Comfort
It turned out Sam kept plenty of extra clothing in the Corps HQ, and she offered me a warm sweater and sweatpants. I gratefully put on the dry clothing, and by the time I returned, she'd already prepared a couple mugs of tea. She patted the spot beside her on the sofa.
The HQ was quiet, and the lighting dim. Arlo was already asleep, and Remington had left for patrol shortly before we arrived. Outside, the rain still poured, and the sound of it against the roof helped soothe the anxiety still picking at the edges of my mind.
“You don't have to talk about it, but I do need to ask if you were hurt, physically I mean.” Sam started cautiously. I shook my head, and she relaxed against the back of the couch.
“Great. That's all the official stuff out of the way - now I'm asking as your friend: what can I do to make you feel better right now?”
I blinked at her. Then there was a hitch in my chest. And suddenly I was sobbing into her shoulder, her warm hands rubbing my back as I cried it all out. I tried my best to keep it quiet, not wanting to bother Arlo, but Sam assured me he could sleep through anything, especially on rainy nights.
Eventually I managed to regain my composure. I had slumped so far against Sam that at some point I'd ended up with my face against her stomach, body mostly in her lap. She was still stroking my back.
“Sorry,” I murmured. She flicked the back of my head.
“Don't you be sorry for having emotions, J. Besides, I like having you in my lap like this, it feels nice.” She replied. I tensed, and she must've realized exactly how she'd said that, and started stuttering apologies.
“It's okay, I know.” I stopped her, and both of us were laughing. Eventually she seemed to remember I’d been upset.
“Are you ready to talk about what happened now?” Sam asked gently, and I sighed, nodding.
“Miner Variant.” I grumbled. Sam didn’t say anything, but I felt her freeze. I looked up at her, and was shocked to find an expression of guilt.
“I know it wasn’t human. I know it wasn’t human. But fuck, it was playing with a toy and laughing and if I hadn’t tripped I could’ve just run away but the nail- it caught on my boots and I caught it’s attention and and-”
The anxiety, the sorrow, it was all back. Swirling dangerously around my mind and locking up my lungs. I collapsed into Sam’s lap again, and she held me through the resurgence of my panic.
“Journey, I’m so sorry,” Sam whispered, and I barely caught it over my own sniffling. Anger flashed briefly along with the other emotions, but it faded quickly. Sure, Sam didn’t warn me just like the other Corpsmen, but here she was comforting me after. I couldn’t possibly be angry with her.
“Y-you didn’t- You didn’t know-” I tried to reassure her, even in my own despair, but she carded her fingers through my hair and my train of thought crashed.
“Even still, it’s our job to protect the inhabitants of Portia.”
“I can handle myself!” I protested.
“I know, but we should’ve prepared you better. I guess since you’d already been in the mines, no one remembered to warn you about enemies you hadn’t faced down there during the rescue.” Sam reasoned. I huffed.
“Even if, it’s not like I would’ve been much better off, so it doesn’t matter.”
I wasn’t sure what to expect after I spoke the words, but Sam’s grip on my hair tightening wasn’t it. Surely it wasn’t on purpose, but it sent a shiver down my spine and a bolt of interest farther down. I was suddenly extremely grateful to be laying on my stomach.
“It does matter. You matter. To me.” Sam eventually said. It seemed she was struggling to find the words, and I wanted to look up at her to parse her expression, but her hand still rested upon the back of my head and my cheek was still pressed against her belly. Even when I tried to sit up, the slightest movement had her increasing the pressure just slightly, holding me down.
My brain, already frazzled from the whole ordeal with the monster, scrambled to rationalize Sam’s actions as platonic, even as she hadn’t given any other indications otherwise.
“Sorry… I just, I completely understand what happened to you, because it was pretty similar for me the first time. And I hate to see any Portian upset over something, especially you. You’re always so put together and brave. I hate to think it’s at all my fault that you had such a bad experience.” Sam’s voice was quiet, almost monotone, as she spoke.
“Blaming yourself won’t change what happened, Sam.” I replied gently. She seemed to stiffen as though she wanted to fight me on it, but eventually just slumped against the arm of the couch and continued petting my hair. I did notice she still wasn’t letting me up, and I was starting to wonder amusedly who was comforting who anymore?
“I guess…” She sighed.
Silence settled over us, and I felt exhaustion pulling at my mind again. Rather than try and go home, I decided to let myself relax into my friend and fall asleep, her fingers trailing over my auburn hair.