Remorseless

Being on the other side of a thick pane of glass, looking in at Bucky made Zara uncomfortable. She looked in at him sitting on an examination bed waiting for Tony, Wanda and Candice to come in and get started with him. He played with his fingers, looking down at them, obviously anxious to get the ball rolling when he looked up at Zara, giving her a smile which she returned.
She let out a breath, knowing he was okay meant she was okay too.
Tony entered the room after a short wait, Bucky looking uncharacteristically cheerful to see him, Tony even giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder as he set a bag down on a table out of Zara's view. Bucky watched as Tony opened it, holding up what looked like a microchip in a pair of long tweezers. The two men spoke briefly, Bucky nodding as if he'd heard it all before, glancing at Zara through the glass, catching her horrified expression when she realized it was an implant.
Bucky offered her another relaxed smile to let her know it was okay, the telepathic girls entering the room shortly after. Tony opened up a laptop computer, booting it up as a nurse entered the room, sticking wires to Bucky's head with suction cups, his thick hair proving to make things difficult.

Don't even THINK about cutting it, you bi- ...Phew, thank god...

Zara let out a breath as she looked on, wishing she could hear what was being said in there. Tony had his back to her, calling Candice over to stand beside Bucky, the two of them listening intently, nodding occasionally as Tony explained what was going to happen. When he stepped back out of the way, Bucky gave Candice a smile and a nod, closing his eyes as she put her fingers to his temples.

Bucky un-clenched his jaw, willing himself to relax as pleasant images entered his head little by little. Candice was being gentle with him as instructed. Unlike his last session with her, he was still very much aware of the rest of the room, her presence in front of him, the cool touch of her soft fingertips.
He could hear Tony typing something in the background, and the images fizzled out after a minute or so, Bucky opening his eyes again.
"Did it stop?" Tony asked, Bucky nodding.

Tony grinned, telling Candice she could take a break while he entered in some information, watching as a progress bar loaded on the screen. His eyes darted down to the little plastic covered chip when the information had uploaded, and he instructed Candice to dig a little deeper, and push Bucky's mind a little further. Bucky signaled that he was ready by turning to her and giving her another nod and closing his eyes.




****
The scene opened up before him as the dust from the quinjet began to settle... This was not an environment he cared to be in, crushed and half burned bodies in smouldering rubble as far as the eye could see. Rogers stepped out behind him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, saying something that made him relax. Backup had been called, and their job in the meantime was to see if there were any survivors. Seemed easy enough. After pulling the eleventh or twelfth body from the rubble, it was clear to see they were all Hydra. It had been a base, and someone had flattened it, someone who wasn't from Shield...
They were ready to call it when Steve heard movement, snapping back into action pulling chunks of concrete up from the pile to reveal a young girl, battered but alive. Bucky's heart started to race at the thought of live Hydra agents being in the vicinity, if it was up to him, he'd give every last one of them a bullet between the eyes. He wheeled around, catching the sight of a bloody hand coming from under a cement stone wall. He lifted it up, pushing it aside as he lifted enough chucks of concrete and brick to find another girl, around the same age as the one Steve had pulled out. He stuck two fingers up under her jaw, the second shock of the morning coming when he felt a weak pulse.
She had to have been a rookie, given her age, and someone either dangerous, or ranked fairly highly given she was the only one with a tracker around her wrist. The kind that was implanted into her skin with deep hooks to ensure it couldn't be removed. He pulled another chunk of rubble off her, wiping the soot from her face and tilting her chin up towards him. His stomach knotted when he got a good look at her, for reasons he couldn't pin down. Familiarity and guilt ate him up right there on the spot. Did he know this girl? He shook the thoughts off as he continued to clear the rubble from her body, his eyes darting to her face every few moments, a ball of ice forming in his chest. He cleared his throat, crossing her arms over her chest in preparation to lift her out, taking care with one that was very obviously broken. That tracker catching his eye again...
No, he wouldn't freak out, he needed to calm down. There was no way he knew this girl, she was just a kid in her 20's. Pretty little thing, really... No! Why the hell was he feeling... What, empathy towards her? Ugh, don't go soft now... The more he looked at her bloody face the more feelings flooded him that he didn't like.
Putting a bullet in her head crossed his mind while Steve was preoccupied, just to get rid of that uncomfortable sick feeling she was giving him. He wasn't ready to feel concerned for someone, never mind guilty that they were hurt. He'd hardly let his guard down to Rogers, never mind some mystery dark haired girl in a concrete grave. Was she even breathing? Damn... She was...
He lifted her out gently, cradling her head against his chest as he stood. He wiped the rest of the soot and mud from her face, the knot in his stomach tightening again.
How did he know this girl, and why the hell did he care so much about what became of her? What was the attachment, the fascination with her, and why the hell did he feel like keeping her safe was so damned important?
Steve approached him, reaching out to check her pulse, Bucky pulling her away from him protectively.
"She's alive" He said, his voice husky and quiet, "I've got her..."
***




Zara bit her lip, hands up against the glass as she watched his expressions go from pain to anger to sadness and back again. Either one of the girls would take their turn getting into his head, and Tony would make his tweaks on the computer until he relaxed again. They gave him a minute or two to gather himself up, and went again and again until eventually he didn't react at all to their attacks.
By the time they were done he was obviously exhausted, a doctor came in, tilted his head forward until his chin touched his chest and gave him a local aesthetic. She quickly implanted the chip at the base of his skull, holding a cotton swab over the site for a few seconds before gathering her things up and leaving again just as quickly.
The girls gave him one more hard hit each, Tony's face lighting up when Bucky sat without giving a reaction. He thanked them both and dismissed them, having a quick chat to Bucky, both of them turning to look at Zara for a moment. Tony nodded, approaching the door between them, Zara stepping back as he opened it slowly.

"Is he okay?" Zara asked, worry on her face as she looked over Tony's shoulder.
"He's fine, but it's taken a lot out of him and he's exhausted..." He said, Zara nodding.
"So it works? He's safe?"
"Those girls gave him absolute hell and he didn't feel a thing... Now that we know they work, I'll be making one for everyone."
"And they're just a mind shield, nothing else? No trackers or anything?"
"No, we decided against tracker implants, too dangerous... Too many people looking for us" Tony said, much to her relief. "Now get in there, he was asking for you."

Zara nodded, Tony stepping out the way to give her room to get past.
"I'll be back in a few minutes, just gonna get the big guy a drink"
"Thanks Tony"

The door closed behind her, Bucky looking up with tired eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Zara stopped in front of him, her hands reaching up to push his hair back off his face. He smiled weakly at her, wordlessly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest. Zara closed her eyes and held him, her hand rubbing his back gently, comforting him.
"You okay?" She whispered, Bucky nodding in response as he let out a tired breath.
"I just wanna go home..."




Within the hour they found themselves back at their apartment, Zara setting Bucky up on the couch, reclining the seat back for him. She leaned over to get him a cushion, Bucky surprising her when he pulled her down beside him. She landed ungracefully half on top of him, both of them having a laugh as she straightened herself up.
"You're supposed to be resting, not throwing me around the room" She chuckled, "I was gonna get you a cushion and make you a hot drink, maybe put a movie on for you"
"I don't need any of that, I just need you here with me"
"I'm here, Buck... Not going anywhere, I promise" She said softy, leaning over to leave a tender kiss on his lips. A frown stayed on his face when she pulled away from him, worrying her a little, Zara frowning as well now.
"What's that face for?" She asked, settling herself in beside him, his arm still around her.
"They showed me things that I'd forgotten about... All the things I've done to you over the time we've known each other... I haven't been a good guy to you" He said, his eyes avoiding hers for a few moments.
"Yes you have, you've been amazing. I don't wanna hear otherwise, okay?" She scolded, tilting his chin with her finger to get his attention again.
"All the times I should have kept you safe, but I didn't... I just wish I had of been there more for you when you needed me. It's any wonder you always tried to get yourself out of trouble, maybe you felt like you couldn't rely on me, or thought I'd only get angry or something-"
"-Buck"
"No... I think about that a lot. I used to get so mad at you for putting yourself in danger, and in every last one of those flashbacks I could have been there for you, but I wasn't." He said, his face solemn.
"I put myself if danger, because that's just how things are for us, every mission in dangerous, and for as long as I can remember we've both had a target on our backs. Nothing's gonna stop me going out there and fighting my own battles, that's just who I am, I'm not going to sit around hoping someone's gonna run in and save my ass for me,"
"But that's the whole point, Zee... I love that you're tough and you're brave... But I'm here to protect you okay?" He said, "No matter what happens, no matter what shit you get yourself into, I'll back you up every time - whatever the circumstances"
"I know you are, Buck, you always have been. You were there one who pulled me from the rubble that day, you've run me out of the woods, shot and bleeding more than once... Stormed a Hydra base to rip me off an electric chair..."
"Which you never would have been on if it wasn't for me"

Zara let out a breath and rolled her eyes, frustrated now.

"Enough of that talk. None of it was your fault. I was doing my job... Evidently, not very well" She said with a shrug, "Point is, you were there when I needed you, or I wouldn't be here right now to tell the story - you jumped off the Memorial Bridge into icy cold water for me! Not many guys would be up for that" She said, cocking a half smile as she caught eye contact with him again.
"It's not really a big deal" He chuckled,
"Yeah it is, I can't tell you how much I would have preferred NOT to go for a dip in the Potomac that day, or practice my high-diving" She chuckled back.
"It really wasn't that bad"
"I'm getting cold just thinking about it... Water isn't fun for me"
"You liked it at Bora Bora"
"Yeah because it was warm, and I knew you weren't about to let me drown"
"That's because you hung onto me like it was life and death" Bucky laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"It WAS life and death - we were in deep water, remember? Nothing to like about it"
"We'll have to fix that"
"Not today. You need rest, and I need to go make you a hot drink, get you a blanket and do nurturing girlfriend things"

Bucky smiled, reaching up with his free hand to pull the quilt from the back of the couch over so it was covering them both, pulling Zara close enough that they could recline back together. She let out a sigh as she took the hint, rolling onto her side and resting her head on his chest, feeling his arm tighten around her, his hand coming to rest on her waist.

It wasn't long before she felt his body relax and his breathing slow down and deepen, she'd never seen him this worn out before. Zara closed her eyes as well, not wanting to move from fear of waking him, and if she was honest with herself, there wasn't anywhere she'd rather be.

When she opened her eyes there was that weird sensation of not being sure how long they'd slept, if someone had told her it was the following day she probably would have believed them given how stiff her muscles felt. Bucky had woken up at the same time, Zara reaching over to the armrest to unlock his phone to check the time, surprised that only a couple of hours had passed. She put the phone back down, realizing that Bucky was watching her, and somehow he looked 100 times more alert than she did.
"Was just checking the time" She mumbled, wiping her eyes as she stretched.
"I know"
"You've got missed calls from Stark too. Your phone must have been on silent"
Bucky groaned and yawned at the same time, stretching his neck to both sides, the bones cracking each way. He rolled over so he was face to face with her, his fingers tracing her jawbone for a second before he kissed her, both of them smiling when he pulled away from her.
"How are you feeling, headache still there?" She asked, pushing the hair from his face.
"It's gone, and I actually feel fine... Must've needed the rest"
"Told you" She sassed, Bucky shutting her up by pressing another kiss to her lips, "You better call Stark back, he was probably ringing to check up on you"

Three loud bangs on the door made them both jump, Zara's first instinct being to hang onto Bucky, and his first instinct being to sit up, shield her and pull a gun from wherever the hell he was hiding one.
"Barnes, it's Tony, open up!" Came the voice from the other side, giving Zara's heart a chance to slow down before it exploded.
"Where'd the gun come from!?" She asked, surprised.
"I have them everywhere" He whispered back, pushing the footrest of the couch in, sitting them both upright.

Bucky jogged to the door, pulling it open for Tony to burst through, the worried look on his face sending Zara's heart into overdrive again. She pulled the quilt up to her chin as if to protect herself as her and Bucky waited for an explanation.
"There's been an attack nearby. It's Hydra"
"-What happened?" Bucky cut him off.
"Botched assassination, not like them at all. A bar down town got blown up, and cops were shooting at their own. Obviously something big going down, we need to get you guys out"
"No, we need to get down there. Which bar was blown-"
"-All non-enhanced agents are being moved to a safe location. I'm not asking, Zee" Tony snapped, shutting Zara up. He threw Bucky a set of keys, "That means you too while you're recovering. Keep yourselves safe. Take my car - nobody can track you in it, not even me. Got a safe house?"
"Yeah I have a few-"
"Don't say it out loud, just pack a bag, take her, and get out. I'll call when I have news... Stay safe" He said, his voice softening at his last few words. He darted back out the door, Zara having already pulled a bag out ready to pack. Between her and Bucky, they had themselves ready to go in minutes. They pulled jackets and boots on, Bucky doing a final lap to gather up a few weapons, strapping an alarming number of them to himself. Zara had to admit she was impressed that she couldn't tell there was a single one on him. He handed her a couple, shoved more in the already bursting bag and swung it over his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and before she had time to think they were jogging down the corridor and making their way into the underground garage. They found the car, a sporty two door, Bucky unlocking it and trowing the bag on the back seat.

"Get in the back, Zee" He ordered, Zara giving him a look as memories from their last drive to a 'safe house' came flooding back, "I know babe, trust me I get it. But I need you in the back where you can stay down" He said, taking off his jacket as she begrudgingly pulled the seat forward and got in.
"Jesus Christ..." She muttered, ignoring the sick feeling in her stomach.
"Trust me... Lay down, hang onto something, and cover yourself with this... I'm not taking any risks with you this time, you just gotta trust me, okay?" He asked, throwing her the jacket as he closed the passenger door, put the seat back up and got in the driver's seat.

The car came to life with a roar, Tony's taste in cars sending a wave of relief through Bucky as he reversed and pulled out of the driveway. The scene that unfolded in front of them as they got closer to the edge of the city was one of chaos, Bucky calling back to her to hang on tight, stay down and to apologize to her once again as he negotiated the roads.
The plus side of there being so much drama unfolding is that they weren't likely to be pulled over for speeding, not that the cops would have bothered giving chase, given the speeds they were traveling at.
Zara scrunched her eyes shut, hanging onto the seat-belt as the car swerved, memories of her last car trip plaguing her, her breathing picking up pace as she felt a panic attack threatening. At least this time she'd gotten in the car of her own accord, although she wasn't so sure if she would have preferred being as aware as she was now.
She grit her teeth, counting in her head, thinking of anything other than Hydra or laying in across the back of a speeding car, hidden under a super soldiers' jacket... The very super soldier who strangled her and threw her into the last car, dazed and bleeding.

No! You're over that, it wasn't his fault and you know it.

Bucky was saying something to her that she couldn't make out over the ringing in her ears or the sound of her heart thumping hard in her chest. She felt the car slow down and come to a stop and she listened hard for gunshots or anything else that may threaten them, instead hearing Bucky repeat her name as he pulled the jacket away from her.
Zara gasped in fright, sitting up straight and pushing herself as far away from him as she could, all her senses overwhelmed as fear gripped her. Bucky unbuckled his seat-belt, keeping the car running as he reached out for her.
"Zee, it's just me, we're okay..." He soothed.

She took a deep breath, nodding as she swallowed hard.

Get a grip!!!

"Zee, come here..." He said gently, reaching a hand out to her which she scooted close enough to take, "It's okay, you're allowed to be freaked out. You're safe with me..."
"I know, I'm sorry... I'm fine" She stammered looking everywhere but at him.
"Come on up front, climb over... I've got you" He said, Zara nodding as he hung onto her, helping her as she awkwardly stepped over the center console and sat down on the front seat. He reached back, spreading the jacket over her lap to keep her warm, and handing her phone to her. She buckled her seat-belt as he shifted back into first, the car taking off again.

He shifted into sixth, reaching over to take her hand which was still shaking, his thumb gently stroking her knuckles as he interlocked his fingers with hers. She let out another breath, commanding herself to relax.
"You okay?" He asked, glancing over to her.
"I'll be fine" She lied, looking straight ahead through the windscreen.

Bucky let out a breath, giving her hand a squeeze, deciding it wasn't worth arguing with her. She'd settle in her own time like she always did, it was any wonder she was a shaking mess, given the situation. He shut his mouth, dropping his foot lower to the floor, eager to get to the house as soon as possible.
It was a good forty minutes before either of them said another word, Zara's hand relaxing in his finally before the peace and quiet was interrupted by her phone beeping. She looked over at him, Bucky releasing her hand so she could check her messages.

Jessica Jones 3.55pm
Hey, are you safe?

"It's Jessica..." Zara said, feeling Bucky's eyes on her, as if waiting for an explanation.

Zara Jones 3.55pm
Yeah we got out, are you okay? What's going on down there?

Jessica Jones 3.56pm
We're fine. Came home to a ransacked apartment, so went to see Luke. I got there and his bar had just been blown up... Not sure what's going on, have gone somewhere safe. Will keep in touch.

"Fucking hell..." Zara muttered, reading the messages out to Bucky as he pulled down a quiet gravel road, "Do you think it was Ward trying to get our attention? Why else would they go after Jessie and Luke?"
"Well they got our attention alright... But we won't get theirs where we're going" He said, going back through the gears before turning down a long straight road, Zara glancing out both windows as the car was engulfed in shadows.
"Where are we going?" She asked nervously,
"A little place that neither Hydra or Shield know about... Somewhere we'll both be safe"
"Please tell me it's not a tree-house?" She said, watching as they headed deeper and deeper into the woods, a chill running through her.
"No," He chuckled, "But it's pretty secluded... Like I said, I'm not taking any chances with you this time"

Zara Jones 4.01pm
Shit, sorry to hear... Look after yourselves, talk to you soon. Z

Zara tucked her phone back into her pocket, crossing her arms over her chest for warmth as they finally came to a driveway, pulling into it quietly, Bucky parking the car behind the house where it was out of sight from the road.

"Here we are..." He said as he turned the car off, "home sweet home for a while"

Zara peered out the window, the first thing she noticed is just how cold and dark it was under the cover of the trees. They stepped out of the car, Bucky pulling a gun from his holster and thumbing the safety off as he swung their bag over his shoulder. He gestured for Zara to follow him, his metal arm shielding her protectively as they made their way to the back door.
A code pressed into a hidden key-panel unlocked the house, Bucky locking the door behind them. He handed Zara a gun and ordering her to stay alert. They searched the house between the two of them, finding it was clear of any hidden threats.

It didn't take them long to make up the master bed, Zara sitting on the edge of it to test the mattress.
"It's actually really comfortable..." She said, surprised.
"Of course it is, I set this place up... As I said, nobody knows about it, not even Rogers" He smiled, sitting down beside her, "The windows are sealed, bulletproof glass, the doors are all fitted with deadlocks from the inside and the outside is only accessible by password, which I'll get you to memorize. There are weapons hidden everywhere, I'll show you where they all are just in case" He said, taking her hand again.
"Hot water?"
"Yeah, just gotta turn it on, electricity too and security blinds so no-one can see the lights on from the outside."
"It's like a fortress..." She said darkly, "Or a prison..."
"Definitely not a prison. It's MY version of a safe house, so it should actually be safe... So don't look so nervous" He said, giving her a playful nudge earning a hint of a smile from her.
"Sorry... My track record with 'safe houses' hasn't been that great..."
"Well I'm in control of it this time, so you have nothing to worry about" He said, Zara nodding, still not completely comfortable, "I'll go turn the power and water on, why don't you have a hot shower and I'll give you a massage when you're out?"
"You don't have to do that"
"I want to. Get your butt into that bathroom right now, you'll feel better for it. I promise."

Zara let out a sigh, standing up and taking his hand to follow him through the dark house, keeping an eye out for the baddies she'd convinced herself were hiding in the shadows. Bucky opened one of the kitchen cupboards, reaching in to turn everything on from the hidden fuse box.
The house lit up, a smile crossing Zara's face as she saw the kitchen and lounge room for the first time.
"Wow..." She said, her voice quiet, "It's nicer than I thought it'd be"
"As I said, Its all mine"
"You've got good taste"
"I certainly do" He said, turning to her, leaving a kiss on her forehead, "It's not the only house, either..."
"Seriously? There are others like this?"

Bucky nodded, chuckling at her disbelief and curiosity as he led her into the bathroom, hitting the light and watching her face light up at all the rooms' modern features.
He pulled the shower door open, turning the tap on to let the water run for a minute to warm up.
"How many others?" Zara asked as Bucky took her jacket off, laying it on the counter.
"A couple..." He smiled, dodging the question.
"And how the hell did you pay for it all!?"
"A lot of people I assassinated were pretty well off... There was a time when I was out of cryo for a while, long enough to start getting my head together and make plans to get away from Hydra. I stashed away a little nest egg before I was tracked down and wiped again. That was the last time I was kept off the ice for more than a few weeks... Too risky." He said with a shrug as she unlaced her boots, pulling them off one by one.
"Then there's the old bank accounts that had military payments in them until I was declared dead... I had Pepper look into it for me, once they worked out the interest and all the paperwork they legally had to give me access. Well, once I was done with all the court hearings, which took a couple of years..."
"Holy shit..." Zara said, shocked as she peeled her jeans off.
"I guess I can tell you all my secrets now that we're away from prying eyes and listening ears..."
"I never asked you about all that legal stuff... I've always been curious about what happened with all that, and how you weren't locked in a cell after all those kills..."
"They eventually considered me a 'victim of war' and in this day and age being mentally unstable gets you out of pretty much everything. Tony came to my defense as far as explaining how the machinery was used, and the damage it did... Then there was the psychological torture and all that shit. That's why I had to surrender to Shield, see a shrink regularly and there's a few other conditions, but it beats the hell out of being caged up."

Zara gave him a smile as she stepped under the steady stream of water, the warmth relaxing her instantly. She had to stifle a laugh at Bucky, awkwardly not knowing where to look.
"Wanna join me?" She asked, Bucky rubbing the back of his neck, letting out a chuckle.
"I'd love to, but first things' first - I need to find us something to eat and turn the heater on"
"Okay, I won't be long, I wanna hear more of these Bucky Barnes bits of back-story"
"There's not a whole lot to tell, really" He said, pulling a towel out and leaving it by the door. "All just court rooms and legal mumbo-jumbo..."
"I can't believe you have houses..." She chuckled, "I never knew"
"Nobody knows. I've only set them up since being back at Shield so it's been a bit of a project to keep us safe if we ever needed..."
"Not even Rogers?"
"Nobody, you're the only person other than me who knows... And you're the only person that NEEDS to know..." He said, stepping back over to the glass door, Zara pushing it open. "I'll help you memorize the locations and the entry codes, we'll go over it when you're done in here"
"That's kind of a big deal, Buck..." She said, humbled.
"I hope you now understand how serious I am about you, Zee" He said quietly, tucking her wet hair behind her ear as he leaned over to kiss her gently. She bit her lip, nodding when they pulled away, suddenly feeling guilty for every secret she'd ever kept from him, for every time she'd been afraid of him, and for every time she didn't trust him completely...

"I love you Buck..." She said, her voice croaky from threatening tears, making him chuckle a little.
"I love you too" He said, leaning in to kiss her again, "Have your shower, I'll find us something to eat, okay?"

She made a mental note to lay all her cards on the table, all the messages from Ward, everything. Every fear, every insecurity, every single thing that had ever stood between them. It all needed to come out in one way or another, and it needed to be done here in this house where the walls didn't have ears...