Will Turner / Reader - part 4
It had been a little over three years since Will had sailed away because he couldn’t stay and watch the woman he had loved for many years to marry another. First two years you had been thinking about Will almost daily, loved him from afar and missed him like crazy even though you never talked about him. Then in the beginning of the third year your heart had finally let him go and one beautiful morning you had noticed that thinking about the blacksmith did not make you cry but it didn’t make you smile either. Will Turner was just one of those people you had known and nothing more.
You were quite content with the life you had now; you were a governess in a wealthy household with many responsibilities but also with many rights. You were respected and whatever you said, the opinions you voiced, were taken seriously even by the men of the family. Still, despite of the comfortable setting, you sometimes yearned for more. It sometimes felt like you were living someone else’s life and there was something missing; greatness. You did not know what kind of greatness your heart desired, if it was great, passionate love or great adventures… maybe a ambitious combination of those both, but sometimes the feeling of “not good enough” kept you awake at nights and staring out from the window of your room… Staring at the sea, the dreamy horizon that was glowing in the moonlight.
There was a knock at the door. You had just finished the lessons for today, since you were the teacher of the family’s children, and decided to spend the rest of the afternoon reading in the garden. There were three children, two sons and a daughter, reaching adulthood in few short years and therefore the master of the house had told you that your services were soon no longer needed. You had taken over when their previous governess had gotten married and now the children were grown enough to face the society and your work was done. The thought made you somewhat sad because you had spent past three and half years in the family and now you were just supposed to move on… but then again, that was the life of the governess and it did not come as a surprise to you.
You were lucky that you had gotten a great home education from your parents and when you had become the maid in the Swann’s house, you had been granted a right to accompany Elizabeth in her studies. It meant that you were more highly educated than most of the commoners in the town and therefore you were more than qualified to teach children to read, write and master the basics of mathematics. Besides, you were quite passionate about arts, novels in particular, so it meant that you had managed to give your pupils an extensive glance at English literature, including poetry and classic plays.
Another knock. You sighed and put your book away. You had really wanted to go and enjoy a moment of peace in the garden but now you had to entertain guests or welcome messengers. You walked to the door and opened it, greeted a messenger who handed you a note that had been sealed with a signet. You read the beautiful letters on the envelope and for your surprise the note was meant to you. The messenger handed you another letter as well, also sealed with a signet, but it was addressed to the master of the house, the handwriting on the envelope was the same. “Odd” you commented and then thanked the messenger for the letters.
You took the note that was not meant for you to the master’s study, left it on the table and then walked into the garden with the note that was meant for you. You studied the envelope carefully before opening it. The signet was blood-red, very decorative and after examining it closer, you noticed that the decorations resembled a ship. You smelled the envelope and closed your eyes; sea salt. That was the end of your self-restraint because your mind was completely baffled about the sender of the note. You very rarely got any notes and this… this one had been written on a fine paper, the handwriting was delicate, the paper itself carried a scent of sea and there was a picture of a ship on the deep red signet.
You opened the note very carefully and took the letter out from the envelope. For you disappointment there were only three words written beautifully on the paper; “harbor, at sunset”. The note was not signed by anyone, which was very odd indeed. You sat down and leaned back to thing about this riddle. Someone wanted you to go to the harbor at sunset… that was it. You turned the paper around and on the other side you found words “I’ll be waiting” written with the same gorgeous, very delicate handwriting. You sighed. It would have been proper for this person to at least give you their initials, but no. Then you remembered the letter that the same person had addressed to the master of the house. Was he going to be served riddles as well?
You dozed off for a moment and woke up when you heard your name being called. It was the master of the house who had read the letter through. You hurried into his study where you found him standing by his desk, looking very thoughtful. “What is this?” he asked and pointed at the letter that was on his desk, opened. “Your guess is as good as mine” you answered and dropped a curtsy. “Very well” he said and put the letter back into the envelope. You were silent for a moment, squeezing your note tightly in your hand as you tried to decide whether you were supposed to tell the master about your letter or not.
- I am expected at the harbor this evening, at sunset. you said finally.
- I see. Who is expecting you? the master of the house asked as he sat down and leaned back in his chair.
- I do not know, Sir. You see… I got this letter. you said and handed the envelope to him. The master opened it and read it through, although there was not much to read. He flipped the paper over and noticed the “I’ll be waiting” written on the other side. “Very peculiar” he mumbled and read through the letter that had been addressed to him once more. The puzzled expression left his face eventually which made you suspect that there was something in his letter that was a key to understand this riddle, the missing puzzle piece.
- Very well. he said, folded the paper back into the envelope and gave it back to you.
- I must say… We will miss you dearly. he said and made a silent “hm” –sound.
- Ah yes, the children have grown up so fast. They were still young when I came into this house and now they are at the advent of adulthood. The master cleared his throat and mumbled “yes”, although you had a strange feeling that you had misunderstood him. It however made no sense because you had not even talked about leaving. Why was the master of the house bringing this up now? As far as you knew, you were just going to visit the harbor and then come back.
After dinner you changed your dress into something a little bit finer and put on a hat that complimented your beautiful dress well. The dress was very fitting and it made you look very attractive. The color complimented your complexion and the details made of shiny silk contrasted your eye color perfectly. The dress gave you also a very flattering neckline which you decorated with the finest necklace that you had. Whoever the mystery person was, he or she was going to meet the best version of you. When you were leaving the house, you were surprised to see the entire family, the staff included, gathered to the entrance hall. The lady of the house wished you good luck and even the children wished you all the best.
- What on earth is this? you chuckled and then added “I am coming back!” with a deeply confused tone.
- Yes-yes. Go now, or you will miss your sunset. the master of the house said and gestured you to leave.
There was a carriage waiting for you just outside the mansion. You stepped in with the help of the coachman and he took you to the harbor which was filled with merchant ships as well as the ships of the British Royal fleet. The carriage stopped and the coachman helped you out. You took a big breath and then walked to the docks where there were many busy sailors loading and unloading their cargo. Suddenly there was a boy, ten years old perhaps, who took your hand and exclaimed “come on, Miss” as he led you to a small cutter -boat that had been docked to the last pier. You grabbed your hem as you got onboard and as soon as you had sat down, the two men that had been waiting for you, opened the sails and sailed the boat to the larger ship that had been anchored further away to the much deeper waters. You groaned a little as you climbed up the rope-ladder and were pulled aboard as soon as the sailors on the ship reached to grab you by your armpits.
- Gentlemen. you said and dropped a curtsy, after which you straightened your dress and readjusted your decorative hat. The first thing you noticed was that the sailors were immediately commanded to weigh the anchor and hoist the sails and after a couple of minutes the ship started to move. You walked to the railing of the ship and stared at the harbor that was slowly getting smaller and smaller by every passing moment. You scoffed, turned to first sailor that walked past you and said
- Hey, wha-
- Miss (Y/N). you heard someone saying with a somewhat loudly. The voice was rather familiar but there was strange depth in it and it made it impossible for you to recognize it. You walked to the bow of the ship where the person was standing. The ship was sailing towards the sunset and therefore you could only see shapes.
- Welcome aboard. he said and bowed deeply. You stepped into the man’s shadow and finally you were able to recognize him. It was Will Turner! He was tanned and dressed in very fine clothes, a hat that was decorated with a couple of feathers, a white tunic with embroideries, a leather coat and dark trousers. The first two or three buttons of his shirt were open and his hair was untied, unlike it had been before. He had a little bit of beard and a light mustache which made him look more manly… different… and you did not know if you liked it or not. Will looked familiar but still… not the same. The innocent spark had left his eyes and he looked now like a man who had seen a lot.
- Will Turner. you said with a surprised tone.
- Are you happy to see me? he asked curiously.
- Oh course. you said, although seeing him did not really make you feel anything… especially because Will looked like a stranger and his presence had changed during the past three years. He was not the same man who had left because his heart had been broken. You looked around and breathed in the refreshing sea air as you felt the ships railing with your fingertips. The wooden railing was smooth and warm but it was not enough to calm your nerves. Will kept monitoring you with his eyes as you stared at the horizon.
- How have you been? you asked after a moment of awkward silence.
- I… I’ve been well. he replied and smiled. He walked across the deck from the bow to the stairs that led up to the quarterdeck. You followed him, still glancing at your surroundings over your shoulder every once in a while. The ship was heading out to the sea and you did not know how to point it out, that you were just visiting. You had no intentions to sail anywhere because your life was there, in your hometown.
- You became a… a pirate? you asked with a confused tone. William chuckled a little, gestured you to follow him up to the quarterdeck and then answered with a rather casual tone
- Turned out that my father was a pirate.
- Oh. So you… So you-uhm… alright. you commented and inhaled deeply as you climbed up the stairs. This indeed was not the Will that you had known… or loved.
- But I am a merchant. Although I must admit that I operate on the both sides of the law. Will continued. He explained that he was a merchant by day but he also did business with the pirates, which was not the most legal thing to do. Jack Sparrow had introduced him to some of the big players in the Caribbean Sea but also to some people who operated on the North Pacific Ocean which had secured William trade-routes to Asia. “Alright” you mumbled. Whatever Will was doing nowadays did not concern you and therefore you were not going to complain. But there was one matter that had to be addressed; the fact that you were sailing away from your hometown and no one had asked you anything… like, if you wanted to go on a trip or something. A quick sunset-cruise was always nice, but somehow you had a feeling that this was not just an ordinary joyride and therefore you took a deep breath and asked
- Why are we sailin-
- You look well. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. Will said suddenly and interrupted your question. You sighed and stared at him with a baffled expression. You shifted your gaze elsewhere and chuckled with disbelief. Was he avoiding the question? Trying to buy himself time perhaps? But why? Then you shifted your gaze back to Will who was still monitoring you.
- Is something wrong? he asked with a concerned tone. There was sincerity in his eyes but there was also something else that you did not like… and therefore you did not trust him anymore. You would have trusted your life in the hands of William the Blacksmith, but this person who was standing in front of you now, was someone else; William the Pirate who was following his father’s footsteps, doing pirate-stuff… no matter if he called it “just business on the both sides of the law”.
- Is… something… you repeated and then started to laugh hysterically while you stared at the town that was only a small detail in the scenery. It was the most ridiculous question ever! Your laughter died after a moment and you calmed down. Will was still waiting for your answer.
- Why are we sailing out to the sea? you asked although Will tried his very best to interrupt you with flattery and compliments but this time they just irritated you more and provoked you to ask the same question over and over again until William finally answered you.
- We are sailing to our new life. he said eventually. You stopped talking immediately and the only thing you managed to say was “what?”
- A life… for you and me. he replied. You listened to his words and all of a sudden you felt terribly dizzy. You grabbed the railing to support yourself and stammered
- But… My-my… my life is-
- You call that “a life”? Serving others as a maid, day by day… year by year. William commented and rolled his eyes.
- I am a governess! You have no right to tell me that my life is any less valuable... or... or... less meaningful... than yours. you scoffed and pointed your finger at the man standing in front of you.
William stepped closer unexpectedly, wrapped his arms around you without asking for permission and pressed his lips against yours just like a cocky, egoistic pirate. You kept fighting Will, trying to push him away as he kept kissing you arrogantly, although in Will’s opinion his actions were just desperately romantic. His lips kept devouring yours almost roughly and even though he was holding you close as he was being passionate and intense, which made your head spin and your knees get weak, you did not want him to steal your first kiss like this. Finally you managed to push him away and you returned back to the deck. William followed you by basically jumping down the stairs and groaned out of frustration. Why did you not see his noble intentions behind his actions? Why couldn’t you understand that he wanted what was best for you because
- I love you! Will exclaimed and stopped when you stopped as the words reached you. You breathed in sharply a couple of times and then turned to face him.
- But I don’t love you anymore! you exclaimed in return. The look on Will’s face changed from annoyed and desperate to confused and… sad. “What did you say?” he asked with a shaky, barely audible tone.
- You left. you stated bitterly and folded your arms.
- Yes, I left. I had to! Will stated and folded his arms as well. You sighed deeply and continued
- I do not blame you. I know what it is like to stand by and watch someone you love… loving another-
- So you just… stopped? Will asked bitterly.
- No… I did not just suddenly stop. I missed you, wished that you would return… you explained with a sad tone that was mixture of bitterness and frustration, but still carried a strong undertone of heartbreak.
- But you didn’t. So… I moved on. you answered with a calm tone. “No” Will sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t take it, or maybe it was his overly grown ego that couldn’t handle rejection.
- This… gallant and overly romantic gesture comes a bit too late. you commented with an emotionless tone. Will couldn’t handle it and therefore he walked to you and just as he was about to embrace you once more, you stepped away and shouted “Don’t you dare!” Will’s attitude and the way he assumed that just because he was a pirate now, he could basically do whatever he wanted irritated you greatly and therefore you stated firmly
- Now… Order your men to sail me back to shore, William. We’ll both get back to our lives and never-
- That’s not good enough! I will take you with me whether you like it or not! No one is expecting you to return. Will shouted assertively and turned his back at you.
- You expect me to love you the way you are now? you shouted at him as he stormed away. Will stopped, but did not turn to look at you. He knew that he had crossed the line when he had kissed you against your will… but he had hoped that you would just… give up when you would see how deep his feelings were. Surely you had felt how fast his heart had been pounding against yours when he had held you close.
- So you went away, became a pirate. New clothes, new egoistic attitude… A fancy hat! Well guess what, I do not like you like this. Now get me back to shore! you ordered with the same emotionless, yet firm voice.
- No! You will learn to love me! he shouted and stormed back to the quarterdeck. You shouted “never!” and groaned. You walked to the bow, sat on the deck and stared at the sunset for an hour until the sun sank into the sea and the sky started to turn dark. The weather was quite calm and there were no clouds anywhere. You leaned to the railing with your back and counted the stars that appeared on the sky, filling it one by one entirely.
- Miss, Mr. Turner wanted to let you know that the captain’s cabin has been made ready for you. one of the sailors announced, bowed and gestured you to follow him. You sighed, stretched your neck a little and then followed him into the cabin that had been decorated with exotic flowers and lit with a couple of candles. Clearly Will had had high expectations, which was seriously ridiculous! Had he really assumed that you would just fall under his spell or he could just sweep you off your feet after all this time.
You sat on the edge of the bed, took off your hat and lay down. You stared at the ceiling and soon the gentle rocking of the ship made you fall asleep. You had dreams about your past, about the time when you had been in love with the young blacksmith and this was the first time for a year that you were dreaming about Will. You woke up and gasped. The cabin was now dark because the candles had burned out some time ago. You rolled on your side and hugged the pillow as you tried to calm your mind and fall back asleep.
William was baffled and disappointed. He had expected a warmer welcome but you seemed to think like he was just a stranger. He had not even considered a possibility that you had moved on and forgotten him as well as your feelings towards him. But then again… he had left you over three years ago and three years was a long time to wait for someone. Maybe you had waited at first, missed him and then gotten disappointed. Maybe Will had broken your heart when he had left because seeing the woman he had loved marrying another had been pure torture… but then again, you had been there, watching from the sidelines silently Will loving Elizabeth when you had at the same time loved him.
- Egoistic. Will sighed as he stared at himself in the mirror. It was a new day, a sunny afternoon but you had not exited the captain’s cabin yet. Will sighed and dropped his head. Maybe he had been too cocky… perhaps he had been the self-absorbed bastard, a member of that special breed of men that he had despised once and still despised. Yes, Will had been modest and kind, an honorable gentleman but at some point after sailing away, he had changed. He had learned to be more confident, which was good of course, but at some point his newly found self confidence had turned into arrogance and he had not even noticed it himself. He realized now that he had actually gotten so overly proud and felt so deserving that he had assumed that all he had to do was to lure you aboard with an anonymous note and then just sail away. You had been kidnapped once more and even though this situation was not exactly the same…
- You messed up, Will! he scolded himself. Then he took some shaving foam and a sharp razor and began shaving off his pirate-beard, which resembled more stubble than a real beard anyway. Will tied his hair and shaved his sideburns a little shorter as well. He changed his shirt into a very casual shirt that was deep red in color, like red wine. It was loose and had a quite deep V-neckline which showed off his tanned chest modestly. The shirt was tucked in and there was a brown leather belt decorating his hips. He had dark trousers that were up to his half-calf where the fabric changed into a leather boot. Will washed his face and walked to the door that led into the captain’s cabin. He knocked the door and then stepped in after he had heard you saying “come in”. Will noticed you laying in the bed and he walked closer.
- May I? he asked and pointed at the edge of the bed. You glanced at him and mumbled “sure”. Will walked to the bed and sat on the edge with a deep sigh.
- I was a fool. Please forgive me. he said after a moment. You did not comment or even turn your head to look at him.
- The truth is that… When I left… I was a broken man. I struggled to find meaning for my life and I missed home, my life and… the people in it. he spoke softly and placed his hand over yours. You glanced at Will who was looking away so you could only see his profile. You noticed that he had tied his hair and shaved. He looked more like the man you had known but it made you confused; was Will trying to trick you to believe that he was still the same man?
- As time passed, I realized that you were the only thing I missed. he continued and dropped his head as he closed his eyes and squeezed your hand gently. Will had rough hands, the hands of a blacksmith, even though he was not a blacksmith anymore. He had honest hands, familiar hands, hands that you had loved once.
- Why did you not come back sooner if you missed me so much? you asked with a soft, quite fragile voice. You did not want to sound accusing but seriously, if he had genuinely missed you so much… why now? Why not a year ago when you still had had feelings towards him?
- I wanted to build a life… Something tangible… So I could provide you happiness and stability. A life that you deserve. he spoke and shifted his gaze from the floor to you. You took a deep breath and examined the familiar face of the man that you had once loved very deeply. William was a very handsome man, he had a face that was beautiful and manly at the same time… and eyes that seemed to reach deep into your soul.
- There is a house that I bought. Will stated with a gentle, somewhat hopeful tone. “Oh?” you commented with a soft sigh.
- A house by the sea. My dream is to marry you and build a life with you there… in the house by the sea. I would… Will said and then his courage crumbled down. “What?” you asked and smiled a little.
- I would… kiss you every morning, embrace you in the warm, gentle waves… make love to you in the moonlight. he spoke barely audibly. You had never heard Will speaking about such things and you could imagine that if the lighting in the cabin had been any better, you would have seen him blushing very hard. You were happy that there were curtains blocking direct sunlight because Will would have seen your face turning as red as a ripe tomato when he had talked about such intimate matters. You were very surprised that Will even talked about such… inappropriate things now but then again, you couldn’t deny that there had been a time when you had dreamed about such things yourself.
- You would be my captain. Please, let me win your heart… and I will do my best every day to show you that you have made the right decision. he pleaded and stared at you with a somewhat desperate look on his face. You did not know what to say. The man who was sitting on the edge of the bed was the man that you had loved once. He had stripped away the huge ego and now he was actually quite adorable… lovable even. It was not just that he had shaved and so on… But you could sense that he had taken a good look in the mirror and admitted that he had messed up.
But… Would you be able to fall in love with him again? If you decided to just go with it, would you be once again stepping into the life of someone else or would it be the life of your own? You could feel the sorrow that was deep in Will’s eyes. His heart had been broken but he had realized that you were the person that he had missed when he had been away. It meant that his feelings for Elizabeth had been just shallow attraction while the friendship between you and Will had been real. Most likely you would be able to learn to love Will again… maybe not passionately… but as a loyal friend, a companion. But was it enough? Would you throw away your dreams about intense, knees-melting love just so Will would not be unhappy? Would you give him the chance even though you had a feeling that you probably would never be able to let yourself fall completely in love with him like you had before? Could you pretend? Would you be able to pretend so well that Will would think that it was real? What about Will, would he even want to live in a lie?
Will kept waiting for your answer silently, still monitoring your expressions with his intense, yet soft and attentive eyes that were filled with emotions and hope. The silence went on and on as you kept trying to organize your thoughts and connecting the dots to see the bigger picture. Will swallowed once and removed his hand from yours, the hope left his eyes as he nodded. You sighed when he turned his head away and stood up. You sat up when you watched Will walking across the captain’s cabin to the door. He looked heartbroken, even more than he had looked when he had sailed away three years ago. You couldn’t take it; you could not bear to look at your friend like that and therefore you exclaimed “wait!” Will stopped but he did not dare to look at you. You swallowed once and then said
- Alright.
William couldn’t believe his ears. A smile appeared on his face as he sighed deep because he was so relieved and instantly his entire being was filled with hope. He knew that you probably had done it, given him the permission to charm you again… or to try at least, because you still cared about the well-being of your old friend on some level. How could he even assume anything different when he could still basically hear your words “but I don’t love you anymore” in his ears, echoing on an endless loop? But… this was a start. Whatever happened from now on, it would be for the better and surely… Surely your feelings of compassion and pity would change into real love… with time. Before leaving the cabin Will turned to face you and bowed. He closed his eyes and when he straightened his posture again, he opened his eyes, stared deep into yours and spoke softly
- Thank you.