When You Said Your Last Goodybye I Died A Little Bit Inside
Fitz and Simmons are clinging to each other when Daisy and Grant return, Kebo is still on the floor. ''Alright boys, here we go''. They make a move for Daisy suddenly, they're all dead as soon as Ward pulls out his gun. ''What the hell are you doing Gideon?'' Gideon has a sly smile on his face, he knows, he knows she's the key to opening the portal. ''Agent Johnson didn't tell you? She opened the portal the last time''. Everyone begins to protest, Ward is staring at her, shocked and hurt. ''Skye?''
She already knows what he's thinking. Why didn't she tell him sooner? They could have avoided this situation, he could have protected her. So they wouldn't have to choose between his plan and each other. ''I'll do it''. Lincoln fights his hold on his captors, careful not to let his powers show. ''It has to be her, Ms. Johnson, if you would please''. She has power, she has power of this whole thing. No her, no portal.
''Sorry old man, not happening''. He chuckles, Grant puts himself in front of her. ''Relax kid, opening the portal won't hurt her, all she has to do is wave those hands''. ''No can do''. ''I thought you might say that''. A gun is pointed and Fitz and Jemma screams. After a few minutes she agrees. ''Last chance Ward''. ''Just open the portal''. And just like all those months ago, she does, glaring at her lover the whole time. As he's about to jump after Fitz he turns back around, grabs her chin and kisses her hard. ''I love you''. ''Come back to me''.
With a wink, he leaves her view and the portal closes. Daisy falls to the ground, nose bleeding and she's so weak. ''They have twelve hours''. Gideon leaves and his men follow, she hates him. She's so killing him after Ward is in her arms again. Jemma is crying, staring at the floor and Joey and Lincoln are not looking at her. Twelve hours, she'll see him again in twelve hours. He better make it out alive, she can't suffer through all of this a second time.
*
Something happens to her. Daisy remembers the Portal, dark, angry, growing in the corners of her mind like a dark shapeless void. It hurt her head, she can still taste blood in her mouth. She opens her eyes and immediately knows where she is, and where she was before. Daisy is in Coulson's plane in one of the spare bunks. She was at the castle with Hydra and Ward, Ward Fitz and Coulson all went through the portal. Daisy also knows Coulson had no business going to the other planet, but dived into the portal at the last possible second.
''Hey you're awake''. Kebo is standing over her with a glass of water in his hand. She rises from the bed with a start, shakes off the dizziness swirling around the room. Twelve hours. Ward only had twelve hours. ''How long have I been out?'' The last time she asked Mack how long they'd been gone, he told her ten hours and three minutes. Kebo touches her hand, he's hiding something. ''Popeye, how long have I been out?'' He doesn't answer, Daisy has a bad feeling gnawing in her stomach, her bones are aching. ''Where's Ward?'' Silence.
She rips out of the room running straight to the cargo bay, that's where the escape pod her and Mack has stashed will have gone. What she walks in on, makes her sick. Hugging. Everyone is hugging. Celebrating. Smiling. Where is Grant? He'd be by her side, sick with worry, he wouldn't leave her. The team wouldn't want him down here. With shaky legs she jumps to a horrible conclusion. He was left. Coulson left him there to die, to survive on that other planet all alone, never to return to earth or see her again.
The Director of Shield catches her eye, and frowns. He steps away from Simmons, the entire plane goes quiet as they follow his stare. ''Where is Ward?'' Daisy can already feel the anger dripping into her, how could Coulson this? She isn't surprised, if she's being honest with herself. There's a deep hatred in Coulson that makes Daisy nervous, especially where Ward is involved. ''Daisy''. And the way he says her name, approaches her with guilt all over his shoulders, confirms her suspicions. ''You left him there, didn't you?''
Coulson's eyes widen ever so slightly. Daisy feels Kebo brush her elbow and then have a tight hold on her wrist. ''You left Ward there to die on that other planet, didn't you? What the hell is wrong with you?'' Lincoln makes a move for her, but she shrugs him off. ''Daisy I didn't''- ''I'm going to find him, I'm going to find another way to open that portal and bring him back. I know you hate him but I don't care, I'm not losing him, not again. I can't''. There's hysteria playing at the edge of her voice, something in the back of her brain is starting to whisper that Ward met a crueler fate than abandonment on the other planet. She's ignoring it.
Fitz walks up to her with an expression she can't place. Not guilt or sorrow, something much deeper and darker. He puts both hands on her shoulders, takes a deep shuddered breath. ''He's gone, Daisy. I'm sorry. But Ward's dead''. Instant denial. Shaking her head, stepping away from her friend. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's not true it's not it's not it's not it's not. It can't be. No. No. She lost him once, she can't do it a second time, that's impossible.
This is a dream. She's still unconscious in the bunk and any second now she'll open her eyes and Ward will be standing over her, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. ''The creature that was there got to him. He's gone Daisy''. It's a bucket of cold water. A flame to gasoline. ''Daisy''. Coulson touches her hand and her chest rips. It feels like her chest, her heart, everything is ripping right here in this very moment. He can't be. Ward cannot be dead. He was dead to her once already, things don't work like that. Life can't take away her true love more than once. That has to be against the rules right?
''How? How did it happen?'' She isn't crying, isn't moving, and this worries Kebo. Coulson and Fitz exchange a look. ''There was a storm, some kind of sand storm. When it cleared we, we saw his body. I don't think you want to hear the rest''. She can't. She can't process this. He was here. Ward was just next to her a few hours ago, telling her he loved her, that she doubted his stupid super spy skills too much. It's not real. None of this is real. Deny deny deny deny.
Coluson waits for the words to sink in. For Daisy to grasp the information she's been given. It takes fifteen minutes. At first she doesn't believe him. She walks around the entire plane, calling for Ward. That's painful to watch. Even calls his cell phone, nothing of course, which causes her to throw her phone at the wall and watch it break into tiny little pieces. And finally, after looking at Kebo, she gets it. She hears them. She knows. And if Coulson already couldn't bear his actions, Daisy reaction to it, makes him hate himself.
Her face is the first thing to break. It crumples in defeat, tears working and spilling their way down her cheeks. She starts hyperventilating, saying Ward's name over and over again. There's broken loud sobs coming from her chest, the plane shakes and buckles. When she falls to her knees Kebo swoops down next to her, cradles her to his chest. He's crying too. Fitz, for the first time since he saw Coulson crush Grant Ward's ribcage, actually questions everything Shield stands for. How could they take Ward from the world? Daisy loved him, loved him so much that her heart is breaking at his absence.
And Kebo, who was Ward's right hand, his friend. Coulson took Grant Ward out of their lives forever. He's dead. Gone. Never coming back. It's final this time, Ward has used up all of his nine lives. Fitz who has hated Ward just like every other Shield agent, is disgusted with himself. Eventually the weight of Daisy's grief is too much to endure. They all leave the cargo bay, Kebo and Daisy are left alone to mourn the man no one on earth will miss but them.
Kebo was there the first time Ward was gone, when he became Inhuman and led Daisy to believe he was dead. So he knows how to handle her at her worst. But this, this is a new kind of sadness. This is having someone back from the dead, believing that that was it, that death couldn't have them again, that they were safe. That Ward could survive anything then, since he was the master at cheating the Grim Reaper, no one had any doubts that he wouldn't grow old and gray with Daisy by his side.
Kebo should have paid more attention to Shield, to the grudge they held over Ward. Maybe if he'd gone in the portal with him, none of this would have happened. Hell, if Daisy went everyone knows he'd be here right now. But he's not, he's dead and his body is going to rot on some alien planet, he will never get a proper burial, Daisy will never get to say her goodbyes. Just like the first time. Kebo has never been more afraid in his life, not for himself, but for the woman clinging to him like her life depends on it. It does. She's shaking so hard it starts to hurt him, her lips are bleeding from her teeth chattering on them.
He tells her he's sorry, he's so sorry. That he won't leave her, he'll stay with her she's not alone. Daisy doesn't hear a word of it. She can't see or blink or feel or breathe. Something is literally breaking inside of her and there's this noise she registers is screaming and she knows it's her but she can't can't can't stop it. She can't. Ward is gone. Again. He died all alone, probably afraid, probably in pain. The world took the man she loves from him again. And she was powerless to stop it.
The tears Kebo can handle, the rage in Daisy's bones, the sadness that is over taking her. But when she starts laughing, he's at a complete loss. ''He, Ward was killed by some alien creature on another planet. How ridiculous is that? My god. An alien creature, when does that even happen?'' She laughs and laughs until she's crying so hard she can't breathe and her face turns blue. ''Hey hey breathe Quake. You're okay, just keep breathing. All you can do is keep breathing. Here watch me. In and out, just like that. There you go, good job''. He keeps that up for three hours.
Eventually she stops crying, wipes her face, gets off the cold floor. Kebo supports her weight and drags her to the bunk she was at. She protests, digs her heels in the ground. ''What's wrong?'' The reason she gives for not wanting to go back into that room breaks his heart. ''Ward was still alive to me then, there in that bunk he was still here. I don't want to ruin that''. They settle for a room down the hall, Daisy stands at the foot of the bed, unable to move. Kebo has been down this road before, he takes off her jacket, her shoes. Helps her under the covers, tucks her in.
She doesn't sleep. She'll have nightmares. Kebo watches her from the chair. Waiting for something, he doesn't know what yet. Maybe for her to start throwing a fit like she once did? Screaming, throwing things, breaking glass until her fingers bled. Maybe he's waiting for that or for the crying or laughing to begin. Whatever it is, he'll be there for it. Like always. Kebo takes a moment to process his own grief. Grant Ward was his boss, his friend, an invincible bastard that would have burned the whole world down given the chance. And he's gone. Lost on another planet, dead, never to breathe or smile or hold a gun in his hand.
He has experience, him and Daisy both do in mourning Ward, but it's not the same this time. This time he's not an Inhuman in hiding, he's really gone. And Kebo has never been one to cry, his father told him crying made a man weak. But he does, silently, while Daisy has her back to him and is crying too.
Daisy wakes to someone moving around the room. Was she sleeping? Or did she just drift away? She can't remember. It isn't important anyway. It's been a week. One week. Since she lost Ward. Or has it been a day? An hour? Two days? She doesn't know. All she knows is that she's back at the Playground and hasn't moved since Kebo carried her in here some time ago. She hasn't left this bed since May came in and forced her to shower. Otherwise Daisy lays here. Breathing. Because that's all she can do now. She can't blink or sleep or move or think without being in pain.
Everything hurts. A rusted knife in her chest, a thousand arrows in her back, nails in her eyes. Sometimes even breathing is hard, she can't remember the last word she said or the last meal she consumed. How do they expect her to live after this? The man she loves in dead. Dead dead. Gone never to see her again, kiss her, make her see stars when he touches her. And he's supposed to. He's supposed to be here. Things weren't supposed to go down like this. Ward should be here right now, making her laugh. But he's not and she's not moving out of this bed until she sees him again.
Coulson isn't sad about Grant Ward. He's not. He feels remorse, which is the most preposterous thing in the entire world. He comes to the conclusion that he feels bad for Daisy, that it's his fault she's in so much pain. That he's the reason she hasn't gotten out of bed in a week, she won't eat or move, that she has nightmares that wakes the entire base up from her screams. Coulson wears guilt like a coat, every time he goes to check on Daisy he wants to tell her that it's all his fault. He killed the man she loved more than anything, but he doesn't. He keeps his mouth shut because telling her won't bring him back. It will do more harm than good.
Now he's walking to her room, knocks softly on the door before entering. She's in the same position he left her in two hours ago. Buried deep under the covers, all the lights off. Kebo, ever present at her side laying next to her. Coulson can never tell if she's asleep or not, she doesn't speak. But her eyes are closed and her breathing is even. ''Are you hungry? Can I get you anything Daisy?'' No response. Not that he was expecting one. Kebo tells him to try a sandwich and some water again, that he'll try to coax some food into her. At least she hasn't started drinking yet. Yet being the key word here.
On his way to the kitchen he calls Dr. Garner, who helped Daisy the last time with Ward. ''I'm really worried about her Andrew. I don't think she'll survive this time, I really don't''. ''I'll be there as soon as I can Phil''. ''Thank you''. Coulson passes Fitz in the hall and they share the same look they have been for the past week. I know what you did, and this secret is going to kill us both. ''Sir how is she?'' Simmons asks as soon as he enters the kitchen. Mack is by her side drinking a beer. ''No change. I called Dr. Garner, he'll be here soon''. ''Why didn't you call him earlier?'' Mack questions, he has his doubts about what really happened on the other planet but hasn't voiced them yet.
''Something you want to say Mack? Are you questioning my abilities on how I take care of my agents?'' That's the guilt eating away at him. ''No Sir''. Mack drinks his beer in stony silence and takes the sandwich and water to his partner. She's like a zombie, Mack observes. And he hates it. Makes her a silent promise that he'll find out if Ward was killed, or murdered. She needs closure to move on with her life.
Even though they all know she'll never move on. She will go on in the world a shadow of her former self, half of her missing. And it's all because of revenge taking over, about Coulson hating the man she loves. Daisy will never be the same. Not ever again.