Roman / Reader - Part 2
The next morning you were woken up quite early because it was time to run some tests to see whether you could be dispatched from hospital within a week or not. You got poked with needles for blood samples, got your brains scanned as well as your midsection x-rayed before you were put under anesthesia and an enteroscopy was performed to see if the stab wounds in your stomach had already healed and you could move from mere liquids to actual foods. When all the necessary procedures had been taken care of you were hauled back to your room where a nurse already waited for you with a washing cloth. She was going to clean you up since you couldn’t take a shower yet and at the same time check that your stitched wounds had not gotten infected.
The nurse covered the bed with curtains and then helped you to get undressed. Undressing yourself was an easy task taking into consideration that you were wearing only a hospital gown that was open from the back and therefore effortless to slide on and off as needed. The nurse wiped your skin with warm water and some kind of antiseptic cleaning foam that smelled of hospital and after that she started to check the stitched injuries one by one. You had been stabbed thirteen times and even though some of the stab wounds were not deep and located in the critical areas of your body, it was basically a miracle that you had survived. You heard the door to the hospital room opening and thanked your luck, or more properly the nurse’s professionalism, that the curtains had been closed before this operation had begun.
- What’s up? a deep voice of a man asked. You recognized the voice instantly and hoped that the guy had some decency and wouldn’t take a look inside the curtains. Sure, you were engaged to him, kind of, and after dating for eighteen months he most certainly had seen you naked before but it didn’t matter; you did not want him to see in such vulnerable state and therefore you sighed relieved when you heard him sitting down in the armchair that had been lifted a bit further away from the bed.
- Oh, Roman, hi. you replied and then continued casually “The nurse is checking the stitches.” You heard Roman opening a bag of chips and making few “Uh-huh” –noises during your pauses. “You know, to make sure that the wounds are not getting infected” you added and turned your head away because you didn’t like seeing the injuries.
- Snitches get stitches. Roman mumbled with his mouth full of chips. You heard him saying something but it was impossible to make anything out from it due to the loud crunching noises.
- What did you say? you asked and turned to look at Roman’s direction. There was a curtain between you and him but you were hoping that you would hear him better if you were facing him. You couldn’t move a lot due to the nurse constantly telling you to stay still but at least you were able to move your head.
- Uhm… nothing. Roman said instantly with a tone that made him sound like he had been caught doing something that he wasn’t supposed to. The nurse rolled her eyes, apparently she had heard the comment but just as you were going to ask her what Roman had said, he asked “Is that a possibility?” You got distracted for your previous thoughts and soon heard him adding “To get an infection.”
- Yeah. But I suppose everything looks alright. Doesn’t it? you asked and before the nurse managed to comment, you added “The nurse is nodding so it’s fine.” The nurse sighed and shook her head but you gestured her not to say anything.
- Good to hear. Roman commented and took one mouthful of chips. You listened to the crunching again and when the man had emptied his mouth and there was silence in the room once more, excluding the constant beeping sound of course, you cleared your throat to get his attention.
- I also had an enteroscopy earlier today. you stated casually while lying on the bed practically naked, although partially covered by the hospital gown.
- What’s that? he asked curiously, stood up and walked to the window.
- It’s… a procedure. you began hesitantly, not really sure how wise it was to share the details of the medical procedures done to you with a person who was, as far as you were concerned and aware, a stranger. However the silence was getting too awkward to handle. “Basically they put a thin tube that had a camera attached to it into my stomach to see if I can start eating again” you explained and gasped from sudden pain when the nurse felt your lower stomach to see if there were sore spots, which there were, multiple.
- That sounds… nasty. Uncomfortable. Roman stated, scanning the outside world from the window. There were cars coming and going, ambulances arriving and leaving as well as emergency personnel running around as they pushed the most urgent patients to the ER on their stretchers.
- Yeah, except thanks to anesthesia, I didn’t feel a thing. you commented and made an “Ouch” –sound when the nurse applied pressure on a sore spot.
- Well, that’s a relief. Even a thought of someone shoving a camera down my throat… he spoke and then added “…Makes me gag.” He sounded disgusted and rightfully so; it was not a particularly enjoyable thing to experience, anesthesia or no anesthesia. However then he blurted out something that you wouldn’t have wanted to hear. “Although as a woman you have gotten used to taking it deep into your throat” he said and chuckled smugly. “A thin camera shouldn’t be a problem” he added, probably assuming that he was being funny.
- Because I am a woman. you commented and rolled your eyes. “Right” you scoffed and squeezed your both hands into tight fists to process the wave of great irritation that was hitting you like a tsunami. However you decided not to say anything further because you didn’t want to seem like a snob who didn’t understand humor.
- It was inserted through your mouth, wasn’t it? Roman asked suddenly.
- What? you asked with a confused tone as you stared at his form through the curtain. He appeared as nothing more than a shadow on the fabric but since he was standing by the window, it was easy to see where he was.
- They could have just shoved it up into your ass. he blurted. “Enough lube and no anesthesia needed” he continued, chuckled a few times and then stated “You might have even enjoyed it.”
- Excuse me? you exclaimed and scoffed. “Oh well then I should have enjoyed getting stabbed too because according to man logic women like to be penetrated” you hissed while glaring daggers at the tall man through the curtain. At this very point you hoped nothing more than Roman feeling the daggers for real.
- Chill out! I’m just kidding. Roman stated and chuckled in a way that made it clear to you that in his opinion you were overreacting. You were silent. “So, can you?” he asked curiously after the silence had gotten unbearable.
- Can I what? you asked with an extremely and profoundly annoyed tone, emphasizing every single word to make you sound a bit more threatening.
- Start eating? he asked, sounding sincerely curious and concerned this time.
- Yeah. you sighed and exhaled, hoping to get rid of the annoyance and frustration like that. You wanted to feel calm mentally so you would be able to have a conversation with Roman like an adult and actually get somewhere, instead of just getting more and more bothered which didn’t help your situation at all. “Only mild foods for now” you replied, this time your tone was quite neutral and unthreatening.
- Like, baby foods? Roman asked or more like blurted.
- Oh my gosh, Roman! you exclaimed and groaned. “Perhaps in your world there are only two types of foods…” you spoke fast with deep frustration in your voice, gasped quickly and then continued “…The food that has been laced with jalapenos and chili… and baby food.” Roman stayed silent for now while you took few sharp gasps more and then added with the same quick pace “In the real world, however, there are plenty of things to choose from between those two extremes.” The nurse took a glance at you, smirked and then put her medical instruments away. She helped you to get dressed in the hospital gown and after you had been tucked in with the blanket, she pulled the curtains aside.
- Actually, it would be good if you ate baby food for a week or two. she spoke with a slightly smug and gleeful tone. Her statement made Roman laugh and the tall man actually laughed uninterruptedly until the nurse had left the room.
- Unbelievable. you commented and lifted the hospital bed into a sitting position. “Tell me, Roman, am I dating a man-child?” you asked with a sarcastic tone. Roman shifted his gaze from the window to you and furrowed his brows. “Just… tell me now” you said and then added “Because it sure seems to me that I am.”
- Uh, why are you… What… Uh… Roman stammered and rubbed his soul patch nervously. He had not meant to offend you so seeing you react like this was making him confused.
- My suffering seems to amuse you a lot. you stated and shook your head while keeping your eyes fixed on the tall man. “I don’t need that from you” you declared proudly and after a brief pause, continued with the same firm tone “So if that is the level of the support you’re offering me, it is just better that you’ll go.” Roman furrowed his brows, grabbed a cigarette that he was carrying around behind his ear and smirked.
- Fine. he said with a cold, emotionless tone and spoke bitterly as he went through the pockets of his pants to find a lighter “But don’t crawl back and cry to me when you feel lonely and miserable without me.”
- Well that sounds highly unlikely. you commented instantly, sounding just as cold and emotionless. Roman scoffed and cursed half aloud because he had forgotten the lighter somewhere.
- All that bitching and moaning is making me fucking sick! he growled with an angry spark in his eyes. You scoffed and stared at him with an expression that made it perfectly clear that you couldn’t quite believe how the guy was talking to you.
- You know what? you said, shook your head as you scoffed and folded your arms. You hoped you could have left the bed, walked to him and stood up to him even though he was a lot taller and bigger than you were and therefore had a physical vantage over you. However, unfortunately you were not well enough yet to get up on your feet and hold your ground standing up. That was why you had to defend yourself and your dignity from the comfort of the hospital bed, which felt almost sheepish. Well, at least you were sitting up and lying down. “I understand now perfectly why our relationship is falling apart” you spoke with a snide tone that was filled with scorn.
- Oh yeah? Roman asked, put the cigarette back behind his ear and focused his attention to you.
- My current self is an idiot if she really thinks that she can have a balanced and healthy relationship with you. you spoke without any hesitation while keeping your gaze glued on Roman. “It's not possible because we’re just too different" you spoke mockingly. "I am amazed that she can’t see it” you stated with great smoldering disgust in your voice. At this point Roman did not know whether the disgust was targeted to him or if you despised yourself for your life choices. Perhaps a bit of both. You kept staring at him, clearly rendered speechless and waiting for a comment from the man. Yeah, definitely a bit of both.
- Well fuck you! Roman exclaimed, stormed to the door and shouted “Bye bitch!” as he exited the room.
You were left alone in the room but you weren't going to be alone for long; the police had been notified about the fact that you had woken up but they had not been informed about your current state of partial amnesia. They had the camera footage and they knew exactly who had assaulted you, hell, you had all his info in the client file, but the investigators wanted a statement from you anyway. Therefore they were bitterly disappointed when you told them that you couldn't remember anything since your graduation, which had apparently taken place seven years ago. Seven years. It was a great chunk of your life, now completely lost, perhaps lost forever.
Then the police made a statement that made you anxious, they told you something that you really wouldn't have wanted to hear. They knew who the attempted murderer was but they didn't know where he was. Yeah, he had escaped and no one had currently any knowledge of his whereabouts. He was on the run and if he somehow found out that his attempt had failed, he might come back to finish the job. That was why the police had assigned a police officer, a female trainee, to sit by your door and make sure that no one suspicious entered your room. You appreciated this, naturally, but it didn't really make you feel any less anxious. No, you did not doubt the trainee, you were just afraid that the assaulter might find a way to sneak into your room during the woman's break or something.
Or perhaps he would disguise himself as a doctor. Yeah, that would work because you didn't remember what the client of yours had looked like. You didn't remember anything about him - his body type, his voice... anything... and that made you paranoid, almost sending you into a state of shock whenever someone from the medical staff, someone new whom you had never seen before, entered the roon and administered medicine through the IV. It was obvious that you were afraid and the fact that Roman didn't come back wasn't really helping at all. You didn't know him but you trusted him, a little. He was the one who had saved your life, or so you had been told, and therefore you would have felt more comfortable and safer too if he had been there by your side.
But Roman didn't come back. He didn't come back that day, or the next... or the day after that and suddenly it had been a week since you had woken up from the coma. You didn't quite know what to think about it; a part of you was relieved because the truth was you had your doubts about the entire engagement thing - no, not just whether your relationship had a future, if this so-called rough patch was going to be the end of it, but also if there was any relationship to begin with. Yes, that was a possibility because you and Roman, who seemed like a typical ex-convict and a bad-boy, were so different and therefore it was challenging to imagine being in a relationship with him. But... if he was just playing you, what could he possibly gain from it?
You weren't wealthy... or actually... how would you know? However you decided to go with your gut feeling and reasoned that you weren't. Besides based on what Roman, although he was possibly an unreliable source, had told you, you lived in a small apartment and worked as a social worker with former prisoner. That was not a high-paying job. So... if his motive wasn't related to money, directly at least, then what was it? Why had he stayed by your side while you had been unconscious? If this was a con, this was the longest con you had ever witnessed and that was saying a lot, considering that you dealt with ex-conmen on daily bases. Or... so you assumed.
Then there was the possibility that it wasn't a con. What if it was real and you were doubting Roman for no reason? Sure, he seemed distant and even cold somehow... and you would have expected to see more emotion from your partner when you finally came back from coma. Roman had seemed like he would have wanted to be anywhere but in this hospital room with you. He had seemed bothered and indifferent, only engaging the bare minimum and being interested in your recovery as little as it was acceptable without making other people suspicious. But then again, if you were going through a rough patch, so rough in fact that you had called off the engagement because of it, it would be quite natural to have mixed feelings that would have an impact on his attitude towards you as well as on his behavior.
Yes, Roman behaved like an ex during a breakup - during a bitter, prolonged and messy breakup that had not been processed to completion. It was like your relationship with him had become an infected wound that refused to heal, just like one of your thirteen stab wounds. You kept taking antibiotics but the medicine seemed to have no impact whatsoever on either the soreness or on the rawness of the injury, and the doctors were constantly afraid that the infection would spread. Like you needed more matters to stress about - like a wannabe killer on the loose wasn't quite enough already.
Anyway, if you could deduce anything from Roman's demeanor, draw conclusions and come up with theories, it sure seemed like the relationship, or what was left of it anyway, was nothing but a pile of unfinished business. Perhaps he was trying to decide whether it was better to stay as friends, cut all ties altogether or to try to work things out with you. In fact, the more you thought about it, the more evident it became to you that Roman and you had at least been in some sort of relationship and the rest of it was just details... details such as how serious the relationship had really been, how long it had lasted and if it was worth saving.
Roman had stated that he was more than determined to make it work, that he wanted to fix it but now it had been a week since you had seen him the last time and somehow it was making it bluntly apparent and painfully obvious that he had not really meant what he had said - the statement, perhaps declared with sincere intentions at the time, had not been so sincere after all. You felt betrayed and abandoned, like you had been just left to rot in the hospital, left to wonder if he was ever going to come back. You had no way to contact Roman, you didn't know anything about him and if he had decided that he had had enough... in that case... then... you really had no one to count on. He was literally the only person you knew because you had apparently moved abroad after graduation, at some point during those lost seven years of your life... and you couldn't remember any of it.
You were reading a book, just minding your own business and trying to ignore the woman you were now sharing the room with, when the door opened... and closed. You were just in the middle of a suspenseful scene and read until the end of the page before raising your gaze from the book and focusing your attention on the visitor - just briefly though. After entering the room, the person had walked to the window and stood silently by it until you quickly glanced at him, noted that the person was Roman, and then shifted your gaze back to the book. You pretended that you continued reading and didn't give a flying fuck about your visitor. You wanted him to think that you didn't care whether he had stayed gone or come back. You treated him somewhat rudely, in such indifferent way just to hide the fact that you had actually hoped to see him again. Besides, he deserved it. Your actions were justified because he had abandoned you when you had needed him the most.
- I really didn’t expect to see you again. you stated after your hospital roommate had left the room to get a snack from the canteen. You still refused to look at Roman and stared stubbornly at the page of the book.
- Yeah. Well, here I am. Roman commented and sat in the armchair which he first lifted closer to the bed.
- What have you been up to this past week? you asked and turned the page, pretending to read but the truth was that you were only staring at the words and pretending. This annoyed Roman greatly.
- It’s none of your business! Roman exclaimed and stood up, glaring daggers at you. He took a few loud steps and then stated "I am not accountable to you." You made a smug "Hm" -sound to which he responded by adding with a frustrated and deeply annoyed tone "You’re not my parole officer."
- Parole officer, huh? you commented suspiciously, your voice carrying an undertone of mockery too.
- Just a figure of speech, fuck! Roman exclaimed, groaned and then returned to sit by the bed. He sighed because he still wasn't getting any proper attention from you. "I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean…" he said and paused, swallowed once and nervously added "...To snap."
- Snap or don’t, I don’t care. you mumbled with a tone that made it clear that you weren't amused but didn't care enough to get pissed off either. You turned a page theatrically, signaling that Roman was not important enough to waste your precious time on giving him your full attention.
- I haven’t really been able to sleep since our… fight… and therefore I’m on an edge. Roman stammered, inhaled slowly and then stated "I’m also trying to quit smoking.” His tone had a proud ring to it and it conveyed a certain sense of achievement. You neither commented nor shifted your gaze from the book. "So… there’s that" Roman mumbled nervously.
- How is it going? you asked with a somewhat formal tone. “Quitting” you added before Roman managed to say anything.
You knew that giving up one’s addictions and bad habits was not easy and therefore you were slightly proud for Roman’s decision, almost like he had been one of your clients. No, you didn’t remember anything about your job but you still could feel it in your guts that you had seen as well as learned a lot during your career as a social worker and it wasn’t something that you could just suddenly forget; you might have lost all knowledge and memories of cases and details but you had not lost the maturity and wisdom gained during the years.
- Well, I haven’t smoked since last Saturday. So that is five days… without any... cigarettes. Roman stated, stumbling with his words almost like he had been worried that his futile attempts to better himself did not impress you at all. Then he continued hesitantly "It’s not much but it is a start."
- It will get easier. you commented. "You know how they say" you spoke casually, this time with a slightly friendlier tone and then added "The first days are always the hardest."
- Yeah. Roman mumbled, knowing that it most likely was your professionalism kicking in; even small steps to the right directions were important achievements and most likely it just came naturally for you to speak with an encouraging tone whenever you talked about changing one’s life. Roman had heard you talking many times and therefore he knew exactly what this tone of yours was. Roman wasn’t stupid and therefore he didn’t let himself to be fooled by the slightly warmer tone of voice.
Then there was silence, a depressing and awkward silence that seemed to suck all air out from the room and leave you both breathless as well as exhausted. Finally you put the book on the small table next to the bed, got up and walked into the bathroom without even glancing over your shoulder at Roman who instantly jumped up from the armchair, perhaps ready to catch you if it looked like you were about to pass out. You were allowed to leave the bed now even though your injuries had not healed completely yet. It, this freedom of movement, was a relief to you because now you were at least able to leave the bed and gain some physical distance to people who made you uncomfortable – Roman was one of them.
You closed the door a little but didn’t close it entirely so you were able to hear what was going on in the room and if your hospital roommate returned from her travels. You washed your face, drank a little bit of water from the tap and then stared at your pale reflection in the mirror. You had lost a lot of blood and even though it had been several weeks now since the attack, you still felt weak and looked quite lifeless when put under bright fluorescent lights. You inhaled slowly, held your breath for a moment and then exhaled deeply. You repeated this routine a couple of times to calm yourself down and when you had managed to find some kind of emotional balance, you decided to continue the conversation – there were too many matters to discuss and finding out why Roman had come after staying away for a week, was one of them.
- So why are you here? you asked from the bathroom. Roman took a deep breath and began
- I said I will fix this-
- Yeah, sure, that week-long ghosting really fixed things. you said sarcastically and chuckled bitterly. And… your mental calmness was gone, just like that.
- Yes, I messed up. I admit it. Roman stated calmly with an apologetic tone. He was just about continue when you suddenly cut him off.
- Did you know they haven’t caught the man who tried to kill me? Huh? you asked and stared into the mirror. Your blank eyes stared back at you and in a way it felt like you had lost so much more than your memories. “So all this time, while you were…” you said, dropped your head and then continued bitterly “...Living it up, I was here alone and scared.” You hated to admit it, but the truth was that there had been moments during the past seven days when you had been terrified, too scared to even move and occasionally tied to the restraints because of panic attacks during which you had tried to stop the doctors from administrating medicine and nearly ripped stitches due to sudden movements.
- I wasn’t… I didn’t… Roman stammered and groaned. He buried his face into his large hands and cursed silently, muffling his voice with his palms. “Can’t you just forgive me?” he asked, clearly seeing his actions as a no big deal. “Just… let’s start over. What do you say?” he asked or more like suggested with an overly enthusiastic tone.
You closed your eyes and leaned to the bathroom wall as you tried to figure out what to do or say. You wanted to ask Roman if he had lied to you about the engagement, well, about the entire relationship actually, because it just didn’t feel real – not after being ghosted like that. You wanted to tell him that if you really were the love of his life, like he had stated, he shouldn’t have abandoned you and treated you like shit. But at the same time you didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to hear any of it and the truth was that none of it really mattered after pulling a stunt like that.
Roman sat down to wait. He tapped the arm of the armchair few times and then leaned back as he tried to lounge in the chair and relax a little. However he was anxious because you were too silent, taking too long in the bathroom and up on your feet while surely you should have been in bed, resting. He waited for you to start a conversation or to at least come out from the bathroom and to take a look at him but… you didn’t. So as you stayed hidden in the bathroom, the silence grew only longer and longer, making Roman even more nervous and impatient… until it became unbearable, he got tired of waiting and said "So..." to which you responded with a simple, yet surprisingly demanding and sharp "Yes?" You waited and listened to the silence. Just as you were about to ask what it was about, Roman said “I moved my things to your place.”