“Come with me.”
“What?” Bucky said, with a raspy voice. It was three in the morning and he had just been woken up by Steve. Why would he be waking him up at three am? The room was dark and cold, and all Bucky could think about was how Steve had gotten into his room. “Steve, how’d you get into my room?”
Steve chuckled. He sat on the edge on Bucky’s small bed. “I picked the lock. I’m sorry. I just wanna go away.”
Bucky rubbed his eyes and straightened up. “What?”
“I mean I wanna go on a road trip. Come with me.” He was whispering, as though telling a secret.
“Now?” Steve nodded. So, Bucky got up from his bed, picked up a sweatshirt and a pair sweatpants. He didn’t question Steve. They understood each other. They understood that sometimes they needed to get away, and that sometimes they wanted to get away together.
They walked down the stairs, next to each other, in silence. They opened the door, and the air was cold and fresh. It made Bucky shiver. They sat in Steve’s car, a black jeep with used car seats, humming to Janis Joplin songs.
They drove in silence, for a few minutes, letting the wind touch their faces. They had done that a few times, going on unexpected road trips in the middle of the night. Steve and Bucky had been friends since they could remember, and no one knew about their adventures. It was their secret. When they were younger, they used to pretend that they were dating in front of their families and sometimes they’d kiss each other. Now, they just didn’t speak about it. It’s not that they were embarrassed, they didn’t just discuss it.
They were still close. Maybe too close, as some people thought they were a couple. Sometimes, Bucky would lie down on Steve while watching TV, and Steve would be playing with his hair. Sometimes, they’d be speaking too close to each other, and hugging for too long. When you didn’t know them, you’d think they were a couple. They didn’t mind, they just always said they were comfortable with each other.
Steve was the one who broke the silence. “Where do you wanna go?” He said, looking at him with one hand on the wheel.
Bucky glanced, with a lazy smile. He had just woken up from a quick nap. “The sea.”
So, they headed towards the sea. It was his favorite place, specifically in the morning. On their way, Steve made a few stops at some corner stores, buying water bottles and sandwiches. Steve hated them, but still bought them because he knew that, unlike him, Bucky loved them.
Steve parked the car and hurried out to open the door the Bucky. It was tradition for them. The one who was driving had to open the doors to everyone else in the car.
They walked slowly, arm in arm, towards the beach. They took off their shoes at the entrance. The sand was cold and soft under their toes. They walked for a few minutes along the water, sometimes letting it reach their feet. It was Bucky who lead them to a spot near the water to sit.
They lied on their backs, watching the stars shine. The night was cold, but they made each other warm.
“You alright?” Bucky asked. Bucky could feel that Steve wasn’t. Lately, he hadn’t been himself. He didn’t laugh at the stupid jokes their friends made anymore, and he always fell into silence at times he wouldn’t.
Steve simply shook his head, staring into Bucky’s grey eyes. “No.” He whispered. He broke the stare and continued looking into space. Bucky saw a tear from into the corner of Steve’s eye.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” He said gently, wiping the tear off the man’s cheek. The sound of the sea was overwhelming.
“I’m not with him anymore.” Steve’s voice broke. Bucky wasn’t going to say that it was the worst news he’d ever heard, because Steve’s boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) was a real jerk. Plus, Bucky kind of liked Steve since they were 15 years old.
Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand. “Okay,” he stood up on his elbow, “wanna talk about it?”
“I just don’t think I know how to be with anyone.” He answered quietly, staring at him. Bucky frowned. Steve did always like to make himself feel more miserable than he actually is.
“Don’t say that.” Bucky punched him on the shoulder lightly. “You know how to be with me, don’t you?”
Steve smiled and shut his eyes close, making tears roll off his cheeks. “Yeah, I do.”
*
So they drove back to Bucky’s apartment in silence, with the sound of the radio on. Bucky whispered gentle things to Steve as he left the car. “You’ll be okay. I know it.” He said, waving goodbye.
He entered his room, suddenly missing Steve’s presence, like always. When Steve walked into a room, everyone would look. He’d crack a joke, and everyone would laugh. He’d give people genuine compliments, even when Bucky couldn’t find one to say. He’d cheer people up even when he was feeling sad. He was what Bucky was missing.
*
It was a Saturday night when they all gathered at Natasha’s place. Bucky, Sam, Steve and Nat. They were all bundled up on the two small couches, watching Netflix. Sam and Natasha were invading each other’s personal space on one of the couches, while Bucky was lying down on Steve’s chest, between his legs, who were wrapped against his knees.
Bucky looked up at Steve, eyes surprisingly close to his chin. “You okay?” Steve nodded and smiled. “Wanna go?” Steve nodded one more time.
They got off each other, and then the couch. “Bye, guys.” The couple groaned and even threw them a couple of pillows, before accepting that they had to leave. They made their way onto the busy street, walking closely next to one another.
They stopped abruptly when they both saw a street deli at the same time. They glanced at each other, laughing. They both ordered giant sandwiches and decided to walk back to Steve’s apartment while eating them. They were getting weird looks by people on the street, as they were arguing with their mouths full about which movie should’ve won Best Picture during the Oscars. Their food was getting everywhere on the street, but they didn’t care. They were both very competitive.
Steve unlocked in door, leaving a mess of meat in his doorway. “I’m exhausted.” Bucky sighed, running to Steve’s room and jumping into his big, comfy bed. Steve laughed and jumped in too. They both lied down, panting.
After a few seconds of silence, they both turned their hand to face each other. Bucky curled up into a ball, staring. Steve licked his lips and touched Bucky’s jawline, sending him shivers. As Steve’s face was getting closer to Bucky’s, his heartbeat was accelerating. Their lips touched, when Bucky felt as though it was something he had been caving for since years. It felt right. It was a soft and light, like Steve. Their lips were chapped and the room smelled like meat, but it didn’t matter.
Steve broke the kiss, and looked at him silently. His dilated pupils felt like they were staring right into Bucky’s soul. “I left him, you know.”
Bucky arched a brow, not knowing what to say. “Okay.”
Steve edged closer to him. “I left him, because,” He stayed quiet for a small second, “because I like you.”
Bucky blinked, having to let the words sink in. “Okay.” He whispered.
Steve closed his eyes for a minute, when he felt a kiss very close to his mouth. He felt Bucky smiling, as he was kissing him. “Okay. Because I like you too.” He heard him whisper.