Empty house
His parents weren’t waiting for him at the station. Regulus wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t expected them to be. They hadn’t turned up since his first year, and really he was quite glad of it. It allowed him to separate his two lives as best as he could. It gave him a moment to turn from Regulus, to Regulus Black. There was a difference you see, and the only person who had ever seen both was Sirius. He’d used to have been able to flit between the two quite easily, allowing both sides of him to take turns depending upon his mood and who he was talking to. But now, with Sirius gone, it was a clear cut. At Hogwarts, he was Regulus, anywhere else and he was a Black.
Just a Black.
Having already said a quite emotional goodbye to his friends on the train, and as he lacked the strength to do it again, Regulus stepped off the train without looking back, lifting his chin and losing any ounce of himself. He had spotted Kreacher on the other end of the platform, ready to apparate him immediately to Grimmauld place. He had no luggage. Anything he cared about had been given to his friends, aware that his parents could destroy it with the flick of a wrist. No, he only had his wand, a quill and a notebook, tucked into the folds of his robes. Those and a chain around his neck holding a silver pendant in the shape of a sun, and a ring on his finger in the shape of a star.
They couldn’t be removed, he had charmed them so that only he could do so, and not if he was under a curse that could force him, but if it was of his own volition. If he was to die, then he was to die with them upon him.
Kreacher, even by his standards, looked sombre, he likely knew what was going to happen. He wasn’t immune to his master's anger, to their violence, and would have sensed an increase in it over the past few weeks. That was Regulus’ fault too, all of it was.
It was only when he was a few feet from him, that Regulus turned back, just for a moment, out of weakness. All he wanted was a final glimpse, one last image he could burn into his mind. He got what he wanted. Because there, only a few metres from him, was James. James, oh lovely James.
He was there and he looked beautiful and perfect and all Regulus wanted to do was run over to him and stay in his arms for as long as life would let him.
It was like a distant ringing in his ear, an insistent voice, calling him home.
James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James
James James James James James James James James James James James James James
Regulus could barely think, barely see- it was as if he had just adopted some sort of tunnel vision, narrowing in solely upon James. He didn’t see Kreacher approach, didn't see him open his mouth and greet Regulus, didn’t see him grab his arm ready to apparate away. All he saw was James. James reaching for him, James form Regulus’ name on his lips, James James James James James James James James James James James-
Then he felt a tugging sensation in his gut as he was pulled away.
After that all he could see was black.
. . . .
Summer breeze wafted in through the window, blossoms from the nearby tree drifting in with it- it was a warm day. And yet Regulus was still cold.
He had expected the punishment to be instantaneous, immediate, for him to arrive and be bombarded with the pain of an unforgivable. And yet, nothing had happened. He hadn’t even seen his parents. Not once in the five days he had been here had anyone talked to him, not even Kreacher. The house was empty. Food would appear on the dining table at meals, and charms were in place to stop him entering certain rooms and doing certain things. Books were laid out for him to read and rigorous tests sat on a desk in the library for him to complete. He would spend his days working his way through them, and when he was finished, finding another book to read, a harder test to do, anything to stop him thinking about– anything to stop him thinking.
Regulus wondered what would happen if he simply stopped eating, stopped doing all the tasks his parents expected him to complete. Would they appear then? Would they do so only to punish him? Would they even know? The answer to all three was yes of course, they would appear only to make him feel their wrath, before disappearing to god knows where again. Even so, he contemplated it.
Except…he couldn’t. Because if he stopped that would give him time to think, and more than anything that was something he did not want to do.
Really, he wished for his parents' return. It wasn’t that he particularly missed them, rather that their lack of presence set him on edge. The slightest noise in the soundless house would make him flinch, whip round to find a person that was never there. That was probably their intention of course. His fear was like a reward to them, better than Sirius’ anger, better than his rebellion. Regulus’ fear showed them how powerful they were. They liked that.
Whether they were watching him or not, he did not know. They probably liked that too.
Two more days passed in silence, Regulus doing exactly as he was supposed, and then some, and on the seventh day, he awoke to the sound of a creaking floorboard.
Sitting up, quickly, in his bed, Regulus strained to hear a voice whisper softly outside his door, ‘Master Regulus ... .Master Regulus they have returned.’ Then there was another quiet creek and the voice was gone.
He sat up quickly, glancing around to see if there was anything incriminating in his room, anything at all they could find a reason to punish him for. There wasn’t of course, he was too careful for that to happen. But even so, he felt the pace of his heart triple and his hands begin to shake with fear. Now they were back it wouldn’t be long before his punishment came- and the longer they put it off, the worse it was likely to be. Since it had already been delayed a week, he could only imagine what was waiting for him.
Despite his rapid heartbeat and instinct to run, he got up slowly, careful not to make a sound. He could cast muffliato, but he didn’t know whether there were spell detectant charms casted around the house that would tip his parents off- it was better not to risk it.
Silently, and haltingly, he dressed himself appropriately for their presence, an almost suitlike affair (though to describe it as such would be far too muggle for the purebloods to admit) which lacked a tie (purebloods did not wear ties, ties were a muggle invention) and was patterned intricately in swirls that resembled those of a spell from a wand. The swirls shifted slowly curling round to form a hypnotic pattern. Over the top of this he wore a long cloak, an item passed down from his father, and from his father’s father before that. It was simple, black like everything else, but held a level of power that the rest of his clothing lacked. It was warded against all spells- except those casted by a Black, rendering it largely useless in protecting him, but it provided a level of comfort nonetheless. More importantly, it was a reminder to his parents, that no matter what else, he was one of them. To finish the look he donned a pair of black gloves and a dull metal medallion with the black family crest pinned to his chest.
In the heat of a warm spring day, the outfit felt suffocating. It was the last thing he wanted to do but exactly what his parents expected from him. Regulus was trapped by it all, gasping for a breath of fresh air.
The only thing that kept him from ripping the clothing off as soon as he had put it on, was the cold of a single ring on his finger, one that held a star, and feel of a chain around his neck, that held a pendant of a sun- right over his beating heart.
Forcing his breaths to even out- he could hardly descend from his room whilst hyperventilating- he retrieved his wand from the bedside table and tucked it carefully in his robes, easily accessible but hidden at the same. Taking a final breath- perhaps his last one of peace- he opened his door and headed down the stairs. He could not be seen to know of his parents' presence, or Kreacher would be punished, and yet he could not stop the way his eyes darted around him, almost as if he expected them to jump out from nowhere. He wouldn’t put that past them either. By the time Regulus had reached the kitchen to retrieve his breakfast, he had seen no sign of anyone. It was likely that his parents would expose their presence just as soon as he began to relax..to breathe properly.
Regulus ate his breakfast alone and in silence. Often he liked to bring a book down with him to keep his thoughts at bay. Today, whilst the world was spinning around him, the thought of even trying to read made him feel sick. So he was left to his thoughts– the savage things that they were.
Afterward, he returned to the fourth floor and entered the library, finding his books to be laid out upon the table as always, and the usual stack of assignments beside them. With nothing else to do, he got started.
Silence continued to permeate from room to room, with the only sound being the scratch of his quill on the parchment and the occasional rustle of a page turn. Where other days there had been the infrequent creak of a floorboard or groan of a door, today there was nothing. It was because of the unnatural absence of noise, that he knew that he had not imagined the voice outside his door this morning, that his parents had now returned.
Even so, it did not stop him from flinching when he heard her voice sound from behind him, an hour or so before noon.
‘Regulus darling.’
He blinked his eyes shut for a moment, steadying his breath and willing his hands to stop shaking before he stood and turned around.
‘Mother.’
She frowned ever so slightly and tilted her head almost mockingly, ‘So cold a welcome from my only son?’
There. There it was. She had slipped it in so casually that if he had not been clinging on to every word then he may have not realised- too shaken in fear to understand exactly what those words meant. They knew. It was confirmation that they knew he had talked to Sirius. More than that, it was a threat, a reminder of what the consequences would be.
Though he knew she said it to forewarn him of them, to set him on edge, to force him to slip up and say something she deemed punishable- to give her an excuse (not that she seemed to need one)- he lifted up his chin and washed a cold, unreadable expression upon his face. ‘I apologise mother, for the acerbity of my greeting, I didn't mean it to be so. I was simply surprised by your presence, I was given no indication of your return. Truly, it is a relief to have you..home.’
Her frown lifted, she seemed somewhat satisfied, but Regulus knew that it was all a facade. She did not care how he greeted her, she did not care if he greeted her at all. It simply gives her an opportunity to show disappointment in him, to toy with him.
‘Well, be that as it may, I expect better next time, you should know never to be unprepared in the House of Black.’
Regulus swallowed and nodded, ‘Of course.’ He knew better than to apologise for a second time, not when it would show weakness.
‘I see that you have been keeping up with your studies.’
So he was right, they were watching him.
‘Yes mother.’
‘Good, what that school teaches you is not enough. They show too much leniency in too many topics, to let Mudbloods in the school is bad enough, to teach you about them is truly abhorrent. And they lack knowledge of the importance of the Dark Arts, instead teaching you cowardice and useless defensive spells. They are most incompetent.’
‘Yes mother.’
‘What do you think of the school Regulus?’
A trick, most certainly a trick. There was no way he could outright disagree with her- not if he wanted to live until dinner that was- by talking of how he truly felt about the school, that he loved it more than almost anything. But to agree with her, to discuss its negatives and issues would give her incentive to pull him out of the school forever. It may have already been her plan, but to provide ammunition for it would be downright foolish. Regulus decided to say neither, instead parroting what was a fact- not opinion.
‘Hogwarts is the best wizarding school in Britain, Mother.’
A cold smile stretched across her face, ‘Yes, but not in the world.’
Regulus felt a cold shiver wrap around him at her words. To go to another Wizarding school would not be the worst outcome- it would certainly be better than being kept with his parents until he married- but the thought of it….he couldn’t bear to think of it really.
‘Is it not?’ He replied carefully, not wishing to anger her.
It didn’t work. ‘You dare question my word, child.’
‘Of course not Mother, I was simply curious–’
‘Well don’t be.’ She snarled.
His first mistake of what was likely going to be many. The Black’s were not allowed to be curious. Curiosity involved a child-like nosiness that was unsuitable and unfitting for a Black. It entertained the concept of a child having a mind of their own, thoughts and feelings not prescribed to them by someone superior.
Sirius was curious.
Regulus remained silent, so as not to instigate further argument.
She raised an eyebrow at his lack of reply before turning around and stepping out of the room, pausing only momentarily to look back over her shoulder at him and add, ‘Dinner will be at five, the whole family are to be here and you are to act befitting of the heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black.’
. . . .
If there was one thing in the world that Regulus hated more than his family, it was family dinners. When he was younger he used to love them, revel in them in fact. It gave him the opportunity to spend time with his cousins and Sirius, and most importantly, impress his parents- something that had always been at the top of his list of priorities as a child. And then Uncle Alphard had been blasted off the family tree and shunned from pureblood society. Why? Because he had dared to say something liberal and socialist, because he had declared quite callously that muggles were just as important and wizards and the muggle borns and half bloods were the only reason wizards continued to exist. Oh and that by the way he had a muggle boyfriend whom he had told all about magic.
After that, it had been chaos for a short while. The following Family dinners consisted of snarled insults to the former Black and his boyfriend, slews of homophobic and racist comments and finally a cold declaration that he never had really been part of the family, and deserved the hell that was coming for him. Regulus had never quite understood all of it. He had been too young. What he had understood however, was that his favourite uncle- the one who was always kind to him in Sirius, the one that always allowed them to be children whenever they visited- was no longer part of the family, and that he should never, ever bring him up in discussion (despite his parents doing so far too frequently).
Next was Andromeda. This one was worse in Regulus’ mind. He had been older, more aware, more understanding of how exactly his family was…wrong. He often found comfort in his older cousins, though Sirius was closest to Andromeda. Unlike Alphard, the instance had not taken place at a family dinner- in fact it hadn’t really taken place at all. Regulus simply woke up one morning to hear that she was gone. Kidnapped, they said at first. Ran away, they hissed next. Now, they said nothing at all. Later, he had heard through Narcissa (in strictest confidence) that she had in fact ran away, on account of being in love with a muggle born man- Ted Tonks. More recently, he had established an infrequent communication with her and found out that she had a daughter- Nymphadora. Regulus was happy for her. Family dinners became quieter after that.
Bellatrix came next. She did not leave the family in any such way- no she was still as loyal to the Blacks as ever. Really, Regulus is not entirely sure what brought it on. He always presumed it was something to do with Andromeda’s sudden departure, the two had always been close. Something seemed to snap within her and she went…well..mad. It wasn’t really a surprise. The Black Family madness struck at least one in every generation, and with Andromeda gone, the pressure on her doubled and a plethora of expectations were lashed upon her. That- and who her parents are- is enough to make anyone crazy. Everyone tried to ignore it, claiming it wasn’t there, that she was just a little stressed. It was hard for Regulus to ignore though. The way she seemed to lust for power, her overzealous interest in the dark arts, her downright maniacal attitude to life. Where he used to find comfort in her, he now felt uncomfortable in her company- uneasy even.
Following that was Narcissa’s marriage. Why did she do it? Regulus knew all too well why. With Andromeda gone and Bella…as she was, all of the pressure to marry and produce a suitable heir- with a suitable man- fell to her. He just wishes that the suitable man hadn’t been him. Not that she had much of a choice of course. Lucius Malfoy. Merlin, that man was a piece of work, he truly was awful- and that was coming from Regulus who came from a family of the most horrendous pieces of work. Regulus had hated him from the moment he met him. Hated his stupid leer and smug attitude, hated the way he treated Cissy as a trophy more than a wife, hated the way he only married into the family for his reputation, hated the way that Regulus knew he would treat his children- if he had any, which of course he would. Hated the way he reminded Regulus of his mother, only blonder, less intelligent and much crasser. So of course, when Narcissa came to family dinners, so would Malfoy, and Regulus would simply hate and hate and hate.
And finally, Christmas last year, Sirius had left. Regulus had seen it all happen. From the heated argument at the dinner table and the words spat harshley from one side to the other, to the punishment that followed- the screams, the blood, the laughter- to the slow crawl across the floor to the fireplace and the grasp of an ornate pot that was supposed to be placed in a locked office two floors above, to the final flash of green and the outraged cry that had followed. He had done less that he could to help him, but more that he should. Regulus had paid dearly for that evening, but less so than his brother had. The knowledge that Sirius was safe from them was more overpowering than the pain he felt. In the long term though, it didn’t last. What did however, was the reminder that he was now utterly alone in the house. He could go to none of his cousins for comfort- he had long since lost his favourite uncle- and his brother was gone forever.
The younger generation of Black had all but fallen apart, all of its hope resting on Regulus as heir. In reality he was not fit for it. He was too good, or perhaps not good enough. Either way it did not matter. The last decade or so had caused “The fall of the Black Family” as so delightedly dubbed by a 5th year hufflepuff a few months ago. Currently it seemed that Regulus was more likely to ruin them further, than save them at all.
That is why Regulus hated family dinners more than almost anything.
So, when it was time, he descended to the dining room with much trepidation, finding it already full on his arrival.
‘Reggie,’ Bellatrix purred from the seat closest to him, ‘You’re late!’
Regulus fought the urge to sigh. He had been told five by his Mother and as a consequence turned up at quarter to, knowing better than to be late. However, it seemed that she had “misinformed” him- or rather, told him the wrong time so as to isolate him from the rest of the family. He presumed this was the beginning of his punishment.
‘I apologise,’ he said, knowing that to call out his mother would be futile- she would simply twist his words into criticism- ‘It seems that I must have misheard when Mother let me know of the dinner.’
‘Tardiness is an unattractive quality Regulus,’ Walpurga gave him a cold smile, ‘It would be best to iron that out of you.’
‘Of course Mother,’ Regulus replied, before sitting down opposite to her on the table, between Bellatrix and Lucius- the only seat left.
‘So Lucius, I hear that you’ve got yourself a job at the ministry?’
And with that the dinner began.
. . . .
For three hours nothing went amiss. Though subtle barbs and snide remarks were sent his way multiple times, it was not an inordinate amount and not too many for him to handle. The seating arrangement was abhorrent, but there was little that he could do about that. All in all he despised every minute of it, so it was a fairly normal family dinner.
It was later in the evening when things…spiralled.
They had moved to the drawing room after finishing their meal and were talking largely amongst themselves when Narcissa looked him in the eye and tilted her head towards the exit of the room. He frowned at her, and she rose slowly to her feet, Regulus hesitantly followed her lead.
‘Excuse us for a moment,’ she addressed the room, ‘I would like to give Regulus some….words of wisdom concerning the news you have for him tonight,’ she smiled coyly at his family, cleary referencing something Regulus didn’t yet know about, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t share anything, but I believe a little..discussion would be helpful in preparation.’
Upon a curt nod from Walpurga, she swept at the room, Regulus following quickly- eager to get out of sight from the rest of his family. Narcissa walked past the next few rooms, only stopping when she reached the staircase, she turned back to him and said, ‘It’s best if we go up a few floors, I don’t want them overhearing.’ Then she swiftly darted up the staircase before heading along the corridor to the library- shutting the door behind and casting muffliato.
‘Cissa?’ he asked cautiously, ‘What’s going on?’
She swallowed looking at him with a determined expression, the likes of which he had never seen on her before. Though she ordinarily looked nothing like her sisters (so much so that it had been quite a scandal as she was growing up, her features often the talk of pureblood society as they wondered if she was the product of an affair) with her eyebrows drawn and her face set, she looked quite like Andromeda. ‘Look Regulus, I absolutely should not be telling you this, but I think that it’s your only chance, and if you can take it, you should.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘You’re to be engaged Regulus.’
Regulus felt his heart drop from his chest. He knew that this day would come- he always had. That he would be married off to some pureblood women to produce heirs befitting for the Black family fortune. He just never thought it would be so soon. So this was his punishment. For Sirius, for talking to him. It was worse than any curse his parents could muster. It was a chain, shackling him to the family forever.
‘I know, it’s awful Reggie.’
‘Wh- who to?’
‘A Rosier.’
Regulus started, ‘A Rosier, you mean like Ev–’
‘Yes like your friend. It’s his cousin I think. It could be worse really, you’re not closely related at least- only distantly.’
He grimaced, ‘I feel so utterly blessed.’
‘I’m sure. She’s not bad. I’ve met her a few times actually and she’s quite lovely- now I don’t think that you would love her, nor her you but I don’t think that there would be hatred between you. The issue lies with her mother- your friend’s aunt.’
Frowning, Regulus casted his mind back to the few conversations he’d had with Evan about his family. There weren’t many, as the topic was largely avoided, but he recalled one occasion when Evan had brought up his aunt in conversation- namely how abominable she was.
‘She’s…well, let's just say that she makes our family look delightful Regulus. I have no doubts that she is quite abusive to Cordelia- your soon to be fiance- and would certainly be to any children you were to have in the future, let alone you. And I know what you’re going to say- but she is much, much worse than your mother, I mean I’m not entirely convinced that Cordelia does not operate under the imperius curse most of the time.’
Regulus stared at her, ‘Why are you telling me this? My knowledge of it is not going to help me in any way, I’m still to be engaged to her.’
Narcissa looked down at her feet, taking in a long breath, ‘I’m telling you so that you say refuse to marry her.’
What?
‘What?’
Refuse? She knew that this wasn’t a choice for him, he couldn’t just say no. Of all people surely she knew that it was a luxury he did not have.
‘You heard me. You must say no Regulus. If you marry her you lock yourself in- into our family and to hers.’
‘You think I don’t know that,’ he hissed, ‘I’m well aware of the consequences but I don’t have a choice.’
‘We always have a choice.’
‘Oh come on now Cissy, you don’t truly believe that, look at us! If we really did always have a choice neither of us would be in this god forsaken house or this fucked up family.’
She raised her eyebrows at him in an amused fashion, ‘Don’t be so vulgar Regulus, what I mean is that we do always have a choice, it’s just that our alternatives aren’t always favourable.’
‘What would you have me do then- what’s my choice.’
‘You should say no, as I have said.’
‘And then what?’ He asked, ‘You can’t expect them to just let me go, they’ll just make me say yes- Mother too is not against using imperius in times of need. The only way you can actually escape this family is if–’
‘ –they no longer want you.’ She finished. ‘Exactly. What I’m suggesting is that you turn the engagement down in such a manner that your mother and father are too angered, too embarrassed to ever want you back. I know you Reggie, don’t tell me that you don’t have anything you could…reveal to us all publicly that would utterly disgust them?’
Regulus looked at her, wide eyed in shock- ‘What do you know?’
‘Nothing of course,’ she winked at him, ‘But I’m sure I will by the end of the night.’
‘They’ll kill me.’
‘Oh they might try, but if say, the floo powder was conveniently placed in the drawing room…’
Gods, could it work? Would it work? He wanted it to, merlin knows he wanted it to. But..but what had stopped him leaving in the first place still stood in his way now. Even if he managed to outrage them enough that they didn’t want him back. Even if he survived their punishment. Even if he managed to escape alive. It could be days, hours even before they realised that they needed him back. That they still required an heir- that he was the only one left and they couldn’t just let him go.
Regulus shook his head in defeat, ‘They would never let me go, Cissa, they need an heir- I’m their only option.’
‘You’re not.’
‘Do I have a sibling that I’m unaware of? Or a male first cousin for that matter- because as perfect as you are, you are not a boy so therefore you do not qualify for them- last time I checked–’
‘You’re not their only option Regulus. Currently, you are the only male heir, yes, but soon enough there will be another one in the family.’
‘Your child,’ he said in realisation, ‘But how do you know it will be a boy?’
She rolled her eyes in exasperation- an oddly casual expression for her to display- ‘I don’t. But if my first born is not then I simply will be forced to try again. That, unfortunately, is the way of it. If our family was not stuck in the 19th century then this would all not have been a problem- but to them, girls are secondary. In a way, me and my sisters are all disappointments, simply by not being a boy.’
‘I can’t put that pressure on you Cissa, I can’t burden you with all those expectations.’
‘Whether you are here or not, I am burdened by them. Please Regulus, take the chance and go! Bella is a lost cause, I cannot help her now, but you, I can do that for you. I will not see you become your parents!’
‘And you- do you think I can watch you become them either?’ He shot back.
‘You will not have to. You won’t be here.’
‘I won’t leave you!’
‘You must! You have to Regulus, please, please, if I have to beg you then I will. I will be fine. I do not live with my parents anymore, I live with my husband. As..crass and self absorbed as he is, he is not as bad as them- I know that you disagree but that is the truth. He does not treat me badly. And I will try…I will endeavour to be a good parent to my child, to not be like ours. I can survive this life. You cannot. I can see you tearing apart at the seams Regulus. If you don’t get out then you will die here. I won’t let you die.’
Tears formed in Regulus’ eyes as she talked. Narcissa had always been his favourite. She had always been like him- the perfect child, the hope for the family. She understood his need to keep quiet and unobtrusive where Sirius had not. She too had lost her sibling- both of them really. And yet she was telling him to leave. To run. To abandon the family. To abandon the Blacks.
If this had come from anyone else, he would have scoffed. Declared it stupid, a fanciful, ridiculous, idiotic plan- which it was, it truly was. She had told him to follow it anyway.
Slowly Regulus nodded, ‘I’ll do it.’
She grinned, a rare genuine grin- not like the simpering or demure smiles she plastered on during the dinner, ‘You will?’
‘Yes, yes. But you must promise to keep in touch…if..if I do manage to get out.’
She quickly agreed, ‘Of course I will, Lucius can’t stop me. He may act as if he is the one in control in public but truly I have a much higher status than him and have no qualms about reminding him of it, he doesn’t control me at all.’
‘Good, perfect actually. And if..if I don’t get out then please make my funeral as scandalous as possible.’
‘It won’t come to that.’
‘But if it does?’
She sighed, ‘Of course I would Reg- It would utterly ruin the family's reputation.’
‘Thank you.’
When he exited the room to head back downstairs a few minutes later, he held his head high and readied himself for the pandemonium that would ensue that evening.
Because if there was one thing that Sirius had taught him- it was how to be fucking dramatic.