Chapter 14
Darcy pours through everything Howard has on Steve. The Howling Commandos missions. Movements behind enemy lines. Speeches Steve made. Even transcripts of a meeting with President Eisenhower.
She can’t stand to look at the pictures though. That’s not Steve. It’s not until she sees a video of him laughing with Bucky that she can accept it. Then she sees that he still had his gorgeous eyes, that his lashes stayed the same, ridiculously long.
His hands, while larger as he points to things on maps, are still fine boned artist’s hands. Howard is more than willing to go through it all with her, and tell her a hundred stories over drinks.
He drives back to the city for work, but takes long weekends every weekend to stay out with her. He has a butler, maids, and a cook and has them all cater to Darcy’s needs.
She goes for dinner with Rebecca and John every Thursday, and weeks turn into months. With Howard’s help, Darcy traces Steve’s path across Europe.
One night, with a bottle of whiskey at hand, Darcy listens to Steve’s last conversation with Peggy.
“I think he wanted the chance.” Howard slurs, motioning with his glass. “He wanted hope for something good again. Those two had a hundred chances, but they could never... I gave them rooms in my London house.”
Darcy thinks she loves Peggy Carter for being that voice for Steve on the other side of the radio. It physically hurts her to think of Steve on that Valkyrie without Bucky.
Darcy doesn’t cry that night, but Howard does. He starts when Peggy says, “I’ll get Howard, he’ll figure out a way...”
She wrestles the bottle away from him and pours him into bed. He’s snoring as soon as he hits the mattress.
Howard starts bringing work home, and Darcy starts poking through it and managing him. Food, water, sleep, an extra set of eyes on equations.
He stops going to work every week and spends weeks at a time at the mansion. When John goes on a buying trip to France, Rebecca and JJ come to stay at the mansion. Howard takes one look at the baby and has sudden business in London.
When he comes back he’s grim, muttering about someone trying to frame him. He warns her to use her maiden name with people she doesn’t know, that it’s not safe for her. He has dark circles under his eyes.
She drags him to Christmas with John and Rebecca. He tries to convince her to go to London for New Years, but she stays with John and Rebecca instead. JJ has John’s pale hair, but Rebecca’s dark brown eyes and Darcy loves him to pieces.
If Howard gives her mind something to do to keep going, Rebecca, John and JJ coddle her broken heart until it can start working on its own again.
Rebecca gives her things she’d smuggled from Steve’s apartment. Some of Darcy’s dresses, some of Steve’s smaller drawings and paintings, Steve’s parents’ marriage certificate, and Steve and Darcy’s.
Howard lets her store them in his vault.
After the excess of the holidays, he settles more into himself, and they get to work again. He shows her the vault under the mansion. They’re in the middle of a bender, and Howard’s just terrorized the poor cook, when Darcy feels a familiar pricking sensation.
“Tell John and Rebecca!”
Howard looks up in confusion, his hair wild. His eyes bug out and he drops his scotch. “What? Damn, kid! Fridays, six pm, Broad and Halls Ferry!”
She’d just cleared the New Year and made it eight months this time.