The Plan
You woke up on the couch, your head cloudy from the emotional night before. You sat up and blinked a few times. You wondered if Chris was home when you heard the coffee pot being removed from the coffee maker and replaced a moment later. You then wondered what he had been thinking since what you said to him last night. He didn't really give you any indication before he left for his room. After a few moments of mustering up the courage, you headed for the kitchen.
Chris was at the table, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. You guessed he had already left and come back while you were sleeping since you guys didn't get a paper delivered. When he caught your movement out of the corner of his eye, he looked at you and nodded, "Morning.", he said flatly and went back to his paper.
"Morning.", you watched him for a beat before heading to the coffee maker yourself. You poured yourself a cup and went to the table sitting next to him. His gaze never left the paper in his hand. You started, nervously, "Chris. I'm really sorry I'm putting you through all this." His eyes started traveling around anything in front of him as he listened, but he didn't look at you. You took a breath and waited. When you got no response, you continued, "I just- I just need some time to figure out how I feel about everything."
He nodded, "I know. Which is why I'm gonna take the temporary transfer to Ohio that Tony offered me a week ago to establish a new office. I should be back in three or four months. I'll leave in a week." He downed the rest of his coffee and stood, leaving the paper and taking his cup, still not affording you even a glance as he headed for the sink.
Panic swept over you. What did he say?! He's leaving?! He's been the one thing that made everything feel tolerable, safe and now he's leaving?! The tears came quickly as you stood and stared him down with hurt in your eyes, feeling abandoned already. You could only manage a whisper, "What?"
"I think it's the best thing for us both, (Y/N)." He finally looked at you, his eyes regretful. "I don't think what we're doing here is healthy. We need some time apart." His thoughts continued, 'And it's killing me.'
You blinked out a few tears, you were desperate now, "Chris, you can't leave me." Your chest was heaving, "I need you."
He hung his head, shaking it and closed his eyes, "I've tried to be there for you." His eyes met yours again, "But you keep shutting me out. And you're not the only one who lost someone, (Y/N). I needed you too. I can't keep doing this. It's tearing me apart and it's just making you more confused."
You started really crying now. You couldn't think of anything to say. He came to you and hugged you. Even though you felt angry enough with him to punch him, you hugged him back, desperate to cling to him, for him not to leave you. He stroked your hair, "I really think this is the best for both of us, sweetheart. You can stay here if you want, otherwise, I'm gonna find someone to take care of the house while I'm gone."
You stepped back out of his arms. You went to your room, shut the door, slipped on your shoes, grabbed your phone and charger.
When you came back out and Chris saw you going for your keys and then the door, he followed, begging you, "(Y/N), please don't leave like this." He grabbed your arm just as you reached the door.
You jerked out of his grasp and opened the door, "I'm not the one leaving!", you spat through tears, walked out the door and slammed it behind you. You ran to your car blubbering, which luckily was behind Chris's in the driveway. You drove away.
Chris was left standing at the door, his chest heaving, his fists clenched.
He had been mulling over Tony's offer all week. He finally accepted after last night that some time apart would help you both sort through things. He knew it wasn't going to be easy for either of you for him to break his decision to you and explaning why. It ripped at his soul to feel like he was abondoning you and hurting you. But, the two of you just couldn't go on like this anymore, it was just making things worse. He felt like the only hope of saving your friendship and anything he could have with you beyond that required some time to think straight, for both of you. Even though he was trying to do the right thing, he couldn't help but feeling that he had just lost you anyway.
"FUCK!", he yelled out.
The phone rang in the seat next to you. You didn't answer it because you were driving. You were sure it was Chris. A moment later you heard the voicemail notification sound and kept driving. You didn't even know where you were going yet. You pulled over in a parking lot as soon as you could to finish crying and calm down. Your mother had always told you 'Don't drive upset.'
Once you were calm enough, you went to a motel for the day... And maybe even the night. You didn't know if you wanted to talk to anyone about this yet. You didn't even know what the fuck to make of it all. When you were at the front desk, your phone rang again. It was Chris... Again. You ignored it. You didn't want to speak to the most important person to you, who you felt just betrayed you and dropped you like a rock. Once you got in your room. You sat on the bed and cried so hard you could barely breath. You laid down, curled up into a ball and sobbed out loud to yourself, "Why does everyone keep leaving me?" The phone rang again, but you were so busy wailing your heart out that you hardly even noticed. Your crying quieted after a few minutes, but your breath was hitching every few moments as you just lay there like a limp pile of despair. 'What am I gonna do now?'
Your phone rang a fourth time and you blinked long at the shrill sound in the silence now. You sat up to look at it and it was Nat. You answered instinctively. "Hello?", you sniffed, trying to sound normal.
"(Y/N)! Are you okay?! What the fuck is going on?! Chris called me freaking out saying you stormed off bawling and that you haven't been answering your phone! Are you okay?! You've scared the shit out of us!"
You sighed. Great. "Yes, Nat, I'm fine."
"Where are you?"
"In a motel."
"Which motel?"
"Nat, I'm not ready to be around anyone. I'm not gonna tell you where I am so you can come rescue me."
"Fine.", she said, a little pissed. "I won't come get you, but at least tell me where you are so someone knows, for safety's sake."
You were hip to her tricks of wordplay and semantics. "Don't send anyone else either. Especially Chris."
Her voice was calmer now, "(Y/N), listen to me. I know you're really, really hurting over this. But he loves you and he's just trying to do what's right for you both. He told me vaguely what's going on. That the two of you really can't tell which way is up with each other and that it's pushing you both apart. You aren't going to be alone. You have your other friends. You can even stay here if you want. It's just a break period, okay? I think he's got the right idea. You both need to sort yourselves out without the distraction of worrying about the other."
"Did he tell you that he loves me?"
"Well, no, but this is me you're talking to; I can read people like books. He's head over heels for you. He'd do anything for you... Like what he's decided to do now. Do you really think he wants to leave you, in that house, by yourself while he's states away? He doesn't want to be away from you at all, (Y/N). I've seen how he feels for you for a long time... Even before you were with Seb."
You bit both your lips into your mouth at the mention of Sebastian... And her admittance of seeing Chris's love for you.
She continued, "And you love him too, (Y/N)."
You choked on a sob.
"Don't you?"
You kept biting your lips for a beat and then nodded, immediately realizing that she couldn't hear a nod. Or maybe she could... It's Nat. You whimpered out as you were crying again, "Yes." You sniffed and wiped at your nose, "But, Nat, what if him leaving makes what we do have fall apart beyond repair? I'm so scared of that. And I would miss him like hell. I already lost a baby... And Seb. I don't know what I'd do if we never fit into each other's lives again. And I feel like even feeling that way towards Chris is disloyal to Seb."
"Baby," her raspy voice cooed over the line, "all Seb would want is for you to be happy, no matter what that means."
You squeezed your eyes shut and got painfully choked up.
"That's why you need a break though. You need to work through those feelings and come to terms with the fact that it's okay for you to have a happy life without him. In fact, it's necessary. Chris needs time because I'm sure being so close to you, so close to that chance that he could be with you, without actually being able to have what he needs to happy? I'm sure it's torture for him, hon. As far as the rest, it's always a possibility that things won't go well, though I think that possibility is ridiculously insignificant. But, if things keep going the way they have been, I think you're guaranteed to be driven apart."
You sighed heavily, your breath catching as you did.
She spoke again, "So, please, tell me where you are and then either come over here or go home to Chris. And call him. He's worried sick about you."
"Okay.", you agreed. "I'll call him and then come over to your house."
You told her where you were and disconnected the call. You took a deep breath to level yourself and dialed Chris. Your heart was pounding as it started to ring. He picked up after the first one.
"(Y/N)?!", his voice sounded like he'd been crying himself.
"Yeah."
"Thank God. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm safe."
"I- Wh- Where are you? Can I come see you?"
You started to cry again, "I- I can't."
His voice was pained, "Please don't cry, baby. I'm so sorry I hurt you."
You squeezed your eyes shut tight. His words and what he called you yanked at your heart painfully. He had never called you that.
He heard you sobbing softly and pleaded, "Please tell me where you are."
You whimpered through your crying, "I can't. If I see you again before you leave, it's just going to hurt even more."
"I don't have to leave."
"Yes, Chris, you do. You know you do and now, so do I. Just come back to me. I can't lose you too."
You could actually hear his love for you when he spoke, "I will, sweetheart."
He prayed that nothing would stop him from keeping his word to you... And that he could convince you to see him before he left.