Breaking Threw
Ch. 6
The first week was difficult at best. When Bruce and the other Doctors reduced the sedative and allowed their patient to break free from the medically induced coma, his return to the land of the living was full of fear, pain and confusion. At first his gaze was shaken and dilated, unable to remain focused and drifting shut when the stimulation became overwhelming or rolling when the pain flared up sharply, leaving him arched and gasping. He did not recognize anyone around him and he trembled, making choked whimpers whenever anyone touched him. He had limited motor control, and his limbs were stiff and contorted.
Within the first few days an injury occurred to a Nurse and two Doctors who came to her aid when she was trying to wash him on his bed. Bruce called Steve who ran in to see Bucky’s body awkwardly arch in a painful chocking gasp, eyes unfocused, staring off to the side wide as in his right hand he gripped a yelling Doctor’s broken wrist while in his left he was chocking the Nurse as the other Doctor tried to pry his metal fingers free. Steve responded with the help of Tony using his Ironman glove to loosen the metal fingers while Steve freed the Doctor from the right. Bucky remained arched painfully gasping and unaware of his surroundings as Bruce induced a muscle relaxant and sedative. It had been decided after that incident that Steve would hold his right hand while his left was locked in a magnetic cuff during his evening bathing.
By the fourth day Bucky’s pain and disorientation had settled into less violent and physically distressing outbursts and instead frequent and constant twitches and spasms of his tensed muscles. Steve and the others watched helplessly as Bucky suffered with soft cry’s, cheeks wet with streaming tears from constant surges of intense pain that shown bright in his dilated eyes only to be replaced by dull vacancy when his morphine was increased.
Finally after 8 long days the doctors had removed tubes and wires, stating that the damage to his brain stem had sufficiently healed and the swelling in other areas had decreased. Bucky was in fact making rapid progress according to the neurological specialists who marveled at the rate of his healing neurons and synapses’. For Steve however it was unbearably slow and he hated the feeling of helplessness as he watched his friend suffer, confused and in pain. The Captain spent most of the time at his friend’s side or in the gym working out his guilt and grief. Sam took it upon himself with the occasional assistance form Natasha to insist that Steve eat, sleep in his own bed and shower as the Captain seemed oblivious to his own needs.
During the long hours of watching and observing Bucky’s struggle with cognitive awareness Steve fought the urge to ask Wanda to read his mind or show him what he was thinking. Eventually he did not have to ask as the Scarlet witch stood next to him on the morning that Bucky finally made direct eye contact with Steve, his blue eyes wet with pain and clouded with confusion yet earnest and searching the Captain’s familiar face. Steve had leaned forward and gently taken Bucky’s stiff, contorted hand, rubbing the tense muscles softly as Bruce had shown him. Wanda placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder as she spoke, her accented words soft and full of compassion.
“He recognizes you…….He is in pain,…… and afraid,….. but he knows your face,……and he knows you have been here at his side…… He wants to ask you why he is in pain,……. He is confused.” Wanda tilted her head sympathetically and Steve swallowed as he brought a sad smile to his lips before reaching out his free hand slowly to stroke Bucky’s wet cheek. The Sargent flinched slightly and trembled with a plaintive wine from his throat but he did not look away, eyes imploring and desperate to understand.
“It’s okay Bucky……… I know you are confused,….. and you don’t understand what’s going on,…. Why,…..” Steve sighed as he fought back his own tears. “Why you are in pain,……You got hurt,…… your brain was damaged,…… and now it is healing,…… and I am your friend,….. everyone here,…. all the doctors,…….. everyone is trying to help you recover,…..you don’t have to be afraid pal,……. I am with you,…….till,…..” Steve’s voice choked and a tear slipped down his face as he ignored it and instead used his thumb to wipe away the wetness that stained Bucky’s cheeks. “…..Till the end of the line!” Steve’s voice while broken with emotion was underlined with steal resolve and the words brought a spark of recognition in his friends troubled blue eyes that grew momentarily and blinked rapidly, a choked sound coming from his throat as he opened his mouth as if to speak. But the look was shortly replaced by a painful grimace and whimper as the cognitive process of memory was still raw and painful. Steve let out a sigh as he gently stroked Bucky’s contorted expression of pain, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.
“He remembers Captain,……. He is seeing flashes of memory,…… you at different ages,……. It hurts so much…. But…but he isn’t fighting it,……. Just trying to hold on.” Wanada let out her own deep breathless sigh as tears flooded her vision, feeling his pain and desperate confusion wash over her.
A machine had begun beeping and a nurse walked over to the IV, adjusting the morphine. Bucky’s eyes opened slightly and his head arched awkwardly toward Steve as he made distressed, wounded sounds, hand spasmimg as he tried to grip Steve’s fingers as if terrified he would lose him, as if the drugs might take his memories with the pain.
“It’s Okay Buck,…. I got ya pal,…… I am right here,……. It’s okay,…….I won’t leave you! I promise,…… I got you Bucky,….. I got you!” Steve whispered as he closed distance, leaning down to kiss the top of Bucky’s shaved head, one hand holding his and the other stroking over his fuzzy scalp. The Captain closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s as he felt the man shudder and tremble, small cries escaping his throat through an open mouth. The Scarlet Witch wiped at her own tears and turned toward Vision as he entered, Sam and Bruce at his sides, watching the heart breaking embrace as Steve continued to whisper reassurances to his injured friend.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
It wasn’t until hours later of unfocused pain and muscle spasms that once again Bucky managed to focus his vision on the source of a softly singing voice next to him. He made a choked noise as his right hand jerked toward Natasha who was whispering a Russian folk song as she typed on her tablet at his side after replacing a reluctant Captain, insisting he go with Sam for a run and a breath of fresh air. Natasha looked up at him with a warm, encouraging smile, eyes shining with genuine joy at his deliberate attempt to engage her. She set down the tablet and used both hands to take his contorted flesh hand in hers, smile growing into a grin as she saw the intense determination piercing through Bucky’s clouded vision.
“Well hey there Sargent Barnes!...... I knew you would come back to us!...... You and Rogers are two of a kind Kid,…….. Stubborn and head strong in all of the right ways!” She spoke with a soft comforting tone, calm and gentle as she took a hand and stroked his face. Her smile dimmed slightly as his looked changed to one of grief when he again opened his mouth, looking as though he wanted to speak but uttering only a choked gasp and moan. He blinked and a fresh wave of tears broke as he kept his wet eyes on hers, pleading for relief from his state of inability.
“Hey…… Shhh,… Shhhh, just calm down. You are healing,…. Recovering from a bad injury!...... You just have to accept that you can’t rush through this,….. I know it hurts,….. It’s okay,….. you are safe here,….. you are with friends!” Natasha spoke with calm authority, wiping his tears as she rest her head on her arm, eyes locked with his as one hand stroked his face, the other gently manipulating the fingers of his flesh hand. He jerked sharply and winced at the pain from his metal arm being cuffed as was the procedure for when Steve left his side. Natasha sighed and rubbed the tense muscles of his left shoulder as she began to sing again in Russian, keeping her eyes locked with his desperate, pleading stare, the eyes of a man trapped inside his own body.