“Steve!”
With resolve fueling his steps, Bucky paced quickly into the empty apartment, his fists clenched and heart racing. He was going to do it today, damn it, he was going to confess how he felt. “How cheesy is that?” Buck spent many nights, days and years telling himself why he should stay quiet. “It’s wrong”, he told himself. “He would never feel that way about you.”, and “You would ruin your friendship with him forever.”
However, a few drinks was just enough to take the edge away, and James ‘Bucky’ Barnes was feeling confident today. He wasn’t drunk -- certainly not, no, he knew how to hold his liquor. But despite his alcoholic advantage, when he turned the corner and saw Steve look up from his book - his inquisitive eyes and the smile that spread on his face - his confidence flickered and diminished as he felt that ever-familiar ache in his chest.
“Heya, Buck. what’re you doing here? I thought you were gonna be down at the docks until late.” James waved his hand dismissively, smiling despite his nerves. “Ahh, decided I needed a day off. They won’t miss me.”
There was an awkward pause, and then James cleared his throat. “So, um, look. I gotta talk to you ‘bout something.” His eyes shifted to meet Steve’s, and it must have showed in his expression how nervous he was, because Steve’s upbeat expression changed to a more serious, slightly worried one in a matter of seconds. Before he could reply, Bucky held up his hand. “Relax, everything’s fine. I, just..” He faltered, falling into silence as his mind drew a blank.
Steve waited, his patience waning as he narrowed his eyes in confusion. “You just what, Buck?” He wanted to reach out, to comfort his friend, but he didn’t know what exactly to say. How do you fix a problem if you don’t even know what the problem is?
“I just--I want dinner. To go to dinner. I mean, not just go to dinner, but, like, go to dinner. With you...Does that make sense?” The brunet ran his fingers through his hair, his resolve from a few minutes prior sapped away completely. He imagined it would play out so much better than this! With a suave “Hey, Steve, I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.” And Steve explaining that he passed his medical classes and yes, he does know CPR, why, is your Asthma acting up? It hasn’t in years, why would it now, and a “No, dork, I haven’t had asthma since I was nine, shut up and kiss me.” and badda bing, badda boom! And they would end up together.
But no, it never worked that way, did it? Not with Steve, not for Bucky. He shoved his hands in his pockets, his cheeks burning with humiliation and mind racing so fast, he barely heard Steve’s reply. He only snapped out of his inner monologue when Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder and started for the door, a light blush on his face. Bucky also didn’t notice the way Steve nervously loosened his tie and quickly fixed his hair as they tromped down the steps to Buck’s car.
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Fast forward past a mostly silent car ride to the river and an hour later, and Bucky was holding the car door open for Steve - the shorter blond stepped out and looked around, taking in the scenery with an expression of awe. The area they had parked in opened up to the upper New York Bay, and with the sun kissing the horizon and the last of the light filtering from the sky, there was a calm essence to the area. The breeze was nippy, but James came prepared - he took Steve over to the dock, where a little sailboat was waiting, and handed him a coat. Steve shared an incredulous moment with Bucky as he took this all in, his fingers tightening on the scratchy wool wrapped over his shoulders. “Buck..This is..This..” His words faltered him; he just shook his head in wonderment as he carefully stepped down into the boat. Bucky bit back his proud grin, and once everything was set up, they sailed off. Steve was staring at the sunset, the gentle orange and pink lighting his face.
“It’s beautiful..” The blond broke the silence as he smiled, wishing more than anything he had his notepad to draw this moment. He missed the way Bucky’s eyes softened, taking in Steve’s face and giving no notice to the sunset at all. “Yeah..beautiful.” Steve turned his eyes to Bucky, and not for the first time did his breath catch in his throat whence taking in the sight of his friend. The deep color of his eyes was lit by the last rays of the sun, changing them from a bottomless brown to a rich burnt umber, and Steve was not oblivious to how close they were. His heart thumped in his chest harder and harder, until he cleared his throat and looked away, cursing himself for being foolish. “You’re over-thinking things, Steve-o. He’s straight..we know this. He’s been with so many girls. Definition of straight...right?”
Needless to say, the boat ride was a quiet and slightly awkward one after that. They pulled back up to the docks and Steve saw the set up bistro table nearby, with delicious smelling food that Bucky had ordered from a nearby restaurant before hand. He even had a few rose scented candles, imagine that. Steve pondered how he could have missed a table full of food when they had gotten here, and they both sat down to a candle-lit dinner. The steak was divine, and Bucky brought out some chocolate covered strawberries from a platter for dessert. It was mostly quiet, but once Steve cracked a joke about Bucky’s eating habits as a kid, the mood lightened considerably, and they laughed and talked well until the sun was gone.
After dinner, they sat on the steps leading down to the dock, talking for a while before they settled into silence. Bucky, on a spur of the moment idea, glanced over to Steve, a wry smile spreading across his lips.
“You remember that song..The one that played at the high school dance you went to with Rosie-Whatsername?”
Steve chuckled softly in response, leaning back with folded arms. “Buck, there were a lot of songs that played at the dance. You’ll have to be specific.”
Bucky shrugged and waved his hand idly. “You know, the groovy one, the last song they played. You were singing to it, how did it go?” He waited, and after a few moments of silent thinking, Steve smiled in recognition. “Oh! You mean the one by Frank Sinatra?” To this, Bucky smiled, nodding his head as he remembered the tune. They started humming together, and then Steve stood up with a bit of a spring in his step, holding out his hand to Buck. “Come on, you remember the dance, don’t you?”
And so they both stood up, awkward at first, but soon laughing and dancing - Bucky twirled his counterpart, and they sang in tune together under the stars and candlelight, and they were happy. Bucky did a suave step and slide and Steve tried to follow along, because dammit he was born with two left feet but who cares? He was having fun. And as they twirled one final time, out of breath and holding hands, they met each other's eyes and the laughter died to small chuckles and mumbles of “I did better than you, Barnes, admit it” and “Dream on, Rogers” And Bucky found his hands resting on Steve’s hips, and Steve’s hands on Bucky’s shoulders, and suddenly their faces were very close. That nagging voice in his mind tried to stop him, but Bucky couldn’t help but ignore it because Steve was looking at him with the most beautiful smile, and his eyes were hopeful and bright and just as Bucky decided it could never get better their lips met, and they were kissing, and in that moment the whole world melted away. It was just them, it was just Bucky’s grip on Steve’s shirt, and the way Steve touched the back of Buck’s neck. It was the joy in Bucky’s heart, and it was the tears that welled in his eyes because finally, they knew. It was everything he imagined, and more, because it was him.