Where the story ends
James
James grabbed the paper of his bedside table quickly before Sirius could see it retreating into the safety of his bed and pulling the curtains shut. He shouldn’t have left it out. Usually he was a lot more careful, but honestly he wasn’t expecting a message from Regulus any time soon- it’s not as if he was someone who starts a conversation unless strictly necessary. All the same– if Sirius hadn’t been shut up in the bathroom fiddling obsessively with his hair, then it could have been a very different evening.
Scrambling to reply, James realised he hadn’t got a pen with him (a handy muggle invention that made his life so much easier) and leapt out of bed and rushed to his trunk hurriedly shoving items aside until he came across what he was looking for. Upon looking up he noticed a bemused Remus smirking at him and James huffed, before deciding it was better to say nothing– he couldn’t really explain himself to be honest, it was exactly what it looked like.
Reg?
James waited for a moment- approximately 10 seconds- and having received no reply, he bent down to scribble another message.
Are you okay?
Debatable
He grinned, in Regulus speak, this meant that all was normal. Which then meant that he just wanted to talk to James (though there was probably a credible reason behind it- but James decided to ignore that). Which consequently made James very happy. Stupidly so.
Oh what woe does my dearest face. Let me rescue you from your thorned prison and whisk you off to a land of joy.
That sounds horrendous.
Hard to please are you? I know some other tricks that might do the job ;)
Did you just draw a winky face James?
Perhaps I did ;) Would you rather see it in person? Can’t say I’d blame you love.
James.
Yes dear?
Potter.
Unable to control himself James let out a laugh. He loved to tease Regulus really, it just filled him with an unmatchable exhilaration– if only he were here so James could see his cheeks turn that delightful flushed red.
Like calling me that name don’t you. Maybe one day it will be yours.
James Fleamont Potter
Oh no, don’t middle name me!
(how did you find out my middle name Regulus Arcturus Black)
Sirius yells it all the time James. I’m pretty sure the whole school knows it (and fuck off at least my middle name is fitting)
Ah yes in fitting with the theme…starboy.
Why am I talking to you?
Technically we’re not actually talking.
Okay I’m out.
No no no wait, I’ll be lonely without you.
Why did you want to talk?
‘Technically we’re not actually talking’
Regggiieeee.
Fine.
Dorcas is dragging me to the party in your common room for..reasons I cannot divulge, and I still can’t talk to Sirius. Though I doubt my parents will have anyone watching there, if Sirius notices that I’m there then he’ll make me talk to him and I’ll have to explain.
Then explain Reg. He’ll understand, you know he’ll understand.
I can’t James. I can’t do it. It’s because he understands that I won’t.
I’m not him.
Ok okay that’s fine don’t worry about it. I get it, well I don’t entirely get it, but I know you are doing it. What do you want me to do?
Just..distract him. I’ll get there late anyway and if he’s already pissed and occupied by Lupin then he won’t see me. Most likely. And if he does I’m faster than drunk Sirius.
Regulus, are you asking me to drug your brother, my best friend, then get his boyfriend to seduce him?
Yes.
No.
That’s two answers Reg.
You don’t have to purposefully make him drink. Just well, he’s always pretty pissed by the end of those parties anyway, make sure that he isn’t miraculously sober And I don’t mean for him to be seduced, just distracted. He never pays attention to anything when Lupin is within sight- just ensure that he is. If Lupin did try and seduce him when he was drunk and out of it, I would have to kill him, which would be an inconvenience.
Aww look at you caring for your brother.
Shut up.
Make me.
James.
I get it, I get it, I’m on thin ice. Don’t worry I’ll make sure Padfoot doesn’t see you. I’ll get Remus on it.
You could always leave the party early too if you know what I mean. ;))
I’m leaving.
Nooo don’t go.
Reg?
Reggiee.
Reguluuussss.
Bye love.
‘Prongs? Why are your curtains shut?’ Padfoot asked (obviously having just finished his hair- about time too)
‘Yeah James,’ Remus joined in (the bastard), ‘Are you hiding something from us mate?’
‘No?’ James replied hesitantly, stuffing the parchment in his pocket in case yep– Peter ripped open the curtains with an unimpressed look, ‘Which is why you have the curtains shut of course.’
‘Mhmm.’
Sirius sighed, ‘It’s probably something to do with his girlfriend, who I am absolutely no closer to finding out the identity of.’ He paused, ‘Are you sure it isn’t Evans. It would make sense seeing as you can actually talk to her and she seems to genuinely like you.’
‘It’s not her Padfoot.’ James hurried to clarify, ’I’m pretty sure I would know if it was her. And it’s not so..’
Flopping down on the bed Sirius groaned, a big frown evident on his forehead, which only slid off when Remus sat down beside him and gave him a kiss on the forehead, oh he was down so bad wasn’t he.
‘Why can’t you tell us again,’ Wormy questioned.
James huffed, ‘Well because it's a secret.’
‘But why?’
‘Because err,’ He hunted for a suitable excuse, ‘H–She’s just not ready to tell yet?’
‘Why not.’
‘Um..personal.’
‘Okay but–’
‘Hey maybe let's just lay off James for a bit. He’ll tell us when he’s ready, and you know how stubborn he is, despite his difficulties keeping a secret, if he really wants to keep it as one, we’ll never find out at all.’ Remus interrupted and James had to fight the urge to bound over and give him a smacking kiss in gratitude, because thank the lords– ‘However,’ Remus continued, ‘It would be good if he told us soon, or some people,’ he looked pointedly and Sirius, ‘might get a bit nosy.’
And well..he was right. If he left it too long then Pads would begin to get just a little intrusive, and would probably have no trouble at all working out who it was. Which would be bad. Even worse than if James outright told him. Neither option seemed very favourable at that point in time however, so James simply grinned and went, ‘Yeah sure,’ not meaning it in the slightest.
‘Brilliant! Should we go help Lils and the others set up the party then?’
All three of them nodded as an answer, and the group got up and headed down to the common room. It was going to be a brilliant night.
And yet James couldn’t shake an impending feeling of disaster.
. . . .
Finally, after an hour or two of the party, Sirius left the room hand in hand with Remus, grinning his infamous grin and face flushed a vibrant pink. To many others it was a suggestive move, and their intentions were very clear. However James knew that was quite the opposite to reality. Don’t get him wrong, what most people thought was often very true and James had heard way too many very intimate details Sirius had shared with him late at night.
Much of the time though, they were doing things that were affectionate and loving, yes, but also just very sweet. Like now for instance, they were going for a smoke and a stargaze (of course).
Consequently, Regulus and Dorcas were due to arrive any minute, and honestly- James was fucking vibrating in anticipation.
‘James, stop bouncing your leg so much, why are you nervous?’ Lily plonked herself down next to him, Mary- who was draped the other side of her- stumbled at the sudden drop and almost tumbled to the ground. James almost pitied her, he knew exactly what it was like to follow Lily Evans from one end of the earth to the other in hope of attention. He just hoped said girl was more receptive of Mary’s feelings, they would be lovely together.
‘Um, well I’m waiting for someone to arrive I guess.’ James stuttered, knowing she would understand, as she already knew of whom he spoke.
‘Oh they’re coming!’ She sounded unexpectedly delighted by the announcement, even as Mary frowned in confusion, ‘I honestly wouldn’t have expected them to.’
‘Neither would I to be honest, though I rather think that they’re being dragged here rather than coming of their own free will,’ he replied wryly.
‘Hold on who are we talking–’ Mary started, but James lost the rest of her sentence as his eyes were drawn to a certain figure entering through the portrait hole.
Regulus was dressed immaculately, as always, but the usual formality of his clothing was missing, replaced by a warmer, more casual feel. He still was draped in all black, as suited him best really, but shining out were specks of golden jewellery. Rings, necklaces, and oh gods that was an earring. To further that his top was tight, outlining the muscles James knew to be surprisingly defined despite his lithe figure. Oh and his hair. James must have let out a garbled groan at the sight. It was positively godly. He looked like an angel. Or a devil. James wasn't really sure. Because wasn’t the devil supposed to appear as what you desired the most– as what you found the most beautiful. If so, then Regulus was most certainly his devil.
‘Oh.’ That was Mary again, obviously having followed his line of sight, but he wasn’t listening. He couldn’t hear anything at all. Nothing but a distant ringing and rustle of a white flag, waving as a sign of surrender.
‘I think we’ve lost James,’ Lily hissed amusement evident in her tone.
They had, they truly had. He was lost to the beauty of Regulus Black, forever and always. He would likely die still lost to him– what a way to go.
Regulus didn’t walk over to him, didn’t even look at him. Just stalked over to the drinks table with Dorcas on his heels as James stared on the lovesick fool he was.
There was a pause, in which both girls just looked at him with absolute pity, before Lily nudged him and tilted her head towards the table, ‘Go on then.’
‘What?’
‘Well you’re not going to sit here all night and stare at him are you, that would be such a waste..go talk to him.’
‘Okay,’ James replied, jumping up, ‘Okay I’m going to go talk to him.’
He stood, not taking a step towards the other boy and whipped back round to Lily, ‘I can’t Lils, he’s too pretty.’
Mary snorted and he glared at her, sighing she relented, ‘It’s fine James, you’re pretty too I guess.’
‘I am?’ James beamed, ‘You think I’m pretty.’
She groaned, ‘Yes, it’s a good job too- almost makes up for your lack of brain cells.’
Lily swatted her gently, and she immediately snatched her gaze away from James to focus on the hand that now lay on her arm. James gave her a sympathetic smile, which she pointedly ignored, before taking a deep breath and heading towards Regulus.
He was now leant in a back corner, Dorcas at his side, surveying the room intently, possibly looking for someone (James hoped it was him). Dorcas seemed to be occupied by searching the room for someone, their face lighting up when she spotted a dancing blonde girl who happened to be…Marlene. Well that was interesting. James absolutely had to set them up now. It was a need really.
By the time he looked back over to the corner, Regulus had stopped scanning the room, his gaze intently pinning James where he stood. Oh. Oh James didn’t know what to do with that look. He didn’t know what to do with that look at all. He had never been looked at like that. It lit his insides on a flame as a fire ravaged his chest. It made him feel. So much and yet so little at all. He could focus on nothing but it.. It consumed him, little by little until all was left was Regulus- at his heart.
‘Regulus,’ he breathed, swallowing as he looked at the boy, ‘You came.’
The corner of Regulus’ mouth tipped up into what was almost a smile, ‘Of course I did.’
‘Oh,’ James didn’t know what to say, or how to breathe honestly so he just stared and stared and stared.
‘Oh for Merlins sake,’ Dorcas groaned, ‘I will not stand here all evening with you two eye-fucking each other. Please, just save us all and go and shag already.’
Regulus’ whipped his head to face her, turning away from James- what a pity- ‘Or perhaps Cas, you could do us all a favour and go and talk to a certain someone, isn’t that why we’re here in the first place.’
Before Dorcas could get a word in, James flashed them a grin and added, ‘Yeah, I’m sure Marlene would enjoy some conversation. Especially from you.’ Her eyes narrowed dangerously, but James' smile only widened, and finally they huffed and stalked off, hopefully to talk to a certain blonde.
His eyes tracked her for only a second, before they were focused back upon Regulus. He still couldn’t seem to form words, so he just looked at him, surveying the absolute beauty he displayed.
‘So I take it you like the outfit.’
A sort of mangled noise excited James’ mouth in answer. To say he liked it would be a gross understatement.
Again the corner of Regulus’ mouth twitched up and his knees almost buckled at the sight, good lords.
‘Are you just going to stare all night then?’
‘Might do.’
‘I can think of much better uses of your time.’
Was Regulus flirting with him? It definitely sounded like he was flirting with him. James was so gone if Regulus started flirting with him. Because look, he may have been a major flirt himself- but as soon as anyone returned the favour he turned to a blushing mess. A bit embarrassing really. Though he couldn’t find it in himself to feel that way now.
‘Are you flirting with me, Regulus Black?’
‘Why would you ever think that,’ Regulus began before leaning in slowly until he was inches from James, ‘I was being dead serious.’
Another choked noise left his mouth and in a moment of panic he glanced back at Lily, hoping for some help, instead he only got a quick thumbs up and a fleeting, “you're doing great” expression. Before he could even signal that he was not in fact, doing great a hand clasped his face and tugged him back.
Oh, oh, the look that Regulus was giving him, it could make even the bravest warrior raise their arms in surrender. It was harsh and cold and yet filled James with something so warm. He was sure that it wasn’t supposed to be attractive but– merlin, if it wasn’t the most stunning thing he had ever seen.
‘I was talking to you.’
‘So you were,’ James breathed, not moving an inch- clutched in the deadly grip of a viper.
‘Don’t look away when I’m talking to you, especially if you're going to look at her.’
Regulus was being so, so bold. So daring. James loved it. He loved h-
‘James?’
Oh. He’d forgotten to reply. He did that sometimes- with Regulus. Any other thought than “pretty, pretty, pretty”, tended to exit his brain. A bit of an issue really.
‘She’s not, I mean, we’re friends Regulus…you don’t have to–’
‘I’m not jealous,’ Regulus cut across, the muscle twitching in his jaw.
James grinned, ‘I think you are, love.’
Somehow, the term of endearment seemed to calm Regulus a little, and he dropped his hand from James’ face and stepped back. He missed the contact immediately.
‘No no no, come back,’ James pleaded, never one to hold back his inner thoughts, ‘I miss you.’
Evidently amused Regulus replied, ‘James. I am right in front of you.’
‘Yes but you’re not touching me.’
‘Well I can’t do that properly here, can I?’
And well, he made a fair point didn’t he. James was never one to argue with logic.
So that was how they ended up in an abandoned corridor half an hour later. Their bodies entwined, breaths mingling, hearts racing.
James loved moments like this. When they were both coming down from that high, basking in pleasure, brains empty of thought. He couldn’t get enough of it. He couldn’t get enough of Regulus. His head was currently nestled in the other boy's neck and his lips were locked at a certain weak point behind his ear, Regulus letting out a series of shaky breaths in response.
Looking back he would always reminisce on how perfect this moment was, how utterly flawless and divine it felt. Before everything went wrong.
Down the corridor, a loud thud made both of them jump apart in panic, wands pulled out as a reflex. There, staring with wide eyes, was Leianna, her stack of books she was carrying toppled to the floor.
‘Leianna..don’t–’
James didn’t even get to finish before she interrupted, ‘I won’t…tell anyone that is. Your secret is safe.’
Picking up her books as quickly as possible she turned on her heel and strode back down the length of the corridor and promptly disappeared from sight. James turned back to Regulus and upon spotting a worried look upon his face he reassured, ‘She won’t tell anyone. Really. You can trust her.’
Regulus swallowed, ‘Right. But she could have been anyone. We need to be more careful.’
‘Yeah…no sure of course.’
‘I’ve got to go.’ Regulus announced suddenly sounding rushed and winded, before abruptly hurrying off away from James.
Caught off guard by the sudden departure James blinked before calling, ‘Regulus- wait.’
But he was already gone.
. . . .
Something was definitely off with Regulus. James could tell.
They met up as normal, they talked as normal, they acted normal– and yet something was definitely amiss. There was certainly something going on but James just couldn't quite put a finger to it. He supposed it could very likely be the imminent holiday and the thought of going back to that house, which was of course understandable. But…it wasn’t just that. James was sure of it. He knew Regulus, even if he didn’t want to be known.
There was nothing he could do though, as every time he tried, so very hard, to bring it up- to ask- he got shut down immediately. “Everything is fine James stop fussing” and then Regulus would go cold and shut himself off and James wouldn’t have the opportunity to ask questions at all.
Maybe he is tired of me, maybe he just doesn’t know how to let me down, the thought has flashed across his mind many more times than he would be willing to admit. It was plausible. They.. well they hadn’t made any promises to be together forever or anything– James didn’t even know if they were truly together at all. He just..well he didn’t want to consider it. At all. And then there was the fact that Regulus was nothing if not direct. If he wanted it to be done, he would say so- and wouldn’t hold back on it either.
No. James didn’t know what was bothering Regulus. And if he couldn’t ask, the least he could do was offer what little he had.
He brought it up late one evening, a week or so before the Easter holidays. ‘Regulus..’
He could hear the other boy sigh, reading the tone of his voice- ‘Yes James?’
‘You know that err conversation we had in the cupboard the other day, when you um told me what your parents wer–’
‘I do James what’s your point in bringing this up,’ Regulus’ voice came out harsh, losing any softness at the mention of his family.
‘I just wondered whether you had thought more on my offer.’
‘What offer?’
‘That you could come and live with me- with my family, if it got bad– or if it didn’t just um if you want.’
‘No.’
‘No you won’t or?’
‘I haven’t thought about it.’
James swallowed, thinking carefully on what to say, ‘Well I just wanted to add that er, if you were holding back on it because of me, because you thought I might expect things from you in return– expect you to keep this going– you don’t have to worry. I don’t expect anything in return. I just want you to be safe, to be happy. That’s all. And if you don’t find that with me then that’s alright too, I just want you to think on the offer.’
Regulus sat up to look at him properly, his arms resting either side of James, hair a little ruffled from where it had been resting on James’ chest. ‘Are you saying that we shouldn’t keep this going?’ His face was blank, but his voice carried an undertone of hurt. That wasn’t good, James never intended to hurt him.
‘No, no I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that if you don’t want to and that’s holding you back–’
‘James.’ Regulus frowned at him, ‘Stop. I’m not– That’s not why I’m unsure of it. I..well I have other reasons too. You are not a problem. I don’t want to end this.’
‘Oh,’ James felt a smile spread across his face, feeling unbearably fond, ‘So.. so you’re happy.’
‘With this, yes.’
‘Right, but not with other things.’ James frowned again.
‘It’s complicated. I- I don’t really want to talk about it.’
‘Okay.’
He was aware that he couldn’t force Regulus into talking about things, just sometimes, he wished that he could be a little more forthcoming. It would do him so much good if he just— let someone else help him.
Unable to persuade him to do so, James pulled Regulus close to him- encircling him- holding him as tightly as he could- never wanting to let him go. He wasn’t sure that he could.
. . . .
James honestly didn’t expect people to be surprised when he sneaked in, ten minutes late, to his defence against the darks arts lesson- it wasn’t as if this was an unusual occurrence after all. As it was, he had come straight from Regulus’ dorm after oversleeping and only had time so grab the clothes he had dumped by the bed last night, pull them on, and cover himself with the cloak so as to exit the common room undetected. Regulus had still been asleep, and James didn’t want to wake him (he looked far to angelic) so sure, he hadn’t had the opportunity to do his hair or check his reflection– he couldn’t look that bad could he?
And yet, as he slumped down in his seat, second row next to the window, a bout of whispers broke out, irritatingly calling out his entrance to the teacher.
‘Detention tonight Mr Potter, my office at 8 a’clock,’ said Professor Thorpe, without evening turning his back on the board he was writing a series of instructions upon.
‘Yes Professor,’ James answered resignedly before turning to whisper something to Sirius, only to notice the other boy's mouth was agape with shock.
‘Padfoot? You good?’
Sirius didn’t reply, only blinked- comically slow- a couple of times, looking a little like a goldfish.
‘What is it? Do I look that bad? Why is everyone staring at me, I mean not that I’m complaining, but it's a little off putting.’ James glanced down in an attempt to find the cause of such shock, only to find it immediately.
Shit.
Around his neck, tied in a haphazard manner was a Hogwarts tie. One that was not the dark red of Gryffindor, but rather, the emerald green of Slytherin.
Oh shit, shit, shit. Regulus was so going to kill him. They would never find his body. It would be dissolved at the bottom of the black lake, or transfigured into something embarrassing- and no one would want him and he would be thrown away or incinerated. Or worse, he would lock him in one of those cupboards that no one ever checks, or maybe ask the room of requirement to create his worst nightmare and then just leave him there to be eternally petrified.
Fuck. His parents would never know what had happened to him, or his friends, they would just have to miss him for the rest of their lives- they better miss him that his. Did he have time to write a letter of explanation before he died? Wait but he wouldn’t be able to tell them that Regulus killed him because then he would end up in Azkaban, which would be awful. James would rather die than let someone he loved end up in Azkaban. Well he was going to die anyway wasn’t he.
‘Mr Potter, not only have you turned up late for my lessons, but you have done so in the incorrect uniform. And now you elect not to answer my questions. That will be another detention, tomorrow night too. If you do not correct your uniform and start to pay attention, I will make that a triple detention is that clear.’
‘Err, yes Professor.’
‘Good.’
James quickly pulled the tie off his neck and stuffed it in his bag, refusing to look at Sirius. Honestly he wasn’t sure what to say. He knew his friend would have no problem with his “Girlfriend” being in Slytherin- both of them having gotten over their arbitrary contempt towards the house in general several years ago- but it was one step closer to the truth than James would have liked to have gotten. And if Sirius found out who his “girlfriend” truly was. Well, then . Regulus wouldn’t have to kill him. James would likely already be dead.
It wasn’t until the end of the lesson when Sirius finally got a word in. All three of his friends rounding on him as soon as they left the classroom with identically raised eyebrows. Feeling a little cornered, James automatically defended, ‘It’s not what it looks like,’ before immediately wincing due to the fact that it was exactly what it looked like.
‘What so you didn’t stay overnight in a dorm with your girlfriend, your slytherin girlfriend, and then put on her tie in the morning. Probably after taking it off yourself the night before,’ Sirius tilted his head in question.
‘...No?’
It wasn’t a lie, he wasn’t lying. He hadn’t stayed over with his girlfriend, he didn’t have a girlfriend. He had a….well he had a Regulus.
‘Hmm, then what? You simply managed to transfigure your tie..for fun?’
‘...yes?’
James’ reply was met with three faces of disbelief, and he held out a full five seconds before caving in, ‘Fine fine, you were right. I stayed over with them. And yes, they're in Slytherin, is that a problem?’
On the contrary, Sirius looked downright gleeful, ‘Brilliant, that narrows it down to one house. Now I’m soo much closer to finding out who it is. I can’t believe you stayed over with them. Have you done that before? Is that why you’re always gone in the mornings, not because you’re up early for “extra quidditch practice”. Have you been lying to us all this time?’
This was exactly what James was afraid of. Sirius was now likely to go into full detective mode- he was going to have to be really careful from now on.
‘I haven’t been lying all the time,’ James started, looking at Sirius’ incredulous expression, ‘No really, I do go for early morning quidditch practices all the time, just sometimes with th–’ he cut himself off quickly, realising what important information he had accidentally let slip.
Unfortunately Sirius noticed too and exclaimed, ‘Oooh! She plays quidditch, that narrows it down even further, is she on the team? Maybe Reggie knows her, I should ask him,’ seeming to momentarily forget that his brother wasn’t talking to him. A moment later his face darkened and on slid a look so unreadable and detached that James wondered how long he had been training himself to do that. How long both of the brothers had been teaching themselves how to hide any unwanted emotions. Whether they would ever learn they didn’t have to- not with him.
‘Err no,’ James said quickly, in an effort to distract his friend, ‘They’re not necessarily on the team, I just play with them sometimes. Anyway, let's get going, we’ve got Minnie next and you know she loathes when we’re late.’
Sirius flashed him a smile, but James saw it for what it truly was. Just another mask.
Remus looped his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders and gave James a sympathetic smile, knowing exactly how conflicted he must currently feel. And he did, gods he really did. Because Sirius was dying to talk to Regulus, he needed to- to convince himself that it was okay, that Reg was ok. Regulus needed to talk to his brother too, it gave him a lifeline. Someone who knew everything and had grown up with him in that house with those people, and yet had got out and kept going. But he couldn’t. Because of their fucking parents.
And all the while James was dancing round Sirius’ back with his brother- keeping secrets for them both.
He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last.
They said goodbye to Peter (who was heading for Herbology after electing not to take Transfiguration NEWT and having called them: “Fucking over-achieveing lunatics” for all wanting to take it- which was fair honestly).
Sirius was off all morning. Nothing any of them did could change it and James felt so fucking guilty even if he knew that he wasn’t the problem. He wished that he could be part of the solution, he just didn’t know how.
Eventually Sirius begged off saying he was going to go to the astrology tower- James suspected he just wanted a moment alone to drop the facade. If only he knew that he could do that with them too.
Despite the good start to the day, it was rapidly going downhill and he couldn’t quite help but feel that it was only going to keep getting worse.
. . . .
‘Well look who finally surfaced.’
Regulus narrowed his eyes at Evan, still slightly bleary from sleep and marginally disappointed by the lack of James when he woke up- which is stupid. James had lessons, obviously he had to get up. Nonetheless in his drowsy state he had awoken and immediately reached out for the other boy, only to find him missing.
‘Don’t say that you sound like my mother,’ Pandora scolded, frowning at Evan as she swatted him lightly on the arm.
By some miracle, or perhaps just the gods handing out a favour, they all had a free period first thing on Monday morning, which really made up for all the other shit going on in his life right now. Consequently, they all (even Dora) inhabited the Slytherin common rooms for the hour- though it was already half done thanks to Regulus sleeping in.
‘Well he certainly doesn’t sound like mine so that’s a positive.’
Barty snorted, too used to his shitty coping mechanisms to even frown at him- Pandora did though, she always did.
‘I’m being serious though-’
‘That’s my brother.’
‘Shut up,’ Evan whacked him over the head as he sunk into the sofa, ‘You literally never sleep in that long.’
It was true. He didn’t. He was just so tired at the moment, so much was going on and he just..couldn’t keep up with it. Plus James had been there, so he’d slept pretty deeply. Regulus shrugged, not really knowing what to reply, he couldn’t exactly explain what was going on. Pandora knew of course, so she looked at him with pity. He couldn’t look back.
‘You won’t guess what you missed whilst you were gone though Reggie.’
‘Gone? You make it sound like he was dead.’
‘Well he might have been for how deeply he was sleeping- did you see him Evan? It was like someone had replaced his body with a fucking corpse.’
‘Oh and you don’t sleep like that? Do you know how many times I’ve had to–’
‘Okay, okay, okay,’ Regulus cut off Evan and Barty’s useless bickering- fully aware of the fact that they could carry it on for hours, ‘What did I miss?’
‘Oh nothing, just that Dorcas here,’ Barty pointed at said girl who, now Regulus thought about it, had been suspiciously quiet throughout the whole exchange, ‘ –finally got her act together and asked out Mckinnon.’
‘Shit really?’ Regulus looked at Pandora for confirmation who gave an excited nod, ‘Congrats Meadows, I honestly thought that she was going to have to ask you out first, I didn’t think that you’d ever get round to it.’
Dorcas gaped at him in mock offence, ‘I will have you know that I am very bold and outgoing, and have asked out many girls in my time.’
Snorting Evan replied, ‘Yeah but not ones that you’ve been pining after for like two years.’
‘It hasn’t been two years.’
‘Has to.’
‘Oh fuck off Rosier. I did ask her out first and I was very bold and outgoing in my manner. If my hands shook a little then so what. And maybe I only did it because I knew for certain that she liked me, but so what. I still did it.’
‘Wait wait wait,’ Regulus interrupted, his mind reeling a little, ‘How did you know that she liked you.’
Dorcas blushed- which left Regulus even more bewildered as he had never, ever, seen her blush- ‘Okay well we might have kissed at that party last week.’
‘WHAT?’ Pandora shrieked, almost falling out of her chair in shock.
‘It’s not a big deal we just–’
‘IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL? DORCAS YOU’RE PRACTICALLY IN LOVE WITH HER. KISSING HER IS VERY MUCH A BIG DEAL.’
‘Look Dora, it was all a bit confusing and we didn’t really have time to sort things out and then she had some issues with her family and couldn’t talk- and so I only had the opportunity to see her yesterday so really–’
‘And yet you’ve had all week to talk to me.’
‘I feel like I’m watching some really dramatic betrayal,’ Barty whispered to Regulus, who simply watched in amusement, ‘Do you have any popcorn?- This is the best thing that has happened in months.’
Evan cleared his throat, looking eagerly between the two girls, ‘Is this a good time to mention that I already knew.’
‘WHAT?!’
Barty roared with laughter.
All in all it was a good morning.
. . . .
A couple of hours later, Regulus was strolling down a corridor heading for his second class of the day. There had been an irritating abundance of whispers during his first lesson, and it was beginning to give him a headache if he was being honest. He wished people would just- shut up. What did they even have to talk about? It was a monday for fucks sake. Nothing ever happened on a monday.
After the excitement of the morning, he had left it till the last moment to get ready, so sure, he didn’t look entirely well put together at the moment. He just hoped it didn’t get back to his parents that “he wasn’t upholding the reputation of the family” by looking ever so slightly scruffy. With his luck it would. Just another thing to add to the list.
Talking of shit luck, as he rounded the corner he managed to bump directly into the person he wanted to see the least.
‘Reggie.’
He tried to keep walking, maybe Sirius would get the hint for once and maybe, I don’t know, grow some brain cells and realise Regulus didn’t want to talk to him.
Nope.
‘Regulus, god dammit stop walking away from me.’
He kept walking.
‘Regulus, I want to talk to you- what’s going on?’
Finally having enough, Regulus whirled around practically snarled, ‘Sirius. I don’t want to talk to you. I can’t talk to you. Don’t you get it- you’re making everything worse for me, you’re ruining everything. Leave me the fuck alone.’
Sirius didn’t reply, only gaped at him in shock, and Regulus wondered if he had managed to perform a miracle and manage to shut his brother up for once. That was until he realised exactly what Sirius was staring at.
His tie.
His red and gold, Gryffindor, tie.
Merde.
James must have taken his this morning by accident, oh Regulus was going to kill him. They would never find his body. Oh gods and everyone had seen him this morning in potions. That was what they were whispering about on a fucking Monday morning. People must have seen James too, and then they were going to add things up and then his parents would find out. No, no, no.
Shit.
He knew that they had to be more careful. He knew that something like this was going to happen. And yet he kept seeing James because he just couldn’t stop. He would have to stop wouldn’t he.
‘You have a boyfriend in Gryffindor!!??’ Sirius exclaimed far too loud, and oh Regulus had forgotten he was there.
‘Shut up,’ he hissed back, hoping, praying that no one had heard, tugging the tie of his neck whilst he still could.
‘No, who is it?’
‘I am not going to tell you.’
‘Why not?’
‘You’re not entitled to that information.’
‘I’ll find it out anyway, please Reggie.’
‘No, and don’t call me that.’ Regulus tried to turn away but Sirius grabbed his bag and pulled him back, the annoying little shit that he was.
‘Fine I’ll work it out myself. What are the options? There's the year below you, but I don't really know anyone in that year- I’ll have to find out their names later. Or there's your year, which had Orman and Richard and Edsel, oh and that ginger guy, I don’t know his name. And there’s our year of course, but it’s obviously not me or Remus that would be..eww I can’t even think about it. So then it’s Pete or James I guess, neither of which would make any—-’
Sirius stopped in the middle of his tirade, an odd look flashing across his face and a cold feeling slithered down Regulus’ spine in response. There was no way that he could know. He couldn’t. It would mean…Regulus didn’t want to consider what it would mean.
‘James..’ He paused upon the name, shaking his head slowly in what looked to be disbelief.
No.
Regulus wanted to run and run, and never stop. He wanted to turn to stone and never move from where he stood- a statue in resemblance of his sins.
He was Icarus, who had flown too close to the sun and now was burnt and blistering. His wax wings had been melting for too long, and it was now that he fell, plummeting for the ocean below. Ready to drown through his own indulgence. If he simply stuck to the path he wouldn’t have fallen so, so far. He wouldn’t be choking in the icy depths of the ocean.
‘James.’
Sirius closed his eyes, as if saying goodbye to the peace of oblivion, before turning and running away without a word. The pathetic thing was, that it wasn’t even the first time.
He knew.
Of course he did.
But he said nothing. What was the reason in talking to Regulus anyway, when he had James as an alternative. He too, would make the same choice. He had made the same choice. And now Icarus was drowning, and Regulus was too.