Frederick Garland / Reader
- Are you sure you want to go through with this?
You recoiled from your thoughts when the man, approximately your age started to talk and then as the result you shifted your gaze away from the view; the rainy garden with trees, stripped bare and the dying grass covered with brown, decaying leafs. It was late October and the days had turned gloomy and dark, leaving the bright, sunny autumn time behind and heading towards winter. However it wasn’t winter yet either, it was the moment in between, the moment of transition when the world was wrapped in the chilly humidity and the smell of everything dying around you. It was a hopeless sight and the weather was affecting your mood more than the usual.
- Sorry, through with what? you asked and looked at him with a confused expression on your face. You took a quick glance at the large, fancy hall around you, the banquette tables and chairs, the chandeliers covered with white semi-translucent fabrics to prevent them from getting dusty, the bar counter and the big dance floor in the middle of it all. This room, the stage, was framed from one side with huge windows that were now partially covered with long, heavy drapes and the empty, lifeless space was filled with the constant sound of rain hitting the roof, reminding you that the summer was over.
- The wedding. the British man, Frederick Garland, said with a deep voice that resembled quite remarkably the voice of Alan Rickman, the actor. Mister Garland was a photographer by his profession and he was actually very talented at catching the moment… the feeling of the moment more specifically. He was about the same age as you were, tall, handsome and he had the cutest ears and the most sincere smile. He looked like a hybrid of Jude Law and Tom Hiddleston, or if they had a baby together, the child would most likely look like Frederick Garland. He had big, bright blue eyes and slightly curled hair, he wasn’t the most muscular guy in the world but he had broad shoulders and he carried his simple brown suit very well.
- What kind of question is that? you snapped at the man and folded your arms tightly as you returned to stare at the view.
- Well, you seem quite… he spoke and after a quick inhale he added “…Distracted.” You gave him an unintentionally mean glare as if his statement had been an insult towards you. “As if you didn’t really want to be here…” he spoke and after rearranging his thoughts and selecting the right words he continued “…Discussing the details of your special day.” He spoke very politely but there was a hint of caution in his voice; it was pretty clear that he didn’t want to lose this gig but at the same time he was worried that you had been put into a situation where you didn’t really want to be. This politeness and unexpected considerateness both annoyed and flattered you at the same time but at the very current moment you did not need anyone to question your plans and make your life even more difficult as well as complicated for you.
- My mind is just preoccupied with business matters. you stated and dismissed his concerns. You were a strong, independent woman and this slightly hobbit-like guy was stepping over the lines of proper behavior by asking you these stupid questions.
- Are you sure it the only thing? he asked and walked next to you, to stand beside you, both facing the rainy world on the other side of the window. It was now even getting windier and the wind was throwing the raindrops against the glass almost like the nature was attacking you personally.
- What are you suggesting exactly? you asked with a firm, irritated tone as you turned to face the man with a tensed expression on your face. The man however was looking at you with subtle compassion, which you had not expected.
- I do not mean any offense. he began and after gathering his courage he continued with almost shy voice “But I have photographed many couples on their wedding day… I have…” Frederick Garland paused for a brief moment he said “…Talked with the couples before… like I am talking with you now.” You shifted your eyes elsewhere as an automated reaction and continued listening to him silently. “You are the first bride who doesn’t seem to look forward to your marriage” he stated with cautious and insecure voice, almost like he was trying to decide whether it was appropriate for him to point these things out to you so boldly.
- Like I said already, I have plenty on my mind. you spoke and shifted your hand to the deep red fabric of the long drape. It felt velvety and luxurious against your fingertips but also heavy and old… in the dusty, grandiose mansion-kind-of-way. “The forthcoming merger, for example.” you stated and then turned to look at the photographer standing next to you. “I trust you have done your homework, Mister Garland” you said and flashed him a sarcastic, brief smirk which made Frederick swallow because your controlling presence was making him nervous.
- Yes, I have read about it. he commented immediately. Yes, Frederick Garland was a professional and he had studied you and your fiancée's backgrounds to be able to capture the big event properly. He had found out that you were the daughter of a wealthy, highly successful businessman, a successful businesswoman yourself as well, working in your father’s company, just like your father had worked for his dad years and years ago. Your fiancée’s background matched yours perfectly and Frederick had read that this upcoming merger would make the new company one of the biggest players in the field of finance, business consulting and risk assessment.
- So then you must know that this wedding is the smallest of my problems. you stated and stopped tracing the edge of the curtain because it didn’t feel right somehow.
- Problems. Frederick repeated with a confused tone. He was a photographer by profession and he had lately photographed many weddings but this was the first time he heard the bride calling the wedding as a problem.
- Concerns… you corrected yourself and walked a bit further away from the window while mumbling to yourself “…Or matters of great importance and interest” with an annoyed tone. You had so many things to do, so many business meetings to attend to but here you were, walking aimlessly around the overly large, impersonal banquette hall and discussing your wedding plans with a guy who seemed to question your every answer. How dared he? Didn’t he know who you were and what this marriage meant to your family, to the future of your father’s company… “…What it matters to me” you corrected yourself silently.
- Bu-but… Frederick stammered and after gathering his thoughts he spoke with a voice that was both neutral and confused at the same time. “But the other thing is that usually the couples meet the wedding photographer together…” he said and then added “...But you are here all by yourself.” Like you didn’t know it. You didn’t need a stranger to tell you that you were here all by yourself because you were well-aware of your situation as it was, thank you very much.
- My fiancée’s schedule is even tighter than mine. you commented with a neutral tone. “Besides his family’s tradition is that the bride takes care of the wedding arrangements” you continued and ran your finger on the wooden surface of the bar-counter. The wood felt cold and hard against your skin and therefore you folded your arms again after checking that your fingers were not dirty from dust.
- I see. I suppose every family has their own… ways. Frederick commented casually, trying not to sound too opinionated. It was not his wedding, he didn’t know you and therefore he had no right to have an opinion. However he couldn’t help it; there was something about you that was making him very concerned, worried even and this strange care for your well-being was making him say things that he probably shouldn't have said if he wanted to get hired as the photographer for your big, fancy wedding. You made him nervous as well because you seemed like a person who was always in control of the situation. You probably ate nice guys like him for breakfast and if he met you in a meeting room, you would be on the top of the situation for sure. Now however you seemed almost like you were trapped, a bird in a golden cage… or an actress in a play; you were playing your part very well, very convincingly, but still… someone else had written the story and you were just playing the part that had been written for you. This made Frederick sad somehow, even despite the fact that he didn’t know you and he had never met you before. “Yes” you sighed and smiled briefly.
- So, what do you think about the venue? you asked after a long, troubling silence.
- It is… large. Frederick replied. The truth was that he didn’t like the venue at all. It was too pretentious, formal and… cold. Yes, it was not warm and inviting at all but very stiff and with all that room to breathe, Frederick felt like he was almost suffocating there.
- It is going to be a big wedding. you commented casually, again staring at the gloomy garden outside. Frederick was well informed about the size of the event and also about the fact that it was going to attract plenty of attention from the media-side because all the wealthiest and the most influential people of the city had been invited and they would have showed up even without invitations. This was going to be the event of the year, the perfect place to make new friends and to fortify the old, existing friendships… all for the benefit of business, of course.
- Why now? Frederick asked suddenly with a curious voice.
- What do you mean? you asked immediately with a slightly defensive tone and then asked “Why not now?”
- Well, I would understand autumn wedding with the autumn colors. the photographer spoke while staring at the rainy garden. “Or the winter wedding with fresh, sparkling snow, but…” he said and stopped to take a brief glance at you. You stood silently a bit away from him, still with your arms tightly against your chest while you stared at the raindrops sliding down on the glass. “…Wedding in between-” Frederick spoke until you interrupted him by asking
- What’s wrong with it?
- Nothing. Frederick answered immediately.
- It is not like we had planned to get married on a beach or… you spoke with a slightly bitter voice. “…Or even in the garden” you continued while staring at the dying world in front of you. It was getting late in the afternoon and the sun was already setting, although you had not seen it during the entire day. Yes, the entire day had been like this; chilly, rainy and filled with silent, unvoiced despair.
- Just seems a bit rushed. he commented casually, trying to avoid sounding too bold. It was not his business and maybe Frederick had gotten it all wrong. Yes, maybe it had been love at the first sight so every passing moment apart as an unmarried couple was unbearable agony, perhaps your families were extremely conservative… or it was possible that you had gotten pregnant and this was the only way to avoid scandals. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t Frederick’s concern and he had to constantly keep telling himself not to get too involved with this curious case of November wedding.
- In business circles we have a saying… you stated with a neutral tone and then continued with a more confident tone “…There is no better time than now.”
- Is it because of the merger? Frederick asked after a somewhat long, depressing silence.
- I beg your pardon? you asked immediately. It was absurd and completely unheard of that the man who was supposed to be the photographer in your wedding was questioning your and your fiancée’s decisions, basically telling you not to get married. No, he was not saying that, but you could read it between the lines that it was what he was thinking. In the opinion of your wedding photographer, Mister Frederick Garland, your wedding was a mistake.
- It just… feels like a business deal. Frederick stated with a slightly embarrassed and defensive voice. You had been talking about your boyfriend earlier, described him to be loyal and stern, successful and serious, business-minded and ambitious, all great qualities, sure, even in Frederick’s opinion but still it had not felt right. He took a deep breath and stated cautiously “The way you talked about your fiancée-“
- Excuse me? you asked, scoffed and interrupted the tall man. “There is nothing wrong with marrying someone…” you said but didn’t immediately find words to continue the sentence. You took a deep breath and then spoke with a calm, yet cold tone “Someone who fits your life. Someone who shares your ambitions and is… reliable.”
- No, of course not. he said and as an automated reaction lifted his hands up a little as a sign of surrendering. He didn’t want to fight and he knew that he had no right to say these things but for some reason he had not been able to stop himself… and he wasn’t able to stop himself now either. “It is just…” he said nervously and after waiting for your response for a moment, he continued “…You do not seem like you are really in love with the guy” with a shy, sincere tone. You gasped silently and bit your lip until you remembered that you had bright red lipstick on and now you most likely had it on your front teeth as well. You wiped them just in case, hoping that your lipstick was still perfect.
- And you can tell… by what exactly? you asked, glanced quickly at Frederick and then focused your gaze at the garden once more. “You haven’t even met my fiancée and you just met me an hour ago” you stated and paused for a moment. You turned and walked away from the window. “Besides, who are you to tell us what love should be like?” you asked or more like stated and then mumbled to yourself with a barely audible tone “Or that it shouldn’t be convenient.”
- Miss (Y/N), I never said that. Frederick stated immediately. “I was just trying to point out that…” he said and turned around as well, walked to the doorway that led into the lobby of the expensive hotel. You however stood still in the somewhat dark room and waited him to finish his sentence. “…In my opinion…” Frederick began and then continued “…And based on my personal experiences… and based on the weddings that I have photographed during my career-“
- Yes, what? you asked with a sarcastic smirk.
- Love is everything but convenient. he said and smiled a little in a very adorable and shy way. “It is… messy and complicated but… also worth the struggles” he spoke with a hopeful tone.
- There are different kinds of love. you commented casually and politely. “For example the more… reasonable and calm –kind of love” you described with a calm, businesslike tone.
- Of course. But is that what you want? Is that enough? Frederick asked, sounding uncommonly concerned and worried for your well-being as well as happiness. It was something you had not expected and therefore it was very confusing! Perhaps Mister Garland had a point? Maybe he knew what real love looked like since he had photographed countless couples before meeting you. What if he was right? What if he saw something that you wanted to ignore? What if this wedding, this marriage was a huge mistake? “No, don’t go there!” you scolded yourself instantly in your mind because this was not the time to get cold feet. You couldn’t be the person who ruined everything and threw her bright future away just for something that a mere stranger said!
- Do you want to photograph this wedding or not? you asked with a cold, impersonal tone. Frederick was silent for a moment and since he was not saying anything, you felt compelled to clarify the importance of this upcoming event and the benefits that it would potentially have on Mister Garland’s personal career. “You do realize that it is going to be the biggest event of the year…” you stated and after taking a quick glance at the photographer standing in the doorway you continued with the same calm, assertive tone “…And surely your career would benefit greatly from this kind of publicity.”
- I do. Frederick answered but before you had a chance to say anything he added with a concerned tone “But only if this is what you really want.” Frederick smiled at you but it was obvious that there was something hidden behind the smile. Mister Garland was sad for some reason, or profoundly worried that you were doing something that you didn’t really want to do. But did you really want this? “Oh shut up!” you scolded yourself silently while you stared at the tall, well-dressed, handsome man with a confused expression on your face.
- What? you asked with a deeply puzzled tone after many seconds of silence; you heard only your own heartbeat, your shallow inhales and the sound of rain hitting the roof mercilessly. Where was this coming from? Why was he saying all these things to you? Why was he looking at you like that; his smiling eyes filled with deep concern and sadness! Why didn’t your boyfriend ever look at you like that? Why was your fiancée always so busy with the business meetings? Why wasn’t he here? He should be right here, standing beside you and answering these questions with you! You felt a wave of emotions hitting you very hard as the bottled stress and hesitation started to unravel right there and right now.
- If you are not genuinely happy… Frederick spoke, sounding very sincere and like he actually cared for your happiness and when you gave him a confused look, he immediately continued explaining. “…With your decision to go through with this wedding…” he said and then added “…It will show in the pictures.” You swallowed once and wiped one rogue tear off your cheek. You couldn’t break down, not now and especially not in front of a stranger. It just was weird how this man seemed to see behind your cool, calm exterior, he seemed to see the woman trapped inside her own life, too tangled with it to break free but also too comfortable with her own cage; the pretty, little world where everything was convenient and nothing was unpredictable.
- I am not a romantic like you are, Mister Garland. you snapped and turned your gaze elsewhere. “There was a time when I… was… but then I grew up.” you spoke with an emotionless tone. You had managed to push your personal feelings aside again and when you shifted your gaze back to the talented photographer, you were back to your normal self, the reasonable businesswoman who had once been a dreamer but then left that phase behind.
- Right. Frederick commented, his tone making it quite apparent that he didn’t believe what you were saying. It wasn’t his business but still he was getting himself somehow emotionally involved. It was almost like he had managed to take a look at the real person behind the perfect exterior and seen someone quite fragile and lonely. It was like he had seen it in your eyes, just for a fraction of a moment… the person you had once been was still there, trapped, too tired to fight back and therefore given up and surrendered to the life that had been made for you.
- Do you know what I do for living? you snapped with a defensive tone. Of course Frederick knew and you knew that he was aware of your profession. “Risk assessment… and accounting” you said firmly. Frederick nodded without saying anything. He kept staring into your eyes, hoping to see a glimpse of the person he had seen a moment ago but she was now gone, replaced by this polite but chillingly formal ice-queen. He knew that you didn’t survive in the business world without this mask… or this role… but why did you keep playing it even outside your work?
- This marriage makes sense. you spoke, almost like you had been trying to convince not only Frederick but yourself as well. In a way you were hoping to get a confirmation from the idealistically romantic artist that you were doing the right thing and now that you were not getting it, you felt like you had to justify your decision to him and to prove to him that you were in control of your own life… and that your life was exactly you had dreamed it to be.
- And I do… care for him… you spoke and then immediately corrected yourself “I mean… love him.”
- Alright, then I will do it. Frederick stated with a calm nod. Perhaps he had been wrong and this was what you really wanted, maybe you didn’t need love to be passionate and wonderful… maybe for you it was enough that it was safe, functional and ordinary... and yes, reasonable. However it made Frederick sad, not only because he was a firm believer in true love and an old-fashioned gentleman but also because he was pretty good at reading people and what he had seen while you had been silently staring at the decaying garden, had actually shocked him. You had looked disappointed and bitter… but also… lost. So lost.
- Splendid. you commented and walked out from the dark banquette hall, passed him and signaled to your personal driver who was chatting with the man at the reception, that you were ready to leave. The driver brought your long, stylish coat to you and helped you to put it on, handed you your purse and nodded when you told him to get the car because you would be done here in few minutes. You checked your phone very quickly and then focused your attention back to the tall photographer in front of you.
- Now, I hope you have time in your schedule for a five-day-event. you spoke while putting on your gloves. “Even with this kind of short notice” you added and then shifted your gaze from your fingers to Mister Garland.
- Yes, I do. he replied politely and put on his black coat that resembled the aristocratic frock coats of the Victorian era; it was simple but still quite dashing. It gave him a very attractive figure because it emphasized the broadness of his shoulders which then gave contrast to the waistline and all this combined with the somewhat float-y tail of the coat as well as the V-shaped collar and the silky scarf around his neck made him look like a man from another era. “This is not exactly the season for weddings” he commented while tying the scarf neatly into kind of ruffles.
- Hm… well, it is now. you replied and smiled politely, in the most friendly way you possibly could. You saw the car driving in front of the hotel door and after making sure once more that you had everything with you, you said goodbyes to the hotel personnel at the front desk and walked out from the hotel with Frederick.
- I will ask my assistant to pay your fee in advance… you spoke while waiting the driver to come out and opening the door to you. Fortunately there was a marquis keeping you from getting soaked from the rain because you had left your umbrella at the office by an accident; your mind had been a mess lately and you had kept forgetting little things such as taking your umbrella with you or eating lunch during the busy day at the office. “…And if everything is now settled, I will see you in two weeks” you stated as you got into the backseat of the black, expensive car. You saw Frederick Garland nodding at you and after you had bid him farewell, the driver closed the door and ran to the other side of the car, opened the door got in. Frederick watched the car driving away and then stated to himself with a barely audible tone
- Miss (Y/N), you’re making an enormous mistake.