Stupid Decisions Are Made
No one in LOCCENT commented on the fact that he and Tadashi were holding hands when they walked in. Which was good because Fred might have spontaneously combusted if they had. That is not to say that nobody in LOCCENT noticed. Everyone noticed. He could tell by the smug little smiles they couldn’t all hide in time.
But since everyone was professional, and they were all in a very serious situation, nobody said anything about it. Honey called Fred over, he went, Tadashi followed, and everyone continued their work.
At least they weren’t being jerks about it. Really, he knew they would never have been anyway, but some things in human culture made him anxious. Non-heterosexual relationships not being completely accepted was one of them. So much talk about how it “wasn’t natural” and the like. Honestly, it made no sense. Clearly, it was natural or it wouldn’t be happening in most species across the planet.
Still, he’d learned that despite his own opinions on the matter, there were many people who would mistreat him if they found out that he found men attractive.
It almost made him wish that he could just transform himself into a woman so people would keep their dumb backwater thoughts to themselves. Of course, that would open a whole different can of worms, so he couldn’t do that. It was okay though. He liked being a guy anyway. It was who he was now.
Maybe it would be different if they weren’t so close to a cataclysmic event. In these dark days, it seemed like people were looking for something to brighten their days. Apparently, the budding romance between a jaeger pilot and their technician qualified for that.
When it became apparent that no one had anything nasty to say and he remembered they were going to be there for quite some time, he settled down into a rolling chair and pulled Tadashi onto his lap. He might as well enjoy it while he could.
Tadashi blushed very becomingly, and the shy little upwards curl of his lips indicated that he didn’t dislike it. Fred would have been on cloud nine if it weren’t for the oh-so-inconvenient upcoming kaiju attack. Stupid kaijus. Siblings could never let you have anything nice, could they?
“The kaiju is through the breach,” Honey’s voice broke through Fred’s musing, instantly snapping him back to the problem at hand.
“Crimson Havoc and Horizon Rayearth are in position,” Wasabi said.
Fred blinked at that. “Just them? I mean, not that they aren’t all very capable pilots, but considering that this is a category IV…”
Marshal Callaghan didn’t look up from the screen in front of him. “It’s true that we haven’t seen a category IV since Odokuro, but I have faith in our pilots. A lot can change in three years.” He glanced at the worried look on Fred’s face before adding, “I know this war is hard, but we don’t have a lot of jaegers to spare. We’ve lost dozens of jaegers and pilots in the past years since Odokuro showed up, including our very own Alrhitta Divine last month.” He turned to address the whole room. “We’ve been lucky that it’s only been category III’s coming through since then, but we don’t have the resources we used to- especially since they decommissioned the jaeger program eight months ago.”
Nobody looked at the Hamadas when he said the last bit, but the brothers were sure everyone was thinking about the disastrous attempt with Amaterasu Bold. It hadn’t been the only factor in the program being decommissioned, but it had definitely contributed.
“There was a time I wouldn’t have hesitated to send out more jaegers, back when there were multiple shatterdomes and they were full of jaegers and rangers. Nowadays, we have only four jaegers left. Attacks are getting closer and closer together, with little time left to prepare. You’ve all seen the readings and heard Miss Miyazaki’s theory that this could become a two kaiju event. At this rate, the next attack may only be hours away. We cannot afford to lose anyone else.”
His piercing gaze made everyone drop their eyes to the floor. “That being said, I’ve also asked Kronos Albion to suit up as well. They’re the only Mark-5 in existence, and imperative to our plan, so they’ll be restricted to the shoreline. But they’ll be there to protect the city.”
Fred mentally noted that he said nothing about Kronos Albion protecting the other jaegers. The arm he had around Tadashi’s waist tightened minutely. He wondered what this important plan was that the Marshal was saving the Mark-5 for.
It must have been some sort of last-ditch effort to save the Earth, but what was it? And more importantly, would it work?
He hadn’t thought about what the Precursors were planning for years- why would he? It had always been the same basic plan- send in the category I and II’s to scope things out, send in III through V’s if needed, and claim the world for the Precursors. Simple stuff. There hadn’t been complicated planning to Fred’s knowledge, but then again, why would he have needed to know in the first place? After all, he was just another tool for them to use.
He had a sudden urge to find out what they were doing, and unfortunately, he knew just how to do it.
Quickly but gently, he pushed Tadashi off his lap so he could stand. Honey shot him a surprised look, clearly not understanding why he would be pushing Tadashi away after pining over him for so long. For the first time ever, he ignored her.
“Sir, I know this is a critical time, I just realized something I have to take care of. Permission to leave the bridge?”
He swore that everyone had stopped what they were doing so they could stare at him in disbelief. Marshal Callaghan however, took one look at him before nodding and gesturing at everyone to go back to work. “Do what you have to Mr. Whitaker. I know you wouldn’t ask if you didn’t think it was important.”
Fred thanked him before beelining it out of there. He was so grateful that the Marshal trusted him, and that he hadn’t bothered asking what he was about to do. Because he was about to do something very stupid.
Tadashi and Honey shared a concerned look at Fred’s retreating back. He made such a sudden departure they didn’t even have a chance to ask him what he was going to do. Tadashi would have asked Honey, but clearly she was just as much in the dark as he was on the matter. Which was weird, because when it came to work, she and Fred were practically connected as if they were drifting.
A not so light punch to his shoulder got his attention. “What’s up with your boyfriend?” Hiro asked, tilting his head towards the door.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” he replied reflexively and blushed. Fred was not his boyfriend. It wasn’t like they had actually talked about the hand holding or how Fred had pulled him unceremoniously onto his lap. They had just… let it happen. And then Fred had left without another word.
Logically, he figured Fred leaving had nothing to do with… whatever it was going on between them, but the less rational side of him was a bit worried about it. It wasn’t like he had a lot of experience with romantic relationships. He’d been fourteen when the war began, and he’d been a bit of a late bloomer in the romance department. He’d only just begun getting interested in dating and the like when the first kaiju appeared.
So suffice to say, he had no idea whether he was in an actual relationship or not. He wasn’t even sure Fred was like… attracted to him. Sure, there was evidence that he might have- particularly the lap sitting thing- but was it really proof?
He was going to be sick. Again.
Another punch to his arm brought him back to the moment. “Ow!”
He glared at his little brother, who merely raised his eyebrow and put on the most unimpressed look he could manage. “Don’t give me that look. I’ve been in your head. I know what you were thinking just now, and I’m here to tell you to can it. You and Fred are both sickeningly in love, and if you’re not boyfriends yet, then you will be by the end of the day. And then everyone can finally cash in on their bets.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave his older brother a pointed look.
Tadashi glanced around the room, somewhat startled to see everyone else staring at him before they managed to swivel away. “Bets?” he asked weakly. He wasn’t really surprised- the shatterdome had always been rather desperate for gossip. It certainly wasn’t the first time there had been a betting ring involving people’s love lives.
“Yeah, yeah, old news- anyways-”
Marshal Callaghan cleared his throat loudly behind them. “I think it’s time we get back to work on that Category IV gentlemen.”
The Hamadas scrambled to find something to do at that, although Tadashi couldn’t help but notice the slight upturn to the Marshal’s lips before he turned away.
Making stupid decisions was something Fred could say was something that had become all to frequent as a human. In fact, it was an almost entirely human condition, since he didn’t recall being this incredibly stupid before he’d transformed himself into one. Although, free will probably had something to do with that.
Ah, life had been so much simpler when all he had to do was follow orders.
The ability to make stupid decisions was much better than that simple life.
He did, however, have to admit that owning up to take the blame for the consequences of your own decisions was less than stellar at times. He could only imagine what this truly terrible decision was going to bring for him.
On the one hand, he would probably be learning extremely valuable information that could help them win against the Precursors.
On the other hand, his friends were probably going to kick his ass once they found out what he was doing.
Welp, here goes nothing.
He took his makeshift Pons headset, settled it on his head, checked to make sure it was properly connected to the preserved segment of Mutavore’s brain in his lab, and clutched for dear life onto the device that would begin the drift sequence.
He’d always imagined that drifting would be a lot like being in part of the hive mind. In fact, it was a large part of the reason he figured it would be okay for him to try it. And in many ways, it did feel like it used to- to feel himself as multiple bodies, working together but being separate all the same. It was also different in many ways though- for one, opening himself to the hive mind was a simple straightforward process. It was like opening the blinds on a window.
Drifting was a whole different matter. When you drifted your brain started playing every single memory you ever had at light speed. If joining the hive mind was like opening the blinds, then drifting was like being forced to watch and simultaneously star in a movie so that you were caught up on what was going to happen as you opened the blinds.
It was a lot to handle.
But he didn’t let it make him lose focus. He had done this for a reason, and by golly he was going to get it done.
Hundreds of thoughts came pouring into his head, memories of what had happened and what was coming. Snippets of information snatched from here and there, anything he could find about the Precursors and the war.
And then suddenly, he was pulled out of the drift, and someone was slapping his face lightly while they called his name.
“Wh- I’m okay, I’m okay! Stop hitting me, I’m fine!”
“You are absolutely not fine!” Tadashi nearly growled at him- and wow, that should not have been such a turn on in this situation, but again, WOW. “Your nose is bleeding. And one of your eyes is dilated.”
He lifted his hand to his lip and wiped off the blood that had dripped down it. Huh. Okay, so he hadn’t expected that.
“What were you thinking?! Do you know how dangerous that was? We’re facing a major kaiju attack, and you’re down here trying to get yourself killed!”
He shoved his makeshift headset off and brushed away the hands patting him down for other unknown injuries. “Of course, I did. Still do. But this is important. And come on- it’s not that bad. I’m just a little roughed up. No big deal,” he replied, wiping more blood off his face.
Tadashi looked very much like he wanted to slap him again.
“Look, I know you’re worried, and that this was a little on the not-so-good side of things to do, but I need to do it again. I need to drift again. It’s- there’s still more I have to figure out.”
Now he looked murderous. “You are absolutely not doing that again! It’s way too dangerous! I don’t know how long it took you to put this together, but I know this stuff wasn’t in here earlier, so you could only have been drifting for like fifteen minutes max. And that’s being generous about your ability to improvise tech like this. Your eye still hasn’t adjusted yet, and your nose is still bleeding! And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been clutching onto things to keep your balance.”
“I totally hear what you’re saying, but please understand that this is not a negotiable deal.” He should have felt guiltier about the stricken look in Tadashi’s eyes, but he needed him to understand that he had to do this. This was for the good of the world.
Tadashi’s face seemed to shutter into a blank mask. “You can’t drift again. You don’t even have a kaiju brain to use,” he said, pointing to the tank where his specimen- or rather what remained of it- floated.
Well, that did throw a bit of a wrench in his plans.
Then again, he did have a way to get back in their minds. It was also, technically speaking, safer to him in the short term to use said method. Long term, he wasn’t so sure about. After all, then they’d all know he was still alive. Also, there was that whole thing where he’d have to explain how he could do it and well….
Maybe he didn’t have to tell them though. Maybe he just needed an excuse to pretend like he was going to drift again.
“I have to talk to Marshal Callaghan,” he said with sudden clarity.
Tadashi actually screamed in frustration at that.