You Can Tell Me When It's Over If the High Was Worth the Pain
In the weeks that follow her transformation Skye learns to live again. For the most part. Coulson protects her, her and May work out a new training that adjusts to her powers so she can use them in the field. They begin to treat her more like a weapon, like a bomb that could go off any minute. As each day passes Skye begins to feel less like an agent and more like a prisoner. A feeling she never thought Shield could ever bing out. It's unsettling.
On the twenty second day since she became Gifted, she gets a report on her laptop. Another news feed confirming what she already knew, she knew the second day after what happened in the temple. Grant Ward's death. Shield reports confirmed that he went down like some part of her always knew he would, fighting. He took out nearly every single Hydra agent in sight, but there were just too many, even for him. Usually once a week a file will be sent out with the news, in case anyone missed it.
Skye tries not to think about it, she knew when she left him in that room there was a slim chance he'd survive. So she prepared herself best she could, focused on her new life now. During the day it's easier to throw all of the attention on work, on training, learning how to cope with her powers. She can make things shake, Skye is sure there's a better term for what and who she is, just hasn't found it yet. But at night is a different story.
Ward meant something to her once, he was the most important person in her life. She trusted him, gave herself to him. She loved him, and no matter how hard she tried that couldn't just go away. Ward always had a piece of her, no point in denying that now. He got under her skin with a hesitant smile, a tickle spot behind his ear and his warm hands holding her close. Promising that no matter what the world wouldn't ruin what they had, he wouldn't let them.
A year later and everything is changed. She's different now, messy and fragile. And he's dead. So far the only time she's lost control of herself is when she first heard about what happened to him. Simmons and May didn't know she could hear them outside the module she was in. Skye listened as they whispered Ward would never be a problem again, that the traitor was finally dead and gone. Shield could breathe easier now. He got what he deserved.
She cracked. Something inside just snapped, her hands shook as did the room. Every glass product in range shattered, the lights above her went out. It took Simmons an hour to calm her down and in the end they had to give her a sedative. After that May put her in the shower and Skye just lost it. Sobbed into the warm water until it ran cold. All this time she claimed she wanted him dead, wouldn't mind seeing him bleed out in a dirty alley.
Hell she shot him, had every intention of letting him go. But this time is different. This time there were pictures of his body on the floor of that Hydra base, a pool of scarlet all around him. His face pale, eyes closed. He could of been sleeping, but Skye knows he wasn't. The thought of never seeing him again puts weights in her chest that haven't gone away. When she found out he was Hydra Skye didn't think it could get any worse, that he could no longer surprise her.
She always thought of him as the man who cheated death. Time and time again. Garrett taught him how to survive, how to crawl out of even the most terrible situations. But not this time. He lost. Late at night when she can't sleep Skye will cry into the sheets on the bed, praying that by some miracle he made it out of there alive. It's hopeless, she's seen the images and read report after report. He's not coming back. And if her heart wasn't already broken by Ward, it has been damaged beyond repair now.
''I'm worried about Skye''. Coulson tells May when she comes into his office. ''We all are. But she's trying, she's getting better''. ''I'm not talking about her powers May''. She takes a seat by his desk and frowns, ''what do you mean?'' ''I'm talking about Ward''. ''Phil you and I both know she hated him as much as we all did. No one is sad to see him go''. ''You know that's not true. You were there on the Bus when they were together, you know how much Ward meant to her''.
May sighs and crosses her legs. ''That was before''. ''You haven't noticed her nightmares? Her lack of appetite, how she hasn't been sleeping?'' ''I think that has more to do with her powers than Ward. Coulson she's going to be fine, she will get through this. Skye may have cared about him once but he lied to her, I can understand she might be upset over his death for a little while but she'll get over it''. Coulson takes a seat and opens his laptop.
''I think I need to take her out of the field. She's dangerous, unstable. You may not think Ward's death is taking it's toll on her but I do. Give it a few weeks in Fury's safe house and I'll let her come back. This way it's keeping her safe and the rest of the world''. ''Coulson she isn't going to like that''. ''It's her best option. Besides it will give her time to grieve, and she can't do that here''. May raises an eyebrow, ''since when do you care so much about Skye and Ward?''
''Since he died and my agent isn't herself. She needs this May, once she accepts what happened to Ward the sooner she can be my agent again. I need her back on her feet and her head in the game, her powers and Ward and Trip's deaths are slowing her recovery process down. We need her to find Cal, to help us with the new head of Hydra that's going to pop up soon now that Whitehall is gone''. May stands and nods, ''have to spoken to Andrew about this?''
''I have, Dr. Garner agrees with me. We'll get Skye out of here as soon as possible''. ''Yes sir''. Neither of them had any idea that once Skye got to Fury's secret cabin, they would lose her.
*
Skye sits quietly as she can, the wind brushing against her face. Rocks are digging into her back and the air is just on the edge of cold but she doesn't mind. ''I always love it up here too''. She turns to find Jiaying waling up the path with a smile on her scarred face. So many things have happened since Coulson dropped her off at Fury's safe house all those weeks ago. Gordon found her and told her about the Afterlife, a place where people like her live as one.
She didn't believe him at first, thought she was too much of a monster to deserve something like that. That changed when Shield started hunting her. In almost the two years she'd been with the organization she never had any doubts that they wouldn't protect her. Knew in her heart that Coulson wouldn't let anything happen to her. And while May informed her on that frantic phone call that it wasn't the Shield they know, it still hurt.
Gordon took her away after she killed a Shied agent, something she still on occasion has horrible dreams about. The Afterlife isn't terrible like she originally thought, there's people just like her who thought they were all alone in the world once too. Skye has also learned that Jiaying is her mother, which took time to process. All her life Skye has been searching for her parents and now she found them, Cal is here as wel, they had dinner the other night like a normal family.
She knows both Jiaying and Cal want this place to feel like home to her. She's apart of something bigger now, something more than just being a Shield agent. Skye is powerful, people are afraid of what she can do. The Afterlife is a safe haven, but it will never be home. Home is warm whiskey eyes softly closing at the touch of her hand. Home is a quiet laugh early in the morning as the sun rises and she refuses to wake up. Home is strong arms and a constant heart beat under her ear. A smooth jaw that whispered how much he loved her.
The heart that's no longer beating. And that home is dead. Skye has managed to deal with Ward's death in her own way, Shield wasn't helping. But her powers have. With a flick of her wrist she can channel all of her emotions into her hands, into the vibrations that move all around her. She can take everything that's heavy and sad and make it crumble into dust. Make her feel lighter, able to breathe easier. Make that rock in her chest lessen.
She still wakes some mornings with the sound of his voice lingering from a dream. Her fingers still drift across the sheets like they have for the past year, searching for him. Knows that she will never find him again. ''Time heals all wounds, you know''. Jiaying says as she takes a seat next to Skye, facing the mountain. ''No it doesn't. Just makes them easier to manage''. Her mother brushes a stray hair from Skye's face. ''You're thinking about him, aren't you?''
When Skye first came to the Afterlife Jiaying saw something in her eyes that was all too familiar. A grief so strong it was burying her. She thought it was about her powers, that Skye wasn't handling the transition well. Over time she expected that to fade, especially when Skye got a firm handle on who she was and what she can do. It didn't. And Jiaying realized after listening to nightmare after nightmare from her daughter, that there was something else going on.
Jiaying has experince in lost love, only difference is her's came back. Skye's won't. She learned that the man Skye loved died protecting her, saving her from Hydra. But the situation was more complicated than that. Her mother learned that Grant Ward played Skye, lied to her throughout their relationship. That while Skye loved him she also hated him, and treated him as such. Guilt eats away at Skye most nights, that she couldn't save Grant from Shield, from her, from himself.
''Trying not to''. Skye asnwers, glancing out at the sun blazing through the clouds. ''It's alright to miss him you know''. ''I know''. ''You loved him, at one point in your life he meant the world to you, there's nothing wrong with that''. Skye looks away and to her mother, a woman so strong, a savior to people like them. When she first learned that Jiaying was her mother, that she'd been alive this entire time the first person she wanted to share that information with was Ward.
On the Bus he supported her in the search for her parents, after he was Hydra he still promised her he'd help her look for them. He's the reason she found Cal. He'd be happy for her, she thinks, even if she doesn't deserve it. Skye wishes he was still here. Even when she pushed him away, hated him, hurt him in a way that would make most people never want to see her again or even want revenge, Ward never ran away from her. He was always there when she needed him, and Skye took advantage of that. She will regret it forever.
He told her someday she'd understand. Now she'll never get the chance to find out if that day will ever come.
''If you could go back, change things would you?'' Jiaying asks, placing a hand on Skye's shoulder. ''Maybe. Maybe I'd go back to that very first time I met him on the Bus. Tell him I know exactly who he is, save him from Garrett somehow. Maybe then I wouldn't hate him so much''. Her mother frowns, ''you don't hate him because he turned out to be Hydra, there's another reason''. Skye sighs deeply, ''yeah there's another reason. I've never told anyone what it is. Guess it doesn't matter anymore anyway''.
''Do you want to test your powers a bit more? That always seems to help''. Skye gives her a tight smile, ''sure''. While she is stretching her hands Skye thinks about Shield. The Afterlife feels right, like she's meant to be here. But she doesn't belong here, there's a difference. She's a Shield agent, is she going to go back? Something happened while she was at Fury's cabin, May mentioned it wasn't the Shield they knew. What does that mean? Did someone overthrow Coulson, if so who? She needs to get back to the real world and find out.
''How did training go today?'' Skye turns from closing her bedroom door to find Lincoln walking over to her. He grins at her, his blonde hair shimmering in the warm sun. Lincoln is nice, sweet, he's helped her with her transition. She doesn't feel like a monster anymore thanks to him. ''It went good. I moved a mountain again''. Lincoln gives her a high five and they walk the grounds of the Afterlife together. ''How's Cal today?'' Skye asks, notices how Lincoln tenses.
''He's asking for you''. ''Dinner was awkward''. Lincoln listens on as she tells him about the family dinner she's wanted since she was a child. All the while she thinks he shouldn't be listening. That someone else should be by her side, offering her advice and calm words as she gets worked up. But that someone is long gone. She will never see Ward again. She'd be a liar if she said that pained her in way she never could imagine.
*
''We need to find Skye''. Coulson, Hunter and Fitz are aboard a quin jet, miles away from the Playground. Gonzalez and his men sent a hunting party for Skye at Fury's cabin some weeks ago, she vanished. The Inhuman who took her they are unable to track. Coulson has no idea where she is. ''And how are we going to do that? Skye could be anywhere in the world. Coulson I told you you should of put a tracker on her''. He ignores Lance and pulls out Fury's tool box.
''We know that Hydra is tracking Gordon right? Which means we need to get inside''. ''And how do you intend to do that? All of our spies inside are gone''. Fury's tool box lights up the jet and Coulson swipes through the images. Fitz pales when a picture comes up. ''Grant Ward''. It's a younger version of himself, smooth cheek bones and all. Both Coulson and Fitz think of their days on the Bus, better days when they trusted him with their lives. When he was a brother, a son to them. They'll never get that man back.
''Sir Ward is dead. We saw his body, he died protecting Skye''. Coulson shakes his head, ''I don't think so. Ward wouldn't go down that easy''. Hunter and Fitz share a look. ''Coulson there's no way he could have survived that. We all saw the body, he's gone''. ''I have reason to believe he's not, that he faked his death''. ''What? Why? Why would he do that?'' Fitz answers, his voice shaking. ''To get away from Shield, to make us stop hunting him''. Hunter crosses his arms, ''okay let's say this theory of yours is correct, how the hell do we find him?''
''I have my ways. Besides if there's anyone in the world who can find Skye, it's Grant Ward''.
No one denies this.