The Cartwright Curse
Wade will be the first to admit that a rooftop chase looks a lot easier than it actually is. Particularly when your super power is healing as opposed to flying through the air or literally anything that might be helpful for something other than breathing. Bullseye’s superpower was apparently determination because he had no trouble chasing Peter down, at least Wade assumed so. He didn’t know he lost them about ten minutes ago. The temptation to forget about them and go get a breakfast burrito instead was overwhelming. But Wade couldn’t just abandon Peter like that.
[No we’re going to abandon him by getting fucking lost instead]
{I think it was more our fitness level let us down}
[True we have let ourselves go lately, when the last time we did anything that even remotely looked like exercise?]
“Fuck you, I’m a single dad, I’m allowed to get tubby.” Wade yelled in protest to White.
Well great, now he was yelling at himself on a random rooftop. That was great and in no way suggested Wade might be losing it.
{Already lost it a long time ago}
Ignoring Yellow he scanned the rooftops around him, not even a whisper of spandex.
“Fuck!” Wade yelled in frustration. This was it, Peter was on his own now there was nothing Wade could do, he had let him down.
[Did you really expect anything else?]
“Getting a little discouraged, are we?” Wade turned around to see Bullseye’s fucking insufferable grin at him.
“Shouldn’t you be, oh I don’t know, maybe killing your mark?” Wade snapped at Bullseye. He was at the end of his tether with this man.
“I can if you want, although I hear you have a vested interest in me not doing that.” Bullseye continued, his cockiness unwavering.
“Of all the people Kingpin could have sent, he sent me the most irritating.” Wade muttered to himself, Bullseye looked confused for a moment.
“You think Kingpin sent me?” Bullseye asked incredulously before bursting out laughing. “Oh Wilson, you have much to learn. Kingpin is too much of a coward to go anywhere near Spiderman these days. You know what happened last time, besides he’s currently too busy with his current blind play toy to bother hunting down another. No, I’m here for me.”
“For you? What, are you taking revenge for your long and checkered past that doesn’t exist?” Wade scoffed.
“The jobs I’ve been getting lately have been… unsatisfying. I can be so much better than the guy who kills businessmen with no survival instincts. I need a challenge.” Bullseye explained as though as he was talking about something much more dignified than a shitty midlife crisis.
“Why can’t you take up sky diving or marry someone half your age like a normal person?” Wade rubbed his temples, he can’t believe he was defending the guy he was a little in love with from Lester Burnham. If he sees a fucking plastic bag fly past him at any point he swears to god.
“Tried that, sky diving doesn’t have much effort when you don’t care if you die.” Bullseye said casually.
“So why are you talking to me then? Go and get your thrills.” Wade asked.
“I have the time, right now your precious ‘Spidey’ is making his way back to his apartment. I seized the opportunity while he was at your little love nest, his apartment is lined with explosives, he takes one step inside he won’t be taking another.” Bullseye explained his plan. Fuck, fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
“Right, well, if you excuse me.” Wade said calmly before sprinting away from Bullseye.
“410 Chelsea Street, I doubt you’ll make it.” Bullseye said almost helpfully. Almost.
Fuck fuck fuck. This day had not gone according to plan.
One ride on the subway and a lot of sprinting later Wade had made it to Peter’s apartment, well what Bullseye said was Peter’s apartment. Wade had a hard time believing Dr Peter Parker lived in such a rundown apartment building. Wade would say it’s even more rundown than his own. At least Wade’s had people in it, this one looked like no one lived there in years. Wade opened the unlocked front door, the inside looked worse than the outside, this was prime property in the Manhattan area how the fuck did it get like this. He cautiously walked up the stairs, not entirely sure they would withstand his weight. He reached the first floor and saw an opened door, this was even more horrifying than his own apartment, which was saying something considering he had never gone past his own apartment door on his floor out of fear. He walked inside, he didn’t blow up, this was a good sign, however no Peter. He quickly scanned the apartment, completely empty with filthy black and white tile flooring. He walked out onto the fire escape and climbed to the rooftop, he should have known Bullseye was sending him on a wild goose chase. It was Bullseye, when was the last time Wade was ever able to trust him?
Wade sighed as he sat down on the edge of the building, Peter was god knows where, probably dead. Bullseye would give him yet another one of his award winning godawful rants, god, Wade can’t be held accountable for his actions if he has to sit through one of those-
“Wade?” Peter interrupted his train of thought, Wade turned to face him so fast he felt his neck crack in three different places. “Oh thank god, you’re ok! Bullseye said he captured you while I was running away and that you were tied up at my old apartment and I swear I ran here as fast as I could, but you’re not captured and there’s no explosives. And you’re ok and fuck me, I was so worried and this has all been awful I’m still really hungover this headache is fucking murder-“ Peter babbled while he tried to catch his breath, while he was doing this Wade threw off his mask and rolled up Peter’s, really being a superhero sucks the spontaneity out of a moment. He then interrupted him by kissing him so forcefully that Peter had to take a moment to steady himself before returning the kiss.
{How was he still surprised by that after all that mask action?}
[What a dork]
Eventually Peter pulled himself away from Wade, which honestly after all that build up Wade felt he deserved something with more lustre than that.
“As much as I hate to admit it, now probably isn’t the best time for this.” Peter grinned at Wade. Suddenly he stopped grinning, he went very pale before collapsing in Wade’s arms. There was a knife sticking out the back of his chest.
“No, it really wasn’t.” Bullseye replied from the corner of the building he was perched on. He stepped down from the perimeter and onto the rooftop. Wade looked dumbly at Peter still processing what the fuck just happened. “Come on, kid. Did you really think that I wouldn’t get him? I always get them in the end. I needed you here, his spider sense made him impossible to get otherwise. But look at this barely alive, he’ll be dead before long. Isn’t it beautiful? The final moments of a person, not that you’ll ever know what that’s like.”
While Bullseye did the trademark monologue that Wade could see coming from a mile away, he gently lowered Peter down the ground and walked purposefully towards Bullseye.
“Do you ever stop talking?” Wade asked and in one smooth motion slide his katanas out and turned Bullseye into a shish kebab. He then pulled his swords out of Bullseye’s chest and stomach and let his body flop to the ground.
[Fuck will he be pissed when he recovers from this]
{May have to send him flowers or a box of chocolates}
[He literally just stabbed our boyfriend, do you really think he deserves flowers?]
{Fine just the note whatever}
Wade quickly went back to Peter, he was still breathing but it didn’t look promising. He just had to hope that on the way to the hospital his healing factor kicked in.
[WARNING: The role of a ~Love Interest~ comes with a significant increase in the probability of dying]
{Fuck you}