Chapter 11
"I won’t be home for Christmas"
Day 7: Thursday, December 17.
BRUCE & NATASHA
Natasha was eating breakfast with Bruce in silence. Bruce didn’t seem to mind, he was reading a newspaper while drinking coffee but Natasha felt the silence was uncomfortable, Bruce caught her staring and offered her a small comforting smile, she smiled back at him.
She loved him.
Tony then entered the kitchen and poured himself some coffee. By the way he looked Natasha figured he didn’t feel like having a conversation, so she kept silence.
“Morning” Bruce said.
“Mm” Tony hummed.
“Your hand looks worse today” the man added.
“Sure” Tony said before leaving.
“What was that about?” Bruce asked, Natasha shrugged, “Are you alright?” he asked after she stayed in silence for a few seconds.
“Yes” she said.
He nodded and smiled again.
She loved him so much.
“Do you want to do something today?” he asked, “Just the two of us”
Natasha nodded, “Sure” she said, “What do you suggest?”
“Well” he thought about it for a few seconds, “We could go skating” he offered, “Just us”
The woman smiled at him and nodded. This was her time to answer him. To tell him how much she loved him. Because she did. She truly did.
She knew because of the way she shuddered when he touched her, the way she felt shy around him, the way he made her blush, the way she wanted to hold his hand and lay next to him. She opened her mouth but the words still couldn’t leave. Clinging to her tongue as if they weren’t meant to be said at all.
“Morning” Clint entered the kitchen with Pietro behind him, he kissed Natasha’s head, rolling his eyes when she smirked softly at Pietro.
“Hey” She answered.
She wondered if Pietro and Clint knew that pretty much everyone knew about them.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything” Clint added.
“Not at all” Bruce smiled.
Natasha shook her head and Clint started making some breakfast. He then looked at Pietro and winked at him.
“Adorable” Bruce muttered and went back to his newspaper hiding his smile.
They arrived at the icerink at noon, it wasn’t too crowded so they could skate without feeling overwhelmed. They entered the rink and Bruce held Natasha’s hand. He liked to do that. Bruce had always kept himself from doing these kinds of stuff. But with Natasha he wanted to do anything. Everything. And he wanted to do it forever.
If only Natasha would let him.
“Your hands are freezing” Natasha mentioned.
“I forgot-“
“Your gloves, yeah” She smirked.
“Sorry” Bruce said with a small smile.
“Here” Natasha took her gloves off.
“No, it’s not necess-“
“Please?” she offered them to Bruce.
Bruce smiled and nodded. They continued skating for a couple of minutes. Natasha bumped with another woman and apologized. The third time that happened, Bruce chuckled.
“You seem distracted” he mentioned.
“I’m not” she answered.
She smiled at him but Bruce could tell there was something bothering her. Perhaps a change of mind. A change of heart. He squeezed her hand a little too hard at the thought.
“Hey” Natasha nudged his shoulder, “Bruce”
“Sorry” he apologized.
“It’s alright” She leaned against him, “I’m here with you, yes?” Bruce nodded and smiled.
Natasha was the peace above all the noise, the voice that calmed him when he started feeling like everything was too much. And for a second he thought about telling her, but then she smiled and kissed his hand before letting him go. Surprisingly enough he managed to stand in the
"See, I knew you could do it" She said with a big smile on her face.
They skated for a few more hours until they realized there were fewer people. Only three other couples and a few children were left. Bruce then kissed Natasha.
“I love you” he said.
She kissed him again and smiled. He smiled her back and held her closely. When they arrived to the tower, everyone seemed to have left.
They went to their respective bedrooms in silence. Natasha cursed once she realized he had told her he loved her again. This time she knew why she had stayed silent.
Natasha Romanoff was afraid.
She was afraid that Bruce would realize she wasn’t as perfect as he pictured her. That he would reconsider everything. She walked towards Bruce bedroom and opened the door. The man was in his bathroom taking a shower.
She chuckled softly when she heard him singing to himself. She was even more surprise to know that he had a very nice voice, she stripped off of her clothes and entered the bathroom.
“Mind if I join?” she asked.
“Jesus christ” Bruce jumped scared.
“Just me” Natasha chuckled.
Bruce nodded.
She stood under the water stream and let the water wet her body, Bruce observed her for a few seconds. It was still difficult to believe that a woman like that was with him. They were so different, yet it was like he and her were made to fit perfectly together.
“What?” Natasha asked.
“Nothing” Bruce smiled, “You’re beautiful” Natasha laughed, “It’s true”
“You are not so bad yourself”
Bruce kissed her softly.
They went out a few minutes later, Natasha dressed herself in a Bruce’s old sweater and they lie down in bed together. Bruce accommodated on her chest while she caressed his hair.
“I like this” Natasha finally said, “being here with you”
“Me too”
Bruce had thought about asking Natasha to spend the rest of their lives together. He used to wonder if having someone to love, to really compromise in their line of work was difficult, he thought it was impossible, but now he looked at how easy they made things for eachother and he realised he wanted a life with Natasha.
“Natasha” he said quietly. He then realised she was snoring softly.
He chuckled and covered himself and her with a blanket. Taking a nap before dinner seemed like a good idea, he could talk to her later. He felt his eyes feeling heavier and heavier until he slipped into a dreamless sleep.
When she woke up she was alone in Bruce’s bed. She could hear him talking over the phone outside of the room. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but Natasha wouldn’t go down easily. She walked towards the door being really careful not to make a noise.
“I know it’s an important conference but-“ She could hear the exasperation in Bruce’s voice, “Helen, I can’t go, I’m-“
Natasha frowned. Why was Helen Cho calling Bruce?
“Look, tell them to move the date-“ Bruce stayed silence for a while, “Fired?” Bruce chuckled dryly, “Well, then let them get another specialist”
Natasha then sat on the bed. Bruce had just been fired from whatever job he was doing. She felt a stab of guilt but she didn’t know why. Maybe Bruce didn’t want to work on Christmas eve but he had to.
Bruce entered the bedroom again and saw Natasha sitting on his bed. He knew at that moment, he wanted to come home to that view everyday. He breathed in and then walked towards the woman to kiss her.
“Let’s go have some dinner” he said. Natasha nodded and they both walked towards the dining room.
He felt like there was something bothering Natasha and he couldn’t think of something he had done wrong. He then tried to distract himself from that while talking to Vision about books. Wanda then joined them. Pepper was there talking animately with Tony, who looked annoyed. Pepper then made a face and put her hand on her belly.
Wanda smiled widely, “It’s kicking” she said, touching Pepper’s belly.
“All day, all night” Pepper confirmed.
“It is because she’s joyful” Wanda told her, and Pepper smiled widely.
“May I?” Bruce asked.
“You want to feel her?” Pepper asked surprised.
“Sure” he said.
“Okay” Pepper smiled widely and Bruce put his hand on her belly, “She’s restless”
Natasha was in the kitchen getting a glass, when she came back she almost dropped the glass. Bruce was smiling while his hands rested over Pepper’s belly. She felt something inside of her flipped. She did her best to ignore it and sat next to Bruce.
The man proceeded to tell Wanda about his work with Helen Cho.
As far as Natasha understood, they were trying to get funding for a project, using the cradle to regenerated cells in children with certain diseases. And apparently Bruce had been working closely with children the past year or so, and he had quite enjoy it a lot.
“I didn’t know you like children” Wanda mentioned.
“Of course I do” Bruce smiled, Wanda nodded at him and Pepper chuckled.
Natasha smiled sadly, but no one seemed to notice. It hit her light a freight train. Even if Bruce and her could make this relationship work, what was next? That’s why she was afraid of. She knew the answer. A family. And she couldn’t give him that.
She felt Clint’s hand holding hers under the table. She looked at the man and knew that he was aware of what was going on. He shook his head softly, “don’t do that to yourself Natasha”, she could almost hear him say.
Bruce smiled at her unaware of the conflict that was eating Natasha inside. She did her best to smile back.
She would end this before it became harder. Even harder than it already was.
Bruce entered the lab hoping to find Tony. He had barely seen the man during the day and he didn’t appear during dinner, it concerned him. He entered the lab and saw Vision working on one of Tony’s machines. He cleared his throat, announcing himself. The Vision looked up at him and Bruce waved awkwardly.
“Dr. Banner” Vision greeted.
“Tony?” Bruce asked, walking towards the man.
“He’s… indisposed” Vision frowned to himself, “He looked very upset when I went to his room, he only asked me to keep working on this”
Bruce hummed and sat next to the android. Far enough to let him work in peace.
“Any idea of what happened?” Bruce asked.
“Not really” Vision answered, he frowned, Bruce didn’t know if it was in concentration or in confusion, “All these humans feelings, I don’t quite get them“
“I’m pretty sure you’ll get a grip of them” Bruce told the man.
Vision didn’t say anything. He only seemed to tense for a second but kept working.
Bruce knew Vision was a man, just like him and Tony, maybe he didn’t understand yet because it was hard to assimilate for him.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it”
He waited a few seconds for Vision to answer but it never came. He then left the lab and went to his room. He was about to open the door but heard Natasha’s muffled voice talking on the other side of the door.
He felt bad for wanting to eavesdrop but his curiosity got the best of him. leaning against the door he paid attention to the conversation.
“I know it’s important“ the woman said, “No, Helen, Bruce didn’t say anything, not to me, not to anyone else” Natasha hummed, “I will talk to him… ok… Merry Christmas” Natasha hung up.
She had been looking for Bruce in his room when she heard a buzzing sound coming from his nightstand. His phone had been ringing for two minutes already. When she picked up she wasn’t surprise Helen Cho was on the other side of the line. The woman seemed very desperate to get a hold on Bruce.
Apparently, Bruce had a conference in Seoul that had been announce weeks ago but he cancelled at the last minute. She had promise Helen to convince Bruce to go. Bruce entered the room a few seconds later.
“Were you using my phone?” Bruce asked at the same time she spoke.
“Helen called” she said.
Bruce sighed and took the phone from Natasha’s hands. He turn it off and then looked at Natasha. She crossed her arms and sat on the bed.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone about the conference?”
“I didn’t think it was important” Bruce answered, “I’m not going”
“Bruce, this is you work we are talking about” Natasha frowned.
“We” Bruce said, “are not talking about this anymore” Bruce was about to enter the bathroom when Natasha spoke.
“Bruce”
The man turned.
“Natasha, please” he sighed.
“You have to go” she insisted, “This is important for you, your work is-“
“You are important for me” he said, “this is important for me, Natasha” Bruce pointed at her and then at himself, “I-“
“I don’t want to become between you and your life work” Natasha pressed her lips.
After a few seconds Bruce spoke, “You don’t want me here?”
“I don’t know” Natasha looked to the floor, she couldn’t look at Bruce in the eye.
She knew she had to let him go. This was probably the only chance she had before things became more serious. Maybe if she let him go now, it would be a clean break. Maybe if she let him go now, Bruce would be able to forget about her and about everything and one day have what Pepper and Happy had, because she knew it wasn’t something she could give the man.
Natasha Romanoff was good a lying.
“Natasha” Bruce said quietly.
He walked towards Natasha but she stood from the bed, trying to get away from his touch. Bruce didn’t understand what was happening.
“Natasha” he said, firmer this time, “If you want me to go I’ll leave”
“Okay” she said.
“But if I go, I won’t come back” he added.
She then lifted her gaze and looked at him, “Okay”
Natasha then nodded and left the room.
She passed by the kitchen where Clint was with Wanda and Steve eating some leftovers. She heard the man calling her name but she ignored him.
Bruce thought about following her. Everything in his head screaming him to go and demand and explanation for what had just happened, but he didn’t need to know.
He would respect Natasha’s decision.
Once in her bedroom she sat on her bed. She looked at herself in the mirror across the room. Bruce’s sweater keeping her warm, she blinked trying not to cry, her throat so tight it felt like someone was squeezing the air out of her.
"Natasha Romanoff never cries" She said to herself.
When she heard the door opening she did her best to pull herself together.
“Tasha” Clint entered the room, closing the door behind him softly.
“I’m fine"
"No" Clint said, she knew he could read her like a book.
"Clint, please just-“
Clint sat next to her and held her tight. She buried her face on his chest and sobbed hard, clinging to his shirt.
“Let it all out” Clint whispered against her hair.
“I’m fine” She repeated it like trying to convince Clint.
Actually, she was trying to convince herself with that lie.
“It’s for the best” she said.
It was the best for Bruce and that would make her happy someday.
“Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard”