The Two Princes
The days dragged by like years for Loki since being in captivity. Or perhaps it was made worse by not having the comfort which Sif had once brought him.
There were times on more than one occasion he wished that he had never allowed her into his heart. Whilst it was true she had always had a place there, he cursed himself daily for his weakness. For allowing himself to open up to her. To drop his guard and grant her entry into his emotions. He would've been far better served by anger and resentment. Love was folly. He should've known better.
But, often whilst he was amusing himself by conjuring illusions in his cell, he found himself creating her as part of them. Even when he did not intend to. She was never far from his thoughts.
He'd stand, hand raised, triumphantly clutching Mjolnir. A broad smile tugging at the corners of his lips as the sound of the crowd filled his ears, applauding and chanting the name of their King.
Adorned in a fur trimmed red cloak, he had ascended the stairs many times, in preparation for his coronation. And each time, as he stood proudly before his people, his glistening eyes would scan the crowd...searching every face for hers.
Without fail, each time she would be there. Sometimes in the crowd, smiling back at him gently, clapping her hands in delight, other times she would be standing on the dais, bowing sweetly before him, the love and pride so clearly visible on her beautiful face that he became utterly lost in the illusion. In his own lie.
It was on one such occasion that Frigga paid him an impromptu visit. Having chanted the runes, she regularly invoked the vision of her imprisoned son from the privacy of her chambers in the palace. A simple act of sorcery for her, one of which she'd done many times before since his incarceration.
But upon interrupting him, she shattered his illusion. Not only catching him off guard, but also ruining the perfect moment...he had even been contemplating taking Sif in his arms, declaring her his betrothed queen to the entire kingdom..
Frigga' disturbance brought him back to reality with a serious jolt, which irritated him and he did not hide it.
"Loki."
He recognised his mother's voice above the cheering subjects, and slowly turned towards the sound. Somewhat reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
She asked calmly.
He knew she had the ability to see his illusions just as clearly as he, so the explanation he supplied her with was plain and simple,
"I'm giving the people what they want."
He smiled crookedly at her.
"Does all this make you feel better?"
The smile vanished from his face, her words instantly irking him,
"It certainly doesn't make me feel worse!"
He retorted sharply.
"Cast enough illusions..."
She warned, her voice filled with concern,
"...and you risk forgetting what is real."
Pausing for a moment, he allowed the projection of the filled coronation room to disperse around them, like a shattered dream.
"Precisely."
He muttered, his tone fierce yet tinged with sadness.
Hastily, the wise queen attempted to change the subject, desperate to distract him from his sombre mood.
Even though she had been relieved to hear of his request for the Vimur potion and had dispatched it to him forthwith, she couldn't be certain that he had taken it.
As a result she had to think carefully about what she spoke about. Knowing only too well that should the conversation turn to the lady Sif, it could plunge him into the depths of despair.
That being said, she was simultaneously tortured by the knowledge that if he had consumed the enchanted elixir, she was having to keep such heavy secrets from him regarding his forgotten lover and unborn child. She was finding it increasingly difficult to live with the uncertainty and the guilt she felt. But she tried to ease her conscience by convincing herself that he had suffered enough.
"The books I send, do they not interest you?"
She enquired, as breezily as possible.
"Hmmf....is that how I am to while away eternity, reading?"
He scoffed, turning to stare out of his cell, momentarily distracted by the procession of new prisoners being bundled through outside.
"I see Odin continues to bring me new friends. How thoughtful."
"I've done everything in my power to make you comfortable Loki."
Frigga exclaimed, choosing to ignore his sardonic remarks.
Turning back to face her, he eyed her steadily as he ironically rested his hands against the back of one of the chairs she had provided him with on a previous visit.
"Have you?"
He spoke accusingly now, his mood darkening further.
After it having taken such an inexplicably long time to receive the potion that he'd initially asked for on the day he was sentenced, by the time it arrived Loki's frame of mind had altered somewhat. For as much as he longed to be rid of the memories that tormented him, they were also the only light in his darkness. In the end, he had not been able to take it.
But having not done so, also brought him a whole new world of pain. Something of which he'd never anticipated.....the deceit.
Watching and listening to his beloved mother deceive him so cruelly, believing him to be none the wiser, broke what little of his heart remained. And in instances like this, he could barely contain his anger. The overwhelming sense of betrayal stung like salt being rubbed into an open wound.
"Does Thor share your concern? Does Odin?"
He ploughed on remorselessly, visibly bristling and eager for an argument in order to vent his anger,
"It must be so inconvenient them asking after me day and night."
"You know full well it was your actions that brought you here."
She remarked, unbeknownst to Loki she was referring to the way in which he'd conducted himself in Njord's hall, abusing the power he had to terrorise the Vanir King, and the chaos which had ensued as a result.
But he did not realise this of course, and misunderstood her meaning. Which only caused him greater offence.
"My actions?!"
He repeated incredulously,
"I was merely giving truth to the lie that I had been fed my entire life, that I was born to be a king!"
"A true king admits his faults...what of the lives you took on earth?"
"A mere handful compared to those that Odin himself has taken."
He argued, pacing back towards the periphery of the cell.
"Your father-"
"He's NOT my father!"
Momentarily startled by her son's outburst, Frigga fell silent. Setting him with her most stoic of stares.
"Then am I not your mother?"
Faltering, Loki swallowed hard. Her words had pierced his already tattered heart like a well aimed arrow, knowing that to deny Odin was to also deny her. Gentle Frigga....the only mother he'd ever known. The one who had treated him so kindly and welcomed him into her home and heart as though he were her own son.
Never in all the years prior to him discovering he was adopted, had she once made him feel like an outsider or an unwelcome addition to the family.
But he was in a languorous mood. The resentment and bitterness was consuming him. He felt the hatred growing and festering inside of him but no longer knew how, or indeed whether or not he even wished, to stop it.
"You're not."
He proclaimed finally, as though speaking the words aloud were now an official admittance of his acceptance that he was no son of hers.
She looked crushed by his proclamation, which caused a tidal wave of guilt and regret to wash over him. He was almost relieved when she forced a small laugh and smiled at him knowingly,
"Hmm, always so perceptive....about everyone but yourself."
Blinking back at her, a sudden sadness replaced his frustration as he realised that despite his harshness, not only did she still love him but she also saw through his facade. How was it that even when he was attempting to fool himself into no longer caring, it did not fool her.
He walked towards her now slowly, shaking and hanging his head in shame. He wanted to apologise but couldn't quite bring himself to speak again due to the lump that had formed in his throat.
Once again, the ever perceptive Frigga understood and held her hands out towards him in a gesture she had always done whenever he had been upset as a young boy.
But this time, he was not able to rest his hands in hers. He longed for that physical contact and it cut him like a knife when his hands moved through her projection. Causing her to disappear slowly before him.
****************
Meanwhile Thor had returned to Asgard, bringing Sif with him, along with Fandral and Volstagg.
He'd arrived back on Vanaheim just in time to partake in the final battle which served to pacify the Nine Realms, and he made it his business to report to his mother first, eager to voice his concerns for his shield maiden companion.
He arrived just in time to see the projection of Loki dispersing as he entered the room.
"You still see good in him don't you?"
He spoke, his tone almost accusing.
Turning hurriedly to face the thunderer, Frigga smiled warmly at him,
"Welcome home son."
Unfazed by his mother's attempt to swerve his question he persisted,
"Why indulge him, the gifts? The visits?"
Taking him gently by the arm, she responded with a mischievous smile which would almost rival one of Loki's,
"I think if you ask the guards they will tell you I was never there."
"Mother, Loki is not the boy you once knew."
"Nor are you..."
She replied finally, as they linked arms and walked towards the balcony,
"..and I loved you no less when your father banished you to earth."
"Do you ever regret sharing your magic with him?"
He asked, his curiosity growing.
"No. You and your father cast large shadows. I'd hoped that by sharing my gifts with Loki that he could find some sun for himself."
She explained.
Unable to appreciate the full significance of her meaning, he laughed in response.
"I admire your optimism, your compassion....I wish I could still share it."
Eager to lighten the mood by changing the topic of conversation, Frigga turned as they reached the top of the stairs,
"Now am I to take it by your presence that the nine realms still stand?"
Returning her smile now, he nodded slowly
"Yes they do....I came to give father the good news."
"And you thought to find him here?"
She smirked, knowing full well that Thor ought to know that Odin did not make a habit of frequenting the Royal chambers during the daylight hours.
"You will find him where he's most at ease."
Thor hesitated for a moment. He found it incredibly difficult broaching the subject of Sif and her pregnancy with his mother.
He was still struggling to come to terms with all that had occurred. The fact that his estranged brother had coupled with his lifelong friend and betrothed, was proving difficult to come to terms with. He never would have believed that Sif would act so recklessly. Loki yes....but not Sif.
"Mother, I must discuss the sensitive matter of lady Sif and her...current condition with you."
He said at last, fixing his eyes on the floor,
"It has been several months now since the...unhappy event...and she still shows no signs of-"
"Do not concern yourself, the healers are fully aware of the situation and inform me that it is perfectly natural....it seems Loki's Jotun genetics are affecting the length of the gestation period."
She assured him, though noted his look of disgust as she spoke,
"...the duration varies, often lasting a lot longer than we Asgardians. But then the foetus will develop rapidly towards the end-"
"Mother please, no more.."
He begged, recoiling in horror,
"I have no desire to learn of the details, I simply must know when, and more importantly how we are to break such shocking news to her."
Closing her eyes, Frigga fought to keep her composure. The truth was she had absolutely no desire to lie to Sif about something so immensely important.
"She has a right to know she is with child, and equally who the father is."
"It is impossible. She no longer cares for Loki, she has not mentioned him once-"
"Perhaps that is because he is rarely spoken of and when he is it is contemptuous whispers....and no one dares utter his name, as though he were a demon from Helheim."
"It is to be expected. He has wreaked havoc on Midgard and Vanaheim, and I am too mindful of Sif's feelings to risk mentioning him."
He admitted,
"And father still expects me to wed her....let us not forget that he is ignorant of the whole sordid affair."
"Thor, I will discuss this delicate matter further with Eir, the elder healer. I have faith in her, she is wise and will advise us accordingly I'm sure."
The truth was Frigga could no longer bear to discuss the sorry state of affairs with her son. He did not understand, and was unable to comprehend the gravity of the situation in all it's complexity.
She excused herself, and left him to go in search of Odin.
**************
Later that night, Sif stood on the balcony of Thor's great hall, Bilskirner; which lay in the south of the palace grounds.
The sound of laughter filled her ears as Volstagg's voice boomed from inside, retelling another exaggerated tale of glory to the amused party who had gathered inside to join in the celebrations.
The hour was late, but the revelry would no doubt continue until sunrise. Everyone was in high spirits after having returned to Asgard victorious.
Everyone except for Thor, the guest of honour. He had left, after having politely declined her invitation to take a drink with her.
The disappointment was bitter. She had almost foolishly allowed her hopes to raise when he'd returned to Vanaheim, seemingly eager to protect her. At first his presence had irritated her. Naturally she had assumed he was underestimating her capabilities as usual. She'd shouted at him, insisting that she had the situation under control....she was the goddess of war after all. Then he'd gone and proved her wrong by dispensing of a huge rock troll with one swing of his hammer. Stealing the glory once more.
But she had mistook his concern for something else....something more. And now she was left feeling decidedly frustrated and confused.
He'd insisted on accompanying her and even attempted to dissuade her from participating in sparring. His sudden keen interest in her well being was almost as confusing as her old feelings for him resurfacing. She hadn't felt quite so enthralled by him since adolescence.
Perhaps his budding romance with the Midgardian woman had reignited the long extinguished flame.
The way in which he spurned her company now in order to be alone was an indication that he was missing the mortal. Even when Sif spoke with him, she couldn't help but notice the way in which he barely made eye contact with her. Did he feel guilty in her presence? She could not quite understand his conflicting behaviour.
Feeling in a low mood as a result of his rejection, she drank deeply.
But her desire to celebrate had diminished now since his departure.
Suddenly she became aware of a presence behind her, and upon turning found herself face to face with Tyr.
"Are you not enjoying the festivities my lady?"
He enquired politely.
Forcing a smile, she turned away and looked out across the lawns, which were bathed in the pale glow of the crescent moon.
"On the contrary, it has been a wonderful evening....I merely became lost in my thoughts."
"Indeed.....the two princes must weigh heavy on your mind."
He remarked quietly, before taking a swig of ale from his tankard.
Whipping around, Sif stared at him askance,
"The two princes?"
"Yes, his highness Thor is 'ner far from your thoughts 'tis said."
He proclaimed, with a wide grin.
"Well whatever is said and by whom is of little concern to me.."
She snapped defensively,
"..and people ought to hold their tongues and mind their own business."
"Oh I couldn't agree more my lady."
"But you spoke of two princes, what did you mean by that?"
She demanded, impaling him with her stare.
"Oh that, yes....the bastard son Loki, the disgraced prince-"
"I know who he is!"
She cut him off sharply, infuriated by his casual demeanour and cryptic words,
"But he is of no consequence to me....so what are you implying captain?"
"I imply nothing and mean no offence madam by bringing it up, you know how the courtiers at the palace like to gossip....I'm sure you're accustomed to it by now."
He replied calmly.
Taking a step towards him now, Sif struggled to control her rising temper,
"I pay no attention to such inane gossiping, but if you do not speak plainly with me Tyr I will beat it out of you I swear!"
Shrinking away from her he held his hands up in mock surrender,
"That will not be necessary lady Sif, I merely speak of the rumours which surround the....unfortunate....incident."
At that Sif faltered slightly.
The 'incident' was her kidnapping. Yes. She'd been kidnapped by the wicked Loki. He had attempted to overthrow Njord, the ruler of the Vanir and had taken her hostage....so it was said.
To this day she was still yet to learn of the details surrounding why or how it had occurred. And her memory was a complete blank.
He had been sentenced to life imprisonment, and would never see the light of day again as punishment for his crimes.
But she had no recollection of the event, nor could she remember anything that had taken place before it. All she had was a hazy memory of Loki being brought back to Asgard after his attack on the earth.
...and if the truth be known, she barely even recalled Loki at all.
She had overheard snippets of conversations, people speaking in hushed tones of his wickedness. Of his evil deeds. Of his true parentage, and the way he coveted the Allfather's throne and attempted to sabotage Thor's rightful place as King. She disliked him immensely for that. But as for the man himself, she struggled to even recall what he looked like.
"What rumours?"
She managed finally, in spite of not wanting to pay any attention to idle gossip, her interest had been piqued.
"Why Loki's motives for abducting you of course....although in order to discover the truth one would have to seek an audience with the perpetrator himself-"
"Why did he do it Tyr?"
She shouted angrily, her patience rapidly diminishing.
"He's in love with you!"
He blurted, rendering her completely stunned.
"W-what? That is utterly ludicrous-"
She stammered, unable to comprehend why his words had such an impact on her.
Reeling from his declaration, she pushed passed him aggressively and made her way back inside.
Suddenly desperate for answers, she sought out someone who could assist her in filling in the blank spaces of her mind..........