There’s a sort of buzzing in his head. An itch traveling up and down his spine, moving down his arms and legs. A part of him still wants to run. Run far and fast.
He forces the impulse down. He stands still, if hunched over himself, between Sam and...Steve.
Steve. Steve Rogers. Stevie.
Captain America.
Mission.
No. Not mission. Steve.
“I think you might like him. He’s a good guy, if a little…” here Captain Rogers, Steve he corrects himself, trails off, waving his hand in some circle motion. To the right of Bucky, Sam snorts.
“Smooth.” Sam smirks at the mock glare Rogers shoots him, then turns to Bucky. “Listen, no one here will make you do anything you’re not comfortable with. Not a damn thing. And if you’re not up to socializing? That’s okay. You don’t have to. Now, “ Sam glanced at Rogers, “Stark can be brass and abrasive. So, if you need to leave, no one will hold it against you. Understand?”
It’s like being prepared for a mission. A tricky, delicate mission. He nods his head once, for their benefit if anything. He knows of Tony Stark. Hydra had been a bit, obsessed, with the man. He’s not sure to what capacity, as he never figured out whether they were planning to recruit him, or kill him. Honestly, he doesn’t think they knew either, given the loud and lengthy debates he overheard. And that was before Stark became Ironman.
Finally the elevator comes to a stop. The doors open to a short space and a few feet before them is a glass wall with closed glass doors. He has no doubts the glass is all reinforced in some way, but it doesn’t seem to do much to keep the loud rock music in. He can practically feel it pulse through the floor with each step they take towards the lab entrance. Bucky walks into the room after Rogers and Sam. He picks his eyes up from the floor and the air is knocked from his lungs.
Tony Stark stands in the middle of the room, surrounded by bright blue holograms. He moves his arms like a conductor, and the blue lights around him move accordingly. Some brighten, others dim, while some seem to grow and the details expand, and a few seem to shrink and move out of the way. Bucky thinks he can understand why Hydra was so obsessed with the man.
He couldn’t describe it. It felt like something inside him had sparked alive after being dormant for years. It seemed to pull him towards Stark.
“Tony!” Steve shouted from his left, startling him. He fights the instinct to swing at him, his arms twitch at his sides, and his hands slowly form into fists. Sam seems to notice his slight twitch, but before he can say anything Stark turns and makes his way to them.
“Hey, it’s the three musketeers.” The man greets with a grin. His eyes are an amber brown, and his smile full of mischief.
“Tony.” Steve stretches the name out, fondly exasperated and Bucky doesn’t understand why.
“Calm down, Rogers.” Tony rolls his eyes. He focuses on Bucky for a moment then smiles politely at Sam. “Sam.”
“Tony,” Sam nods at the man. He gestures to Bucky standing next to him. “Meet James Barnes. Barnes, Tony Stark.”
For a moment he seems to lose control of himself, and for once it isn’t dangerous. His right hand extends itself towards Stark, and a smile works itself onto his face. “A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark.” The strange, small part that seems to reach out towards Stark buzzes when the man smirks at him.
“The pleasures all mine, Barnes.” He winks.
“Tony!” Rogers seems absolutely scandalized, Sam seems torn in between amusement and concern, and Bucky? Bucky is delighted.
..
For the time being everyone had agreed it would be best if Bucky roomed with Steve. Or at least, everyone else did, while he went along with it. He finds looking at Steve unbalancing, disorienting. A part of him feels guilty at how uncomfortable he feels around the man. But the lingering remnants of Hydra’s brainwashing has him gritting his teeth, fingers twitching for a gun.
The first night he doesn’t sleep. He finds it hard to sleep most nights anyways. When he closes his eyes, images flash across his mind. Fragmented pieces of memory. Disjointed and out of order, playing too fast for him to keep up and sort it out. He always wakes with a start, his chest aching as he tries to force air into his lungs.
Trying to sleep knowing, Steve-not-Steve sleeps down the hall leaves him even more on edge.
Bucky climbs out of his bed, the soft feel of the carpet beneath his feet helps settle his mind more in reality. With a practiced walk, Bucky quietly makes his way out of his room, down the hall and out of the suite he shares with Steve. In minutes he’s stepping out of the elevator and into the common room. It is there he runs into Stark again.
The tv is on, volume low and the lights are off in the room. Stark sits on the couch bundled up in a blanket, eyes unfocused as he faces the screen. Bucky creeps into the room slowly, drawn in by the shadows the tv light casts on Stark’s face. It’s obvious the man needs to sleep more, but Buck won’t be th
e one to bring it up. He doesn’t think it wouldn’t mean much when he needs more sleep himself. To be honest, he want Stark to like him and he’s fairly certain being a hypocrite won’t help him accomplish that.
Bucky clears his throat and winces when Stark startles. “I’m sorry.” He says, holding his hands out in a placating motion. Starks sits up straighter and shakes his head.
“It’s fine, Barnes. Have a seat,” He pats the spot on the couch next to him. “Having a rough night?” He asks. Barnes finds himself sitting next to him without a thought.
“You could say that, Stark.” He admits, having a hard time meeting those big brown eyes.
“Call me Tony.” Bucky glances at him briefly to see the man smiling. It’s a smile Bucky doesn’t think he’s seen before. Not in the video clips and pictures Hydra showed him at least. He finds himself smiling back, and enjoying how the corners of Stark’s-Tony’s lips turn push up more and widen out his smile.
“Call me Bucky and you have yourself a deal, doll.” The words slip past his lips, and he regrets them when Tony’s face goes slack in shock. Then Tony is grinning wickedly and Bucky feels his breath catch in his throat.
“Oh, we are going to get along just great.” Tony says. “Now shhh, and pay attention to the tv. You’ve missed shit in pop culture and I’m taking it upon myself to get you caught up. Friday, que up a list of classics for me, dear.”
“Certainly, Boss,” An accented voice responds, lilting words seeming to sound through the room quietly. The images on the screen shift and a title opening starts. They fall asleep sometime during the second film, and that’s how the others find them in the morning.
Things continue on like that for a few days. Sam takes him to his therapy sessions, and Bucky takes up sparring with Natasha in the gym, Sam and Natasha having convinced everyone that it would help him burn off anxious energy and relax a bit. The only thing that seems to really surprise anyone is how he seems to follow Tony around, while doing his best to have as little interaction with Rogers as possible.
He knows that Rogers is still Steve, the scrawny kid from Brooklyn with the smart mouth, quick temper, and too big heart. He knows it, but at the same time, this guy is so very different from the kid he grew up with. The height, and ridiculous muscles are a part of it, but so is the way he speaks and walks. It’s not his Stevie. Not anymore.
It throws him for a loop and makes it hard for him to stay in the same room as him. Especially when Rogers tries to reminisce about old days passed that Bucky still can’t remember. He feels bad for the other man, wants to comfort him, but he can’t just sit there and listen to him talk. Not when it puts him in a bad place in his own head.
He has to focus on himself first, get better on his own terms. At least, that’s what Tony told him when he admitted his problem with Rogers to the genius during one of their late night movie marathons.
And that is a whole other thing in itself. Bucky spends time with Tony in his labs, watching him build and design things in absolute awe. He follows Tony around the tower when he isn’t with Sam and Natasha. Watches as Tony and Clint have some sort of prank war. Laughs when Tony tells jokes that everyone else either rolls their eyes or groans in pain at. Admittedly, not all of Tony’s jokes are great, but the grin he has on his face when he tells them is absolutely adorable.
---
Things seem to be going great. Which of course is when everything has to go wrong.
Bucky is in his room, reading a book Natasha recommended for him, when there is a knock at his door. “Bucky, can I come in?” Steve calls through the door. Bucky swings his feet over the edge of his bed.
“Sure, come on in.”
Steve comes into the room, closes the door behind himself. “I think we need to talk,” the blond man starts. “Have you been avoiding me?” It’s a fair question, he has been avoiding the other, but for some reason the answer gets stuck in his throat. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he has. He looks at the book in his hands. “Bucky, please.”
Steve stands in the doorway, hands on his hips and a stubborn set to his jaw. Immediately there is ice in his veins. It pushed him into a corner of his own mind, trapping him there as the programming takes control.
His body moves to it’s feets, hands raising up and forming fists. Steve notices the change in demeanor right away, bringing his own hands up in a placating manner. “Bucky, what’s wrong?”
Bucky doesn’t answer, he can’t answer. His body charges at Steve and begins to swing. Steve dodges the first two swings, and just barely manages to catch the third in his left hand. The Winter Soldier swings a leg up and kicks the Captain away.
Steve slides back a couple feet, but he keeps his hands up to block. “Bucky, come on. Snap out of it.” He pleads. Bucky yells at him to run, but the words don’t make it past his lips.
The soldier swings at the Captain, anticipating the grab, he pulls the other man close. Grabs him by one should and his side and throws him to a wall. Steve crashes into the wall, and lays there a moment, trying to catch his bearing.
The both freeze when they hear someone clear their throat. The lookup to see Tony leaning against the doorway. Steve tries to sit up, “Tony, no. Get away.” Tony ignores him and walks into the room.
Time seems to freeze for Bucky. Tony is there in the room and Bucky feels like screaming. His body is frozen as Tony walla right up to him. Soon they’re standing toe to toe, Steve laying in the wall, watches.
“Hey, soldier.”Tony greets with a small smile. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”
His body relaxes minutely. He’s still trapped in his mind, but the danger that previously filled the room seems to drain away. “Mission”. The Winter Soldier says.
Tony shakes his head, “no mission.”
The soldier is confused for a moment. He looks at Steve with Bucky’s eyes for a moment before looking back to Tony. “No mission, kotyonok?”
Tony, still smiling, shakes his head again. “No mission, zvezda moya.” Bucky feels the cold receding slowly, like his body is waking up.
“Tony?” Tony reaches out and cups his face gently with calloused hands.
“Yeah, it’s me, buttercup.” He says, turning Bucky’s head this way and that. “Wow, Steve, you sure did a number on his face.”
That seems to push Steve out of his stump. He quickly climbs to his feet and demands’ “What’s going on?”
Tony removes his hands from Bucky’s face, and Bucky wants to grab them back for a moment. He refrains, instead choosing to watch Tony. Tony walks to Steve, helping him up he sighs. “Why don’t we all go down to my lab? You two need to talk.”
The elevator ride to the lab reminds Bucky of the first time he ever went to the lab. It’s as tense as awkward as that first ride was. Tony stands to his left, body relaxed, though he keeps a careful and concerned watch on Bucky and Steve. Once they reach the lab, Tony waves the super soldiers the the right of the lab, in the direction of a couch placed against a wall. “I’ll be over here if either of you need anything,” Tony says pointing to the opposite end of the lab. He walks quickly over to a table covered in wires and bits of metal.
Steve leads the way to the couch, and Bucky follows, trying to come up with the right words to explain, to apologize. His mind comes up blank.
Together they sit on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other. “Bucky, what was that? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” Steve asks, going straight to the point.
“Yes,” Bucky admits. “I’ll be honest, Steve. It’s been hard. My head's a mess of bits and pieces of memory. I remember you, but the you from when we were younger. This,” he gestures at Steve. “Is someone new, or at least is sorta is.”
Steve shakes his head, eyes pleading. “I’m still me.”
Bucky nods. “You’re still my Stevie, but you’re different now, and that’s not a bad thing.” Steve opens his mouth to argue, but Bucky continues on. “It’s not a bad thing, Steve, change is good. It’s natural. Nothing stays the same forever. And we have to accept that.”
Bucky takes a breath. “I was avoiding you because I couldn’t put that image of you from the past together with who you are now. Add to that the lingering bits of programming still calling you mission, I was worried something bad would happen. I didn’t want to let go of the past. So, I avoided you.” Bucky reached a hand out towards Steve, who took it with one of his own.
“That was wrong and unfair of me, and I’m sorry.” Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand. “But you haven’t been fair either. You keep looking at me expecting the old Bucky Barnes, but I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed, and so have you. We both need to accept that, embrace it and move on.” Steve was nodding as he leaned towards Bucky. Bucky opened his arms for the hug.
Steve’s eyes were watery as he pulled away. “I understand, Buck. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know.” Bucky couldn’t help but to grin as he playfully swiped at the other man’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry so much, Punk. I musta’ve done the same to you, not telling you anything and avoiding you” Steve shook his head and shoved back at Bucky.
“Let’s just leave it be.” Steve grinned and wiggles his eyebrows. “So, you and Tony?” Bucky could feel his face heat up, and a grin stretch across his lips.
“Yeah, what of it, Punk?” Steve shook his head.
“Nothing, nothing, it’s just…”Steve trailed off. “You both seem so good for each other. It’s kinda sweet is all.”
Bucky kept grinning. He looked across the lab to see Tony, arms waving as he lectured Dum-E playfully. The bot dropped it’s head into Tony’s lap and Tony rolled his eyes upward, shrugging as he gave up. At that moment Tony glances across the lab, and smiles back.
“Yeah. We’re pretty good for each other.” Bucky grees