Thranduil / Reader (9)
Let me tell you a story, a story about betrayal and greed, schemes and revenge. “What about love?” you might ask, oh no, this is not a love story because I did not live long enough to fall in love or to be loved but do not be sad for me because I do not need your pity. My life, whatever it was, was short, yes, but the blame for that is all mine. You see, when one is motivated by revenge and anger, nothing good will ever come out from it. This I learned the hard way, but if I had a chance to do it all over again, would I do anything different? I don’t know. That is the question that haunts me now in this place where time has stopped and I keep sinking deeper.
Once upon a time… yes, this phrase, you have all heard before. Maybe your mother started your bedtime-story with it when she told you about the magical true love between princes and princesses. The stories that always had a happy ending despite the evil forces and occasional step-mothers. I heard those stories too, but for me, true love did not exist because my life had been planned before my birth. Oh no, falling in love was never in the stars for me… but there was so much more instead…
In the Far East there was a realm that was ruled by a king, not immortal by race but his people lived for many human lives, few centuries even if the wars did not claim them. He was married to immortal woman, an elf in fact, whose father had arranged her to be married to the king of this foreign, distant realm almost two hundred years ago. This mortal king and the immortal queen had a child, a daughter who was to rule the realm someday, when her father had passed among the fallen kings that had ruled before him. Their daughter was young, beautiful and strong and she was going to face the eternal life, never to grow old, never to die… so they said. She was supposed to meet an elven king and get married with him when she reached adulthood. The marriage was supposed to strengthen the alliance between the elves and the realm, far in the east, beyond the vast wasteland.
The elven king, Thranduil, ruled Mirkwood, the Wooden Realm which was one of the few elven realms in Middle Earth, still remaining while other elves left the shores of this world and returned home, far beyond the sea. Thranduil had been married before but his wife, the mother of his son Legolas, had been killed a long time ago leaving the king alone with his grief, to rule the realm of Mirkwood and shut himself out from the rest of the Middle Earth. The Elf King had agreed to the suggestion of the king of the eastern realm to marry the princess when she became hundred years old. When she was almost eighty, Thranduil came to meet her, because just in twenty short years there was supposed to be a wedding and she was supposed to marry the Elf King and in his opinion it was a good idea to try to charm the young princess before the marriage.
However the meeting did not go too well. The young princess was not only strong and beautiful, she was also stubborn and proud and she did not want to engage herself to anyone, especially to a king that was over 5000 years old. She had decided not to marry him before even meeting him and then one day, there he was, tall and handsome, yet cold and distant like the most beautiful winter day. The princess acted politely, of course, when she was being introduced to the tall king but she had no intentions to marry him, ever. Thranduil asked her out for a walk and she agreed to humor him but only if her maid was with her at all times because the princess did not want to be left alone with since in her eyes the old king seemed like a hunter that was looking for a prey, ready to attack if she was being left alone with him.
The princess found the king charming and very handsome but no, she did not want to marry him or anyone for an alliance. Her mother however had a different idea and she kept pushing, trying to arrange secret, supposedly accidental meetings for her daughter and the elf king but the truth was that whatever the mother did, the princess did not give up. However the princess had her father wrapped tightly around her finger and she knew that she would make her father, the king of the eastern realm, to see that her daughter was better off alone… ruling the realm on her own.
- Father... he is so old! she said with a disgusted voice when she was talking with her father in the throne room. She knew that she had to make her point to be heard now because the king was getting inevitably close to the end of his life and if she was going to rule the realm, it had to be decided now. She had even heard rumors that if the marriage happened, her people would follow her to Mirkwood and abandon her home realm that was secluded and life there was generally speaking difficult. There however were riches in her realm that were valuable beyond measure and she was entirely convinced that King Thranduil was only interested in them. He surely did not really care about the people and therefore she couldn’t trust him and his kind words.
- He is an elf, of course he is old! the father exclaimed and then continued with softer tone “But he will never grow old and neither will you.” The statement made the princess scoff mockingly. It was no proper reason to marry anyone, besides she did not fear loneliness or grief that would follow when everyone died around her from the old age. The realm belonged to the mortal people and her mother, the elf, was the only one who was never going to get old and die… although there had been talks that she would sail away to Valinor after the king had died.
- Do you want to rule this realm alone, my dearest daughter? the father asked with a confused tone.
- Yes! And I will be such a ruler that there will be no other, no one better. she stated with a firm tone. The father however looked somewhat unconvinced and therefore she had to plead, although she had decided that she would never beg.
- Please father, do not make me to do this! she pleaded and fell on her knees in front of her father. She knew that she could have even shed a tear or two to convince him but fortunately for her she did not have to go that far.
- Very well, my daughter. But… don't you like him even a bit? the father asked and offered his hand to help her daughter up from the cold, stone floor. The princess shook her hand as she stood up and the king decided to try to convince her one more time.
- The alliance would secure our people and lands for the eternity. he said and looked deep into his daughter’s eyes. She looked back with a firm look in hers and it was apparent that there was nothing that anyone could have done to make her change her mind. “But-“ the king said but she interrupted him by stating with a cold, despising tone
- No, I don't like him... Father, I could never love him!
- So be it, my daughter. You shall rule this realm alone. There will be no marriage. the king said and walked to his throne. He was old already, his hair was gray and his eyes were not bright anymore, but he was still strong and he would live for many decades still, which was enough to teach the princess everything she did not already know about ruling the realm.
The king saw Thranduil in the corner of his eye, right on the edge of the field of his vision, storming away furiously. Yes, Thranduil had heard the conversation and he was now boiling from anger. He had tried to charm the princess, he had been nice, courteous and patient even though there had been no real reason for him to be any of those things; he did not love the princess and he did not really need this alliance but he had been ready to welcome her and her people into his realm, despite the fact that they were not even elves, well the princess was but only a half elf. Now he was insulted and it meant that there would be no friendship between his realm and this god-forsaken realm. Thranduil decided not to waste another thought for the land beyond the wasteland and especially for the selfish, foolish princess who had rejected him so bluntly.
The king was about to stand up to follow Thranduil in order to present his deepest and sincerest apologies to the Elf King but the princess said “Let him go. We do not need his help anyway” and spoke to him about all the great things that were waiting for them just around the corner, such greatness and there was no need for Thranduil, the visitor from the faraway realm, the king of the elves, not the king of this realm. She smirked at Thranduil secretly when she watched him and his entourage leaving the palace and riding away.
Years passed as the seasons followed each other; winters were always followed by springs which were always followed by summers and autumns and then the whole cycle began again. The princess grew smarter and less self-centered. She studied hard to be the great ruler that she had promised her father to be, to make him proud because she felt that it was her duty now; to become great, a just ruler who was not afraid of making hard decisions but also knew when to lay down her sword… or not to raise it in the first place. She learned to fight and fought in many wars side by side with her father, together securing the realm and gaining respect of their neighbors. She followed her father to the councils and diplomatic events, learned the rules of politics and also traveled with the king abroad to meet the rulers of other realms but never to Mirkwood. Oh no, Mirkwood was off limits and all the relations that had once existed, dating years and years back, were now gone.
The princess sat outside sometimes watching the stars and thinking about the Elf King. Thranduil had been indeed handsome and courteous, warmer than she had expected him to be and charming even, although she never dared to admit it to anyone. She sometimes wondered what her life would have been like if she had married Thranduil; would she have fallen in love? Would she have become happy? Or would she have hated her life? Would anything have been different if she had met him now? Now that she was older and wiser, almost three hundred years old. If she had now a second chance… perhaps she would have given him a chance… No! Her mind had been made up; she would rule the realm alone, there was no one… no love for her.
Then one winter a small baby boy was born. The princess was just barely over three hundred then and the passing of her father was getting nearer but yet, despite of being old and frail, the king had had an affair with a maid because the queen had turned her back to her husband for some reason. Maybe it had been the fact that the king was gray and wrinkly, he was walking with a walking stick and there were even days when he couldn’t leave the bed. The mother of the baby boy died right after giving birth to the healthy child and the queen… well, surprisingly instead of deserting him, she found the decency in her heart to raise the boy as her own … or so it had seemed at the time… but the years would soon show that nothing was like it had appeared to be.
Soon after this the king died and the princess became the ruler of the realm. She had followed her father withering away as the life had left him and then, one cold autumn morning, the king had died of old age. The grief was deep, of course, and there was a grand funeral in the king’s honor… so grand in fact that even a delegation from Mirkwood arrived to pay their respects after over two hundred and thirty years of being almost enemies. Thranduil came as well, he had after all had a tight friendship with the king and the kings that had ruled before… until the young princess, in the age of eighty, had refused the marriage and insulted the Elf King greatly.
Thranduil stayed in the coronation as well; now that the king had died, the realm was going to have a new ruler, the princess who was three hundred and fifteen years old. She was crowned as the ruler soon after the funeral and Thranduil decided to see what kind of ruler the realm would have. He had had his spies keeping their eye on her and the Elf King had been profoundly surprised when he had heard that the once foolish and self-centered girl had grown into a smart and brave woman who had sworn to rule the realm well and defend it with her life. Thranduil stood in the audience among other important guests when the queen of the eastern realm crowned her daughter as the new ruler of the realm. The ceremony was very festive and the new ruler was basically glowing with gracefulness, even by the elvish standards. After the formal part was over Thranduil requested an audience with the ruler and he was pleasantly surprised that he was being received instantly.
- Congratulations, my lady. Thranduil said and bowed deeply.
- Thank you, my lord. the new ruler said and stood up from her throne and gestured Thranduil to follow her into the grand dining hall. She was wearing a silver crown that had been made for her. It was beautiful and delicate, decorated by three deep red stones that reflected light when it hit them. They talked for a moment about the happenings of Middle Earth, exchanged news from both of the realms and then, when the small talk –part was over, she said
- I wonder if you are willing to reestablish the trade-agreements with my people.
- I would be most delighted to share our wealth with your people, the elves of Mirkwood. she continued after taking a moment to analyze the expression on the Elf King’s face. Thranduil had the best poker face but this time he did not hide that he was delighted to hear her suggesting that. Thranduil knew that having trading alliances benefited also his people and therefore he smiled politely and nodded slowly.
- Yes, my lady. I shall send someone to discuss the details. he said most eloquently as they walked along a corridor that led into the dining hall and then added “It shall be done” with a calm, surprisingly friendly tone.
- Why don't you discuss the details yourself with me? she asked and gestured him to sit down when they had arrived to the dining table. Thranduil sat down and kept monitoring her with his eyes, constantly analyzing her body language as well as her expressions, trying to find signs of dishonesty in her, but failed to find any faults. He tried to read her because she seemed completely different compared to the selfish little girl he had met before. Now she seemed wise but distant, extremely beautiful... Perhaps… if another chance presented itself, he could try to charm her again-
Thranduil cleared his mind and pushed such thoughts away because he had been offended by this woman once and therefore he would not take the risk of being offended again. Yes, this young ruler who seemed to be a fine lady now, would never be anything but a trading-companion, nothing less and certainly nothing more. Besides, Thranduil was suspicious about the change; could anyone change so radically and so fast? She had been a selfish, spoiled little princess only two hundred and thirty years ago… so what if this newly found fairness was only an act or a phase that would pass as quickly as it had come? However, the Elf King was able to find common ground with the new ruler and therefore the new trade-agreements were established and after a couple of days of negotiations and festivities Thranduil returned to his kingdom with his entourage.
The new ruler ruled her realm well. She was respected by her neighbors and instead of solving the disagreements as well as the quarrels with swords, she used words. She was fair and generous and for next hundred years she ruled the realm successfully until one night a guard came to wake her up, telling that the palace was being taken over by her little brother. While she had been busy ruling the land, she had turned the blind eye on her brother who had turned the army against her and now he was coming to get her head because he had finally reached adulthood and was convinced that he was the rightful ruler and the throne was so unfairly stolen from him. She got dressed and took her sword as someone banged her door, clearly trying to force their way in. There was no escape.
- Come out, sister, or I shall break the door! the brother shouted.
She took a deep breath and since there was no other way out from her private chamber, she had no other choice but to surrender herself to her brother. Therefore she unlocked the door and just as she stepped out from the chamber, one of the army commanders put a sack on her head and tied her hands behind her back. She couldn’t see anything as she was being rushed to a forest where she was lifted on a horse and taken even deeper, until she was at the edge of her realm. During the journey her brother had kept telling her how her people were displeased with her rule and that the allies of the realm were basically laughing at them; a woman ruling… and therefore no one was taking them seriously. Finally the horse stopped and she was thrown to the ground.
- As you know the punishment for treason is death. the brother said and jumped down from his horse. They had ridden for a day and therefore it was night again, not that it mattered because she was still wearing the sack over her head. She heard her brother’s boots on the ground that was covered by gravel and she knew that that they had left the forest and entered the wasteland between the realm of Mirkwood and the eastern realm. It was a dangerous place to be, especially during night and without a weapon.
- Brother, do not do this. she pleaded with a tone that was filled with fear which was very unlikely for her. A guard took the bag off her head and kicked her into her stomach as she was laying on the ground with her hands tied behind her back, completely helpless. She curled up on the ground as a result, coughing violently and trying to catch her breath before a new kick would follow the first one.
- But since you are my sister, I will release you now. However, if you shall return, I will take your head and put it on a stick so everyone will see how we treat our traitors. the brother stated and gestured the guard to take his dagger out from its sheath. The guard did as instructed and before cutting the ties, he pressed the sharp blade on her throat and made a small cut to remind her about her fate if she should ever return. Then he cut the rope that had been tied around her wrists and released her arms. After this the brother hopped on the horse and rode away with his closest supporters.
She cried, just laying there on the ground for a day or two and then her hurt changed into anger. She got up and decided to fight back, but not now. If she returned now, she would die for sure so she decided to wait. However she couldn’t wait here because the wasteland was filled with dangerous creatures such as orcs and other foul beasts and therefore she did the only thing that she could do; flee to the west, towards the realm of Mirkwood. She had not seen Thranduil since the coronation but she was hopeful that if she got there alive, the Elf King would give her refuge there… a home where she would wait patiently. She after all was immortal, she had time and her rage was not going to subside. Oh no, it would only grow until one day… she would have her revenge.
She ran across the wasteland, eating wild berries and anything she could find, fighting beasts with her bare hands and finally, after a week of running and occasionally hiding behind rocks and bushes, she reached the Mirkwood forest. She entered the realm and very soon she was captured by the border guards who took her immediately to the palace. The elf guards kept threatening her with bows and swords, accusing her for trespassing and one of them even stated that she would be surely sentenced to be locked away to a dungeon because the king did not accept his realm being so boldly entered… considering that the trespasser had not used a road and therefore it was fair to assume that she was either a criminal or a spy.
She was taken to the palace and escorted into the throne hall where Thranduil’s throne was. The king was sitting high up on his throne with his legs crossed as he leaned on the arm and admired his rings that had been polished just yesterday. Thranduil noticed the two guards escorting a woman who had dirty, torn clothes, messy hair and even her skin was covered with mud, blood and fouler things such as orc blood that was black and had an appalling stench.
- Who are you and what were you doing in my forest? Thranduil asked with a loud, assertive voice that echoed in the throne hall. Thranduil did not recognize her because she was covered in dirt and therefore looked quite the opposite compared to what he had seen her before. Besides, she was tired from running and fighting, her body was aching and the bruises were turning purple on her pale skin. Thranduil couldn’t even see her pointy ears because her hair that had once been gorgeous and slightly wavy, was now covered with leafs, all tangled and ruined.
- Answer me! the Elf King demanded. The trespasser gathered all her strength and looked at him, straight into his eyes while voicing only two words; please, help. After this she collapsed to the ground before the guards managed to react, let alone to catch her. Thranduil stood up immediately and ran down the stairs, his heart had almost stopped when he had recognized her and she had fallen down like a broken marble statue. Thranduil knelt beside her and alarmed the healers who then took her away to the house of healing.
She rested for few days, still in pain from the ordeal but fully awake at least and capable of answering any questions that the Elf King might have. She told Thranduil everything, well almost at least; she left out the part where she had fled to Mirkwood only to wait for her revenge which she would soon have because her brother was not an immortal man. Oh no, not at all. You see, the late king who was the father was not immortal and the mother, the maid, was a mere human which meant that even though the their son would live longer than mere mortals he would surely die before turning two hundred. The brother had been one hundred and fifteen years old when he had taken over the realm. It meant that he had about eighty five years or maybe even less time to rule and that was just a blink in the life of an elf.
This part the ousted ruler had not told Thranduil because she had known that he would surely try to talk her out from her plans which she kept perfecting as the years passed by in Mirkwood. She and Thranduil became friends, not very close ones but at least they did not quarrel with each other. The thing was that Thranduil knew that she was hiding something from him and that bothered him very much, besides, he had not entirely forgotten or forgiven the great insult of rejecting the marriage-proposal earlier and therefore the friendship never deepened between the Elf King and his guest, the refugee from the eastern realm. And the reason why she did not put an effort to charm the Elf King was that she knew it already that she was not going to stay in Mirkwood because she was just killing time, waiting for the day to come when she would have her revenge. She waited and waited, patiently, plotting against her brother as the seasons passed and after seventy years she heard the news that she had been looking forward to hearing; her brother was dying and it was time to go back.
- I must go back. she said one day when she was walking with Thranduil in the garden. Thranduil stopped and turned to stare at her with a shocked and profoundly surprised look on his face.
- And why must you do this? he asked immediately.
- My brother is dying and there are things that I must say to him. she stated with a cold tone that chilled Thranduil’s core. He had known all along that there was something bothering her but he had never gotten so close that he would have seen behind her cool exterior. “Dying? I thought you were immortal” Thranduil stated with a confused tone. She smirked in a way that revealed that she was indeed plotting something… something rather sinister in nature.
- Oh I am… she stated and chuckled a little before continuing “…but my brother is not.” She had carried the bitter rage in her heart for so many years now that having revenge had become her mission, the force that pushed her forward and had given her patience to wait. Thranduil did not like the sound of her voice, especially combined to her smirk at all and therefore he did not comment. “My father was not immortal, my mother however, she is” she explained and monitored the expression on Thranduil’s face.
- So your brother... the Elf King said and shifted his gaze away from her as he realized that her brother had ousted her and condemned her into exile without the proper merits.
- He does not know it himself. We never told him, but my father had an affair with a maid who died right after the childbirth. My mother raised the baby as her own. she explained and inhaled slowly. “So your brother is not the king!” Thranduil exclaimed and shifted his gaze back to her. “No” she stated with an emotionless tone.
- Why did you let him take the rule then? Thranduil asked with a surprised and confused tone. “I did not have a choice, besides...” she began and then took a deep breath before continuing.
- I thought that it is not worth of spilling blood since he will die soon anyway. she scoffed and folded her arms. She could sense the confusion in Thranduil which made her feel that he was judging her decisions and disapproving her actions. But what else could she have done? It was not like she had had an army to march with back home and take the throne. Thranduil kept silent as he processed this new information. It was no wonder now why she had kept her distance; she had never planned to stay… just killed time under his roof.
- What pains me the most is that the same people who pledged their allegiance for me on the battlefields and in my father’s funeral turned against me. she explained and looked around with a bitter expression on her face. Thranduil still stayed silent. He understood the feeling of betrayal, which was justified and most likely he would have felt betrayed as well but he did not understand why she had never talked about this before.
- Then the rumors started. Oh, there were conversations that ended when I entered the room. Eventually my brother had convinced everyone that my father had been sick and insane when he had left the rule in my hands. she spoke with a cold and bitter tone that was filled with suppressed rage that terrified even Thranduil and it took a lot to terrify the great Elf King, he after all had faced dragons and other foul creatures as well as powerful enemies. “That he was the rightful ruler… and not me” she added and scoffed mockingly.
- I can see why you're seeking for revenge, but I must advise you not to pursue it. Thranduil said and put his hand on her shoulder. She snapped out from her thoughts and stepped away from the king instantly.
- There is absolutely nothing you can do or say to change my mind. she swore and walked away leaving Thranduil alone. She packed her bag, although she did not quite own anything and asked for a horse. Then she rode away one morning… without saying goodbye, she disappeared into the morning mist that surrounded the palace.
She rode across the vast wasteland and through the forest that was not guarded by anyone. When she got to the fortress that surrounded the palace, she was not recognized by anyone because anyone who had been alive then, during her rule, was now dead or dying… that was the life of a mortal being, so short and frail… so unimportant and insignificant… but she had stood up for her people, loved them until they had betrayed her and left her to the edge of the wasteland to die.
She sneaked into the palace in the cover of the night because she knew all the secret passages in and out from the palace. She had been living there for three hundred years and therefore she knew the place inside out, every corridor, every corner… and therefore she was able to move around using the paths and tunnels without being noticed by the guards. She walked to the door that led into the king’s private chamber, the very room that she had occupied once when she had been the ruler of the realm, and took a deep breath before entering the room. She stepped in and walked to the bed where her brother was currently laying.
- Hello brother. she said with an emotionless tone and looked down on him. He was wrinkled and looked weak, completely different than the last time when she had seen him.
- Did you come to kill me? he asked silently with a tone that was shaky and barely audible. “No... I do not have to” she answered and a small smirk appeared on her face as she kept her eyes fixed upon her brother.
- What is happening to me? he asked and for a moment he sounded like the little boy whom she had once loved like her true brother but grown to hate since he had orchestrated the betrayal and turned everyone against her.
- You're dying. she answered calmly. “But you... you're still young” the brother stated and made a wheezing sound as he inhaled. “Yes” she commented with the same calm and emotionless tone. The brother gasped for air and stated
- But the king is immortal-
- No. My mother is. she said and shook her head slowly. “Yours however was not” she added and scoffed. The brother kept staring at her, the young-looking big sister who was full of life… and hate which made the brother shake in his boots, or would have, if he had been wearing any.
- I bet you have figured this out already. she said and walked around a little as she spoke. Then she stopped and turned to look at her brother who was laying in the bed, on the verge of his death. “And so have my people” she added and chuckled victoriously a little.
- Why did you not tell me? he asked bitterly.
- First I kept the secret out of love... then, when you betrayed me... I started to wait for this day. she spoke calmly.
- What day is this? the brother asked.
- The day you'll die... old and alone... forgotten. No, there will not be kingly funeral, everyone knows that you are not the one who has the right to rule. she said and walked closer to the bed. “You're not even the queen’s son” she whispered and started to laugh.
- Oh believe me, when you're dead, no one shall talk about you ever again... and this land and its people... my land and my people... will see brighter future once more. she continued after her laughter had died and then paused for a moment. She waited for the brother to say something to defend herself or to perhaps to try to change her mind, but now, the brother stayed silent, only wheezing and coughing as the life was leaving his body with every exhale. She cleared her throat and folded her arms as she stated
- I have heard the rumors; your rule has not been the happiest but more violent-
- You were always so weak, our enemies were laughing at us. he stated with a shaky tone.
- And yet they did not attack. My brother... you're an old fool. You think that people need glory of war, big tales to tell about those wars but what I and my father wanted… she spoke firmly and gasped for air before continuing. “… was that the fathers and the mothers stay alive to tell those tales, not die while creating them” she continued and leaned closer to look into the eyes of her brother. She remembered the lively little boy who had been running around the palace when he had been small… young and innocent. Oh, if only he had stayed that way.
- Do not worry... the death will be dark... cold... and lonely. she whispered as she kept following his last moments from very close distance. After a couple of minutes, the brother inhaled one last time and when he exhaled, the last spark of life left his body and then he was… dead. The brother stared at the ceiling as the light in his eyes died as well. She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed because instead of feeling relieved she felt grief and she knew that she would most likely be haunted for the rest of her life by the look on her brother’s face as well as her own curse, the final words that had not offered any consolation to the dying brother. However if she had assumed to feel lighter after saying these things and seeing her brother dying… she had been wrong. She felt empty and consumed… like something had died inside her as well. Suddenly their mother, the queen, walked into the room and stated “Finally.”
- Mother, I have returned. the daughter, who was the rightful ruler, said as she stood up and wiped the runaway tear off her cheek. However the queen was followed by two guards, who walked to the daughter, grabbed her by her arms and forced her to kneel on the floor by the bed. They tied her hands behind her back and then lifted her up to stand.
- What is this? the daughter asked with a confused tone.
- Do you think you can just come here and steal the rule? the mother asked and walked to stand in front of her daughter, put her hand under the daughter’s chin and guided her raise her head. “I do not understand” she sighed with profoundly baffled tone.
- Of course you don't. You've always seen only what is right ahead of you. the mother stated and ordered the guards to take her out from the palace to a cliff by a lake, just outside the palace. The daughter tried to fight back but the two guards were too strong and since her hands had been tied behind her back she couldn’t even defend herself in any way. They dragged her to the edge of the cliff and turned her to face her mother.
- My dearest daughter... In the hour of your death, you must wonder why is this happening to you... but do not worry, I shall tell you everything... the mother said and explained how her own father had raised her to believe that she would someday rule the elven realm but then she had been sent here, in this god-forsaken realm to marry a mortal. However, when she had had a daughter she had immediately seen her first opportunity to seize the rule… but it only required an arranged marriage, because then the daughter would have left the realm and when the king had died, the queen would have taken the rule. But then the marriage-arrangement had been called off and the “plan A” had failed. “The two persons I was supposed to love betrayed me in such way” the mother scoffed and stared into her daughter’s eyes with such bitterness in hers that it made the daughter immediately regret that she had come back… but she also realized where she had gotten the appetite for revenge.
Then the mother continued talking about the king’s affair and the boy had been born. She had seen this as another opportunity, the “plan B” so to speak, because the real mother, the maid, had died right after giving birth and therefore the queen had raised the boy as her own, telling him that he was the rightful ruler… Poisoning everyone against the daughter who had not married the Elf King. The brother had been an easy target and because he was just a mortal, nothing but a bastard, the queen had known that he would die soon enough and all she had to do was to wait… “And of course to fill his head with the idea that you had betrayed him… but…” the queen stated casually and explained that she had specifically told the son that the punishment for treason was death… but apparently he had been too soft to actually finish the job.
- No, we have not told the people that you died. We have told everyone that you escaped because you were a foolish, selfish girl who knew deep inside her heart that the throne was not hers. the queen spoke and smirked victoriously at her daughter who tried to free herself by struggling but the guards were too strong and when she even moved a little, they squeezed her arms even tighter which caused visible bruises on them.
- Now, my daughter, if you had stayed in Mirkwood, you would be safe, sleeping in the arms of the king... his little whore... but you were driven by your own revenge. the queen spoke and shook her head with a disapproving and pitiful expression on her face. “And I think it is more than fitting that your revenge will kill you after all” she added and stepped a bit further away, nodded at the guards who turned their captive to face the long drop instead of her mother. She tried to wiggle and scream for help but there was no one to hear her cries.
- Now-now child, face the cold depths of your own doom. the queen said and laughed. However then happened something that no one, neither the queen nor her daughter had expected; “Stop this madness!” they heard a deep and assertive voice demanding and when the queen turned to look who was talking to her, she saw Thranduil standing behind her with his five guards, fully armed and ready to attack. The Elf King had had a bad feeling about the entire thing and when his guest had ridden away, he had instantly gathered five of his most trusted guards to follow her with him. The Elf King ordered the guards to attack the queen’s guards who were keeping their prisoner still on the edge. However the queen pushed her daughter over the edge and she fell into the darkness.
The fall felt like an eternity and then I hit the water. It was cold and felt like I had been stabbed with thousand knives. I sank deeper into the clear depths that were lit by the pale, faint moonlight which gave everything an eerie glow and made the small bubbles sparkle all around me like precious gemstones. I tried to swim to the surface but no matter what I did, I only kept sinking deeper… all the way to the bottom of the endless void that was filled with freezing water. I could feel my body getting numb and my head getting dizzy as I was running out of air. It was any second now that I would inhale water and fill my lungs with it.
But it is poetic, in a way… surely you agree with me now that you have heard my life story from the start to finish, all the way to my last breath, that if you let the hunger for revenge consume your mind and that becomes the force that pushes you forward, it is no surprise that I find myself here, in the bottomless lake, surrounded by darkness, coldness and loneliness, ironically exactly how I had described the death to my brother. I raise my head and stare at the surface but I cannot even see the surface anymore… it is too far and there is no reason to fight back anymore. I see it now, my actions, no matter how selfish or how righteous… they have led me here. Such waste, such foolishness.
***
You felt time slowing down as you held your breath until you couldn’t anymore. You gasped, twitched a couple of times violently as the water filled your lungs. Now there was nothing left, no hope, no pain… only darkness where you kept sinking deeper and deeper by every gasp. Yes, this was your story… a story about revenge and hatred, about the consequences of such poisonous feelings and what happens if you let them control your life. You knew that there was plenty of good in you, you had been an excellent ruler who had loved her people, loved her realm and loved her life but then everything had changed all of a sudden and you had been unable to let it go. Yes, you should have just accepted what had happened, move on and build a new life.
Regret, such a powerful feeling. Now that the time had slowed down for you until it had stopped entirely you had seen your path from the start to finish. You realized that if you were ever going to live again, you should let go of the bitterness, your appetite for revenge and forget what you had once been because you would never be the same again, no matter what the outcome of this would be. But do you want to stay after everything that had happened? Is there a purpose for you in this life? Or should you just let go completely and leave this world behind? To return home, to the land far beyond the sea.