Fear, Madness & Memories

All eyes turned to the starry, Asgardian sky as the spirit of gentle Frigga, their most beloved Queen, ascended into the astral heavens.

Sif stood amongst them, attempting to keep her stoic facade firmly in place for forms sake, but her bottom lip trembled as she fought to contain her grief.
The Allmother was gone. Murdered by some monster loyal to the dark elves.
And the shield maiden, along with all other subjects, mourned the tragedy.

Thor had arrived merely moments too late, and had been unable to prevent the attack. He had valiantly attempted to capture the assailants, striking out in anguish with the mighty Mjolnir, but to no avail.
Nothing could be done. Her death had been instantaneous; the healers lamented, and upon hearing the news whilst still being confined to the healing quarters, Sif had been rendered inconsolable.

Asgard was united in grief, but Sif not only felt the loss of her queen, but also the loss of a dear friend, and a surrogate mother-figure.
She now felt completely alone. And she was afraid.

With child, husband-less and at risk of miscarrying her baby due to complications in her body temperature which she did not fully understand, she needed the guidance and support of Frigga more so than ever.

But she was being selfish, she realised, as she turned her watery gaze toward Thor, who stood by Odin's side, putting on a brave face.
He was undoubtedly heartbroken. He had lost his mother. Just as Odin had lost his wife and most trusted consort.

Somehow, knowing that she had put herself in harms way in order to protect the mortal, Jane, only added insult to injury and made Sif's ever-growing dislike of the woman evolve into the most bitter resentment.
Had she not been here on Asgard, this would never have happened. Had she not interfered with unknown forces, Malekith would not have awakened.
Odin had been furious when he'd learned of her arrival, and although he hadn't cast her out, he must now surely be placing some of the blame deservedly at her door.

Though of course, Thor did not see it that way.
He was too blinkered by love and the need to protect Jane.
This realisation pained Sif further, as she was forced to accept that he clearly loved the human.
But there was little point in dwelling on that. After all, even if Jane was out of the picture, there could be no hope for herself and the Thunderer.
She was pregnant, and it would not be deemed appropriate for a prince of the realm to conduct a relationship with someone who was expecting another man's child. It simply wasn't done.

Once the funeral was over, the old group of friends and fellow warriors gathered for drinks in a tavern just outside of town.
Even Heimdall was present, having been relieved of his duties as Guardian due to the bifrost now being closed.
Talk soon tuned to Jane, and the current predicament of the impending danger to Asgard, which loomed like a dark cloud over the entire kingdom.
Thor was incensed, frustrated by his father's inability to see sense. Even though it was inevitable that the leader of the dark elves would return for Jane, who had inadvertently become host to the ancient, dangerous force that was the Aether,  Odin stubbornly refused to relent.
He was willing to sacrifice innocent lives, a decision which did not sit easy with any of them, so they were all in agreement that the only solution was to get Jane Foster out of Asgard in order to lure the threat away.
This however, meant committing an act of treason against their King.
But it was the only way.

Sif was more than willing to assist, and readily agreed to 'rescue' Jane from the palace guards that were holding her in isolation.
What she wasn't so in agreement with, was Thor's dramatic revelation about enlisting further help from his estranged brother.

The wicked Loki.

Both Fandral, and Volstagg were aghast when he dropped the bombshell, Heimdall kept his thoughts to himself, other than to voice his opinion on the probability of Loki betraying him.
That, Fandral pointed out, was practically inevitable.
Thor did his best to reassure his comrades that he would be prepared for that eventuality, and seemed quietly confident that Loki would not get the better of him.
Sif hoped that he was right. The mere suggestion of any harm coming to Thor was too painful to even contemplate. She wouldn't be able to bear losing him as well.

Eventually they all agreed, albeit it reluctantly, that Loki's assistance was necessary in order to leave Asgard without using the bifrost. For he alone knew of secret pathways that even remained hidden to the all-seeing, all-hearing Heimdall.
So they had no choice other than to set aside their scepticism, and put their plan into action.

All was going surprisingly well.
Sif easily rendered the guards who had been guarding Jane, unconscious, and set off to rendezvous with Thor, who had gone to free Loki.
Fandral had gone on ahead to secure an air vessel which would transport the brothers and the mortal to their destination.
Volstagg was standing by to aid in holding off the guards, whilst Heimdall created a distraction by drawing the Allfather to his observatory and away from the palace.

Sif was mildly irritated by both Thor and Volstagg's weak attempts to dissuade her from coming face-to-face with her kidnapper.
"Do you really think me so weak of mind that I cannot handle seeing him? I am stronger than you clearly give me credit for!"
She challenged them, and felt a twinge of guilt as they gabbled awkward apologies.
They weren't to know that she had already confronted the wretched prince, and she wasn't prepared to disclose that information to them either.
She had been a fool, trying to seek answers from him. He was the father of lies.
All she could do was attempt to put it all behind her now, for the sake of her sanity and focus on her future, and the health of her unborn child.

***************

As Loki strode alongside Thor, he practically felt a multitude of cares lifting from him. He was free, to some extent at least, and although thoughts of Thanos still weighed heavily on his mind and his heart still ached with grief for Frigga, his spirit soared.
All that he had endured, suffering the loss of Sif's love, imprisonment, and the death of his mother, had not broken him.
Not completely.
He realised this now, as he taunted Thor by repeatedly changing his appearance using his illusions.
Thor was clearly troubled by the prospect of losing his insignificant mortal, that was plain to see, as he didn't rise to the bait. Not even when Loki deliberately pushed his luck by altering Thor's own appearance to that of Sif, and even going so far as to declare the sight to be 'ravishing', didn't gain the reaction he would've expected.
Instead the thunderer had simply drawled,
"It will hurt no less when I kill you in this form."

The vision of his once beloved Sif walking by him caused a pang of regret and longing to stir deep within the walls of his chest, but he hastily distracted himself by casting further illusions and mocking Thor's human companions gleefully.
Thor had never been overly perceptive, and did not recognise that Loki's japing was mostly bravado. Admittedly, it had surprised Loki that his adopted brother had somehow seen passed his earlier facade.

When he'd come to his cell, he had found a broken man.
He'd dropped the pretence, and allowed Thor to see how damaged his cell, and he himself, truly was.

But the promise of freedom, and the prospect of avenging Frigga by killing the monster that had callously taken her life, had given Loki new purpose.
Life was, for the moment, suddenly worth living again. And the way Loki saw it was, if he lost his own life in battle somewhere along the way, then so be it. At least his death wouldn't be in vain. He would send that Kursed creature down to Hellheim, or die trying.
He owed his mother that, at the very least.
Because what Thor did not know, was along with the emotionally-crippling grief he felt, Loki also carried a massive amount of guilt. The responsibility he felt for being unwittingly instrumental in his mother's death, was soul destroying.
Up until now, the guilt had tortured him mentally and emotionally, and it felt like having huge slabs of stone placed on his chest by some unseen force, slowly and painfully crushing him.

Now, some of that burden had been alleviated, and for that reason he had no intentions of attempting to betray Thor. Despite what his foolish friends might think.
To do so, would be unfair and cast a shadow over their mothers memory.
He was doing this for her.

At last they reached the designated place where Thor had arranged to meet with his woman.
Loki had mentally composed  a witty speech in preparation for his meeting the mortal for the first time, but his sharp mind went completely blank as he saw her approaching, and his gaze drifted passed her to see none other than Sif.
His mouth went dry at a rasp as he struggled to keep his composure. No illusion could do her justice, he realised with unforgiving clarity, and he silently cursed himself for still not being immune to her beauty.

He then, quite literally, had the wind knocked out of him a second time, as Jane drew closer to him and boldly slapped him hard across the face before he'd even had time to introduce himself properly.
Well, he clearly needed no introduction, he mused to himself, which made him smile.
The woman clearly had copious amounts of courage. He hadn't expected that.
It was a pleasant surprise, and he didn't mind vocalising his approval.

"I like her."
He stated smoothly, and it pleased him even further as he permitted himself to fantasise that his proclamation may have even stirred-up at least a fraction of jealousy in Sif, who looked notably shocked.

As Thor and Jane walked away and Loki made to follow, his throat met with the cold steel of Sif's unsheathed sword.

"Betray him, and I'll kill you."
Her voice was stern and betrayed no hint of kindness, which could only mean that she meant it, and would not hesitate to carry out her threat if he were to do so.

This vexed Loki, to the point where he briefly contemplated putting her in her place. Her newly renewed love for his oaf of a brother incensed him, and in that moment he would've took great delight in seeing the colour drain from her face as he informed her of the past intimacies she had shared with him, her least preferred choice.
Yet he could not bring himself to do it.
There would be little point, as she wouldn't believe him. Instead she'd most likely call him a filthy liar, and look down her elegant little nose at him with even more disdain than she already did.

So instead he plastered on a fake grin, as if thoroughly amused by her threat. Then he slowly turned to her and looked her dead  in the eye.
"It's good to see you too, Sif."

He chose his words carefully, his tone tinged with barbed-sarcasm. It had the desired affect, as she visibly registered his meaning. She was no half-wit.
He couldn't be entirely certain, but he thought he saw her swallow hard. Most probably she feared he would expose the fact that he had seen her before today, as she withdrew her weapon and stared at him with apprehensive eyes.
As he moved passed her, he could not resist speaking to her telepathically, using the power of what human's called 'prayer'.

"Do not fret, Sif. Your little secret is safe with me."

*************

Sif had struggled to concentrate on the task in hand after her brief meeting with Loki.
Of course she did a fine job of holding off the guards that came her way, in order to buy the trio some time to flee on one of the dark elves' ships.

Their departure had been less than subtle, having taken down several columns and inner walls as they blundered their way out of the palace.

She managed to avaid being apprehended for her act of treason, until she had located and spoken to Fandral.
Eager to learn of their escape, she bravely stepped out from the shadows of her hiding place under a marble archway as she saw her dandy friend being escorted back through the palace grounds by armed guards.

"Did they make it?"
She called out to him eagerly, and did not put up any resistance when two burly guards rushed towards her.

"Indeed they did!"
He replied cheerily, and indicated to a nearby pile of rubble with a nod of the head.
"Although they nearly caused as much destruction as those damn elves! And Loki almost didn't. Had it not been for my impeccable timing and skilful handling of the aircraft, he could have met with a most unfortunate accident."

"But he.....he was alright, yes?"
She found herself asking, without being able to comprehend why.

But there was no time to hear Fandral's reply, as he was bundled away and she found herself being placed under arrest.

Later that night she awoke with a palpitating heart, and breathed a sigh of relief to find herself in her own chambers, which meant she had been dreaming,
But the dream had been disturbing, and eerily real. So real in fact, that she wasn't entirely surprised by the cold sweat that had made her skin clammy as she slept.
She placed a slightly trembling hand to her perspiring forehead and shivered from the chill that swept over her like a ghostly whisper, making every nerve in her body stand on end.

With great effort she heaved herself out of the bed, and padded over to the door. Outside, two guards sill stood keeping vigil. Fortunately for Sif, the Allfather had spared her the humiliation of the prisons, opting instead to confine he to her chambers, pending further investigation into her traitorous crimes.

"You must send for one of the healers, I am ill with a fever and require medical attention."
She informed the unconvinced looking guard, as she stood shivering in her nightdress.

However sceptical he may have been, her request was not ignored and a healer was duly sent for. A short time later Nanna arrived, binging with her the necessary implements to carry out a series of basic tests.

"Your temperature is not dangerously high, my lady."
The kindly young healer informed her.
"It is within range, given your condition. Perhaps it merely spiked as a result of your bad dream. You described it as being extremely vivid, this could easily bring about a rise in body heat."

Sif shifted awkwardly in her bed, attempting to find some comfort.
"But that does not explain the cold shivers."

"I'm afraid it is only to be expected with a pregnancy such as yours."
Nanna explained, then immediately regretted her blunder, as the shield maiden frowned at her.

"What do you mean by that, Nanna? You make it sound as if my pregnancy is abnormal in some way. Is there something wrong with the baby? Or me?"

"N-no, lady Sif. Not at all. I simply meant....with the complications you're experiencing. It is a common condition amongst expectant mothers at this stage to develop difficulties in maintaining a stable body temperature."
Nanna parroted the words like a script she had been forced to learn, and had to sound as convincing as possible every time the warrior maiden began to ask difficult questions.

"Perhaps, something occurred in your dream to cause your temperature to fluctuate?"
She prompted, hopefully.

Sif's face visibly reddened further at this, and she lowered her eyes in shame.
"Nanna, you must swear not to speak a word of this to anyone..."
She inhaled shakily, preparing to describe what she had dreamt.
"My dream it was.....it was about prince Loki."

Nanna became still, choosing to set aside her thermometer and pay Sif her full attention. Much to Sif's immense embarrassment.
What must she think of her?
Still, perhaps it would do her good to get it off her chest, she reasoned.
Well, some of it. She could not bring herself to disclose the details, she couldn't stand the shame.

"It was distorted, and made little sense. A first he was just there....and then, the next thing I knew he was...he was, dying."

"Dying?"
Nanna gasped.
"That must have been so upsetting."

Sif bristled, feeling a prickle of irritation.
"For you perhaps, but there is no reason why his death should cause me any sorrow."
She remarked coldly.

And it was true. Loki meant nothing to Sif.
And after all he had apparently done, there was absolutely no reason why she would mourn his passing.
He was undeserving of her tears, and he had no business being in her dreams.

He had barged in uninvited, dressed from head to toe in tight-fitting, black leather, stalking toward her like a long, lean panther, with a predatory glint in his eye.
His intentions, though unspoken, had been deafeningly obvious, and as he swooped down to catch her open mouth in a forbidden kiss, her objections had been lost against his sweet, poisonous lips.

Sif shuddered at the memory of this dream encounter, as a cluster of shivers wriggled their way down her spine.

Then of course, the scene had faded to a barren landscape, where she knelt weeping in the dust, cradling his limp body in her arms as he lay, fatally wounded.
"Sif, find me in the future."
His voice was little more than a whisper, but she had heard those last words clearly.

"What does it all mean?"
Sif asked, though she didn't expect Nanna would be able to provide her with satisfactory answers.
"Do you think it is a premonition? Have I, for some reason, seen the impending death of Loki?"

As much as Sif knew she ought to feel nothing, the possibility of her dream coming to fruition made her blood run cold.
She had no desire to see such premonitions.

"No, I do not think that is the case. It is more likely that the dream stems from a subconscious fear, and possibly.....suppressed memories."

"I think not."
Sif replied bluntly.
"Why should I fear any harm coming to Loki? No, it is more likely due to me having threatened him today. Yes. That has to be it, wouldn't you agree?"

Nanna shrugged noncommittally, unable or perhaps unwilling to offer any further opinion or insight.

"And as for suppressed memories, I don't think...."
Sif's words dissolved as she considered this disturbing possibility, especially given the first part of the dream which she had wisely omitted to divulge to the healer.
"No. No they cannot be suppressed memories, I would not, could not..."
She was rambling now, but she didn't care.

"Forgive me for saying so my lady..."
Nanna broke in politely, with a nervous half-smile.
"....but you cannot know anything for certain, when you cannot remember."