“He says it makes him feel like a child… The man is 99 years old Clint, I just don’t think that puzzles and coloring books are going to magically fix him.” Steve had the phone wedged between his shoulder and his ear as he ascended the stairs to his apartment, both hands carrying large brown bags of food.
“You’re right… I’m sorry, I’m just, yes, frustrated. He looks miserable, he is so quiet.. he just.. isn’t.. Bucky anymore... I’m trying to be patient, I really am. I waited 70 years to see him, I’ll wait 70 more if it means I have him.” Reaching the door to his apartment, he placed the bags of goodies down on the floor in front of the door to dig his keys out of his pocket.
“Thanks Clint. I’ll let you know soon how everything goes. I’m back at home now… Yeah, you too.” Steve sighs as he ends the call and slides his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He ran a hand through his blond hair rubbed his hands over his face. He didn’t know what to expect on the other side of the door. But he trusts Bucky, he believes in Bucky.
Steve knew that he needed to stop acting like he was doomed to clean up over a destructive dog and remember that no matter how lost sometimes he was, on the other side of that door was his best friend in the whole world, the man who meant everything to him. It was Bucky.
As Steve was thinking about all of this, he realized that it was there was no sound coming from inside the room, which sometimes seemed worse than hearing a crash of something breaking, or the frustrated curses of Bucky. That sent chills down Steve’s spine. Steve always has a habit of thinking the worse when it comes to Bucky. He left, he was taken, his mind slipped again, all sorts of thoughts ran through the man’s head.
Steve unlocked his door, picked up his bags, and with a deep breath, creaked open the door to see what kind of scene he’d find.
Instead, he found nothing. Which immediately sent Steve into a panic. Everything seemed to be exactly the same as he’d left it some hours ago when he was called to a SHEILD meeting.
Steve’s ears burned and his fingertips turned to ice as he took in his environment around him.
There was a sound. A faintest little sound, that suddenly lifted every ounce of weight off of Steve’s chest and caused a smile to erupt on his face.
He quickly put the bags of groceries down and followed the rhythmic breathing. Just around the corner was a sight for sore eyes. At least, for Steve it was. Lying in front of a light fire burning in the fireplace was Bucky. His Bucky. All curled up in front of the fire. Sleeping oh, so peacefully; which was a miracle in its self.
Ever since Steve brought Bucky home, it seemed as if he never slept. Bucky would lie to Steve most of the time if he asked if he got any sleep last night. Bucky would usually say yes, but the bed is just too soft. Steve could always tell when Bucky wasn’t sleeping.
On more than one occasion, Steve has raced into Bucky’s room, nearly breaking the door down, hearing the terrified yells coming from his best friend.
Steve thought that comforting someone like Bucky in a time of distress would be a challenge, given the circumstances and the amount of affection Bucky has actually received in the last 70 years. Steve came to realize though, that after everything, his Bucky is still in there. Bucky still responds to Steve the way he used to.
“Bucky?! Hey Buck… Bucky it’s me man..” Steve would call as he ran into the dark room.
“S-steve?” Bucky croaked, panting and shaking. Steve quickly made his way to Bucky’s bed.
“Hey buddy. It’s me. I’m right here Bucky.” As soon as Bucky’s damp face hit Steve’s bare chest he began to sob. Steve had only ever seen Bucky cry twice in his whole life before this.
The first time was when Bucky was ten and his dog had died. Steve had excitedly skipped over to his best friend’s house. He was so excited to show Bucky a cool rock he had found the night before. He let himself in, as he always did, and made his way to Bucky’s room. Steve swung the door open.
“Hey Buck! You’ll never guess what I found!” Steve proclaimed as he burst in the room. That was when he noticed his best friend sitting on his bedroom floor, hands buried in his hands, heavy sobs escaping from behind his hands. “Buck.. What’s wr-“
“Get out! Get out of here Steve!” Bucky yelled at the small boy. Steve was so scared and confused. What had he done to the older boy to make him so upset?
“What? Bucky what’s-” Before Steve could even finish his sentence, Bucky had pushed the blond boy out of his room and slammed the door in his face. Steve sunk down the door and sat on the floor. He could hear Bucky on the other side of the door, sitting just as Steve was with his back against the door. It broke Steve’s heart to hear Bucky like that.
Steve had soon learned from Mrs. Barnes what had happened and she reassured Steve that it was not his fault. Steve and Bucky had never spoken of it ever again.
The second time was when Steve’s mother had died. Steve and Bucky were much older now. They knew that they were expected to be strong men who did not cry. Bucky was Steve’s silent hero that day. He stood by Steve all day, never leaving his side. He was Steve’s rock. Bucky, although visibly sad, never shed a tear, which helped Steve hang on to every ounce of strength he had, although he very understandable let out a few tears at the funeral. And when that happened, Bucky wrapped his large arm around the smaller boy’s shoulders and rubbed his arm soothingly, letting him know that it was okay.
It was not until that night that Steve really let it out. Bucky had walked Steve home and had only planned to stay long enough to see if there was anything Steve needed, although he really did not want to leave him, but figured he would need his space. He wanted to make sure that he did anything he could do for his best friend.
Steve sat down on the couch in the living area, and looked around for a moment. The house was so empty. Only the noise was the wood floor creaking under Bucky’s shoes. Steve just broke. Tears came pouring out of the blond boy’s eyes and sobs escaped his lips. Bucky was quickly at his side, arms wrapped around him. Steve buried his face in the larger man’s chest.
“Shh Stevie, it’s okay buddy. Everything is going to be okay. Let it all out.” Bucky cooed, softly rubbing his hand over Steve’s small, boney back.
“I miss her so much, Buck. S-so damn much.” Steve managed to choke out between sobs. This is what broke Bucky. Hearing his best friend, this boy who he had come to love so much, so hurt, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Bucky held Steve tighter to his chest. He never wanted to let him go.
“I know Stevie. I miss her too. But it’s going to be ok. I am here. I will take care of you. I promise.” Tears beginning to run down his face. He quickly sniffled and tried wiping the tears from his face, but it was no use. As soon as he’d wipe a tear away, many followed. Bucky kissed the top of the boy’s head as Steve continued to cry.
“P-please don’t leave me. Not tonight. I don’t know how to be alone.” Steve whispered. He looked up at his older friend, and for the second time since he’d known him, saw tears rolling out of Bucky’s eyes.
“Of course Stevie. I will be here as long as you need me.” Bucky bit his lip and whispered with a small, reassuring smile. With his thin, frail hand, Steve reached up and gently wiped the tears off his friend’s cheek.
In that moment, a new wave of affection had washed over Bucky. The kind of affection he had only felt a few times before with a couple of different girls from his school. The one’s who told him that he was handsome, that he would be a great soldier one day. That they loved him. Bucky knew that he had to shake this feeling off. Steve was just his best friend. That was all. His best friend that he loved so damn much. He was the boy that he would make sure nothing would ever happen to as long as he was alive.
That night, Bucky got what he considered the best night of sleep he had ever gotten. When he woke that morning he found his arms still wrapped around Steve, who was asleep on his chest. They had both past out on the couch but sometime throughout the night, they had found a comfortable sleeping position, which included Steve’s light body lying on top of Bucky.
Steve’s head was in the perfect spot to hear the rhythmic beating of his best friend’s heart. Steve felt almost like the beating of Bucky’s heart had sung him to sleep. Out of the nightmare he had been experiencing since his mother’s passing.
As Steve stood in front of the dark haired man, he took it all in. How peaceful Bucky looked, actually resting. He was lying on his stomach, hands tucked under his face. Steve crouched down to get a better look at this wonderful sight. He was wearing one of Steve’s hoodies, which even with Bucky’s large build, was still adorably baggy on him. Steve chuckled at the small pool of drool escaping Bucky’s mouth and restrained himself from wiping it away, inevitably startling the man and ruining this beautiful moment.
Steve then noticed the partially put together puzzle in front of Bucky. Bucky was still in the midst of his recovery therapy, and Clint had this wonderful idea of having Bucky put together puzzles while Steve is gone because it “works for his kids”.
Steve knew that Bucky was not a child, but decided to give it a shot anyways. Steve was willing to try almost anything that could help Bucky with his anxiety and memory recovery without people having to pry into his brain. He knew it exhausted Bucky when people were constantly trying to pick his brain.
Steve examined the puzzle. It was not finished, but Steve could tell that it was a black and white 500-piece puzzle of Time Square back when they were first in the war. It was beautiful, but not as flashy as it is today.
Bucky and Steve picked it out from the store just last week after Clint pitched the idea. Bucky wasn’t too thrilled about it, stating that he felt like he was being treated like a kid and not a grown man. Steve felt bad about it, but tried to get Bucky to understand that everyone is just trying to help. No one liked the idea of him being scared and alone when we were on SHEILD missions.
“I am not scared!” Bucky proclaimed a little too loudly, pulling himself away from Steve.
“Bucky.. it’s okay to be scared. You’ve been through a lot. No one is going to judge you for that.” Steve soothed and attempted at reaching for the man’s hand again.
“Don’t you dare, Steve. I am not a child. I am not stupid, and I am sure as hell not scared! I do not need a bunch of babysitters, Steve. I can take care of myself.” Bucky tried to walk away but Steve quickly snatched him back up, their bodies close. As much as Steve didn’t want to make a scene right there in the store, he wasn’t going to let Bucky be a jackass. Not back in before the war, not during, and not after.
“Hey! Now you listen to me right now. I am not going to let you storm out of here like this. I have waited 70 years to have you back in my life. And I will be damned if I am going to let your stubborn ass just walk away because you do not want to admit that the goddamn badass James Buchanan Barnes gets scared sometimes. I came out of the ice too, Bucky. I woke up in an entirely different century in an entirely different place and you know what? I was scared as hell. I can admit that. But with the help of the same people who are trying to help you, I got through it and here we are now. So were are going to buy a goddamn puzzle, and we are going to take it home, and you will put this puzzle together because I love you and I want you to be happy.” The last part came out as a whisper. Their bodies were so close now they could feel each other’s breath on their skin. Bucky bit his lip and released it slowly, tears starting to prickle at his eyes.
“I love you too you fuckin’ punk.” With that, Bucky kissed his best friend on his soft, pink lips.
Steve smiled into the kiss and kissed back, their hands intertwining. This was not the first kiss they had shared, thank god. Steve had waited far too long in the first place, in his opinion. Bucky knew for a long time that he had romantic feelings for Steve, but was always too afraid to act on them. When they grew up, something as scandalous as that could get you killed. But Bucky had come to understand that things were different now, maybe not perfect, but defiantly better than it was.
Steve smiled at the memory, thankful that he no longer had to hide his feelings for his best friend. As Steve went to walk towards the kitchen to put the groceries away, his shoe scuffed the wood floor. He immediately cursed himself because he knew the noise would wake his lovely sleeping beauty.
Bucky’s eyes flew open and he quickly attempted to scramble to his feet before realizing that is was only Steve who was in the apartment with him.
“Well good morning Sleeping Beauty. Taking naps in the middle of the day? What are you 99 or something?” Steve joked, his hands crossed over his chest.
Bucky blushed at the nick-name and yawned while trying to muster up an excuse to why he was asleep in the middle of the day.
“Well I- uh.. see I was just doing that puzzle and-” Steve interrupted him with a peck on the lips.
“I was just kidding Buck. It’s nice to actually see you sleeping. I know you don’t do much of that these days.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, not even trying to deny it.
“So, uh, how was your meeting? You went shopping, I see.” Bucky changed the subject walked towards the bags to help Steve put them away. Bucky quickly began unloading the bags, avoiding eye contact with Steve.
Steve placed his hand over his boyfriend’s, causing Bucky to look up at him. Steve brushed stands of hair out of his boyfriend’s face.
“Buck.. I know you’re not sleeping at night. You look exhausted. But just then, when I saw you sleeping. That was the most beautiful and peaceful thing I have ever seen.” Steve cupped a hand on the side of Bucky’s face and stroked his soft cheek with his thumb.
“I-I’m fine Steve. Really I am.” Bucky swallowed and looked down.
“You’re lying Buck.” Steve pulled the man’s chin up to look at him. “Tell me, what can I do to make this any better for you? I’ll do anything Bucky. Tell me what you need.” Bucky’s eyes look sad and tired. It broke Steve’s heart that the man he loved was so tired.
Bucky looked down again, embarrassed at what he wanted.
“I’ve been thinking.. and I uh.. I just.. I don’t know.” Bucky broke away from Steve’s gaze and grip. He turned around so that he was not facing Steve.
“Come on, Bucky.” Steve put his hands on Bucky’s back. He gently massaged the man’s shoulders before sliding his hands down his back to the hem of the large hoodie he was wearing. Steve slipped his hands under the cloth and felt Bucky’s smooth skin. Steve reached around the front and wrapped his arms around Bucky.
The warmth of Steve’s skin on his made him both smile and shiver. Bucky shook his head.
“It’s just.. remember when Sarah died and I stayed at your place? And.. and we fell asleep on the couch together right? Well.. I slept so good that night.. I know that sounds stupid because it was really sad, but honestly that was the last time in 70 years I remember sleeping that well.” Bucky had his eyes squeezed shut, not knowing what to expect from Steve.
“So.. you want us to sleep together? Like in the same bed? Or couch?” Steve clarified. They were taking things slow. Bucky was still healing and Steve was willing to give him all the time he needed to feel comfortable being close to someone again. Steve was just grateful they could be honest about their feelings and not have to hide it anymore.
“We don’t have to!” Bucky turned around to face the blond man. “I just mean, I like having you there, I mean, I really, really love having you at night Stevie. It helps. But, if you’re not ready for that, I mean, that’s okay too I just-” Steve pressed his lips against Bucky’s. It was a long kiss. But, not the type of long kiss that knocked the wind out of you and made you lose your breath, but more like the type that felt like you were filling back up. Like the kiss was actually putting life back into Bucky.
“I love it when you call me Stevie.” Bucky hadn’t even realized the nickname came out. He remembered that he used it a lot when they were younger, but it wasn’t something that had really come back into Bucky’s vocabulary until now.
Bucky smiled sheepishly and blushed. He looked down at their feet to try to hide the heat he felt creeping up to his cheeks.
Steve put a finger under Bucky’s chin and gently forced him to look into his crystal blue eyes.
“I would love it if we slept together every single night for the rest of my life. I just wished you had told me sooner.” Bucky smiled wide, the widest Steve had ever really seen him smile since he was back. “As a matter of fact, I am pretty worn out myself. What do you say you join me for a little power nap before we join the gang for dinner tonight?” Steve pulled Bucky close and peppered his face with kisses.
“Power nap? Who is the old man now?” Bucky joked. Steve just laughed and took Bucky by the hand. As they walked to Steve’s room, Steve began losing his clothes. Bucky blushed while trying not to gawk at him.
“What are you trying to pull Rogers? I though you said a nap?” Bucky crossed him arms and pretended to pout.
“Well I didn’t want to get my clothes all wrinkly!” Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve kicked off his boots as Bucky sat down on the bed. Steve surprised Bucky by jumping on top of him.
“So how do you prefer this thing? Me on top or you?” Steve wiggled his eyebrows at the dark haired man. Bucky looked away, trying his damn hardest not to blush again.
“Well kind of like this,” Bucky and Steve maneuvered positions until they were lying just as they were that night, although Steve is now much bigger than he used to be. But Bucky did not mind at all.
“I like this.” Steve breathed out after a yawn.
“Me too.” Bucky replied, stroking the blond man’s hair.
“Bucky?”
“Hmm?” Bucky replied, already falling out of consciousness again.
“I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Me too, Stevie. Me too.” Bucky held Steve tighter to his chest before drifting back off to sleep.