighbourhoods. The kind his family would have deemed “damaged” or “stained”, but he felt a sort of kinship towards them. He was no longer the perfect French-Canadian ‘girl’ his parents had fought so hard to make him. No. He was Regulus Black, he was pained and scarred, he was rough and callused. He was undeniably himself, and he loved it. He’d never much cared for his parents outdated views anyway, all they did was make him miserable and rot from the inside. He had no more use for them.

When the car finally came to a stop, it was in front of a shabby black door that had definitely seen better days, and a large red building who's bricks where stained from years of history and pollution. “Cosy,” he mumbled under his breath.

He grimaced a little, hoping his uneasiness wasn’t apparent to the women who had come with him. He hated having to start over every single time. A new school, a new neighbourhood, a new ‘home’. He never stayed in one place for long, he couldn't stomach it, but god he hated change. He was a walking contradiction.

As much as he liked this city, it quickly became very clear to him that he wouldn't be staying here long, once again he was going to get himself kicked out. The people in his new ‘home’, where the worst kind of people. The father, a mean drunk. The mother, a snarky middle aged women who thought the world owed her something. And their son, an insufferable brat. He was not much younger than Regulus, but he had clearly never received enough love from his parents, because all he wanted was attention. It didn't matter how he got it, he just wanted it. The little monster would order him around like a dog, the father never lucid enough to care and the mother always backing her son to hide her own failings as a parent. Like he said, the worst kind of people.

“Lyra!!!!!!” Mr J yelled to him from the same old couch his ass never seemed to leave, his refusal to call him by his chosen name ever present. 'Bastard'. Regulus had gone through all that trouble to get his name changed on his file, only for a drunk asshole to refuse to even use it.

“Yes?” he replied cautiously, trying to steady his voice to hide is incoming nervousness. He walked into the living room to predictably find Mr J on the old beige couch.

“Do you think you live here for free girl?” Regulus flinched a little at his emphasis on the world ‘girl’.

“No,” he replied looking at the ground, already preparing himself for a lecture on how ‘in my day people worked from 15 years old. Your already 16 and yet you don't even make a dime. Do you think this is a hotel? I’ve worked since I was 14 years old, and what do you do all day? Your on your phone, you privileged brat’. he braced himself mentally for it, his fear of confrontation never once leaving him.

“Now listen here, I was already working at 13 years old. And you, what where you doing at 13? Hm!?” 'Getting my ass beat by mother', was what he wanted to say, but he didn't think that his honesty would be appreciated at this moment. So instead he gave the man a disinterested look.

Mr J. took a sip of his beer that was resting near the couch before continuing, slurring his words slightly, “Hey! Don't give me that look. I'm only stating facts here. Unless I'm wrong?” The man was not wrong, Regulus hadn’t worked at 13, he hadn't worked a day in his life until he was 16, always getting everything on a silver platter before that.

Once again Regulus made no effort to answer the man. Whatever he said wasn't going to please him anyway. He shot him another ‘I don’t give a fuck about what you think look’ and turned away as the man yelled after him. He walked a little faster than he would like to admit as his heart started to ring is his ears, legs giving out as soon as he closed the door of his small dark room. He sat silently, his back to the door as he tried to breathe. ‘Just a few more weeks’ he repeated to himself as he tried to calm his nerves.

☆

New schools were always a bother, he had go to the principles office, then he had to learn his new schedule while trying to somehow figure out where the hell his next class was before the start of next period, and most of all, he hated the number of new people he had to meet.

This school wasn't any different. As he left the J’ house, Mrs J yelling at him to pick up her brat after he finished school, he thought briefly about what his new school was going to be like. It was only a passing thought however as he quickly concluded that it wouldn't be any different to the other 7 schools he’d been to in the last six months. He just hoped that he would be able to pass as Regulus long enough before he would leave this shit hole. The last few schools he’d been to had been less than inviting to him, most kids yelling slurs at him in the hallway and putting disgusting shit in his locker. For all the schools would say about being inclusive, that didn't always translate into the way the students acted.

It wasn’t always the adults that made him want to leave the ‘homes’ he was sent too, sometimes it was the kids too.

His new school was only about a 20 minute walk away, but as Mr J would like to remind him, he was a ‘lazy ass’ so he took the subway, cause who needs exercise anyway?

As he walked up to the almost castle looking school, he felt a little intimidated. The words ‘HOGWARTS HIGH SCHOOL’ were displayed on a big sign at the quite frankly way too large front gates. Who were they trying to keep out? A dark wizard? He snicked at his own bad joke, looking at the floor as he did so.

Next to the sign was a small slogan that read ‘Go owls :)’ with a small owl in hockey gear.

Memories in the form of images flashed in his mind before he had a chance to ignore them.

“Lyyyyy!!!!! Looook what I got,” Sirius said grinning from cheek to cheek. “James got me a Canadians jersey for my birthday,”. Sirius couldn’t stop smiling, clearly proud of his new possession, but as happy as 11 year old Regulus wanted to be for Sirius, all he felt was bitter. These days all Sirius could talk about was James. ‘Omg you’ll never guess what James said today’, ‘sorry Ly can’t hang out today I’m sneaking off with James.’

All Sirius seemed to do lately was talk about James, how James was his best friend, how James was the best person in the world. And eventually, how James was like the brother he never had.

Regulus died inside a little every time he heard James’ name after that.

Regulus shook his head lightly hoping the action would distract him from the painful memories that seemed to want to resurface. Once he felt confident that he had suppressed all of the rising emotions, he stood up straight and started to walk through the front entrance of the school.

Regulus had been wrong. Hogwarts was nothing like any other school he had ever been too, if only in the fact that the building looked older than the country itself. It’s gothic exterior continuing even inside the building. Regulus couldn't help but be in awe of it.

After 5 minutes of walking around like a tourist that was staring at the Eiffel tower for the first time, he finally made it the principles office. The door had a strange eagle painted on it, with a slate that read ‘Albus Dumbledore’. He took in a small breath and knocked confidently at the door. He couldn't stop himself from thinking what a pretentious name that was, his nerves rising as he tried to imagine what kind of person this ‘Dumbledore’ guy would be.

“Come in.” Was what he was answered with. Short and straight to the point.

After meeting many principles in recent times, he wasn’t surprised too see an old man sitting in a throne like chair staring back at him with a stern look as he walked into the cold office. Despite there being a fire in the large room, he couldn't help but feel a chill run down his spine as he gulped. Feeling pinned by the stare that had now become a glare. Regulus wasn’t entirely sure what made the man look at him like he wanted to kill him when they hadn't even met before.

“Mr Black, please have a seat,” the principle ordered with a strong British accent.

Regulus looked down at the chair that was positioned right in front of the principles desk. He gulped lightly before sitting, Dark eyes now trying to peer into his soul.

“It has come to my attention that you are rather a special student, is that right,” Dumbledore continued when no response came from the sixteen year old boy.

Ah. Regulus thought. He wants to talk about his position as probably the only trans student in this school. He wasn’t surprised of course, he had had this talk with every other principle in every other school since he had his file changed legally, however it didn’t make the conversation any less uncomfortable.

“Yes.” Regulus replied, trying to seem confident and unbothered.

“First of all, I would like to start by say that your ‘condition’ will not be an issue at the is
School.” The word ‘condition’ made Regulus slightly uncomfortable but he tried to ignore it and focused on the old man.

“Thank you?” Regulus replied trying not too cringe at his own lack of words.

“Of course, you are not the first student in this school do have under gone a…. “ he paused and finished with “transformation” for lack of a better word.

Regulus wanted to roll his eyes at the last comment but he was too busy replaying the principles words in his head. ‘You are not the first’. There was another trans student at this school. For the first time in months since he left the group home, a flicker of hope was lighted in his chest. He wasn't alone.

“Another student?” Regulus almost whispered before he straightened himself and tried to speak louder, attempting to not let the shock affect him.

“Yes, her name is Lily Evans, she is in the year above, as well as your guide for the next week as you try and get used to life here,” Dumbledore replied in the same stern, cold voice as before. Clearly not caring about the mini panic attack Regulus was having at the news.

He was happy of course that there was another trans student at this school, but he’d never met another trans person before. Or at least not that he knew of. So the unknown of the upcoming situation was making him freak the fuck out.

The principle didn't even give him a moment to process the information before he let his guide in. His first thought upon seeing the girl was how beautiful she looked. Her hair was red like a sunset and her green eyes were warm with something reminiscent of spring. Nothing like the cold serpent green eyes his mother had. His breath hitched in his throat.

“Hi Regulus, my name is Lily,” she greeted with a warm smile, everything about her homely and caring, hand outstretched.

“H-hi” Regulus stuttered standing up, straightening his dark green flannel as he did. He shook her hand strongly but not to firmly, hoping he didn't seem passive aggressive as he did so. The last thing he wanted was for her to dislike him, she was already his hero and they had only met 2 minutes ago.

“Principle, if it’s ok with you I’ll bring him too class now.” She said with a friendly tone.

To his surprise, the principles face softened and he even smiled as he replied to her softly, “Of course my dear, better hurry the bells about to ring,”

Regulus wanted to remind him that it was his fault that he was going to be late in the first place, but decided it was better too keep his mouth shut.

Dumbledore gave Lily a small piece of paper before going back to whatever book he had been reading before letting Regulus into his office.

Lily turned towards the door and started walking down the halls, hands behind her back. She was wearing a red pleated skirt with a white blouse that he was sure was sure wouldn’t look half as nice on anyone else. Even though he was gay he could always appreciate beauty were it was blatantly obvious, and thats what Lily was. Beautiful.

Regulus walked grabbed his bag and rushed a little bit as he tried to fall into step with her.

Once he had caught up, she looked at the piece of paper that the horrible principle had given her.

“Looks like your in Slytherin,” she beamed at him once she had finished reading all the contents of paper.

“Pardon?” he replied visibly confused. The words that had fallen out of her mouth had been no more than gibberish to his ears. Still he tried to remain polite, his usual response of ‘the fuck is that’ was probably not the best thing to say to someone you were trying to become friends with.

She chuckled lightly, obviously amused by his confusion “Slytherin is your class.” she replied.

Once she didn't continue he gave one of his famous ‘the fuck are you talking about’ Regulus Black looks.

Thankfully she don't seem to take offence to it and explained calmly. “There are four classes per year here at Hogwarts,” she started. “Each class has a different name. There’s Gryffindor, the class I’m in that is usually represented with the colour red, Hufflepuff, which is represented by the colour yellow, Ravenclaw, represented by the colour blue, and finally Slytherin, which is represented by the colour green. Your class.”

Regulus stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to say she was joking. She wasn't. Well this was new. Even with all the schools he had been to, this was a first for him. He thought about it for a second. Before turning to her again.

“Are the classes sorted by ability?” he asked, curiosity over taking him.

She laughed at his comment and he started to blush violently. Shit, did he say something stupid without realising it? Way to make a stereotypical teen movie entrance for himself.

“Nope.” she answered grinning.

He waited for her too explain but she never did, instead she looked at him with a big smile and said “you’ll fit right in with the Slytherin's don't worry, you even came dressed for the occasion.”

Once again he fought back the little bit of blush that was coming onto his cheeks.

They exchanged a bit more small talk whilst walking down the numerous stairs of the deceptively large school. God how was he ever going to find his way around in this maze?

They stopped in front of a green door that had an ornate snake design carved into it. “Fancy.” mumbled out loud. Lily chuckled next to him.

“The others are probably already inside,” she explained. “Though I presume that you can sit at the back and sleep if you’d like.” she winked at him before leaning down to give him a hug. She paused for a moment asking if she could hug him. He gave a small nod and was suddenly enveloped in possibly the warmest hug he had ever experienced. Lily was quite a bit taller than him, then again most people were as he was slowly realising he might just be short, this made the hug even more encapsulating. After his initial shock faded he returned the hug cautiously, hoping he wasn't doing it wrong.

It had been a long time since he hugged someone, he hoped that didn't translate to Lily because he genuinely did enjoy it. The last time he had been hugged like this was two years ago, before Sirius left. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. The sudden comfort form Lily making is eyes fill with tears. He breathed in slowly, trying desperately to blink the tears away, and it worked.

When Lily released him from the hug, he had regained his composure and was now smiling at her with all the genuinity he had inside of him.

She nodded towards the door, and he walked in. Remembering to take small breaths as looked around. The room was indeed not empty. As he walked to one of the empty desks inbetween a brown haired boy and a blonde one, he felt 20 eyes on him. They all stared at him intrigued by presence. Regulus tried to ignore them and instead plugged in his headphones and attempted to listen to music to calm himself down.

He scrolled through his favourite playlist before putting ‘Rockstar’ by Boywithuke. The music flowed through him as the lyrics fed his soul. The song was genuinely uplifting and it left him momentarily happy as he rested his head in his arms, cutting off the world and plunging him into darkness.

He had time to listen to the song twice before the bell rang, and suddenly a swarm of students entered the classroom. He quickly felt overwhelmed as he noise in the room started to rise, relating to the lyrics that still rang through his headphones "just want to go back to my room". 'Yeah me too'. He thought, closing his eyes a final time before turning off his music and prepared himself mentally for the upcoming sequence of unfortunate events.

Not even a minute later the teacher walked in, his strange long robe trailing after him.

“Alright everyone settle down, I’m sure you’ve all had a very interesting Winter break but we’re back at school now,” the teacher said with a disinterested stare. He looked at his small pile of papers that he had placed at his desk and put on his small glasses, staring the register. He stopped at Regulus’ name.

“It looks like we have a new student,” he said, turning to his class, and Regulus wanted to crawl into a ball and die. He wasn’t being dramatic, if he could he would be drowning himself in a lake right now.

“Regulus Black?” the teacher looked straight into his grey eyes.

“Yes Mr……” he replied trying to not look flustered as he realised he didn't know the teachers name, he hadn't been paying attention when everyone around him had said it.

“Slughorn.” he replied with a polite smile before going back to stare at him. Did everyone at this fucking school have a staring problem?

“Do you perhaps have an older brother?” he said in an inquisitive voice as he finally asked what he had been wanting to.

Regulus’ mind flashed with the face of Sirius. He looked down at his hands, nervously gulping as he tried to push rising emotions all the way back down into the darkest part of his heart.

“No.” he managed to say with a certain amount of indifference.

“Oh, ok then.” Sluggorn replied, dropping the subject and moving onto the next. “Would you like to tell us a bit more about yourself?”

Fuck no was what he wanted to answer, but once again as he had done before he refrained from doing so, and instead stared by saying “Well i grew up in Washing-”

“Stand up boy.” Slughorn said speaking over him.

Regulus took in a deep breath, he was trying very hard to not to punch the idiot as he closed his eyes momentarily. He stood up slowly trying desperately not to look at what felt like a million eyes staring holes into his very being.

“I grew up up in Washington but I’m originally from Montréal” his French subconsciously coming in as he said ‘Montréal’. “I m-”

“Ohhh you speak French?” Slugghorn interrupted again. God someone was going to have to hold him back soon or he was really going to beat the shit out of this fucking idiot.

Regulus grit his teeth “Yes”. It wasn’t that he disliked people knowing he spoke French, but it always came with more questions that he was quite frankly not bothered enough to answer in this particular moment.

“How fantastic.” Slughorn grinned. “Could you perhaps say a few words for us?”

Here we go again. Ugh this was such a bore but he complied not wanting to get on this teachers bad side on his first day.

“Cette école est très jolie, les gens sont un peu bizarres mais bon sinon ça va.” The French rolled of his tongue with ease, making him feel nostalgic. Being in foster homes these past few months meant that he hadn’t gotten the chance to speak French in while. So as annoying as his teacher was he answered him.

“Wow, a real native speaker huh?”

'Yes you idiot did you think I was lying' were the unspoken words that never passed Regulus’ lips.

Slughorn then gave him an approving nod before telling him that he could sit down. Thank god that was over.

He should have know however that the world was never on his side as the boy sitting at the desk to his right leaned in next to him.

“So why are you here frenchboy?” the brown haired boy asked.

‘Frenchboy’ great, he had been there five minutes and he already had a shitty nickname. At least this one wasn't offensive, that was an improvement.

“Wouldn't you like to know.” Regulus replied with a smirk before lying his head in his arms and blocking the rest of the world out. He heard a small scoff from the boy and Regulus smiled into his arms, a secret to the rest of the world except him and the table.

☆

When lunch came around, he was left with a dilemma; where the fuck was he going to sit? He had a rule for these types of situations, but he still tried to avoid them as much as possible.

Rule #1 of Regulus’ book on how to survive in a new High school:
When in a situation where you are in a canteen with no friends and no empty tables, go to the table with the least amount of people, and ignore the fuck out of them while sitting as far away as possible.

So in order with his rules, he went to sit on the opposite side of a blonde girl wearing a blue jumper that seemed to be about the same age as him. Lunch was tomato pasta, which if he was honest with himself was probably the best meal he had had in days. God knows Mrs J could not cook to save her life.

Regulus minded his own business reading his book and annotating it while listening to music, and he relaxed for a moment. He let his mind wander with Greek heroes and tragedies that were described, he was sure that he had a stupid grin on his face but he didn't really care. Not until a small voice from the opposite table asked what he was reading.

“What are you reading?” she asked in a small sweet voice.

“The song of Achilles.” he replied, not caring enough to lie but always a little afraid of how people would react, not that he ever admitted that to himself.

“Ohhhh I love that book” she replied, the same sweet smile never leaving her face. “The ending is so sad though, i think cried five times.” a little bit of embarrassment present in her voice, but she still kept what he now knew was her confident smile.

“I know right, why couldn’t they have been the first?” Regulus replied, referencing the book. He had read it before, many times. He just loved going back too it. Annotating every little detail he could find, never wanting to let go of its splendour.

The girl lit up at the reference and moved closer too him. In the back of his mind a voice told him that he should find discomfort in this, but somehow, he didn't. He didn't mind when she moved so close that they were now face to face. He didn't mind when her friendly smile and laugh, made his own real laugh come out. Ringing in his ears from long it had been since he had laughed because he wanted to, not because he had to. Turns out this girl was as much of a Greek mythology fan as him.

“My name’s Pandora.” she said at some point in the conversation, hand outstretched for him too take.

“Like the box?” he replied smirking, her own smile growing at the comment, as if someone finally understood, because he did. Her name was a part of her and it represented her love for mythology. “Regulus.” he said, and she froze for a second, she looked like she was putting puzzle pieces together, cogs turning in her mind.

“Like the star?” she asked. He nodded quickly, not bothering to hide his excitement at the fact that someone actually knew the real meaning of his name. “THATS SO COOL!!!” she all but shouted, and Regulus laughed. He didn’t know what else to do. She made him relax in a way that no one, not even Sirius had managed. When he talked to her, he felt so himself. It was freeing. Like he could tell her anything, even if they had just met. It was terrifying and exhilarating.

Regulus and Pandora ended up talking for the entirety of lunch, never leaving the table as they kept talking. People came and went but they stayed together. Sitting at their table, talking about anything and everything. Getting to know each other bit by bit.

When the bell finally rang, signalling the end of lunch, he asked first which was class she was in, Pandora hadn’t known it yet but this was a big step for Regulus, he showing interest in some ne for no other reason than he wanted to get to know them.

“I’m in Sophomore Ravenclaw. You?” she looked at him with an expectant look, clearly hoping that they where in the same year.

“Sophomore Slytherin.” he replied quick, Pandoras face once again lighting up, and Regulus felt a strange sort of pride in realising that he had made that happen. He could make someone brighten up with just his words.

“Omg that means were in the same year.” she replied smiling from ear to ear. “I feel bad that you have Slughorn though, I've heard he’s really strange,” Pandora said, making an impression of the way he walked, and Regulus snickered.

That day they had made an unspoken agreement that from then on they would spend lunch together at their table everyday, wrapped in their own little world.

☆

The rest of the day went by quickly as he went from class to class, trying to find out if any of them were ahead of him in any of the syllabus. Turns out he was actually ahead of them so he ended up sleeping through two of them.

When he was finally let out of school, he was greeted by a not so friendly call from Mrs. J reminding him that he needed to pick up the brat from school. Regulus groaned once the call disconnected. All he wanted to do was to curl up in bed and listen to music as he cried himself to sleep. But no, now he was going to have to spend more time outside with other people!!! Out all the people it could have be as well it just had to be the worlds most infuriating little gremlin.

The gremlins school was only a few blocks away so he put on some music and closed his eyes as he walked, google maps opened on his phone, wired apple earphones plugged in as he tuned out the world. The familiar sound of guitars flooding in as Freddie Mercury's voice blended perfectly with them. Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy immersing his brain with joy and a feeling that as hard as he tired he couldn't name. It was just pleasure, pure and undeniable pleasure.

He mouthed the words to himself as he walked down the road. People stared but he couldn't care less, in that moment it was only him and the music, and no one else and nothing else mattered.

☆

When he arrived at the mini demons middle school, he felt the undeniable urge to hide. All the children's faces, laughing and smiling near the gates remind him of his own middle school years. Those years had been the most painful years yet for him. He discovered he was trans, he found out he was gay, his brother left him, his parents abuse got worse and finally, he had his heart broken by a boy who didn't even know he existed.

Regulus wanted to run, but he couldn't, so he put on a fake smile and started walking towards the front door. There with his horribly sly smile stood the tiny goblin with his other bratty friends, smirking and laughing maniacally at something the other had said. God was it possible for 13 year old children to be that evil? He was bad, but he didn't remember being that bad.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” the imp taunted.

Regulus could only think 'not today', as he turned the around gesturing the dwarf to follow him. Even though he couldn't see the miniature asshole he could tell that his mouth was hanging wide by the way he started talking to his friends as though someone had just slapped him.

“You can’t talk to me like that.” the leprechaun said, running after him once he’d said goodbye to his friends.

“And why pray tell ‘your majesty’ can I not?” Regulus retorted fighting back a small smile, instead keeping a smug expression present on his face.

“Because you just kid my parents took in to help around the house. Your basically our servant, and I'm not going to bow down to a servant.”

Regulus gritted his teeth. He knew it was true of course, he had had the same exact thought, but it still stung him a little bit to hear it said out loud. Regulus felt a flash of pain in his chest, before trying to ignore it and moved on.

The rest of the journey back to the house went much the same, the weasel saying bullshit to get a rise out of Regulus, but Regulus never fell for it, faining ignorance to evry insult and mean comment that was thrown at him. It’s not like he hadn't heard worse before anyway, so it really wasn't that bad.