I Really Do Trust You

 
“Sir, Mr. Rogers is requesting entrance to the lab,” JARVIS said, interrupting Tony as he was trying to get the dent out of a piece of his armor.

“Tell him no,” he instructed the AI without looking away.

“I believe Ms. Romanoff has joined him, and is threatening to blow up the entrance.”

“Her I’m a little more afraid of,” Tony thought out loud. He spun around in his chair, trying to think of a good response. “Tell her the lab is the most reinforced part of the tower, and that I’ve hulk proofed it.”

“If I may, sir, that is inaccurate. The most reinforced parts of the tower would be the floors which the other Avengers reside in-”

“Yes JARVIS, astute observation, just convey what I said,” Tony barked, cutting him off.

“Of course, sir,” JARVIS replied. After that it was silent for a long time. Tony worked away at the armor, followed random improvements on the rest of the team’s gear. Eventually, when he went to get himself another cup of coffee, he realized he was out. He had the whole kitchenette and coffee machine for exactly the purpose of hiding out. Why did it have to fail him now? Defeated, he turned to the glowing blue monitor.

“JARVIS, updates on where the team is,” he said. JARVIS pulled up a camera feed from just outside the lab, where all five of his teammates were lying in a heap of blankets. Steve and Nat were sitting against the wall, talking quietly. Clint had started out sitting next to them, but had since fallen asleep on Thor, who was reading The Silmarillion which Tony had recommended to him earlier that week. Bruce was asleep at their feet, closest to the door. “Okay, perhaps not. What would be the most efficient place to blast a hole and escape through?”

“I do not think it is in your best interest to tell you that, sir,” came the British voice. Tony sighed in response, but made his way to the door all the same. The door opened as he approached, prompting four of his teammates to spring up instantaneously, while Bruce sat up more slowly, blinking away the light that flooded out of the lab.

“How long have you been out here?” Tony asked, cutting off the stream of his team apologizing and yelling and such.

“At least one member of the team has remained outside of the door for the past thirty two hours. Nine hours ago the team made the decision to spend the night outside your door,” JARVIS responded for them.

“Thirty six hours? How long have I-”

“Approximately 53 hours, sir.”

“Oh.” He turned to the team, kept his eyes trained on the floor. For a while they just stood there, the team expecting Tony to yell at them, and Tony expecting the team to do the same.

“Tony, when was the last time you slept?” Nat asked after a while.

“I was on my way to get more coffee,” he said, shrugging. Bruce, who had gotten up from the floor, stepped around him and surveyed the lab. The lineup of coffee cups explained it better than he could have, but JARVIS felt the need to supply an exact number.

“That would have been 54 hours ago, when Dr. Banner woke Sir up for breakfast.”

“Tony!” came the collective outburst of his team. He maneuvered his way through them, heading towards the elevator. Quickly the other five piled in after him.

“Have you eaten anything?” Steve asked. His voice was filled with concern, but Tony didn’t need to be babied.

“Look, Cap, I’m touched that you care, but I’m fine. I can take care of myself, contrary to popular belief,” he spat, stepping out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. As he headed towards the kitchen, however, the alarm blared. They had work to do.

“Tony, you can’t go,” Clint said, as Tony walked to the landing pad, where the suit began to attach itself to him.

“I’d really like to see you try and stop me,” Tony said, taking off. The team looked around at each other, sighing in defeat, and jumped in the quinjet after him. The source of the alarm was quite close to the tower, and when they arrived, the team was met by sphinx-like creatures attacking an NYPD precincts. There weren’t many, but their capability to fly made them less easily accessible to the grounded members of the team. Tony was already flying around over the building, shooting several out of the sky at a time.

“Iron Man, status report,” Steve said, jumping out of the jet onto the roof of one of the nearby buildings. The other four followed him, but Bruce opted to stay not green, seeing as they could handle it without him.

“You’re late to the party, I’m almost done here,” Tony replied, seconds before he was knocked out of the sky by a one of the last sphinxes.

“Tony!” Steve called. He didn’t fall far, just onto the roof of the precinct. Bruce was there within an instant, dragging a stumbling and uncoordinated Tony into the jet. Each of the Avengers were shouting into their comms, trying to get either Tony or Bruce to reply, but there was only silence. They jet took off in the direction of the tower, leaving the other four to finish up.

Five minutes later the remaining avengers burst through the elevator. Tony and Bruce were on the common floor, sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Neither of them gave any impression of noticing that their team had walked into the room.

“What the hell happened out there?” Clint was the first to shout. Bruce took his eyes off Tony momentarily, to glare at him, but didn’t say anything.

“We saw Tony get hit, and then you two just took off,” Steve added. “What’s wrong? You’re not hurt are you? Tony?”

Neither Clint nor Steve got an answer, but JARVIS began to speak to Tony, ignoring the others. “Sir, the date is September 19th, you are in Avengers Tower. Can you tell me what the Doppler Effect is?”

“Please, JARVIS, am I a complete idiot?” Tony laughed, his voice wavering. “As the source of light, sound or other shit that outputs waves moves towards you, the frequency of the waves increases, causing a change in the pitch or causes a blueshift in light.” His voice was very shaky, and as the others approached, they saw the genius curled up on the ground, gasping for breaths while Bruce ran a comforting hand through his hair.

“Very good, sir. What was the year that Einstein published his general theory of relativity?” JARVIS asked again.

“1915.”

“What is the Iron Man suit made out of?”

“Gold-titanium alloy, which is why the name is entirely inaccurate. Thanks J,” Tony said, his breathing becoming steadier.

“Of course, sir,” the AI responded, and then went silent.

“How are you Tony?” Bruce asked gently, the other standing around them, unsure of what they had just witnessed. He was still shivering slightly, but the panic had mostly subsided, and he just barely leaned into Bruce’s shoulder.

“Thanks Brucie,” Tony said, not answering the question.

“You should eat something,” he nodded, getting up to make Tony something to eat. Tony made an attempt at standing, but found that his legs gave out as soon as there was any weight on them. If that was from the recent panic attack, or from his lack of sleep, or lack of eating, he didn’t know. He fell onto the couch and wrapped his arms around his knees, not looking any of his teammates in the eye.

Nat grabbed a blanket from one of the chairs in the room, and sat down next to Tony. She put the blanket over the two of them, and put one of her arms around him. He leaned into her gratefully, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

“I’m sorry Tony. I didn’t know,” she whispered, but everyone in the room heard her. Tony started sobbing silently into his knees, while the other three in the room stood there, shocked by what was happening. Steve, for one, had no words. Nat had just apologized, something that she didn’t even do when she “accidentally” locked Steve in his room for a day after he ate the last of the best mac n’ cheese in the world, made by their resident genius, and Tony was openly crying.

Thor was the first to snap out of it, taking a spot on the couch beside Natasha. Clint recovered quickly after, taking Tony’s other side. He, of course, pulled the blanket that Nat and Tony were sharing over himself as well.

“Captain, move,” Natasha said coolly. Steve had never felt quite so afraid for his life, which was interesting because his occupation involved putting himself in life threatening situations almost daily. Instantly, he obeyed, and took a seat in the recliner to the right of Tony.

“JARVIS, play Inception,” Bruce said, returning to the room. He handed Tony a bowl of rice and vegetables, and a mug of chamomile tea to Natasha for her to hold until Tony could take it. JARVIS dimmed the lights in the room as the screen flashed to life.

“Bruce, has anyone ever told you that you are the best?” Tony said softly. A small smile tugged at his face as Bruce sat down on the floor by Tony’s feet. Twenty minutes later, Tony was fed and asleep with his head on Clint’s lap, and his feet on Natasha’s. Nobody dared move, for fear of waking the genius up.

“How long have you known?” Nat whispered, nudging Bruce softly.

“I suspected for a while, since we spent some time together after New York. I didn’t know until a couple of days ago,” he responded.

“Shit, the night we were doing the trust fall thing right?” Clint asked, putting his head in his hands. “I should have realized.”

“Yes, our friend Anthony needed our support to battle his demons, but was met with pressure from those he was supposed to be able to trust. We must make this up to him,” Thor said as quietly as he could. Still, Thor was a very loud person, and Tony turned over in his sleep.

“I’m confused,” Steve confessed, feeling like the others had been told a very vital part of the story while he was left out.

“Tony had a panic attack,” Nat explained. “When the feeling of panic caused by something kinda takes over. A lot of the time it makes you feel like you can’t breathe, or you’re detached from reality.”

“Triggered by falling. After New York, Tony’s mind connects falling to when he flew the nuke through the portal, and falling through space with the expectation that he was going to die,” Bruce continued.

“He probably has PTSD. It was called a lot of different things back in the forties,” Clint added quietly.

“I talked to the therapist he was forced to see after New York. She couldn't tell me much, but since Tony has all of us listed as family in his medical contacts, she told me she had diagnosed him with PTSD, but he had stopped seeing her before she could help," Bruce said, sighing. "He had a flashback today, which triggered the panic attack, and has been having nightmares.” He touched the genius’s hair softly. Tony looked peaceful in his sleep, unlike the previous time when Bruce had to wake him up from a nightmare.

“We must do everything we can to make sure Anthony feels better again. It is deeply troubling to see him so distraught,” Thor observed. The others nodded, and the guilt they felt strengthened a little.

“Why didn’t he tell us? Doesn’t he trust us?” Steve asked. All their heads snapped up to him, looks varying from discontent to being purely pissed off clear on their faces.

“I really do trust you,” Tony slurred, half-awake as he rolled around to face Steve. “I just didn’t want to look… weak.”

“Sorry Tony, did we wake you?” Bruce asked softly, turning back to Tony. He continued to touch the genius’ hair lightly. Tony appreciated the soothing touch, and tilted his head toward Bruce’s hand.

“Nope, I had a dream about ice cream. Y’know, ‘half baked’ from Ben and Jerry’s, with the chocolate and vanilla and brownie and cookie dough in it,” he mumbled, not opening his eyes.

“I believe there is a container in the refrigerator. I will return momentarily,” Thor said, rising from the couch.

“Thanks Thor,” Tony spoke as he left for the kitchen. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s a lot to deal with. Most people decide they don’t want to,” Tony said, softer this time.

“Tony, we’re not most people, and you are definitely not weak,” Nat insisted. “We just want to be there for you.”

“Thank god I’m not as sappy as you all,” Tony said, which was met with chuckles from the others. He sat up, still leaning heavily on Clint.

“So JARVIS has been helping you whenever you have a… panic attack?” Steve said, seeming uncertain of what was appropriate to say.

“Mhmm.” Tony answered, looking down at his hands, his watch suddenly more interesting than before. “I do trust you guys, I really do. I just couldn’t… I can’t burden you…” he trailed off, and Nat leaned into him reassuringly.

“Tony, you are in no way a burden to anybody. Just know that in the future, you can always come to us,” Clint said.

“I probably wont,” Tony mumbled, feeling guilty. The others understood immediately. He didn’t want to burden anybody.

“JARVIS?” Nat asked. Tony rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“I will inform one of you if Sir is ever in need of assistance,” said the AI.

“I’m sorry Tony, I shouldn’t have doubted you,” Steve said.

“JARVIS, new protocol: Sap Alert. Sound an alarm whenever anyone ever says anything meaningful and or kind about me,” Tony said, his voice returning to his usual snarky tone.

“Of course sir,” JARVIS answered. Steve snorted, but didn’t say anything else.

Just then, Thor walked into the room balancing six bowls, an ice cream scoop, spoons, and three pints of ice cream. It looked like he was seconds from dropping it all before Bruce jumped up to take the bowls and spoons from him. They fought over the ice cream scoop of course, since there was only one for six people. Nobody protested when Tony went for it though.

“Play Sherlock, the one when Sherlock has to give a best man speech,” Tony said.

“We love you Tony,” Nat said, as the episode began to play. A loud, blaring siren echoed through the room, with Tony’s voice saying “Sap Alert” every five seconds.

“Yeah yeah, I love you too and all that jazz. Let me watch my show,” Tony said, a smile creeping onto his face as he leaned into the arms of his friends.