Chapter 2
The goodbyes took hours; Billy was the type of person who had to say 'farewell' to rooms. He wallowed in the kitchen and sulked in the dining room; he took the loss of the living room particularly hard and had to sit and stare at nothing for a solid half hour. Teddy stood beside him the entire time, watching it all with a faint air of amusement.
"I'm going to miss you most of all, television," Billy said, rubbing his hand affectionately on the set. Teddy rolled his eyes.
"You're going to be coming back, you know."
"Not for six months at least. I've never been away from home for that long before."
Teddy shrugged, "You get used to it."
Billy thought that this comment should have been accompanied by some sort of comforting gesture, but Teddy did not oblige. Since Billy had accepted the offer from Princeton, their relationship had cooled mightily- at night, if they were together, Teddy would still pull close and initiate proceedings, but during the day they seemed to have become little more than friends. Billy decided to go over to his boyfriend and interlace his fingers. Teddy didn't object, but there was still none of the playfulness, none of the intimate energy, that had characterised their interactions before this. Teddy's hand was locked with Billy's, but for all the passion it conveyed, it might as well have been a mannequin's.
Two days before Billy was set to leave, he stayed the night at Teddy's. As per usual, Billy cooked, they watched the first half of a film and then gently made love on Teddy's sofa. However, that day, Billy found himself unwilling to go very far. Frustrated, they uncoupled and Teddy slipped back on his t-shirt. Billy looked over at him and then asked the question he'd been avoiding for months, "Are we going to break up when I go?"
Teddy, who seemed more engrossed in doing back up his belt than normal, answered "Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to limit you. You're going to meet some amazing guys at Princeton, who are way smarter than me."
"I just think you don't want to limit yourself."
They very rarely fought, and Billy was unused to delivering such vitriolic words, but the words had pushed themselves past his lips like vomit.
"Don't do this, we've only got two days left together-"
"Because you're breaking up with me!" Billy stood up, unsure what he was hoping to acheive with this action.
"You're moving to America." Teddy sounded remarkably calm.
"You told me to!" Billy's voice was high-pitched and petulant. He hated it but couldn't seem to change it back.
"Please, Billy, I just want to enjoy our last night together." His voice was still enervatingly level, but Billy thought he detected just a hint of ruefulness.
"Are you going to see other people?"
"Probably. In time." He cracked a smile and for a second Billy wanted to punch him, but then he said, "I doubt I'll find anyone I like half as much as you."
Billy stood conflicted for a moment, and then lay back down on the sofa, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and putting his head against Teddy's chest. "I shouldn't have said 'yes'."
"Don't be stupid; it's going to be amazing. You're going to have such a great life." This time, Billy was certain: Teddy sounded very sad indeed.
The day that Billy was leaving, Teddy had to work a shift at the café and so the Kaplan family drove to the airport without him, Billy melancholy and morose. The goodbyes this time were very brief indeed and Billy boarded the plane without having really taken in anything his family had said to him. He knew he wouldn't see them for just as long as he wouldn't see Teddy, but that didn't feel important. He looked out the of the plane window and realised that for the first time since he was fifteen, he was single, and that for the first time in his life, he was really alone.
He cried almost all the way to America.