Thranduil / Reader (1) - REWRITE - Part 3
The seconds slipped away, although they felt like hours, your lower lip trembling and few tears rolling from the corners of your eyes as you held your breath and waited. Waited to be punished or scolded at least, although it wasn’t really your fault that the king had been there. But then again, the king was the king and you were just a servant girl who had been intruding the king’s private quarters and causing a terrible mess. The king kept staring into your eyes with an unreadable expression on his face. Was he furious? Was he going to shout at you… to lock you away to the dungeons? Your mind kept racing and the state of crippling panic was growing deeper by every passing moment, making it impossible to catch your breath.
Suddenly a smile appeared on the king’s face. He did not say anything but just… smiled, silently, which made you feel utterly confused and staggered, making it absolutely impossible to either say or say something, anything. You see, you had expected the king to scold and mock you, to get unimaginably angry and to kick you out from the entire kingdom instantly… those reactions were what you were mentally prepared for and therefore a smile terrified you even more; did the expression hide something, was it meant to trick you to believe that everything was alright? Was the king waiting for you to lower your guard so he could cause as much damage as possible? The moment was very brief but it seemed to last forever.
Then the king leaned closer, closed his eyes and before you were able to even process it and to react to it, his lips were on yours, just softly pressed against them, staying very still at first, almost like he had been waiting for a rejection, and then he started to plant small kisses on your lips, yours trembling against his because you were still in a state of shock and fear. You kept staring at the king from the very close distance, until you finally managed to gain control over yourself at least enough to close your eyes. Thranduil explored your lips very gracefully and with great care; he sometimes brushed them with his and the next moment surprised you by pressing his mouth firmly against yours, kissing you quite intensely, yet maintaining a modest approach at all times.
You were awfully tensed up at first, not really able to comprehend what was going on, suspecting that this was some kind of new torture method, but after a moment, you realized that your fears were ridiculous and you had no reason to hold onto the doubts that troubled you or the state of panic that seemed to cripple you more effectively than the sleeping medicine. You decided to relax and to enjoy it; this was what you had been dreaming about anyway – the king stealing your first kiss and caring for you during the time of need.
Thranduil drew back, leaving you breathless and longing for more kisses, he stood up, took off his boots and then crawled on top of you. He lowered himself on you, yet supported his weight, brushed his nose against yours few times with that calm, graceful smile on his face and then returned to kiss you once more. He nibbled your lower lip playfully, pulled back just when you thought that he was going to kiss you for real and chuckled when his actions made you sign from frustration. All you were given for now were the soft brushes and tiny nibbles that were not even nearly enough to satisfy you. The king liked to keep you waiting, to let the anticipation grow until it was too much to handle, until he couldn’t resist temptation anymore. Finally he slammed his lips against yours and intensified the kiss; he kissed you a bit more possessively, more hungrily and in a slightly deeper way, teasing you with his tongue and then making your head spin with the sensuous, slow yet highly stimulating kisses.
Thranduil slid his arm under you, pulled you closer so your chests were tightly pressed against each other. You felt his heart drumming fast against your heart that was beating just as fast, such fascinating and hypnotizing sensation, his muscles tensing up and relaxing according to his movements and his warmth surrounding you entirely. The kiss subsided and intensified, subsided again and intensified again, always reaching new heights and teaching you new ways to kiss each other, still remaining modest, sweet and gentle.
The king left out a soft “mmm” –sound when his lips parted from yours. He really didn’t want to stop kissing you but he knew that he had to; you were still under the influence of the sleeping medicine and needed rest, considering the mental turmoil you had gone through, and therefore Thranduil decided that he couldn’t be selfish. He had to give you time to recover and he did not want you to think that he had taken advantage of your incapacitated state, besides this most likely had been your first kiss so he reasoned that it was for the best to take it slow. He, after all, would have all time in the world to worship you with his lips, to make you lose your breath and your head spin… later. Thranduil touched your nose with his and caressed your cheek with his lips just brushing your skin softly before drawing back unwillingly and reluctantly. The king rolled over to lay next to you and neither of you said anything.
Your heart was racing. The fact was that you had a crush on the king and you had been admiring him from afar for many years now; your feelings had grown and then partially died away many times during the centuries but they had always remained, more or less dormant, waiting for the next meeting to wake them up once more. You had never truly expected anything like this to happen, despite the fact that the king had proposed to you a long time ago, but now you were there laying on his bed, your lips tingling from the kiss and your head spinning from both, the medicine and the unexpected turn of events. The world felt unreal, you felt unreal and to be honest, it was getting increasingly more difficult to tell which parts of it had actually happened and which parts you had merely imagined. Perhaps you had imagined it all. “What a wonderful dream” you thought silently and allowed yourself to fall back asleep and slept through the entire night without waking up and more importantly - without any nightmares.
It was early morning when you woke up for real. Your mind was crystal clear now and the whole situation was finally sinking in as you lay on your side, stared at the wall and pieced everything together from the hazy flashbacks and faint memories. You shifted yourself a little, careful not to stir the bed too much, turned your head and saw the king sleeping behind your back. Thranduil looked so peaceful and handsome as he lay there, on his side and facing you that you hoped you could have just turned around to face him and caress the beautiful features of his face while he slept… but at the same time you wanted to escape the situation for a moment in order to make sense of your own feelings – they were too conflicted currently and it was making you feel physically nauseous, well, nearly at least.
You tried to maintain your breathing as relaxed as possible as you attempted to come up with a way to get out from the bed without waking Thranduil up. You removed the king’s arm from your waist as it was holding you loosely, turned to lay on your back and stared at the ceiling with wide eyes that were filled with deep and utter confusion; sure you had a pretty accurate idea of what had happened but you couldn’t help feeling embarrassed of yourself and the way you had ended up there, to sleep Thranduil’s arms. You shifted yourself once more, tested your arms and legs to make sure that you were able to move somewhat effortlessly and then pulled yourself to sit up. You listened to the sound of the king’s breathing, trying to find any indication of whether he was still sound asleep or had woken up. You did not dare to take a look, so after a while of just listening, you decided that it was safe to leave the bed. You slowly removed the king’s cloak from your feet and just as you were about to slide your legs over the edge of the bed, you heard the king’s deep voice asking “Where do you think you’re going?” and yawning afterwards. It was still very early in the morning and the sun had barely come up. You froze, held your breath and sighed – the king was awake after all.
- I need to clean the mess. you replied, still refusing to look at Thranduil. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it because you felt like a child who had been caught red-handed, elbow deep in the cookie jar.
- No… Thranduil chuckled and continued. “No more cleaning for you” he said and then added with a playful tone “I cannot court a maid, can I?”
- I wouldn’t know, my Lord. you commented and gasped sharply when you felt two strong hands on your shoulders pulling you down to lay on the bed again, this time right next to him so you were laying on his other arm. He pulled you closer and guided your head to rest on his chest as he ran his fingers up and down on your arm.
- How is your hand? Thranduil asked. He enjoyed this intimate embrace very much and he liked feeling your weight on him because it made everything feel realer and less dreamlike as well as flimsy.
- It is alright. you answered with shaky voice while tracing the embroideries of the king’s fine robe with your fingertip. "Doesn't hurt" you added with a barely audible tone.
- Show me. he said and took your hand. He caressed the skin of your palm with his fingertips very softly and then pulled your hand on his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss on the palm of your hand, on the very spot where the cut had been and then pressed the hand on his heart.
You and Thranduil rested for a couple of hours more until the sun had climbed above the forest and the court had woken up. You listened to the sound of the king’s heartbeat while you kept wondering what to say to him; you had a feeling that there was so much that needed to be said but you didn’t know how and where to begin. You wanted to explain why you had been so mentally disturbed and shattered but to be honest you were not sure if the king was interested in hearing the reasons behind your problems. They were dark and serious after all and you were afraid that Thranduil was not ready to embrace that side of you as well. Perhaps he was attracted to the woman you had once been and assumed that you would miraculously change back when actually you did not know if you even knew how to be that person anymore. So much had changed, so much had happened… your spirit, once so cheerful and light, had been tarnished and corrupted by so much grief and sorrow, disappointment and regret. Would the king understand or would he expect you to just… get better instantly?
- Now that this is all settled and everything is well between us… the king said and got up from the bed. He offered his hand to you, helped you to sit and supported you while you tested the strength of your feet. They felt a bit shaky still but after standing at a halt for few seconds, holding onto the king in case you would feel dizzy or weak, you were quite certain that your legs would carry you. You nodded and smiled as a response for the king’s statement, the statement about all being well, even though you were not entirely convinced about that. “…We must focus on the courting etiquette” he stated and straightened his robe so it wouldn’t get too wrinkly. He was very precise regarding things like that.
You however did not know what to comment to the later part of the king’s statement. You knew that etiquette was very important but the truth was that you did not really know what it meant… or… was… in practice; you had never courted anyone and even if you had courted some commoner in the village, the rituals and manners would have been completely different anyway. The court was a different world entirely and you were still learning your way, although the etiquettes for the servants and the nobility were different for sure and therefore it wouldn’t have even mattered much if you had been an expert on the servants’ guidebook to social conduct and known it inside out, from cover to cover.
- Surely you know… the king began, walked to the large mirror and started to fix the brooch that decorated the front of his robe. “…”And understand that it is highly inappropriate for a lady…” he stated playfully, still adjusting the fine jewelry, smirked at you and then continued with a light, yet slightly more serious tone “…To sleep in the same bed with a lord before getting married.” You took a quick glance at the king’s large bed, just an involuntary reaction to Thranduil’s words, and swallowed nervously because he was making it sound like you had deliberately gotten yourself into his bed as well as into his arms.
- Rumors, if there should be any, could be very unpleasant for us both and inconvenient for your reputation. Thranduil stated with a tone that you couldn’t interpret and that made you quite nervous. “This is the royal court of Mirkwood, after all…” he continued calmly, clearly emphasizing that this matter was not to be toyed with and then added “…And I do not wish anyone to come up with any reason to ridicule…” You hid your hands behind your back and rubbed them nervously together as you listened to the king speaking. “…Either my rule or our union” he stated after a pause. He kept monitoring you from the mirror and waited for some kind of response.
- Of course. you commented immediately and then added as sincerely as you could “I wouldn’t want that.”
- You are a lady now. Thranduil stated, turned to look at you and smiled proudly while took a slow glance at you from your head to toes. You were wearing your plain servant dress and a glance like that in the fancy surroundings like the king’s private quarters made you feel underdressed, almost naked. “It means that your life will change completely” the king added and then asked “Are you ready for that?”
You stood still and in silence, not really knowing what to say or do because the truth was that you were not really ready for any big, sudden changes. It had been only few years since your life had been turned upside down the last time and were still learning to cope with your new duties and surroundings. Yes, the fire had happened little over six years ago but since you were nearly two thousand years old, six years felt like few… no… it felt like nothing and once again your life was going to be completely rearranged. The other thing that troubled you and made you feel anxious was the fact that you did not really know what “being a lady” really meant. Did it mean that you had to change something about yourself? Were you expected to become a different person entirely and if so, how were you supposed to do that?
Besides, did you even want that? You knew many young elves in the village who had been constantly dreaming about meeting a high lord or a high lady and getting married to one. You knew many elves that were bitter about being born into the lower social class and not into some more privileged one but you had never been one of them. Oh no, you had always been quite happy with your humble background… until the inferiority had been rubbed into your face by those two guards. That had been the first time you had realized that your life did not automatically come with the same opportunities than some others’ but instead of feeling bad for being who you were you felt bad for the world being the way it was... or this was what you had kept telling yourself.
The truth was that the reoccurring encounters with those guards and the way they had enjoyed immensely the opportunity to make themselves feel more important by mocking you, had started to chip away your sense of self-worth… but you had always refused to hate your background and you still did. You knew that your parents had been trusted members of the society in the village, trusted and liked even by the king himself, and they had always made sure that you had had everything you had needed. There had been rough times - times of scarcity, and also times of abundance, but no matter you had always been proud of your parents and the life they had built for you… and that was the reason why you were not exactly embracing the change with open arms.
- Well, of course you are! Thranduil exclaimed and woke you up from your thoughts. “What a silly question!” he said and laughed. You smiled, but your smile was just a facade to hide your real feelings as well as your honest thoughts. “You do not have any reason not to be” Thranduil commented while putting on his black leather boots. “Your life will be so much better” he stated and then added “You’ll be happy and pleased for sure.” Once again you did not quite know that to answer; you knew that rationally you had every reason to be content, satisfied and pleased with your new life but the situation was so much more complex than that; there was the emotional side that followed no logic and which you couldn’t explain with reason… it just… was and because it existed, you couldn’t help feeling anxious and hesitant about this.
So, being a Lady meant that you were expected different things from now and then, assuming that the king most likely wanted still marry you at some point, quite soon possibly, when you became the queen, your role would change again, like evolution of some sorts. However you were not sure if you were tough enough to face the expectations and the additional requirements and to handle criticism and possible verbal attacks in a way that did not include chipping away your self-worth. What if you got crushed by the new role, this role, which you were supposed to embrace with brevity and enthusiasm? Yes… enthusiasm. The lack of enthusiasm made you feel guilty so you decided to hide your doubts for now. Perhaps by pretending you would eventually convince yourself that it was going to be alright and your life was going to be wonderful. The king did not have to know about your mental struggles, besides it was possible, no, probably or even most likely that he wouldn’t understand them anyway.
- I've decided to throw a party. Thranduil stated suddenly. You made a small “Hm?” –sound and focused your attention to him again. “And... I would be honored if you attended as my guest” he said proudly.
- Are you sure... you began hesitantly, paused when the king frowned his brows and then continued with the same cautious tone “…You want to be seen with me?”
- Why would I not? Thranduil asked with a slightly amused and confused tone. It was obvious that the king did not see your side of the matter and he was not ready to understand it… yet, at least.
- Because... you sighed, cleared your throat and then added “…I am a maid-“
- Not anymore. the king commented casually and rolled his eyes. He walked to his dressing table and selected a simple crown to wear for today, placed it on his head and adjusted it carefully.
- Well, I don't have anything pretty to wear. you stated, partially hoping that you would get off the hook by saying so. You had liked the parties in your small village but you had never actually attended a fine celebration as a guest. You had only served in them and that was a completely different thing. This, attending a party as the king’s guest but simultaneously being recognized by everyone, was making you so nervous that you didn’t really want to put yourself into that position… not yet. You needed time to digest everything and to adjust yourself to these new things… but it did not seem to be an option for the king.
- That can be easily solved. he said and smirked. You made a barely audible “Hm” –sound, which the king took as a seal of approval, a sign of acceptance and mutual agreement. “That is settled then” he said with an enthusiastic tone, turned to look at you and stated grandiosely “A week from now, a party like no other.” Thranduil extended his hand gracefully to you and when you took his hand, he suddenly pulled you into his arms, placed his other hand firmly on your waist and then took few dance-steps, leading you. However you did not the steps and after almost stepping on the king’s toes few times and awkwardly trying to follow his lead, you laughed nervously and pretended that your head was getting dizzy from all that spinning around. Thranduil walked you to sit immediately and sat down next to you, holding your hands and scanning your face attentively to find any signs of discomfort.
- What are we celebrating, my Lord? you asked shyly, feeling quite exposed under Thranduil’s gaze. The feeling of him holding your hands was making your stomach fill with butterflies, but at the same time the intensity of his stare worried you; what if he was able to read you and would get upset due to your hesitance?
- It is Thranduil. the king said, squeezed your hands reassuringly and stated “Call me Thranduil, please.”
- Thranduil. you said softly, almost as if you had been kind of tasting the word and trying to figure out all the different flavors. You were flattered for such privilege and honor and it brought back the memories of your first meeting… the moment when he had introduced himself as Thranduil… just… Thranduil. You liked his name, you liked it a lot because it was strong and powerful, yet melodious like a song. It rolled nicely on your tongue and felt so much personable to say than “my king” or “king Thranduil”. It made you feel personally attached to him on a deeper, more private level.
- Our engagement, of course! Thranduil exclaimed cheerfully, although you had a feeling that he was slightly frustrated that you had asked such silly question.
- Ah... you commented and mustered a smile. So it really was going to happen… this fast. You felt your heart rate quickening and your breathing getting shallower but this time you managed to keep the state of approaching panic hidden.
- Expect to be proposed in front of everyone. Thranduil said, leaned closer, still holding your hands in his, and then, after brushing your lips with his and letting the anticipation grow as his warm breath was on your skin, he finally pressed his lips on yours and engaged them into a passionate kiss. His lips caressed as well as explored yours, his tongue teased and excited you in the most breathtaking ways and after he had made you completely breathless, he abandoned your lips and moved to kiss your neck instead. He began very shyly, just brushing the skin with his lips and blowing warm air on it and then surprised you by pressing his mouth firmly on your neck and placed his other hand on the opposite side of your head to support it and to make sure that you wouldn’t escape his intense caresses.
The king massaged your neck with his tongue, chuckled against your skin when you moaned as a response and then returned to kiss, suck and nibble a little, to explore and to map all the sensitive spots on your neck while his other hand slowly shifted from your neck further until his fingers were completely tangled with your hair and guiding you with gentle tucks into more opportune positions. Thranduil was careful, of course, not to leave any bruises or to hurt you, but he had been dreaming about this moment for so many centuries that he had difficulties to control himself. He nibbled your earlobe, chuckled into your ear when you gasped sharply and massaged your scalp in the perfect unison with his mouth, making your head spin and your heart race. “Please accept this time” he mumbled into your ear, pressed a light kiss on your neck and returned to kiss your lips once more, but this time the kisses were sweet and gentle, there was hardly any tongue and the rhythm of the kiss was much slower and less frantic, yet very sensuous and amorous even. Your lips parted eventually but Thranduil still remained close until your breathing had changed normal once more. He stroked your hair, brushed the back of your hands with his thumb and smiled while pressing his forehead against yours and both keeping your eyes shut.
- Oh I know for certain… the king spoke with a deep, sultry and quite seducing tone, chuckled and then added “…You’ll accept.” You felt dizzy and light, like you had been floating in the sky while the sunshine was caressing your face and melting all your worries as well as doubts. Your stomach was filled with butterflies sized of oliphants, flying around and colliding with each other… but you did not mind. You felt alive and electrified, full of hope and courage… almost like before. “It will be glorious” he stated proudly with the same velvety softness in his tone but suddenly drew back, smirked at you and stood up.
He rushed into his dressing room, most likely because he had just realized that he had slept wearing that robe, which meant that he had used it already yesterday and he couldn’t possibly use the same garment two days in a row, quickly changed his robe into a shorter tunic and chuckled a little when he returned from the dressing room and took a glance at you, from head to toes again. He was amused by the sight; your hair messed up, your lips and neck slightly red from the intense kissing and… your plain, servant clothes wrinkled from sleeping in them. There was an undertone of smugness in his laughter, which woke you back to the reality.
- I'll tell my tailor to seek you out today... my goldsmith too. Thranduil stated and nodded. “You deserve some nice things...” he said and then added “…They will make you feel better.”
- I'm very... grateful, my lor-... you stammered and then corrected yourself by saying “…Thranduil...” because the king gave you a look that immediately reminded you that you were supposed to call him by his first name from now on. You stood up and tried to fix your dress as well as your hair a little because you suddenly felt embarrassed for presenting yourself in such informal way. “Please do not get me wrong...” you began hesitantly and then stated “…But I cannot afford fancy dresses and jewelry.”
- Can't afford? Thranduil asked with an amused and slightly surprised tone. “You are the future queen of this realm” he stated, walked to you and cupped your face with his large, warm hands. He guided you to look deep into his eyes and then said “You can have anything you want. Just dare to want it.”
You felt conflicted again; there was a part of you that was looking forward to having more dresses, gorgeous dresses and jewelry, way fancier that you had ever dared to dream about, and the truth was that if you were going to attend balls and formal gatherings from now on, you desperately needed to update your wardrobe. There was no point denying it; your clothes were very practical and plain, not fit for a real Lady or the queen of the realm. But then again you had a feeling that the king wanted to cheer you up with gifts and new things because he assumed that it was the way to fix you and your broken spirit. You were sad that the king did not know you any better than that, you were sad that he expected you to be like the ladies in the court to whom all those pretty dresses and gorgeous gemstones were a necessity… while your tastes were much simpler in nature. Besides you were afraid that the king might not be interested in truly knowing you but preferred having a simple woman by his side. Simple meaning “uncomplicated”, not “stupid”.
What if Thranduil tried to buy peace of mind by giving you nice things? What if he did not understand that mental healing took time and work just like physical healing? What if he did but chose to ignore it and instead of listening to you and staying by your side, even when you did not have the words to describe how you felt, he tried to medicate the problem with material things and then patted himself on the back for at least trying when actually his methods were all wrong?
Thranduil arranged an appointment with his personal tailor, who, in cooperation with the most skilled seamstress, took your measurements and started to prepare dresses and other garments for you. They had some nearly finished gowns, made earlier to be sold and delivered to the elves of Rivendell but since most of them had sailed beyond the sea, to Valinor, the dresses were now fair game. Everything the seamstress and her employees needed to do was to make some slight alterations and refit them to fit you and sooner than you had thought you had many brand new, ladylike gowns to choose from.
Thranduil was quite busy with arrangements and invitations and therefore you managed to see him only few times during the week. He usually sneaked to you when you were attending to his flowers and kissed you in secret, but otherwise he was always engaged elsewhere. You had been released from your servant-duties immediately, just like Thranduil had said, and therefore you were not a maid anymore. It meant that you had now plenty of free time in your hands but because the celebration was approaching so fast, you used all of it in the library, studying and trying to memorize the court etiquette and different dances so you wouldn’t embarrass the king on the dance floor and in front of everyone.
You were also constantly summoned to different jewelry and dress fittings, which was good because it kept you busy and left less time for worrying. You had decided not to worry so much and to concentrate on the positives, but at the same time you knew, even though you tried to deny it, to ignore it too, that if… if something went wrong in the celebration, it would be devastating to your self-esteem and a clear sign that you were not meant for this. Besides… this would be the first time you would be presenting yourself as an equal to the high elves, the nobility of the court, the very same people whose messes you had been cleaning and whom you had been serving for some years. Would they accept the fact that you were the king’s fiancée or would someone try to break you and the king apart? If they did, would they succeed?