Chapter 12
The doctor, whoever he was, was worse than Zola. He quickly came to realize that.
....Remembers Karpov being there under protege.
They chose words. Programmed Russian words that would apparently make him compliant.
What the human mind is capable of, is a limit no one knows. No one should know.
But he did. It was 2 weeks, and 17 hours.
2 weeks & 17 hours of electrical shock to his brain, following a set of words.
(He tries to make himself hear it, wipe off the protection his mind keeps strengthening every time he dreams this.)
The words blur, but the feelings & memories don't.
One: Brooklyn. The smell of it, running through his mind.
It quickly becomes pain.
Two: That time in Mrs. Waterman's garden, when he gave himself a cut deserving of a scar on a rusted screw.
He remembers that pain.
Three: The day he enlisted. The pressure of it all, though the intention was good. He knows it was. ....Was it?
He questions his character.
Four: A blurry sunrise.
Remembers Fennhoff saying, "Would you like to forget?"
Furnace. Just...flames.
Hears a voice saying "This can hurt. Or it can take away, all the pain."
Six: Sees the edges of a paper burn in it. Thinks it's his birth certificate.
Seven: Quiet. Severe, and frightening quiet.
Eight: "Good. You've chosen correct, Soldier."
Nine: The voice isolated.
Ten: Falling.
Ready to com-
He wakes up. His body soaked in sweat, and he can never breathe.
There's a buzzing in his mind that scares him more than the dream, & he has to grasp the mattress to remind himself he's awake.
The clock blinks "4:32".
You're awake. You're awake.
(Are you sure?, his frazzled mind asks)
You're awake, dammit. You were dreaming.
He catches his breath after 2 minutes, the fear subsiding in slow, growing waves.
All that, & only remembers one of the words. Furnace.
Grabs the notebook & writes it down.
"This can hurt, or it can take away all the pain."
He puts himself through this because if he can remember, he can take control. If he can remember, he can get it out.
If he dwells too much on the word he just remembered, his head starts spinning.
If he can remember, he can undo what he did after 2 weeks and 17 hours.