Remorseless

The following morning Zara found herself in the kitchen after a restless sleep. She'd stayed up talking with Bucky after a bowl of canned soup, going over his early days at Shield. The conversation had steered in the direction of their first training room encounter, Zara getting a rise out of teasing him.

"So when I first walked in that door what did you think of me?" She'd asked, batting her eyes at him.
"Troublemaker, for sure!" He'd laughed, Zara swatting him over the chest, "What!? I'd been warned about you!"
"Oh come on, I wasn't THAT bad - you could have ended up with one of the barbies" She'd joked back, Bucky biting his lip as he stifled another laugh, gathering himself up.
"I definitely WOULDN'T have ended up with one of the barbies... That's for sure. I hate ditzy girls"
"They sure liked you" She teased, "You had a room full of potential 'Mrs Barnes' in there just waiting for their chance" She said, giving him a playful elbow, stirring him again.
"Who would have thought I'd fall for the snarling pain in the ass in the back row?" He'd stirred her right back, pushing her onto her back on the couch, pinning her there as he hovered over her. He'd leaned in, kissing her in a way that made her heart race, Zara having to catch her breath as he pulled away.
"Fine... I did think you were cute... I admit it" He'd said, giving her a grin that she couldn't help but return.
"I thought so"
"Why do you think I suggested private classes?"
"So I didn't kill anyone?"
"Yeah that, and I wanted to figure you out... Something that's evidently taking longer than I first thought" He teased again, kissing her, the two of them breaking apart again when the giggles had set in. Bucky's face had gone from joking to serious, making Zara a little nervous like it always did. She propped herself up on her elbows, their faces almost touching as Bucky stood his ground hovering over her, not backing off.
"What's wrong?" She'd whispered, a little worried.
"Nothing... I've got you here, and we're safe..." He'd said, leaving a kiss on her forehead, "It's nice not having to worry..."
"That would be nice" She'd agreed, Bucky's expression softening as he brushed a loose hair from her face.
"You know... It's okay to be scared, Zee" He'd said, letting out a breath, Zara breaking the eye contact, looking away self-consciously.
"I'm not sca-"
"You're talking to me, remember? You don't have to have this fake brave face plastered on all the time. I don't know about anyone else, but I can see right through it. I'd rather you be honest then tough" He'd said, his voice low. Zara had nodded, the Ward texts on the tip of her tongue, guilt consuming her for not telling him earlier. She'd opened her mouth to speak, to own up to everything, stress showing on her face. Bucky had shushed her, putting a finger to her lips and leaving a kiss on her forehead before lifting himself off the couch, and helping her to her feet.
"I'm here, you're safe" He'd said, her face in his hands, "Let's go to bed, we'll talk in the morning, okay?"
Zara let out a sigh, nodding to him before he pressed his lips to hers again.



It was cold in the kitchen that morning, Zara wished she had of asked Bucky how the heating worked in this strange house. She plugged the coffee pot back in, turning it on as she turned to find where the mugs were kept. She stood on tip-toes peering into one of the upper cabinets, spotting 6 shiny black mugs which were unfortunately pushed to the back out of her reach. She stretched out as far as she could, her fingertips barely touching the handle of one, when movement behind her caught her attention.
Bucky chuckled at her predicament, making his way up behind her, one hand on her waist, the other reaching in to retrieve two mugs, placing them on the counter.
Zara let out an amused huff as Bucky pressed a kiss to her temple, letting it linger as he pulled her close for a few moments. She leaned back into his chest, relaxing there as she reached up to absent-mindedly hold on to the arms that were now wrapped tightly around her, closing her eyes and enjoying the security of his embrace.
The ding of the coffee pot interrupted their moment, Bucky pulling a vacuum sealed bag of powdered milk from another cupboard while Zara poured the drinks.
"Sorry, this is all we have..." He said, pulling it open and scooping a spoonful into each coffee, stirring them both.
"That's fine" She said kindly, her voice quiet and a little hoarse as she reached over and picked one up, taking a sip.

"Feeling any better after last night?" He asked, sympathy in his voice. Zara had to think about it for a few moments, the memory of waking up from a nightmare coming back to her.
"Ugh, I'm so sorry about that..." She said, embarrassed.
"Don't be, I told you I'd look after you didn't I?"
"Yeah, but not at your own expense-"
"-Says the girl who literally died for me"

Zara blushed, looking down at her coffee, letting it warm her hands.
"To be honest I was touched -well, relieved, really- that you were calling out for me in your dream" He smiled, making his way over to lean on the counter where he could be beside her, "beats trying to take on the whole world by yourself, huh?" He asked, giving her a wink. Zara's stomach dropped... It was now or never.

"...Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that..." She said, setting her drink down nervously. Bucky picked up on her worry, his whole body stiffening as if to brace itself.
"I should have told you earlier, but I didn't know if it was legitimate or not... I thought someone was playing a joke on me, and now I just feel like you're going to be mad at me for not saying something earlier, well I KNOW you're going to be mad at me-" She babbled, gesturing with her hands, Bucky losing patience with her.
"Zara, what's going on?" He cut her off, setting his drink down on the counter harder than he meant to.
"I'm in trouble..." She blurted out, letting out a shaky breath, "well 'we're' in trouble... And I don't know what to do about it..."

Bucky frowned as if he was going to go into Winter-Soldier death mode, Zara's heartbeat quickening as she held his gaze, her jaw clenching as she let out a breath before continuing on.
"Ward contacted me, but I didn't know for sure if it was him... I don't know how he got my number" She said, stepping away from Bucky as she pulled her phone from the charger in the wall. She opened her inbox, flicking through until she found the saved messages.
"He knew we went to the city the other day..." She said, handing Bucky the phone so he could see for himself, "He said he's been watching me, but I don't know how."

She watched him scroll through the messages, an intense look on his face and a clenched jaw. Zara bit her lip, awaiting the inevitable wrath of Bucky. He set the phone down gently, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as he let a breath out.
"Has he contacted you in the last 24 hours?" He asked calmly, looking up at her.
"Not that I know of, but there's been no reception" She answered honestly. He picked the phone back up and made his way to the back door of the house, peering out the window in all directions before stepping out into the yard. Zara followed him, watching as he held the phone up, looking for the hot spot. Right on cue the phone buzzed, a message coming through which Bucky opened and read before handing it to her.

Unknown 5.34pm
You're a long way over state lines, princess. Not running away from me are you? See you real soon - W

"Holy shit..." She whispered, looking up at Bucky who was staring at her with arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Buck. I wasn't sure-"
"That doesn't matter right now" he snapped, holding his hand out for the phone, Zara giving it to him without another word. She followed him back into the house, locking the door behind her. She jogged after him as he stomped back over to the kitchen and watched as he pulled a drawer out, pulling out a small screwdriver and began pulling the handset apart.
"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, not finding what he was looking for. He paused for a moment, looking up at Zara, his face suddenly full of worry.
"...What?" She asked nervously.

He pulled a small flashlight from the same draw the screwdriver had come from and stepped over to her, pressing his free hand against her chest, backing her up against the wall.
"Take your sweater off" He ordered her, Zara obliging him. She dropped it on the floor by her feet, hugging herself nervously as she looked up at him, body shaking.
"Don't look at me like that..." He said, his voice softer and more forgiving than it was earlier.
"I'm sorry..." She whispered, her expression still defensive. 
"Don't worry about it" He said after letting out a breath, as if pulling himself back into line, "We'll talk about it later. Right now I need to know how he knows where you are"

Bucky reached over her shoulder, entering a code into the keypad on the wall, the shutter blinds coming down to seal the windows from the outside. The lights in the kitchen came on, Zara now feeling more claustrophobic than ever.
"You were scanned for trackers last time you were with Hydra... But they didn't re-scan you after the time we spent together when I wasn't... Myself..."
"You'd remember implanting someone with a tracker, surely?" She gathered the courage to ask, Bucky shaking his head before she even finished her sentence.
"Not if they ordered me to inject myself with some sort of sedative first" He said, reaching over to feel her over, pressing hard around her hairline behind her neck, and tracing his fingers under her jaw. Zara held her breath and closed her eyes, not daring to move as she felt his hands searching her skin for any abnormalities, a single lump or bump, anything.
"There's a few hours from when we first got to the house that I don't remember" he admitted, pulling the flashlight from his pocket, "Open your mouth" he ordered, holding her jaw. Her eyes widened at his strange request, Bucky pressing her even harder against the wall to keep her still as he tilted her head back. She opened her mouth, chest heaving as panic set in, Bucky jamming the metal flashlight in, tilting her head back even further. She felt him feeling around under her jaw, his thumbs pressing against the skin making her flinch as he found a tender spot.

He cursed under his breath as he removed the flashlight from her mouth and let go of her, Zara gathering the courage to open her eyes and look at him. He had a frown on his face as he set the flashlight down, leaning back against the counter behind him, giving her space. She kept her mouth shut, not daring to speak, hoping he'd come up with some sort of an explanation before the suspense gave her a heart attack.
"You've got a tracker chip under your jaw... And it's gonna have to come out" He said, his voice regretful. Zara nodded, watching as he pulled a switchblade from his other pocket. She swallowed hard, ignoring the thoughts in her head that made her want to cry. It was her worst nightmare all over again - locked up, and a super soldier with a knife to her throat. Twice within the same few weeks...
"I guess that's karma for me not telling you earlier..." She said with a shaky voice and a shrug, trying to lighten the mood. She bit her lip to hold tears back, trying her best to shake off her fear and let him do what needed to be done.
"Don't say that... I should have spoken to you, I could see you were worrying about something. You clammed up and I let you, because I thought you were afraid of me..."
"I'm not afraid of YOU, Buck. I'm afraid of THEM... I admit it, okay?"
"Then why didn't you come to me when this happened?"
"Because I knew you felt guilty about what happened. You were angry and on edge... Last thing you needed was more drama when I wasn't even sure if it was really him or not... I wanted to figure it out first"

There were a few minutes of awkward silence before Bucky spoke up as he played with the knife in his hand.
"Last thing I wanted to do while we were here is stick a knife blade into your throat or hold you against your will... I wanted you to feel safe and welcome here with me, but that's not gonna happen at this rate..." He said, sadness in his voice.
"You wouldn't have to do either of those things If I was honest with you from the start" She said apologetically, her voice still shaky and stressed.
"Or if I had the guts to confront you... We're too protective of one and other. It's not always a good thing is it?"
"No, it's not..." Zara agreed, letting out a breath as she mentally ordered herself to relax.
"If this is going to work, we both need to start being honest with each other. It can't be me protecting your feelings, or you protecting mine anymore. We're both guilty of doing it, and it's gotta stop."
"I guess it's not even a matter of being hurtful with us... It's life and death, huh"

Bucky nodded, making his way towards the cabinet above the refrigerator, retrieving a bottle of vodka from it.
"I'm sorry for everything, Buck. I thought I was doing the right thing... I was an idiot." She said, Bucky letting out a sigh as he approached her again.
"I'm sorry too" He said, leaning over to kiss her tenderly, "really, I am..." that apologetic look on his face still.
"We're cool?" She asked,
"We're cool" He answered, kissing her again. "You ready to do this?" He asked, nodding towards the knife and the vodka bottle.
"No, but let's just get it over with..."

He led her down the hallway into the bathroom, turning all the lights on as they stepped in the door. He took a towel from the cupboard, rolling it up and placing it on the bathroom counter, along with the knife and the bottle before pulling the drawer open to retrieve a long pair of tweezers and some steri-strips.
He laid out everything he needed, including the flashlight before turning to her. He scooped Zara up, laying her flat on the counter, placing the towel gently under her neck so her throat and jaw was exposed. He wet a cotton ball with some vodka, rubbing it over the site before picking up the flashlight again, turning it on.
"This needs to go back in your mouth, Zee" He said, showing her the flashlight. "It'll illuminate the skin under your jaw so I can see the chip. It'll make for a quick, neat cut"

Zara reached out, taking it from him and sticking it back in her mouth, closing her eyes as she shoved her hands under her butt, pinning them there so she wouldn't react. He washed his hands, dried them and flicked the blade out, sterilizing it with the alcohol. Zara's body trembled as she listened for each sound. She felt his hands under her jaw, stretching the skin taut.
 "I'll be gentle..." He assured her, Zara noticing a shadow over her as the skin behind her eyelids went from a pink glow to darkness. He touched the blade to her skin, asking her again if she was ready, her breathing picked up pace.
"Zee?" He asked again, gently taking the flashlight out, Zara's eyes opening, full of fear. She looked up at the blade in his hand, before her eyes met his, her body trembling even harder.
"Sorry... I'm okay" She stammered, giving him a nod to reassure him.
"I don't like this any more than you do, but it's the only way to keep you safe" He said, leaning over to kiss her tenderly, his face sincere,
"I trust you... Let's do this" She whispered, tilting her head back again and putting the flashlight back in her mouth as she closed her eyes.

She gasped when she felt the sting of the blade, Bucky moving quickly with the tweezers to remove the chip. Zara's toes curled at the same time her fists clenched against the pain, feeling him dig for the tiny piece of technology in her flesh. It was all over quickly which she was thankful for, and he was quick to press a gauze pad onto the wound and gently take the flashlight from her mouth.
"All done, babe. I got it" He said, pulling her hand out from under her butt and pressing it over the gauze pad to hold it there, "You okay?"
"Yeah..." Zara said as she opened her eyes, looking up at Bucky who was still holding the chip in the tweezers, examining it.
"Sorry I had to do that" He said, looking down at her, brushing the loose hair from her face with his free hand, his thumb stroking her cheek gently, her expression softening.
"What now, do we destroy it?" She asked, gathering herself back up again.
"Hell no... We take it to another location to lead them away from here... After I patch you up" He said with a smile.

Bucky was just as nifty with the first aid as he was cutting the tracker out, Zara loosing minimal amounts of blood and leaving little mess on the counter top. She'd insisted on him letting her have a swig of vodka from the bottle, Bucky not having the heart to say no. They both dressed warmly for the drive, arming themselves thoroughly while they were at it. Zara slipped the chip into a small plastic bag as Bucky re-assembled her phone, a triumphant smile crossing his lips when it turned on without a hitch.

They left the house, locking up before making their way to the car quickly, Bucky checking it over for explosives, trackers or damage as he always did. Zara kept her mouth shut, deciding not to pick on him for it this time. She placed the chip carefully in the cavity beneath the car stereo so it wouldn't get damaged.
The drive itself was quiet, Bucky not being a big talker while he was driving - well, not a big talker when he was concentrating on anything, rather. Zara took advantage of the silence, willing herself to relax as the first hour ticked by. She glanced over at Bucky who was intensely glaring out the front window, relieved when his expression softened and he looked back at her, offering a gentle smile.

"Not far away now..." He said as if answering her unspoken question.
"Where are we headed?" She asked, Bucky nodding towards a sign that she barely had time to read before they whizzed past it. All she got out of the whole thing was something about a truck stop with a motel.
"You're going to plant it at the motel to buy us time?" Zara asked, Bucky glancing over to her, a worried look on his face.
"If you were on the run, would you stay in the one place?"
"Oh... I guess not..." She said feeling utterly stupid - "So what's the plan?"
"Watch and learn" Bucky said with a wink as he pulled into the truck stop.

He pulled a baseball cap onto his head, discretely handing Zara a loaded gun, firmly instructing her to stay in the car at all costs. He closed the door locking it from the outside as he made his way into the building, picking up a few supplies and studying the people around him. He emerged from the shop a few minutes later, a ridiculous amount of full shopping bags in his arms as he approached the car. Zara smiled to herself, finding something about Bucky carrying groceries utterly adorable in comparison to the usual blazing-guns version of himself.
He unlocked the car, sliding the bags onto the back seats, glancing over his shoulder again for a moment before his eyes met hers again. The tiniest hint of a smile crossed his lips as he took the chip, attaching a small square of duct tape to one side of it. He stood up again, closing the car door and locking it from the outside, Zara watching on as he approached a big rig.

The driver was leaning against the side of the truck having a cigarette, and seemed like an okay guy. Bucky struck up a conversation easily with him, and from where Zara was sitting, she could see he was obviously all too happy to have a stranger admire his truck. Before long the truck driver was happily gesturing at it, explaining something that Bucky looked super interested in, both of them laughing together occasionally.
The two of them walked together to the back of the truck, Bucky's hand reaching out to touch it occasionally, continuing to ask questions as he did. The two shook hands with a warm smile and parted ways not long after that, the look on Bucky's face completely devious and satisfied at the same time as he made his way back to the car.

He opened the door, sliding into the driver's seat, giving Zara a smile before he started the engine.
"Let's get outta here" He said as they pulled out onto the road, the car accelerating hard like always. The drive was a relatively quick one with conversation kept to the usual minimum except for a brief explanation that the chip was now attached to the truck and bound for the other side of the country.

Clever!

Zara checked her phone as they made their way up the long driveway, Bucky glancing at her as she did. She told him there was nothing there, showing him the screen as he pulled the car up behind the house where it was out of sight.
Bucky was the first one out, instructing Zara once again to stay put as he pulled a pistol out, checking the area for threats before entering the code in the keypad by the back door and opening it. He disappeared into the house for a few moments before making his way back out and over to the car, letting her know it was safe to get out.
He gathered up the bags of groceries and they made their way up the back porch, Zara following Bucky in, closing the door behind him. The bags were dumped on the bench, both of them letting a sigh of relief out that they were home safe.
"I got us some supplies..." Bucky said as he started unpacking the bags. They were all items that would last, lots of vacuum sealed things, canned soup and jars of sauce. He grinned as he pulled out a couple of blocks of chocolate, Zara letting out a gasp of excitement, both of them laughing together.
The two of them put everything away, Zara pausing when she came to the last bag, turning to face him as she bit her lip as if to gather the courage to speak.

"Buck?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry for all of this... Well, for everything really" She started, letting out a breath as she pulled two cans of soup from the paper bag in front of her, her hand diving in for the rest.
"I just wanted you to know that. I should have been honest with you as soon as that message came through, it might have saved a whole lot of trouble... And it wasn't that I thought you couldn't handle it, or that I couldn't trust you... I just have this irrepressible urge to keep you safe, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't swallow it down, even when I know I should. It's my fault these things happen to us, and I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that it won't happen again" She added, letting out a breath before making eye contact with him again.

"You don't have to apologize, Zee. I have the same problem when it comes to you, believe me - I understand"
"No, it's not good enough, Buck. We're a team, and I'm the one who's not being a team player... I know you get this idea in your head that I'm afraid of you sometimes, or I don't trust you, and it's just not true. Well, maybe I was a little cautious after THAT few days, but it's only because of everything that we've been through. My nerves are just shot... I don't handle things like I used to" She said, stepping back from him when he'd tried to comfort her.

"So much has happened to us... From our starts at Hydra to now. Especially when I was shot and taken, that was hard on both of us, and  since then we've had targets on our backs... And now Ward is after us. He even turned you against me and we both almost died... Truth is you're right. I AM scared. I'm absolutely scared to fucking death that they're coming back, and once again we'll be either taken or running for our lives, and sometimes I just don't think I'll have it in me to fight back. I'm not as brave as I was, my hands still tremble when I hold a gun, and I can't stop them-"
"-Zee" He cut her off, "I know all of that, and I'm still here, aren't I?" He asked, closing in on her again, Zara letting him this time as he wrapped her in his arms.
"I'm not going anywhere, and you don't have to apologize. Yeah, I get mad at you for keeping things from me. Like, really mad, but on the same token I know why you do it. I don't like it, but I get it. There've been plenty of times where I haven't given you the whole truth to protect you, the only difference is that you haven't found out, and it's worked out.." He said, feeling her nod against his chest and let out a breath of relief.
"I know your nerves are shot, you haven't slept through the night since you came back from Hydra, you jump at your own shadow, and you freeze up in the sparring ring - I've seen it..."
"Oh god..." She moaned, beyond embarrassed.
"But you know what? I'm here to help you, and if you got yourself in trouble - I'd be the first to step in" He said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "you can count on it"
"I know you would, I just don't want to be that girl who needs saving... I used to be so brave"
"Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You just need to relax, know that you're safe, we're good and all the cards are on the table... There's nothing else is there?"
"No" Zara said, stifling a chuckle, "that's everything, I swear"
"Good" He said with a smile, Zara standing on her tiptoes to kiss him softly, Bucky kissing her back with enthusiasm as he tucked the loose hair off her face behind her ear.
"I don't deserve you" She whispered when they broke apart, Bucky raising a brow at her.
"Enough of that talk, you're just having a rough patch is all... You've been there for me, now I'm gonna be there for you. That's how this whole thing works - in case you didn't realize" He said with a smile, making her chuckle.
"You're such a smart-ass" She said, pulling him in for another kiss, feeling his lips smile against hers.
"You wouldn't like me if I wasn't"

Zara glanced over at her phone when they pulled apart, suggesting they go back into the yard hot spot to check for messages. Bucky agreed, watching from the door as Zara made her way over to the corner of the yard, eyes on the screen. Sure enough after a few moments it beeped and vibrated in her hand.
"Here we go..." She said quietly as she opened the message, glancing over at Bucky who was waiting with baited breath.

Unknown, 2.15pm
On the run again are we my princess? Don't worry, we'll catch up real soon. I promise - W

Zara swallowed hard, looking over her shoulder as she made her way back over to the porch, handing Bucky the phone as she stepped in beside him.
"The truck must be on the move again... Is the driver in danger? I don't want anyone dying because of-"
"He's a veteran, still young enough to defend himself. He's also carrying an arsenal in that cabin... The worst Ward will do is have the truck searched by his uniformed guards - for stowaways - and send the guy on his way. He won't want to draw attention to himself after what happened in the city yesterday. Security's gonna be tight."
"And when they realize that the tracker's been planted on board?"
"That'll take a couple of days... And by then we'd better be on our way home..."