Between Friends

On the way back to Chris's car, Nat had her arm around you, "You okay, hon?"

You nodded, blowing out a breath, your eyes still welling up with tears, "It's just that he's all I have left. I'm really scared."

She knew what you meant by 'all I have left' and what you were afraid of; that things were going to change for the worse between you and him due to being apart... And that he may decide not to come back, "I know. But it's gonna be okay and he's gonna come back, (Y/N). He promised."

You just nodded again.

You gathered yourself and drove Chris's car back to the house to put it in the garage. Nat rode with you. You then took your own car to go to dinner with the others who had been at the airport to see Chris off.

You and Chris had agreed to have contact only once a week to give each other the time and space needed to each work through your own issues. You also agreed that once he got back, the two of you would finally pack up Sebastian's room. It had been several months since his passing and it was time.

Chris called you as promised, as soon as he got into his hotel suite. That's where he would be living for the next few months. Thank God Tony took care of his employees.

Your phone rang later that evening while you were watching TV with Nat and Bruce, you were already knitting that scarf you promised to Chris. You planned to send it to him for Christmas which was coming up fast. You set down your knitting and stood. "Hey, Chris. Miss you already.", you answered as you padded to the kitchen.

"Aw, hey, sweetie. Miss you too."

"How's your digs?"

"It's ridiculously extravagant and huge. It's basically a big, full sized apartment- Holy shit!"

You panicked a little, "What?!"

"There's two fuckin' floors!"

"God, you scared me!", you laughed.

He chuckled in return, "Sorry, hon. I was a little startled myself!" He paused, "I wish you could be here to share this with me. You'd love the tub. It's ginormous. We could both fit in here really comfortably."

You smiled, not sure if he was being flirty or just matter of fact about it's size, "That's sound nice."

His voice got deep and smooth, "I think so too."

You had a rush of butterflies at his seductive tone and the suggestive nature of his statement. Yep, he was definitely flirting. "Are you coming on to me?", you chortled.

You could almost hear him shrug, "Maybe." You giggled and he continued, "Hey, you know how I feel about you by now. It's no secret." You both laughed softly and paused for a long beat before he spoke again, "This is nuts."

"What?"

"Just that- I know this time is gonna help, but it just feels so... Wrong to be so far apart."

You let out a long sigh, "Yeah. It feels so weird with you gone."

You and he talked about what he'd be doing while he was there and how you both regretted that you wouldn't be spending Christmas together. Not that you ever had before. You had only been friends with the guys a few months the year before, so you all spent the holiday with your own families. You had your other friends now though. You weren't traveling this year to be with your own family. You were actually looking forward to a drama-free celebration with those near you. Chris would be traveling to spend Christmas day and the folliwing day with his own family not far from where he was set up in Ohio. He would go back to the hotel and continue working afterwards. So, you were glad that he at least wouldn't be alone.

Over the next couple weeks, you got his scarf done and sent it off to him with instructions not to open the gift until Christmas, of course. You helped Bruce and Nat decorate their tree; a fat, robust one with flocking which you all covered in ribbons made of burlap and red velvet, along with strings of white lights. The ornaments were all silver balls of different sizes and there were little faux birds of different types barely tucked in among the boughs. The tree was displayed proudly in the front of the picture window of the living room, whose curtains were left open until everyone went to bed, so that those who drove past could benefit from the holiday joy of the household.

You also found an artificial tree that stood about a foot tall once while Christmas shopping with Nat. You bought it, along with some tiny, glittery snowflake shaped ornaments of red and white. You set the little decorated tree on the desk in Sebastian's room one evening when you went to the house alone to get more things for yourself.

When you stepped back and looked at it, you started to sob and talk softly, "I'm so sorry we never had a Christmas together. I miss you so much, Sebby." You sat on the edge of his bed, talking towards the floor. "Don't worry though, Chris is taking care of me, just like he promised you he would." You paused and sniffed, tilted your head far back snd sighed, tears still in your eyes. You looked downward again, "You probably already know this but,", you got choked up and put a closed fist to your mouth. You struggled to get it out, guilt holding you back.

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding, dropping your hand to your lap and finally saying it, "I'm falling in love with him." The tears came faster and your breath hitched, "And I feel like I'm betraying you. It's so confusing and I don't know what to do... which way to go. I'm so sorry, Seb." You stayed there for a few minutes, allowing your crying time to quell. You then stood, sniffing and wiping your eyes. "Merry Christmas. I love you.", you whispered. You left, turning out the light and closing the door behind you.

A few days later, on Saturday, Nat came in from checking the mail at her house and shouted towards the kitchen, where you were reading and having tea at the table, "Package for you, (Y/N)!" There had been a few packages coming for you over the last weeks from family members, so you hadn't thought much of it as she handed it to you.

"Oh, thanks, Nat.", you took the bread box sized, cardboard package printed with red diagonal stripes and smiled happily when you saw the return address bearing only the name 'Evans' along with the hotel and room number where Chris was living.

It smelled faintly of his cologne and there was a big sticker on the front reading 'DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS DAY'. And written along the packing tape that sealed each and every seam that you might breech to open the box, he had written phrases in black permanent marker, such as, 'I'm serious.', 'I'll know if you do.', 'I have spies.', 'Just don't, okay?', 'Please. Okay, now you've got me begging.' They all made you grin widely.

The package was set under the tree with all the other gifts waiting to be opened in one week. You were looking forward to the other gifts, sure. But, the one from Chris had you extremely curious. His first Christmas gift to you; what would he give? Would it be friendly? Sweet? Romantic? Sentimental? Generic? Would he dare go so far as sexy? You hoped Christmas came fast now; you really wanted to know.

When you talked to Chris again, he let you know that he got your package and you let him know that you had received his. It was getting harder and harder to say goodbye to him each time you spoke. At least each time you spoke was one step closer to him coming back.

The next several days were filled with lots of merriment. Pepper hosted a cookie making party, which ended up like anyone would expect; the ladies all in the kitchen baking and all the men playing billiards and a few of them getting drunk. Well, the ladies drank too at least. Nat drank more rum than what made it into the rum balls and she kept smacking all the girls' asses and shouting, "Good game!".

Little Jane, who was more of a light weight than you and didn't usually have more than a few beers, became best friends with the peppermint schnapps and cocoa. She turned surprisingly saucy, then fell asleep at the kitchenette table with her cheek resting on a sheet of sugar cookie dough she had been rolling out. You and Pepper woke her by picking her up off the cookie dough and wiped her face with a wet cloth and took her to lay down in the sitting room near the front door. You then went to inform Thor of her condition and he went to her to check on her.

You actually didn't feel much like getting drunk, so you just had a few beers over the course of the night. You pressed fork marks into peanut butter cookie dough balls on a sheet and got a little sad thinking about what it might be like to have both your boys there with you that night and you got a little wet in the eyes.

Maria spotted you and came to your side and put a light hand on your back, ducking her head, "Are you okay, (Y/N)?"

You nodded and wiped under your eye with a wrist. "Yeah, just missing some people."

She gave you a side hug and touched her head to yours. "I'm sorry.", was all she said.

On Christmas Eve, you all headed out in a food truck that Tony and Pepper had rented to hand out hot meals and drinks and other needed items, like sleeping bags, clothes, toiletries, coats, hats, gloves, scarves and boots to the homeless downtown. It was a snowy night, so you all couldn't have come at a better time.

Once you got home with Bruce and Nat, they settled in to watch a Christmas movie. A lot of snow had fallen that night, so you fixed yourself a cup of cocoa, bundled yourself up again in a thick coat, hat, scarf, gloves and pulling on your favorite boots and headed outside.

You sat on one of the chairs on the covered porch and just enjoyed the stillness. There were lights of all colors glowing from intermittent houses along the street. The road was stark white. You could usually hear the faint sounds of constant traffic coming from the main road at the end of the street, even this late at night, there was a car every minute or two. But now, the snow absorbed all the sounds of the city. The only noise was the crunching of the snow as a car drove at a crawl past the house every once in a while. It was so peaceful that it made you feel warm inside. You imagined Chris sitting next to you, his strong arms around you. You caught yourself in that thought-- You had pictured Chris, not Seb. As always, you were beginning to overanalyze. Chris was alive, Seb was not; had to have been as simple as that.

The next morning you woke to the smell of cinnamon rolls. You rolled out of the sofa bed and pulled on some cotton pants; you had only slept in one of Chris's shirts and some panties. You paused to pull the shirt up to your nose and take a big whiff. It made you smile, but also miss him just a little more. One more month. He'd be home in one more month. That's only four weeks; better than 12 or 16, right?

You trudged downstairs, sloppily scratching your head, making even more of a mess of your bed hair. Nat heard you coming and twirled in her stool at her kitchen counter, "Merry Christmas, girly bean!" She jumped off and hugged you.

"Merry Christmas!", you hugged her back and then went to Bruce who was serving up a cinnamon roll onto a small plate. You smiled and hugged him as well, "Merry Christmas, Bruce."

"Merry Christmas, (Y/N).", he grinned and handed you the cinnamon roll.

Your eyes got big, "Ooh! This looks so good."

Nat piped up, "Bruce made them... From scratch!" She put a torn piece of roll in her mouth, and then licked her sticky fingers and hummed. "So good, babe."

"Honey,", Bruce replied, "don't seduce me now, we have company... And presents to open."

You and her both chortled and he winked at her.

After the delicious cinnamon roll and a big glass of milk, the three of you got cups of coffee and went to the living room to start ripping into gifts. Nat and Bruce gave you a limited edition nail polish collection that you'd been eyeing. You didn't do nails for a living anymore, but you still loved doing your own. You had gotten them both DVDs and some cozy robes. You also bought Nat a cute sterling silver bracelet made from links of Xs and Os. There were gifts to the others in the group, but those would be divvied out later at Tony and Pepper's for Christmas Dinner.

You opted to open Chris's gift to you last. As excited as you were to see what it might be, you always tried to save the best for last with anything and his gift you were sure would mean the most to you this year, simply because it was from him.

You started peeling off the packing tape of one edge with Bruce and Nat looking on, beaming like they could hardly contain themselves. Inside that box, was another, more decorative, sliver box with green Christmas tree shapes on it. Once you opened the flap, you got a stronger smell of his cologne and you could see a fluffy, burgundy knitted fabric. You pulled it out gingerly and on top of the rolled item was what looked like heather gray socks, but bigger. You lifted them to see that they were in fact socks... thigh high socks. You actually had another pair of thigh high socks in black that you had worn once before. You wore them when you wanted to wear your pajama shorts, but it was too chilly in the house to have bare legs. Chris had teased that they were developing holes in the toes and you mentioned that you needed to get new ones but they were hard to find.

"Oh, those are sexy.", Nat teased.

You just stuck your tongue out and went back to the other item. You unrolled the large fabric tube by holding it by the end and lifting. As it unrolled you could tell that it was an oversized cardigan and it was so soft. When it was unrolled completely, you heard a tiny knock on the hardwood floor. You put your hands and the cardigan in your lap and peeked over the edge of the couch. There next to your foot was a small box. As you reached to pick it up, you glanced at Bruce and Nat, bewildered.

They just grinned at you like idiots. "Well, open it!", Nat cried, putting her hands out excitedly.

You found yourself getting nervous as you pulled the small lid upward from the nested bottom piece. In the lid was a note, with simply your name scrawled on it. It was folded to fit perfectly snug against the inside of the lid. In the box itself was a ring box. Your heart skipped a beat and you swallowed hard, glancing at your friends uneasily. You picked the note out of the lid and unfolded it to read it.

My Dearest (Y/N),

When I left we both made a promise to each other; you to wait for me and I to come home to you. Now, I am asking you to only wear what's in this box if and when you're ready to make another promise to me; to be mine... For us to be together. I'm already yours, sweetheart, but I don't want to make you feel like I'm pushing you anymore. Now you have a definite way to tell me you're ready, if that time ever comes.

Call me after you open this; I'll be waiting.

Merry Christmas, baby.

All my love,
Chris
XOXO

Your hands were trembling now as you tipped the box to let the ring box drop out. Your heart was aching with a longing to be those words he'd written-- to be his. But you also didn't know if you could yet. You reminded yourself that was okay, because he had said 'when you're ready'. Your unsteady fingers opened the hinged lid to reveal a thin and delicate gold band with a small heart atop it. The heart was inlaid with many tiny diamonds to make up its center. Your breath caught and you were lost in thought staring at it when Nat's low voice snapped you back.

"(Y/N)?"

When you turned to look at her and Bruce, they were both smiling reassuringly, but expectantly.

You finally spoke, "It's a promise ring." You handed the small open box her way. "He asked me to wear it when I'm ready to be with him."