Bucky and Steve were having dinner at Sam Wilson’s house. According to Steve, Sam had been interested in cooking since they knew each other in middle school. Bucky was kinda jealous of Steve for having someone stick by him for so long. Bucky never had that, he had to put up a cold front, defending himself alone, for so long, that it became a part of him. Being homeless for awhile kind of hardened you up, strengthened your will power, learning the cold hard truth that humans are shit. But maybe that’s just Bucky. (All humans except Steve of course, and maybe Sam. Maybe.)
Sam cooks really well, owns his own restaurant downtown, in fact.
Both Bucky and Steve chuckled at a joke Sam made, (funny and a great cook? Why did Bucky choose Steve again??), and Bucky felt his face soften as he looked at Steve, glowing with pure bliss and crinkled eyes. Bucky loved him so much, but Steve already knew that though. He stretched his neck and nipped at Steve’s earlobe, but the reaction he got made his heart plummet three feet underground. Steven stiffened, and pulled away. Steve pulled away. From him. What the fuck. Steve loved having his earlobe played with. What the fuck just happened. But Steve continued talking as per normal, as if he didn't just pull away from Bucky. Bucky could handle getting rejected by anyone but not Steve. Especially not Steve. Bucky handed over his heart to Steve a long time ago, and he knew he could get badly hurt. Bucky fiddled with his ear piercing, and started closing in on himself, pressure building in his chest. To Bucky, the best way to protect is to conceal. He slipped on his 'mask', preventing his feelings from getting known to the word. It felt so familiar yet so foreign.
The rest of the dinner went by the same way. Whatever affection Bucky showed to Steve, Steve ignored and the most he got out of him was a small smile. That's all. That shouldn't have made his cold heart crack but it did, allowing a little light to shine through.
Saying their goodbyes to Sam, Steve and Bucky headed to the curb and called for a taxi. Yes, Steve was well off but he didn't like driving because it polluted the environment. Angel. Bucky sat as close to the door as possible, keeping his hands to himself. They settled into a comfortable silence after Steve told the driver where to go.
Upon reaching their apartment building, the panic sat in, impending doom looking right in front of Bucky. He decided he couldn't handle staying in the same lift as Steve, in such an enclosed space with no place to run or having no ability to fight back (his heart wouldn't allow that), Steve could hurt him so badly. It felt like he was back to his old self, filled with self hatred and doubt. He hated feeling like that. Hated Steve for bringing him to the light, for showing him what it was like to love someone so much you’d do anything for them. He rushed up to their apartment himself, leaving a confused and worried Steve behind. In the lift, the pressure in Bucky’s chest was too much so he allowed a few tears to fall, staring at his reflection in the mirrors all over the lift. Black tattoos crawled up his neck, black tattoos crawled up his arm, black, like his heart. He didn't deserve Steve. Maybe tonight was the night Steve finally noticed how amazing he was and how much better he could do. Maybe tonight was the night Steve was gonna let Bucky go.
Bucky couldn't handle it, whimpering at the thought of a life without Steve. His throat hurt, trying to control his tears. His eyes burned, but nothing compared to the pain he felt on his heart. No, it wasn't a sharp pain that came then went. No, it was a dull, aching throb that seemed to get more and more painful. Fuck. Stop being pathetic and have some faith in Steve.
He tried containing himself but it didn't work. Once his self doubt came, it was like a wave crashing in, nothing can stop it, washing away whatever positive thought he had before.
The lift dinged and Bucky hurried into the apartment, grabbing an oversized shirt and boxers, before heading into the bathroom. A few minutes after he relaxed into the warmth of the shower, there was a banging on the toilet door.
“Bucky! Are you okay? What's wrong?" The banging became incessant as Bucky prolonged his reply. He took in a deep breath, snorting in a little water with it. Ow, fuck, hurts. Why does water going in the wrong pipe exist. Fuck. “BUCKY. I WILL KNOCK THIS DOOR DOWN RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T ANSWER.” He really didn't feel like answering, wanted to hurt Steve like he hurt Bucky. But Steve was Steve, too precious for the world, his little angel. Nobody hurts his angel. Nope.
“I'm breathing, I'm fine, leave me alone.” Bucky called out lamely.
“You are not okay and I'm not gonna let you wallow in there. Come out here baby, I wanna see you.”
Bucky melted and hated himself for that. He dried off and put on the clothes he brought in, and slipped out of the door sulkily after hanging his towel on a hook beside the door. Steve was standing right outside. Seeing Bucky, he quickly grabbed onto Bucky’s shoulders and looked into his eyes. “What happened out there, man? Tell me.”
“I don't wanna talk about it, okay?” Bucky avoided Steve’s gaze, thinking that if he avoided the subject, the break up wouldn't happen as quickly.
“Bucky, you gotta tell me what's wrong and not hide everything inside okay?” Steve looked worriedly into Bucky’s eyes, searching for clues for his behavior.
Bucky wrapped his arms tightly around Steve, but Steve unwrapped them (a shot to Bucky’s heart) and looked hard into Bucky’s eyes.
"Please don't leave me?" Bucky murmured, looking at Steve's delicate collarbones.
Before Steve had a chance to reply, he continued on.
“I know you don't love me like I love you. But I'll accept that, Steve, cause you're that precious to me. But please don't pull away from me, please don't avoid my touches. I will never hurt you. You know my past, you've watched me turn over, you know how hard it was to transition so you know I'm not going back. You know my heart hurts easily, and simple gestures can either make it so full or completely deflate it. Please don't avoid my touches, please don't leave me. Tell me what I did wrong, Steve? I'll do better next time. I love you.” Bucky had tears streaming down his face, he knew he probably looked pathetic as fuck.
Steve’s eyes widened, and he stuttered, “w-what?” Bucky sighed in return, looking down at the wood board floors, “Just now, at the dining table at Sam’s place. Tried kissing and touching you but all you did was turn away, did I say or do anything you didn't like?"
“Oh Bucky, I'm so sorry I hurt you shit. I should have prepped you before. Fuck. Please don't be anyone but yourself. That's who I fell for. ....Sam is a gossip King and he'll tell everyone he knows about us and they'll keep teasing me, it gets pretty bad. I'm so sorry.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, messing up the already windswept hair.
Bucky’s heart broke, shattered into a million pieces, spilled all across the floor.
“You don't want people to know that I'm with you?”
“NO. No. I can't word stuff properly.”
Steve quickly knelt down at Bucky’s feet, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s thighs and squeezing them. He can't help himself honestly, those thick thighs, he just wants Bucky to smother him with them. With his face in Bucky’s …. Crotch.. he murmured, “I'm so sorry. Sam will tell his friends, which are also my friends, and when we all meet up, they'll keep teasing me about it. It goes hard and wild and it'll never stop. They're heartless bastards and I don't know why I'm friends with them. I-I'm sorry, I can do better. I will do better. Fuck what they say, I'll smother you in kisses whenever I want to.” Steve nudged his head against Bucky’s cotton clad cock. “And suck your cock whenever I want to.”
Bucky’s cock hardened a little but he was a little too happy to be horny right now. Sunlight slowly filtered into his just darkened heart, illuminating it. His face lit up like a kid in a candy store, and he knelt down in front of Steve, giggling when Steve pouted at the lost of Bucky’s cock in his face. Bucky nuzzled Steve’s neck and murmured, “I know I hurt a little too easily but I love you so much. I thought you were gonna break up with me tonight, I've never seen you act this way before.”
Steve’s hands ran cold, and he fervently said, “Never hurting you Bucky, your emotions are yours, never feel as if you aren't entitled to feel. Do whatever you want, I love you. I'm never gonna leave you baby boy, never. Please don't ever think that.” There was a short pause, then Steve’s mouth curled upwards, “Unless it's for teasing you, I will leave you lying helpless on the bed, or kneeling on the floor, while I go do my art, and watch you writhe and pant for me. That's the only thing I'll leave you for.”
Bucky’s pupils dilated, cock hardening further as he pushed Steve, pulling his legs out from beneath him so that he was lying on the floor. Bucky sat on his crotch area, rotating his hips a few times, feeling Steve’s cock hardening against his ass. He put both hands on Steve’s nipples and toyed with it over the material of his shirt. Pulling Steve’s shirt up, he licked at the muscles on the stomach. He slowly brought his lips up to Steve’s, giving Steve his best set of bedroom eyes, and groaned, “Okay Daddy, wanna ride you now. Wanna cum all over you and feel your cum in me. Want it now.”
•
They were lying in bed, with Bucky on Steve, as Steve playing with his wet hair.
“You feeling better, baby?" Steve questioned, still feeling a bit worried about Bucky, god, he can't believe he hurt Bucky.
Bucky smiled softly and hummed in reply, lethargic from making love to Steve. He topped, so.
Steve carried Buck up, with Bucky hanging off the front of him like a koala.
"Where're we goin' ?" Bucky nudged Steve's jawline with his head.
"Ice cream."
Bucky lit up, he loved ice cream. His thighs tightened around Steve's waist as he gave a little jerk, excited. Oh, he loved Steve. He needed someone to squeal and giggle with him over Steve right now.
Steve tugged the freezer's door open, reaching in to grab a run of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Bucky was feeling sleepy but after that blast of cold air, not anymore.
Steve plopped the tub on the table, and washed a spoon, all with a icky hanging off him. Bucky smiled, Steve was so strong ohmygod. Any other guy would have broken their legs or something, having another grown muscular mass hanging off them like that. Not Steve, precious lil baby to protect.
Steve sat Bucky on his lap, and fed Bucky a spoon of ice cream. Vanilla, his favorite. Steve had his hand around Bucky's waist, rubbing up and down over his stomach and chest. It was so soothing, Bucky loved it. He felt as if he was floating, in utter bliss, encompassed in Steve, Steve, Steve. Bucky loved being taken care by Steve, having someone to be dependent on for awhile. Amazing experience, 10/10 would recommend, if he had any other friends.
Bucky felt a cold, wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek, giggling at goofy Steve. He was right where he wanted. Nothing more.
Bucky bit his lips, thinking to himself: everything’s gonna be alright.