The Little Miss Sunshine
The next two weeks had been going well for the team. They were able to go on successful missions and some of the people seemed to trust them more again. Still they kept on reading bad things about them from internet and saw newscasts of them and their missions, in which their actions were incorrectly told. They thought it was Tony’s and his allies doings.
“That’s not how it happened!” Clint shouted furiously and motioned towards the big screen in front of him.
“Clint let it go, they’ve said bad things about all of us, there’s nothing personal in it” Natasha said and patted his shoulder before heading towards the empty seat next to Steve.
“Nothing personal?! Didn’t you see what they said?!” Clint continued his raging and touched the screen to switch it from the TV broadcast to news.
“The former Avenger known as Hawkeye made sure to ‘show off’ his skills and ended up wounding an innocent citizen, who is now taken to medical care. We were able to get the victim’s statement about the events..” Clint read out loud and immediately turned bright red in rage.
“To show off? TO SHOW OFF? I do not show off my skills!” He shouted and Wanda chuckled at him slightly.
“You do a bit” She said.
“What? I do not!” Clint protested and seeked for Natasha’s eyes, to find a backup from there. But he got none.
“I’m sorry, I have to agree with Wanda” Natasha said with a grin. Clint mumbled something to himself before heading towards the end of the plane, getting ready for their mission.
They were currently using one of SHIELD’s planes which Natasha had managed to hijack before the government was on her tracks. She had worked her magic on it and now it was impossible to track down.
“Five minutes till landing! Steve, call Sharon and tell her to be ready” Sam shouted, he was their pilot for the night.
“Okay” Natasha heard Steve’s, somehow nervous, voice say next to her and she immediately turned her gaze towards him, confused.
“What?” She asked. Natasha had no idea what Sharon had to do with anything. She couldn’t remember her being part of their plans for tonight or did she miss something? No, that was impossible, she always knew every detail of their plans.
“Yeah, Steve’s girlfriend is joining us from now on. Didn’t he tell you?” Sam announced and she felt her heart sink, Steve’s girlfriend?
Steve felt a banging quilt coming. He didn’t tell Natasha about Sharon before because he didn’t know how to bring it up and she hadn’t asked anything about his lovelife so he didn’t have a chance. Who was he kidding, he had a chance to tell her for two weeks but he simply didn’t have the courage to do so. He was too terrified to find out how Nat would react to the news. Partly he was scared she would yell at him for making Sharon part of their plans and exposing her for the threat. And the second part of him scared that she wouldn’t care.
He wasn’t even sure where he stood with Sharon. Yes, they kissed before the whole fight thing and they had talked since then almost every day. He really enjoyed talking to her but he wasn’t sure if that’s all he feels, like she’s a good friend. But then there’s the memory of Peggy. He knows it’s wrong, but sometimes he found himself thinking that if he was with Sharon then it would almost feel like he was with Peggy. He hated himself for those thoughts but he couldn’t help them.
Steve watched carefully at Natasha and seeked some kind of reaction. Instead saying anything, she just turned her attention from him and blankly stared at the wall opposite her. He knew what she was doing, she was making sure no one knew what she thought, she was shielding herself and he hated it. He wanted some kind of reaction from her but he got nothing. Hell, he would’ve preferred her yelling at him instead of being completely silent.
“Steve you really didn’t tell her?!” Sam yelled again and Steve could swear his cheeks turned bright red.
“I.. I guess I really didn’t have a chance..” Steve tried to save himself but that seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Natasha turned to look at him again, now her green eyes narrowed, a dangerous look on her face.
“You didn’t have a chance?! How about every damn second for the past two weeks?!” She started to yell at him and stood up from her seat, turning to face him.
“You didn’t care to tell me you have a girlfriend?! Rogers, I thought we were on the same team and tell each other everything! You should’ve told me about her!” She continued and Steve flinched when she called him Rogers.
“Do you understand you put the whole team under danger by keeping a thing like this from us?!” Natasha yelled, although she’s not sure if everyone else already knew about Sharon but didn’t dare to tell her.
“Actually they already know..” Steve said ashamed and Natasha rolled her eyes.
“Of course they do” She sighed and closed her mouth.
She wanted to scream at him but she couldn’t. She didn’t find any words to speak to him anymore. She turned her attention away from his blue eyes that kept searching for mercy and was full of sadness at the same time.
Bucky watched the duo in silent, like everyone else in the room did. At this moment he really wanted to punch his best friend for being so stupid. Why didn’t he tell her about Sharon? Bucky assumed Natasha already knew but apparently she didn’t. He wanted to know why his best friend kept his girlfriend as a secret from the former spy. He sure was going to find out about it.
Not many could read the look on Natasha’s face but Bucky knew that look far too well. She was hiding her true feelings. They were taught to put a mask on every time they didn’t want their enemy to find out what they truly felt; anger, fear, repulsion.. It had become like a reflex to them. And Natasha was one of the best at doing that, but still Bucky knew better.
“Oh good we’re there!” Wanda said, breaking the awkward silence that had fell into the room a moment ago.
Natasha didn’t dare to even look at Steve, she didn’t want to show him what she really thought. That her heart was aching like hell, that her whole world was falling apart, that she was blaming herself for it. She knew she shouldn’t have let him in. She shouldn’t have let her walls fall down. She should’ve kept her distance from him, from all of them and not let herself fall for him.
She was stupid to ever think about him liking her back. Like the black widow could ever find true love, like she could ever find anyone to make her happy. Love is for children, she had said it and still she hadn’t listen to her own words. God, how much she hated Steve Rogers at that moment.
Natasha put on the missing pieces of her uniform and went to the back, making sure she wasn’t standing next to Steve. She positioned herself firmly between Bucky and the wall.
“You okay?” Bucky whispered to her and she turned to look at him in surprise. Bucky Barnes was the last person she expected to be concerned about her well being.
“I’m fine” She said and tried to sound as convincing as possible.
“Of course you are” Bucky said with a grin and she hit him in his arm.
“Ow, you have to stop hitting me” Bucky whined and rubbed his left arm above the metallic piece.
“Then you have to stop being such an ass” She answered but grinned at him. She was glad for the distraction and maybe Bucky wasn’t so bad after all.
Her grin faded as soon as the rail opened up. There stood Agent 13, Sharon Carter, in her own uniform and bags on both of her hands. Bucky felt Natasha tense next to him and he quickly glanced at Steve, who was looking at Natasha, before looking back to the woman next to him.
“Steve’s watching. Show him you don’t care” Bucky whispered and Natasha nodded. She had no idea how Bucky knew so well what was going on inside of her head but for some reason she didn’t mind as much as she should. She put on the best fake smile she could before heading towards the blonde woman.
“Sharon! So nice to see you!” She said cheerily and gave her a hug. Sharon was a little surprised, but didn’t mind. She actually liked agent Romanoff.
“Hey! Nice to see you too” She said back with a smile.
“If I knew you were coming I would’ve make sure those boys cleaned this place up” She said, still keeping the smile on her face.
“Steve didn’t tell you?” Sharon asked and looked at Steve with a frown, who rubbed his neck uncomfortably.
“Oh it’s not a big deal! I think his dementia has gotten worse” Natasha grinned and Steve rolled his eyes, always with the old jokes. Sharon chuckled. Bucky watched proudly at Natasha, she was keeping the role up well, she truly was a skilled liar.
“Let’s get your things inside” Clint offered with a smile and took one of the bags from her hand.
“Oh, thank you” Sharon thanked him and followed him inside. As soon as she was out of sight Natasha stopped smiling and instead looked at the scenery in front of her.
“Nat I..” Steve started but Natasha stopped him with a ‘no’.
“Don’t say anything. Let’s just get this over with” She said without even looking at him and started to walk to the direction where they were supposed to go, knowing the others would follow her sooner or later.
Their mission went alright, there was a few difficulties but they managed to save all who needed saving. Natasha even forgot her anger towards Steve and Sharon as she was able to do what she really enjoyed, hurt the bad guys. Occasionally the bad guys’ heads turned into Sharon’s or Steve’s in her imagination so she was able to really blow off some steam.
After the mission they went back to the plane, where the miss sunshine was already waiting for them. Cold drinks on a tray. Not that Natasha knew where the hell she had got them. She looked like the perfect housewife, waiting for her husband to come home from work, making sure he got everything he needed to relax after a rough day. The thought made Natasha want to throw up.
Steve looked at Sharon with a smile. The beautiful blonde stood in front of him and he couldn’t help but be happy that she was finally there. Then he looked at Natasha, who seemed to be much more herself at the battle, he had noticed, but now her carefree expression had turned into something he couldn’t quite read. Natasha was a complete mystery at times. He knows he should talk to her but he reckons to wait until she’s in the better mood, if that ever happens.
He’s not even sure why she had made such a scene about Sharon. Yes, he gets that she was angry about him not telling her and he’s truly sorry about that, he really is. But still he had a feeling there was more to it. Maybe she didn’t like Sharon. Or maybe she was jealous. Steve sneered at his own thoughts. That was impossible. Natasha Romanoff was never jealous, especially over him, it was ridiculous.
“How was the mission?” Sharon asked, from no one in particular.
“It was okay” Steve answered and took a bottle of beer from the tray, making a mental note to thank her later.
“Okay? We killed it!” Sam said excitedly, also taking a beer.
“We sure did birdboy” Clint commented and Sam gave him a deadly look.
“What have I said about using that name?” Sam asked while walking beside Clint, heading inside.
“That I should use it all the time?” Clint asked and Sam answered something that Natasha didn’t hear as they were already too far away.
“Those two” Wanda said with an eyeroll and followed them anyway.
“I should make sure those two don’t kill each other” Natasha said to Sharon and briefly glanced at Steve before heading inside, not taking a bottle for herself, although she truly wanted it.
“So..” Steve started once he was left alone with Sharon.
“So..” Sharon answered and they both chuckled.
“I’m truly happy that you came” Steve managed to say. Sharon flashed him a smile.
“And I’m happy to be here” She said and took Steve’s hand in hers.
“You are?” Steve asked, taking a step closer.
“Sure. I mean, speaking on the phone is great but I’m glad we get to do things we aren’t able to do on the phone” She said, mischievous grin on her face.
“Really? What things are you talking about?” Steve asked, his eyebrow slightly upwarded, daring look on his face.
“This, among other things” She said and closed the distance between them, kissing him on his lips.
Natasha watched the two but seeing them kiss made her stomach drop and she had to look away.
“Ugh, that’s gross” Bucky commented when he came next to her.
“Give me that” Natasha said and took the beer out of Bucky’s hand and took a huge sip from it.
“Hey!” Bucky exclaimed his hands up in the air but she was already walking away with his beer in her hand. He didn’t really mind. He knew she needed it more than he did anyway.
“Are we home yet?” Natasha asked from Clint as she collapsed on the co-pilot’s chair.
“Not yet but it shouldn’t take long” Clint answered. He glanced at her and the way she was collapsed on the chair and her sour expression screamed that there was something wrong.
“What’s wrong?” Clint asked, his brows furrowed.
“Nothing’s wrong” Natasha answered with monotone voice but he gave her a look that said he’s not buying it.
“I’m just tired and I want to get to sleep” She tried again but there was no fooling Clint Barton. He knew her too well and saw through all the walls she tried to build.
“It’s Cap isn’t it?” He asked, keeping his eyes straightly ahead but he could still see the surprised look on her face.
“How’d you know?” She asked.
“That you have feelings for him?” He asked and she immediately looked around, making sure no one else heard their conversation. Natasha didn’t answer but she didn’t have to.
“You keep forgetting I’m the Hawkeye after all, I see everything” He said and she rolled her eyes.
“And I know you almost better than I know myself” He continued.
Natasha let a long sigh escape from her lips. She started to get tired of people seeing right through her. She didn’t seem to fool either Clint or Bucky and she couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take for everyone else to find out what was going on inside of her head.
“I don’t know what I feel. All I know is that I don’t like watching him with the little miss sunshine” She confessed because there’s no point for lying to Clint when she was like an open book to him.
“I think that’s called jealousy” Clint said matter of factly.
“I hate you” Natasha said.
“No, you love me” Clint grinned.
“And I think you’re in love with Cap” He continued, his voice more serious. Natasha almost choked on her beer, or more specifically, on Bucky’s beer.
“Don’t be ridiculous” She said.
“You can deny it as much as you want but you and I both know the truth” Clint said.
Natasha knew he was right, no matter how much she hated it. She was, indeed, in love with Steve freaking Rogers. It was hard for her to even admit that she had some feelings, but admitting that she loved someone, it was the most horrific thing in the world.