Last Night
You and Chris got out of his car and you headed for the end of the driveway. He stopped and turned, confused, "Where you going?"
You pivoted to him and chortled, motioning up the street, "To get my car in the driveway and grab my bag."
He smirked, "You packed a bag?" It pleased him to know that you were prepared to stay with him tonight.
You smiled a little, "Yeah."
He headed toward you, "I'll go with you; protect you from monsters." You laughed as he took your hand and you both walked up the sidewalk to your car two houses down. It's was only just after 10:30 at night, so there were still lights on inside houses, glowing TVs visible in some windows. "I'd do it for you,", he explained, "but even though I'm nearly sober, I'm probably still", he made a quote sign with his free hand, "'technically' drunk."
"It's okay, Chris.", you curled your free hand around his forearm and laid your head against his shoulder. He kissed your head and hummed.
Once you got the car in the driveway, Chris got your bag out of the trunk as you came to the rear of the car. He handed you the bag as you spoke, "Can I ask a favor?"
"Always, hon.", he closed the trunk and looked to you, shoving his hands in his pockets.
You looked up at him shyly, "I don't need you to,", he hitched his head forward as if to urge you to just say it. You finished your thought, "Will you carry me?" You really missed him carrying you after a night out. Even when you weren't plastered, he had often done it anyway. He loved taking care of you... And taking any excuse to hold you.
He grinned ear to ear, "Yes." He lunged toward you, bent over and hiked you up over his shoulder.
You squeaked, then grunted as he chuckled and headed toward the house. Every time he carried you this way, he wanted to smack your ass, but reminded himself that it wasn't appropriate or respectful; he had to wait until you were his.
"Chris. Not like this.", you groaned out.
He stopped on the lawn, "Oh, like this?" He spun around once, quickly.
You squealed, held onto him as well as you could manage in the awkward position, trying not to lose grip on your small bag and giggled, "No."
He walked back to the car and you asked, confused, "What are you doing?"
By the time you were done with your question, he was were he had picked you up. He set you down gently and straightened, brushing your hair off your face with his fingertips, "Starting over.", he smiled down at you and then scooped you up into his arms.
You put an arm around his neck and rested your forehead against the side of his neck as he strolled toward the house, taking his time enjoying holding you. He was so warm and you felt so safe; you were going to miss this... Miss him... Miss his touch, the security of him. You felt nervous now about him leaving. When you stayed at Nat's over the last week, you could go to him anytime you wanted, but once he left tomorrow, you didn't have that choice. The thought caused a twisting in your stomach. As he reached the top of the porch steps, you tightened your hold on him. He stepped to the door and kissed your forehead in response to your gesture.
He set you down gently and put a hand around your waist, holding you close to his side while he went to fish his keys out of his pocket, but before he could, you held out yours. He took them, "Oh, thanks, sweetie." He unlocked the door, handed you back your keys and guided you in with a hand at your lower back. You flipped on the light switch as he shut the door behind him. You put your keys in the small outside pocket of your bag then set it on the floor against the wall near the door. You both removed your coats and hung them.
You turned to head for the kitchen when Chris grabbed your hand and spun you, pulling you to him. Taken completely of guard, you collided with his muscular front with a light thud, causing you to let out a sharp breath. His hands were on your waist now, him staring down at you intensely. Your hands had ended up on his shoulders. Your heart was beating fast, your breath increased a bit. You were so taken aback you couldn't even think straight enough to think of what to do next, so you just waited... Waited to see what he would do.
He waited a beat and then placed his forehead against yours, his breath was slightly labored as he started stepping forward, walking you backwards, slowly. He was testing the waters again, but he was going full tilt to do so this time. He was leaving tomorrow and he had to try one more time before he left you. He was giving you every opportunity to show him that you were ready... Ready to finally let him call you his. He wouldn't kiss you, but he would make the situation as conducive as possible for you to make a move. He continued moving forward as if to trying to get closer to you than was actually possible; begging silently in his head for you to finally let him in, 'Please, baby, kiss me... Please.'
You were starting to tremble, every muscle starting to feel weak at his dominant presence. You wanted to give in, you wanted him to kiss you... But you couldn't let him. It didn't feel right. You felt confused... torn... and it pained you. You wanted this, but that pull somewhere deep inside... That pull from Sebastian's memory bringing you back to the love you lost... It wouldn't let you yet. Your eyes started to well up slightly with tears from all the contradicting emotions swirling inside you.
You pushed your hands gently against his chest and tilted your head to one side and back, just enough to break the contact with his forehead, "Chris..."
His head fell slightly as the loss of contact with yours and he then lifted it to look at you. When he saw the tears in your eyes, his face twisted in regret, realizing that he had probably just thrown you into a state of confusion and internal conflict. "Oh, sweetheart,", he enveloped you in his arms, "I'm sorry. I just-", he sighed. "I'm so sorry." 'Quit pushing her so hard, Chris. You're gonna push her completely away one of these times.'
Little did he know, you weren't going anywhere. You just needed to work through all these feelings that were keeping you from moving forward. You wanted to let go of the guilt you felt anytime Chris touched you or spoke to you intimately. You wanted him, but you wanted to be able to give him more of yourself than just whatever Sebastian didn't still have a hold of. You would always keep a place in your heart for Sebastian, but Chris deserved more than a minuscule portion of your love; he deserved more than the tattered scraps left over from a love lost. He deserved all of you, all of your attention and affection whenever you were with him. He deserved your total and complete presence whenever your were together... And you just couldn't give him that yet.
His cheek was against your head as he stroked your hair, "I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I'm making things so much harder for you. Please forgive me. Will you still stay? Though, I'll understand if you don't want to."
You pulled back to look up at him, resting a hand gently on his cheek, his eyes searching yours as you spoke, "Chris. You haven't done anything wrong for me to forgive you for, honey. I just need time."
His eyes closed softly, his heart swelling at you calling him that as your hand dropped back down against his chest. He really needed to hear you say that he wasn't doing anything wrong, because he almost always felt like he was when he tried to get closer. He opened his eyes, nodded and kissed your forehead. He took you into his arms tightly and put his cheek on your head again.
"What time is your flight?", you asked, your cheek against his chest.
His voice rumbled against your ear as he answered, "5:30 PM."
"We should stay in bed, talk, watch movies and cuddle all day tomorrow until you have to get ready to go."
He chuckled out a soft breath and nodded slightly against your head, "I love that idea." He released you and went to the door, bent over to grab your bag and then returned to you, taking your hand. He led you to your room, kissed your head and handed you the bag. He left for his own room to get ready for bed.
You changed into the tank top and pajama pants you had brought to sleep in. You got out your toothbrush and waited in the kitchen while Chris was in the bathroom. When he opened the door, he headed for the fridge to get you each a bottle of water. You went for the bathroom with your toothbrush and paste. You smiled softly at each other. As he passed you, he placed his hand on the side of your waist opposite him and let your movement away from each other drag it across your stomach lightly. It gave you butterflies and you giggled quietly. The small sound made him grin as you both looked over your shoulders to glance at each other. He was wondering if he would ever be able to touch your soft skin under that clothing again. He had only done it once before in casual contact, but it left him wanting more for such a long time.
Once you brushed your teeth and went to the bathroom, you joined Chris in his room. He was waiting in the bed, covers open for you on the side of the bed opposite him. He was propped up on pillows against the headboard and had the lights off and the TV on, watching a sitcom. He looked at you once you came in, hitching up one side of his mouth, "Hey. I missed you."
You crawled into the bed and settled in against his side, "Missed you too." You rested your head on his chest and tried the memorize the sound of his heartbeat; it would be gone for a long time once tomorrow came. He kissed your head and lightly raked his fingertips through your hair for a long while as you both watched the show. His touch was so relaxing that you were out within minutes.
Early the next morning, you woke up to Chris's movements jostling the mattress slightly as he rolled away from you. It was still mostly dark, only a hint of light starting to chase away the night. You had been nestled tightly against his chest. The sudden absence of his warmth against your front and his arm around you left you cold. You whined quietly at the chill after he had stood and looked out his bedroom window through the blinds, "Shit, it snowed last night. No wonder it's cold in here." He turned to you and hiked the blanket up to your chin and tucked it around you tightly. He headed for the bedroom door, "Just a second, sweetie, I'm gonna turn up the heat." He padded out to the living room and turned the thermostat up a few more degrees.
You heard the heater kick on as his footfalls returned to the bedroom. He climbed back in the bed and pulled you close to him again, wrapping his arms around you, "I love my hardwood floors, but fuck they're cold in winter." He put his feet on yours and you shrieked in protest and jerked your feet away from his icy toes as you giggled. He laughed and spoke again, "I'm gonna have to snow blow today and spend some of our time doing it. Sorry, hon."
"I'll help you.", you mumbled. "It'll go faster if I do."
"You can't help me use the snow blower, weirdo.", he chuckled.
"We have a shovel. I'll use that."
He normally wouldn't let you help at all, but he wanted as much time as he could get with you. "I'll shovel, you can use the blower."
"You'll have to show me how to use it."
"Deal. Now, sleep, little beauty. We still got a couple hours." Since he couldn't kiss you, he brushed his lips back and forth against your forehead slowly and gave you a long kiss there before settling his head to sleep again. You nuzzled your cheek against his chest in response. He hummed softly and held you tighter.