Angel / Reader - Part 3
The next six month you got to know how Angel and his team handled things; Doyle’s vision –part, the investigation –part and then the part where Angel saved everyone. You learned that the reason why Angel had been at the coffee house that night two and half years ago was that Doyle had seen you in his vision. He had seen you serving coffee in your work-uniform, from which he had gotten the name of the coffee shop, and then being followed by something. What exactly that “something” had been had not been clear but Doyle had known that it was nothing good. His visions never were; it was not like he had seen the lottery numbers or anything… he always saw bad things, things that Angel then tried to stop from happening.
Angel had also started to train you and that had led you to spend quite a lot time with him… which then had led you to develop a crush for him; the dark avenger who saved lives… who had saved your life. Angel joined you on your nightly patrols a three-four times a week, even for a couple of hours, basically to make sure that you stayed safe. He knew that you could fight fairly well but he also knew that the more you gained name for yourself the bigger risk there was that someday you would meet your match and there had been a couple of close calls already.
What worried Angel the most was that you did not seem to realize it yourself; you were filled with enthusiasm every time you had managed to save someone, which of course was great, but he was afraid that you did not understand that the bigger waves you made, the bigger monsters you attracted and since Angel had cases of his own, he couldn’t be in two places at the same time. What also made him so worried for you was that he had become very fond of you during these six months, which was a very short time considering his entire life… or non-life, but you had gotten under his skin from the early on and soon, after spending more time with you, his irritation and agitation that you made him experience, had changed into something else.
…And he was not the only one. You had crossed verbal swords many times when your egos had clashed and you had hated the way Angel seemed to think that you were in a constant danger when he was not around. It had annoyed you in the beginning and made you even rebel against him, which had been complete idiocy, but as weeks had turned into months, you had noticed that Angel, beneath his brooding and distant surface, had a good heart that was beating for you as well.
Only if you had known that yes, Angel had a heart but no, it was not exactly beating. In other words; you did not know that he was a vampire. Sure you had found it a bit odd that you never saw him during the daylight, of if you did, the curtains were always closed, you had never seen him eating anything… you had seen him cooking breakfast for the team many times and he was actually a rather good cook, but you had never seen him eating. You also had noticed that his hands were always cold, well, you had been training with him many times and therefore gotten close as well as physical with him… and he had no mirrors… and he was unimaginably strong, fast and his inhumane reflexes made you gasp for air every time… but despite of all the evidence there was, the little pieces that were scattered all around you, you had not put the puzzle together to see the bigger picture.
Maybe you knew that something was off with him, you after all weren’t stupid, but since you had started to like him, maybe a little bit too much considering that you were basically a trainee in his company, which made him your boss, you had wanted to shut your eyes from everything suspicious and decided to ignore that small voice in the back of your head that was telling you that Angel was not what he was claiming to be. It was not like you had ever asked whether he was a vampire or not and he would have lied to you, so basically he had not claimed anything, but in a way, he was pretending to be your average neighborhood demon hunter-slash-hero, just a little broodier and more solitary-minded guy who never talked about his past and kept his personal life as a secret… perhaps because he did not really have a personal life.
- You should tell her. Doyle stated firmly when he stormed into Angel’s basement-apartment. Angel was just cleaning his weapons from demon slime and did not shift his gaze from the task at hand to Doyle.
- It has been now… what, six months? You have to tell her. Doyle said as he walked closer to Angel, who still was not paying any attention to him. Angel was actually deep in his thoughts, thinking about you and did not notice that Doyle had come downstairs.
- Angel! Doyle stated and finally Angel lifted his gaze from the long sword that he was cleaning.
- What? Angel asked with a frustrated tone. He did not like it when someone distracted him, especially when he was deep in his thoughts… thinking about something of great importance.
- (Y/N)! Have you told her? Doyle asked and sat down by the table to watch Angel polishing the blade.
- Told her what, Doyle? Angel blurted although he knew exactly what Doyle meant; Angel was aware of the fact that he should tell you that he was a vampire… a vampire with a soul to be exact and then explain the whole thing with the curse and so on, but the truth was that Angel was nervous that you would leave his life immediately when you found out… because then you would also find out that he was actually Angelus, the notorious “sick fuck” who wanted to bring an apocalypse upon the earth and basically kill everyone after torturing the life out of them. Yeah, Angelus was not the type to whom it was enough to suck the life out of his victims but he found it very entertaining as well as rewarding to torture people.
- That you… are not exactly a human. Doyle stated with his Irish accent. Angel however did not give him an answer, he just continued polishing the blade like nothing had happened.
- You know, it could be bad if she finds it out by herself. Doyle added.
- How would (Y/N) find out? Did you plan to tell her? Angel asked with a frustrated tone.
- No, but you know how you sometimes put on your vampire face, very charming I must say, to fight better? Doyle asked and leaned back in the chair. He took a deep breath, rolled his eyes and added “That way.” Angel knew that it was true; he was more powerful when he did not hide his vampire-self and there had been situations when the vampire in him had surfaced in the heat of the battle completely involuntarily.
- I can control that. Angel commented and put the sword on the table because it was ready, all new and shiny again. He stared at Doyle with a slightly annoyed look on his face and added “Just like I can control my… appetite.”
- Keep telling yourself that, mate, but sooner or later she will find out. Doyle said, patted the surface of the table with his knuckles to emphasize his point. Angel sighed and shifted his gaze elsewhere. He knew that Doyle had a point; if you found out by yourself somehow, it would be much worse than the scenario where he explained to you the whole thing. If he sat you down in private and told you his entire life story it, you might understand and see the good behind his actions; that he tried to make things better by fighting evil and helping people. But… but in case you found out by yourself, you would most likely feel betrayed and get very angry. You could feel that you had not been trusted or valued enough to be told the truth, which would be pretty understandable. Or then you might hear by an accident when someone from the team joked with the fact that Angel was vampire or blurted it out like they had almost done a couple of times.
You had once asked Cordelia why Angel never took his convertible out for a spin during the daytime and commented that he could use a tan because he was so pale, to which Cordelia had replied that Angel would get instantly burned and laughed while asking “got it?” you had stared at Cordelia with a puzzled expression on your face and then she had blurted out “You know, because Angel is a vam-“ and shut up as soon as she had realized that you did not know and she was not supposed to tell you. You had asked her “Angel is… what?” and then Cordelia had just stated that he was one of those people who got sunburn very easily… but you had found her expression and that rather desperate save a bit suspicious. Cordelia had then changed the subject very rapidly and pretended to be very busy… glancing through papers that were actually completely blank.
- I know, Doyle! But how do you tell such thing to someone? Angel asked and put the sword back into the cupboard that he used to store the weapons. Doyle drummed the surface of the table with his fingers and leaned forward as he sighed. “I mean…” Angel said and paused for a moment.
- I cannot exactly go and say… Angel continued and rolled his eyes as he formed his thoughts into words.
- Hi, I’m Angel, a vampire… but you might now by my other name, Angelus. Angel stated, continued mumbling something about the soul and the curse and then turned to look at Doyle who got up from the chair and walked back to the stairway. Angel did not seem like he wanted to have company and therefore it was better to leave him alone.
- You’d better come up with something better than that, mate. he said and added “And fast” as he was jogging to upstairs. Doyle had gone through this same conversation with Angel many times before and every time Angel had promised the Irish half-demon to tell you as soon as possible, immediately when the time was right.
You were walking home from work. It was a stormy night and you had thought that you wouldn’t patrol today because well, the weather was appalling and you had gotten your ass kicked by some vampires last night. They had of course gotten bruises as well but they had managed to escape before you had turned them into dust. You did not like the idea of letting any monster escape because it increased the risk of being hunted down and even though vampires couldn’t enter your home uninvited, they could always stalk you and jump from the shadow just as you were reaching home… or in the stairway of your apartment building.
Yesterday however your ass had been handed to you and it was a miracle that the vampires had not killed you. Luckily enough the bruises you had gotten could be hidden with clothes because it was not exactly acceptable to go to work looking like you had been in a street fight. Working had been painful, however, because every time you twisted your upper body you felt a sharp pain hitting you almost like you had been stabbed with a knife. One of the vampires that you had fought against had kicked you and you had got smashed against a dumpster your right side first. At home you had taken your shirt off and seen a large deep purple bruise that had covered your right side all the way from the lowest ribs to your hip bones. You knew that you should have gone to the hospital to get your ribs checked out because you had a feeling that your ribs might have gotten fractured during the impact. You however had done a Google search and come to a conclusion that broken ribs were not lethal so you rather suffered than faced the embarrassment of giving the doctor some lame excuse for such injuries.
You had not seen Angel for a couple of days because he had been busy with some demon-case of his which apparently was too dangerous for you to get involved in and therefore Angel did not know about your injuries. You were supposed to train with him tomorrow but like this you had even trouble getting up from bed or climbing up the stairs. It meant that you had to come up with a lame excuse to tell Angel because he had basically forbidden you to patrol alone. “You should go with Wesley” he had said which you had taken as an offence. Sure Wesley was great at what he did, he had apparently trained real slayers before, the special breed of vampire hunters who had been born to be vampire slayers, like Angel’s ex, which of course was a detail that you did not know, but when Angel said that you should team up with someone, it meant that he thought that you wouldn’t handle it all by yourself… and you would get yourself killed.
Well, you had not patrolled with Wesley. Oh no, you had gone alone, got ambushed and then, well, you had a big bruise as a reminder of what had happened. A big “I told you so”… you could actually hear Angel’s voice in your head telling you that you had walked straight into a trap and it was a miracle that you were even alive. “I don’t need that right now” you thought as you slowly walked up the stair to get into your apartment. When you finally reached your floor you noticed that the door was slightly open and there were some nasty scratch marks on the doorframe. You took your stake out from your bag and pulled the door open slowly.
You reached to turn on the lights and when you did you were greeted with a chaos; your belongings had been smashed and there was a warning on the wall, written with something red. “YOUR DEAD” it screamed at you and chilled your core. You checked you apartment very quickly, every closet, under the bed and behind the shower curtain before locking your door and turning off the lights. You even put the safety chain of your door on even though you very rarely used it. You took the phone from your bag and called Angel. Surely he knew what to do and maybe he could help you somehow. But just as he answered the phone you realized that you secrets of your own that you did not necessarily want him to find out.
- (Y/N)? Angel asked a couple of times because you were not saying anything.
- Is everything alright? he asked because you were still silent.
- Ye-uhm… yeah. you replied hesitantly and stared at the big red letters that were currently lit by the pale white light which was pouring eerily in from the window. It was late evening but the shop that was located in the building next to yours had a bright sign that shone right outside your window and illuminated your apartment when your curtains were not closed.
- You do not sound alright. Angel stated and put on his coat. He had learned to know you quite a bit during the six past months and he knew that you were very rarely rendered speechless.
- Someone trashed my apartment. you stated finally. You walked into your kitchen, stepping onto sharp pieces of glass that screeched as they got trapped between your shoes and the floor, put the stake on the kitchen counter, took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. You emptied the glass immediately and put the glass into the sink, grabbed the stake tightly and leaned to the kitchen counter. You could hear Angel asking questions but you were completely unable to understand him, it felt like he had been talking some language that you did not speak. Suddenly you burst into laughter which made Angel even more worried. You sometimes reacted to stressful situations with laughter, it was weird and something that you couldn’t control but the ones that knew you, Angel included, knew that when you laughed it meant that something was stressing you out very much… or something had shocked you greatly… unless of course you were laughing because something was very funny, but that was completely different.
- They left a message. you laughed as you fought the state of shock that was trying to sneak in and fill your mind. “A message?” Angel asked with a worried tone because your reaction was not exactly what he had anticipated. “Your dead” you laughed and then added “Whoever did this spelled it wrong!”
- What? Angel asked with a confused tone. He had not gotten a cell phone yet so he was standing nervously by his desk, not really willing to end the call because you sounded like you were terribly messed up but then again, he really needed to get going so he would get there so make sure that you were alright… well, physically uninjured and as alright as one could be in your situation. Besides, he had to make sure that you would be safe, he got an intense need to keep you safe.
- I suppose they tried to write “you are” but they ended up writing “your” as… mine or his… ours… you spoke and laughed.
- I mean, how can I take them seriously? you stated. Angel summoned Wesley to talk with you while Angel would get into his car and drive to your apartment. Wesley had stayed late at work to study old prophecies and ran into Angel’s private office to continue the conversation and keep you as calm as possible.
- (Y/N)? Wesley said with British accent. You greeted him and laughed hysterically.
- Listen, Angel is on his way. he said and added “Let’s chat, alright? Until he’s there.” You told Wesley about the message and the spelling mistake because you assumed that he, as a Brit, would find it funny but he was not laughing. Soon your laughter died as well and you started to go into a shock. “Just hold on, do not hang up” Wesley said and tried to ask you about your day. You sat on the kitchen floor, to the corner and squeezed your stake tightly.
After twenty minutes you heard someone knocking at the door. “Someone’s knocking” you said to Wesley with a voice that was filled with fear and exhaustion. “Stand up, go to the door and ask who it is” Wesley instructed and then added that you shouldn’t open the door if it was not Angel. “Alright” you sighed, got up from the floor and walked cautiously to the front door of your apartment. “Who is it?” you asked with shaky voice as you leaned to the door. “It’s Angel” you heard a familiar voice saying. You unlocked the door and took a small peek with the safety chain still on, just to make sure that you were not being tricked. You saw Angel standing in the hallway so you closed the door, opened the safety chain and then opened the door almost wide open. You turned the lights on so Angel was able to see the entire chaos. He however was unable to enter your room because you had not invited him in.
- Angel is here, I’m going to hang up now, Wesley. you said to Wesley and ended the phone call. You turned to look at Angel who was still standing in the corridor.
- Pretty isn’t it? you asked with a sarcastic and clearly deeply shaken voice. Angel looked around with a serious look on his face and shook his head when he noticed the message that had been painted on your wall.
- Oh that? Yeah, a masterpiece! You know I had thought about painting the wall… I suppose now I have a real reason to. you spoke as you walked around your apartment among the trashed things.
- You should see the kitchen. It’s very lovely… you continued and then stopped when you finally realized that Angel had not entered your apartment for some reason. You turned to look at him with an annoyed and puzzled look on your face, sighed “what the fuck?” and stared at him waiting that he would come inside. Angel stared back at you, knowing that he couldn’t come in unless you invited him… but he did not know if he wanted you to invite him in or not; it was safer for you if you didn’t because it meant that if he ever turned back into Angelus, he wouldn’t be able to enter your home then. One thing what Angelus did was to go after Angel’s friends because he hated Angel’s humanity and wanted to burn all the bridges that Angel had to this world, everything that made his life worth of living… or not-living.
- Are you just going to stand there? you snapped suddenly.
- Do you have any idea who has done this? Angel asked instead of answering.
- No! And I thought that vampires are unable to enter one’s home uninvited. you stated and kicked a sofa pillow that had been butchered and thrown on the floor.
- Demons don’t need invitations… or people. Angel commented immediately, trying to find clues from the chaos; footprints, blood stains… anything. He traced the scratch marks with his fingers and deduced by the size of the marks that whatever had done this had hands that were bigger than human-hands… which meant that this was done by a demon. You gasped and held your breath as you tried to put the pieces together. You stared into nothing into particular and then shifted your gaze back to Angel as you asked with confused tone
- But… why would demons-
- Come, let’s go. Angel said and gestured you to leave the apartment.
- But… I cannot just… runaway. Besides, go where? you asked and looked around. Whoever had done this had seen plenty of trouble to trash your things and even rip your clothes apart. “I suppose I could check into a hotel” you mumbled.
- No. You’re coming with me to my place. Angel stated firmly.
- I don’t want to cause trouble. you commented and shifted your gaze away. “You know, this would be the perfect moment to hug me” you stated and swallowed your tears as you fought to keep your emotions in check. Angel noticed you squeezing the stake in your hand very tightly and clenching your other hand into fist as you tried to concentrate all your willpower to keep you in one piece. You did not want to crack in front of Angel.
- I know. And I will… But it is not safe here. he said and cursed that he had not asked you to invite him in. He couldn’t ask you to do that anymore because it would have been too suspicious, now that he had been standing at the doorway for many minutes. You did not say anything. You just turned your head away and wiped the tears off your cheeks because they were having a mind of their own and they were not doing what you told them to anymore.
- I can protect you at my place. You’ll sleep there and tomorrow we will come up with some kind of plan. Angel suggested with calm voice. He kept talking and telling you that it was alright and all you had to do was to leave with him. You stared at the wall, the big blood-red letters and then decided to follow Angel.
You took your bag, walked to the door and turned off the lights. When you stepped into the corridor, Angel put his hand on your shoulder and urged you to close the door. He had a bad feeling that whoever had done this, was not done and since Angel had none of his weapons with him, it was dangerous to challenge any enemy now. He walked you to his car and opened the door for you because you had become somewhat unresponsive. You were basically just staring with a blank look on your face and when he spoke to you, you did not even hear him.
Angel drove through the quiet city and parked his car into an underground garage. You got out from the car and followed him into the building where his office and his apartment were. Angel sat you down on the sofa and hurried into the kitchen to prepare some calming tea to you, although in his opinion you were a bit too calm already. The empty look in your eyes terrified him because he was not that good with people; he had tried to stay away from them for so long that he had started to love solitude more than being surrounded by people. Working with Cordelia, Doyle and Wesley had helped of course but Angel still did not handle situations where he was supposed to comfort someone that well. He would have understood crying and even screaming but you had gone from laughter to numb and he did not know what to do to make you feel better.
- Here, some tea. he said and handed you a teacup as he sat next to you. You took the cup without saying anything and stared at a slice of lemon that was floating in the tea.
- Are you hungry? he asked suddenly. You shook your head slowly as you kept staring at the floating lemon.
- How about a shower? he asked but this time he got no response from you. You had not owned anything valuable so it was not material that you were shocked about losing… It was the shock of losing your home, the one place that you had thought that was safe, but you had been so wrong and careless. You regretted ever becoming an amateur vampire hunter because it had put you into this position where you now were; basically hunted… a dead woman walking.
Angel took the teacup away from your hands and put it to the coffee table. He sat a little bit closer, wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his arms. You stared at his black shirt, sighed and enfolded your fingers with the hem of his shirt almost as if you had to hold onto something to keep yourself pinned into the reality. Angel brushed your hair and held you even closer to him, not caring about the possibility that you might hear that his heart was not beating. He had to take the risk, besides, holding you close felt right… it felt good. Suddenly he drew back, guided you to look at him by placing his hand under your chin and stared into your eyes. This time you were actually looking at him and not just staring through him with a blank look in your eyes. Angel moved his hand from your chin to your neck and traced it with his fingertips very softly, barely even touching.
You got lost into his brown, soulful eyes as he brushed your lips with his thumb, also very softly… so softly that you were not entirely sure whether you were just imagining it. You felt your eyes filling with tears again and you closed your eyes to stop them from falling. When you did, you felt Angel leaning closer and placing his hand on your neck, pressing it against your skin firmly, yet gently and guiding you to lift your chin up and keeping you still in the position he wanted you. He felt your heart beating against his hand very fast, reminding him about who he was, that he was basically one of the monsters that you hunted… but then again, you were right there, so warm, soft… rosy lips waiting… so alive and beautiful. Could he ever resist you? Could you ever love him if you knew?
The truth was that during the past six months you and Angel had become attracted to each other, even though neither of you had said anything or made a move. Angel had not dared to make a move because he was afraid of turning back into Angelus, which happened if he experienced a moment of true happiness. Wesley had told Angel many times that true happiness was very rare, once in a lifetime –kind of experience and the curse did not necessarily mean that Angel couldn’t have a relationship with anyone. Angel after all was wiser now and there were many other things in his life as well, most likely he would never again be so naively in love that he would experience a moment of true happiness and lose his soul… but was it a risk that he wanted to take?