When Darcy Makes Poor Choices While Drinking Tequila...
Darcy was pulled from her ‘dead to the world’ deep sleep by a constant annoying buzzing near her head. Finally realizing what it was, she reached over to her night stand and grabbed her phone right as the buzzing stopped. 13 missed calls? 17 texts? What the fuck?
She rubs her eyes lazily and calls Jane back. She doesn’t even have time to get a word out before Jane rips into her. “Darcy? What the hell, you were supposed to be back from lunch an hour and fifteen minutes ago! What are you doing?”
Darcy blinks a few times, trying to focus on her alarm clock. It definitely said 3:15 in the afternoon, and she started to panic. “Shit Jane, I’m so sorry!”
“Damn right you’re sorry! Tony convinced me to help him work on the suits and I nearly burned my eyebrows off helping that asshole. You’re supposed to be here to convince me not to do stupid things like help Tony!” Jane complained.
“Well I already said I’m sorry Jane, it’s not like it was my plan to come back to my apartment and get the daylights fucked out of me by a holographic sex god.”
“Oh wait, so you’re saying it did happen again? What is the same this time? Were there differences? How do you feel? Was it still Steve?” Jane rambled, completely forgetting she was supposed to be upset at almost singeing off her facial hair.
“Slow down Janey, one question at a time!” Darcy complained as she sat up to stretch, feeling that delicious discomfort she was growing to love more and more. “Yes, it happened again. Yes, it was different this time and I’m pretty sure it was because the song was different. I mean seriously, I can’t even begin to explain how crazy the shit was.”
Darcy reached over and put back on her glasses, looking around in amazement that all the magical scenery she’d just been encompassed in was gone as if it never existed. No trees, no vines, no plants or animal sounds…the room smelled like lavender, her posters were back on the walls, and her clothes were still thrown away on the floor. “And honestly what did you expect to happen Jane, of course I passed out after that absolutely amazing—”
“Mind blowing, earth shattering sex, I know Darce.” Jane finished for her. “Seriously, you have to give me all the details.” Jane continued.
“Okay, I’m going to go shower and come back down to work so we can finish for the day. But to recount what the hell just happened, I’m going to need junk food, rom-coms, and a LOT of tequila. Why don’t you call up Pepper and Natasha? We’ll have another slumber party.” Darcy yawned into the phone.
“That actually sounds like a great plan, Thor’s been away on Asgard for 6 days now so tequila is much needed at the moment. I’ll turn on the bat signal.” Jane ended the call and Darcy sighed.
Yeah…lots and lots of tequila.
LATER THAT NIGHT…
Darcy, Pepper, Jane and Natasha were on the floor in front of the large cushy couch in Jane and Thor’s apartment, laughing at Darcy’s stories of when she in Jane were in New Mexico. In the background, 13 going 30 was playing on Netflix long forgotten.
“And then, I dared Jane to get up on stage and dance on the pole! She was so drunk she didn’t even realize the song I requested the dj to play for her.” Darcy had had so much tequila so much at this point, she was laughing so hard she was in tears and could barely tell the story. Take out boxes were strewn all over the coffee table, long since moved to the corner of the room to create the pile of pillows and blankets they were sitting on.
“Fuck you Lewis, that wasn’t funny!” Jane yelled back through laughter, tearing up just as much as Darcy was. “What song was it?” Pepper slurred with a small hiccup. It was a truly rare sight to see the esteemed Pepper Potts in the hello kitty pajamas Darcy had gotten her for Christmas, that she absolutely loved to lounge around in. Darcy started patting Pepper’s leg as she cracked up. “Barbie girl!”
They all screeched in laughter, much to Jane’s dismay. “Fuck you guys, I love that song!” She whined and took another swig of Natasha’s vodka since Darcy was holding the tequila. Natasha’s vodka, they had learned, was highly illegal and the only thing she liked to drink.
“Well Foster, Pepper and me weren’t there so I think you need to give us an encore.” Natasha tugged on the bottom of her ‘Straight Outta Hufflepuff’ t-shirt (a la Straight Outta Compton) that Darcy gave her after she’d made her take the test to be sorted on Pottermore. She giggled, (fucking giggled), getting Pepper to agree with her. Another sight to behold, The Black Widow’s face was flushed and she was laughing. Darcy had assumed early on when she and Jane first moved into the tower that Natasha and Pepper didn’t have a lot of opportunities like sleep overs growing up, so she thought it would be fun to include them in there ritual.
It became this awesome thing that they did once and while. And Darcy was grateful for the new set of friends to add to the lady wolf pack. “Come on Jane, let’s see it.” Natasha rolled over to grab her phone and looked up the song while Jane tried to decline. But Darcy and Pepper wouldn’t let up. Soon the intro of the song played through Nat’s phone, and as much as Jane pretended she didn’t want to do it she stood up to dance around to the music. She rolled and started grinding, making everyone laugh as they all sang the lyrics. “Now she’s gonna start twerking!” Darcy laughed so hard she fell over.
“Shut up Darce! You were the one who dragged me along to all those pole dancing classes!” Jane flopped back down on the floor. “Pole dancing!” Pepper said in shock. “It’s not as intimidating as you think…” Natasha shrugged and took another sip from her nearly empty vodka bottle.
“Easy for you to say, Miss ‘I can do everything awesome because I can kick butt’!” Pepper barked in laughter, completely wasted, and they couldn’t help laughing at her insult. “Pep, we gotta teach you how to throw shade properly because that was just awful.” Darcy hiccupped. “What does that mean? How do you throw the shade, it’s a shadow!” Pepper giggled even harder. Darcy couldn’t even. “Here Pep, don’t think. Drink.” Darcy forced the tequila bottle back up to her lips and Pepper swallowed.
Jane turned to face Darcy, crossing her legs and wiping her hair away from her forehead. “So Darce, you never did tell me what happened this afternoon.”
“What happened this afternoon?” Nat asked, her nosy nature getting the best of her. “You should probably start from the beginning Darcy, Pep and Nat don’t know.” Darcy reached over to grab an Oreo from the coffee table. “Ladies, I swear, none of it better ever leave this room. I mean it, betrayal of trust is punishable by death in the lady wolf pack.” Darcy warned them all.
“I promise. Scouts honor.” Pepper guaranteed, saluting Darcy sloppily. Darcy accepted it anyways with a nod then turned to Natasha. Natasha sat there for a minute, staring at her, before she made her decision with a nod. “Just a moment…” She trailed off, looking at Jane’s ceiling. With a lightning quick speed, she threw a hidden knife at the vent directly over the TV. Suddenly they heard shuffling in the vents, moving further and further away. “Clint was listening.” She stated like it was no big deal. They just continued to stare at her in shock. “What? It was just a warning shot.” Natasha shrugged and then Darcy threw a pillow at her.
“Nat, you broke rule 8 of the lady wolf pack sleepover rules. No weapons allowed!” Darcy scolded. Nat rolled her eyes and reached for the bottle of tequila (that she absolutely abhorred) and took a sip as part of her punishment. “Fine, do your worst.” She complied. Pepper, Darcy, and Jane all picked up a pillow and started hitting her with them, much to her enjoyment.
“Okay,” Pepper huffed. “Now that Nat has been thoroughly stoned for her crimes, you can tell us what happened.” Darcy decided to grab a handful of Oreos while Nat grabbed the Uno deck, and they all settled in to hear her tale.
“You guys remember the last trip Jane and I took to Asgard? Well the scientist ladies there gave me this magical gadget and they said it was really popular with the ladies there. So I thought no big deal, right? I burned a mix CD of all the sexiest music for bumping uglies I could think of, and inserted the gadget in the center of it. That night, when I went to play it in the CD player I didn’t know what the hell to expect. But when the song started playing, lights shot out of my speakers. I’m not even kidding, the lights started to make a 3D model of a naked guy standing in the middle of the freakin’ bedroom!”
“Bullshit!” Nat said as she dealt the cards and the game started.
“I shit you not, my spider. I shit you not!” Darcy answered.
“Did you know him? Could he speak?” Pepper asked.
“I’m getting to that. So the whole time my speakers were putting on a lightshow, the intro to the song kept looping. As soon as it finished, the lyrics started playing and the hologram started SINGING. TO ME. Totally panty dropping worthy. As soon as he touched me, I knew he was real. He felt real, and warm, and strong, and so damn sexy. We had sex and I promise you, it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“What song was it?” Nat asked. “Pillowtalk by Zayn. It was the most arousing thing I’ve ever witnessed.” Natasha nodded her head in approval of the song choice.
“You had sex with it!? This alien thing?” Pepper asked in alarm. “Well when you put it like that, it dredges up images of anal probing. It wasn’t like that. He was…” Darcy could help the sweet smile as she reminisced. “Sweet, kind, and very giving.”
“Did you know him?” Natasha asked with a smirk on the face, already assuming she knew the answer. Darcy sighed, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. “It was Steve.”
“I knew it!” Nat cried out in victory.
“Yes, alright you win, I have been hiding a secret crush on him since like, eight grade when we learned about The Howling Commandos. But living in the tower with him? It’s like living with a walking talking sexual fantasy every day.” Darcy stated.
“So that’s what it was then? A sexual fantasy?” Pepper asked. “Pretty much. I mean, he pretty much serenaded me with a song I’ve wanted to get down and dirty to while he fucked me senseless.”
“What was it like? We need details!” Jane was good and properly drunk now, asking the questions she didn’t get to ask earlier in the lab. “Let’s just call him Naked Steve from this point on so we don’t confuse him with the very real, very clothed, very ‘NOT interested in Darcy’ Steve. Naked Steve was unbelievable…his hands felt electric against my skin in a good way. He smelled like Real Steve…and his tongue was something the minstrels should write sonnets about. I just kept asking if I was dreaming because he was there, and it felt so good. He kept telling me that I wasn’t dreaming. Not to sound cheesy as shit, but it really felt like a dream come true.”
“So he spoke?” Jane asked. “Yeah, I’m telling you it was like Real Steve was there. When it was all over, I passed out from all the naughty fun and when I woke up he was gone. It was almost like it never happened. But my sheets still smelled like him, and I had love bites all over my body.” Darcy replied.
“Well now I can see why the ladies in Asgard love it so much.” Pepper laughed.
“Did it only work once?” Nat asked. “Jane thought we should test that theory so she sent me home on my lunchbreak to see if it would happen again. Needless to say, the second time was better that the first.”
“Oh my god, what happened the second time?” Pepper asked excitedly as she leaned in. “Yeah, because you didn’t want to tell me earlier.” Jane agreed.
Darcy took the last swig of tequila and licked her lips. “Okay so get this, I go to my apartment and have lunch. I put the CD on, expecting nothing to happen because it wasn’t nighttime. A different song started up and the ENTIRE ROOM was transformed. The speakers created a literal jungle in my room. Trees, plants, vines, animal calls, smells, the whole shebang. And then there he was, standing there in front of me. In a loin cloth.” Darcy smiled.
“A loin cloth? Seriously Lewis?” Nat laughed. “Hey, don’t judge my sexual fantasies. Tarzan is sexy as fuck! Any-hoo, just like before he sang to me. But this time he was more…wild. He spoke in short sentences, and he fucked me like he wanted to claim me. It was awesome.” Darcy fanned herself just remembering.
“But it was still Steve?” Jane asked.
“Yeah. And he was totally playing into the whole Tarzan theme. It wasn’t cheesy though, it was totally a turn on. You woman. Me man. You mine.” Darcy grunted in a caveman voice.
“What song was it?” Nat asked.
“Gorilla by Bruno Mars.” Darcy answered.
“Damn!” The three of them said in unison. “Very fitting with the theme.” Natasha acknowledged.
“And when you woke up, it was all gone?” Pepper asked.
“Yep, like it never existed.” Darcy gestured with her hands.
“Darce, you must’ve been dreaming.” Pepper responded. Darcy just pulled the top of her shirt over to reveal the love bites. Then she lowered the top of her tardis jammies to show them the hand prints on her hips.
“How do you know it’s safe?” Jane finally asked.
“I don’t! I just know it’s fucking incredible!” Darcy said smartly.
“I’ll drink to that!” Pepper chuckled, taking a sip of her newly poured wine. Wow, Pepper drank like a champ.
“Pep, we shouldn’t encourage this!” Jane complained. She’d heard what happened both times, and now she was worried.
“Yes the hell she should! Lewis, do it again tomorrow!” Nat agreed.
“Actually guys, I think Jane has a point here.” Darcy said.
“I do?” Jane was shocked Darcy was agreeing with her.
“Yeah, I mean…after the first time I could barely look Real Steve in the eye and he was acting super weird towards me. Now, after earlier, who knows what it’s gonna be like.” Darcy played with her fingers.
“You really like him, don’t you?” Pepper asked sweetly.
“Before…sure, I liked him enough to lick Dorito cheese dust off his fingertips. But now, after all of this, it feels like it’s something even more. And I know that’s crazy, but I can’t help it.”
“Believe me, I know what it feels like be waiting on someone for forever. It took Tony years for him to finally realize he had feelings for me.”
Darcy nodded in understanding. “Now it just seems that if it never happens, I’ll never find anything that could compare to what it was. Even though it wasn’t much. I mean, the sex was fantastic but the way he looked at me…how he treated me and made me feel…I can’t describe it. It was more than just intoxicating. I felt like I was floating…like I was whole with him. Finally.” Darcy blushed at how junior high she sounded.
“Then it’s settled. You’ll do it again tomorrow.” Jane announced. “What?” Darcy looked over at her in surprise.
“Look Darce, you obviously had real feelings for the guy long before you got that thing from Asgard…and since both of you are too oblivious, shy, and/or stubborn to make the first move, maybe this is as good as it gets. So my vote is, you ride this thing until the wheels fall off.” Jane answered.
Well, drunk Jane was blunt. And a little bitchy. A good look for her.
“You have a point.” Darcy nodded. “I think you should do things a little differently this time though.” Nat suggested.
“Different how?” asked Darcy. “I think that it’s been two rounds of him taking you on the ride of your life. Maybe this time around, you show your appreciation.”
Darcy shook her head, already not liking where this was heading. “Do I even want to know what you mean?” She asked.
“Of course you do, I’m an expert at these things. This time, you should pick a song that would blow his mind. Do something that would drive him crazy. Make him needy and beg for you.” Nat said with a smirk. “I’m sure you have something on your playlist that would meet your requirements.”
Darcy was thoughtful for a second, mentally running through the list. “Yeah, I have a couple that might work.”
“There you have it. Tomorrow, you’ll be the one putting on the show. And Naked Steve will be seduced by your confidence and sexuality.” Pepper held up her glass in cheers before taking another sip.
“Sexuality and confidence? Do you know me?” Darcy shrieked.
“Shut up Darce, you did way better at those pole dancing classes than I did. Besides, if he’s anything like the real Steve, he’ll lose his shit if you dance for him. And the way you talk about him, he needs to be rewarded for his service to your thunder down under. Because I mean DAMN.” Jane said.
“Jane, it was so good it was like…‘I want to take a minute or two, and give much respect due, To the man that's made a difference in my world…’” Darcy started rapping.
“And although most men are ho's, he flows on the down low
'Cause I never heard about him with another girl’”. Jane continued with Darcy.
“’But I don't sweat it because it's just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that he said she said crowd
I know that ain't nobody perfect
I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it’” Pepper joined in, raising her glass.
“’ So here's to the future 'cause we got through the past
I finally found someone that can make me laugh
You so crazy, I think I want to have your baby!’” Natasha finished, and the other girls looked at her in shock. She looked back at them bewildered.
“What? Just because I’m The Black Widow I can’t listen to Salt n’ Peppa?” She asked incredulously.
After a moment of silence, they all burst out with laughter.
They continued with the laughter and drinking well into the early morning, and then passed out. Darcy felt better about the whole thing, and she definitely had the confidence needed to attempt her next round with Naked Steve.
Ready or not, here she comes.
TO BE CONTINUED...