Chapter 22
The bouquet of flowers are the first thing Wanda sees when she gets home. Dark red and fresh, sitting out on her fire-escape next to a small note, she smiles at the sight of the roses, drops her bag down on the counter, and quickly walks over to the window. Still smiling, Wanda unlocks the latch at the top of the window and reaches for the pretty flowers waiting for her.
She doesn't know who they're from but seeing them makes her smile anyway, despite how tired she feels after such a long day and so little sleep last night. It was a good day with Peter though, filled with pizza, video games, old movies, and lots of laughter. She smiles more at the memory of her day spent with the sweet and energetic teenager and then she picks up the bunch of roses, curious about who they're from. Her first thought is Bucky, that they might be from him because of the way he left things this morning, but she's not sure.
She hasn't talked to him all day, the battery on her phone died hours ago and she didn't bother charging it, so this could be him. Maybe, she lets herself think, as she smiles and lifts the flowers to her nose, inhaling the scent. They smell lovely and fresh, and she knows right away that they will look nice by the window in the kitchen.
Wanda carries them there carefully, placing the flowers down on the bench and opening up the small folded note stuck to the side of the bouquet. She quickly learns that these pretty flowers are from Darcy, not Bucky, and even though she isn't disappointment by this realization there is still a feeling that lingers in the back of her mind once it sinks in that they aren't from him. She forces it away and focuses on the note in her hands, smiling to herself once again as she reads it.
WANDA, you are a lifesaver. Thank you so much. I promise I will make today up to you. We'll have the best girls night. EVER. I can't wait to see you. Text me when you're free. You rock!!! — Darcy xoxoxo
The note makes her smile, so do the flowers and the promise of a girls night. It is sweet and not necessary, but still she feels excited for it. She's never had a girls night before, she just never had the time to make the friends or put in the effort, but this feels nice, feels like something that she wants to do. Just like today with Peter. It didn't start well with Darcy knocking on the window and Bucky leaving so suddenly, but the rest of the day went by so smoothly, so easily, and she let herself enjoy every moment of it.
Thoughts of today and of Darcy's promises stay on Wanda's mind as she finds a vase for the roses and leaves them in the kitchen until she finds the perfect spot to put them later. For now she wants to sit for a while and pour herself a drink, not really feeling up to much else. Maybe later in the night she'll make herself something to eat. She is too full with pizza right now, her stomach might burst if she eats anything else, but she feels like she could have another glass of wine, so she does.
Wanda fills up a clean glass, in between kicking off her shoes and plugging her phone in at the wall to charge, then she finishes her wine, swaps it for a cup of water, and returns to the fridge for a strawberry to snack on. She chews on the sweet pieces of fruit slowly, enjoying the fresh taste that fills her mouth as she waits for her phone to turn on. She expects a few messages from work, maybe even from Darcy and her brother.
What she doesn't expect is to find (18)unread messages on her phone, rolling in one after the other, seconds after she turns it on. She immediately assumes the worst, that it is an emergency or that something has happened to Pietro, but she soon learns that nothing bad has happened and the messages are all about very different things from very different people.
The first two texts are from Pietro, asking about her day and letting her know that he won't be home tonight. She soon realizes that he sent the last one not long ago, only fifteen minutes so she just missed him. She sends a reply back quickly, telling him to have fun and to be safe, then she puts the phone down on the bench, distracted for a moment by the thoughts that begin to seep in. Thoughts about this life that they have now, his life and hers, that sometimes feel so connected and at other times feel so far apart.
She is happy for for him, happy for the life he has built for himself here. It is everything that she has always wanted for him. She just misses him often and she doesn't always let herself think about it, doesn't let herself dwell on her regrets, until moments like this. In these moments she finds herself thinking about all the times she said no, because she was too tired for their parties, and dinners, and late night adventures.
So many things she said no to, that she chose not to go to, because she was tired, because she was afraid of putting herself out there again. Sometimes she looks back on those decisions and wonders if she made too many mistakes, if she should have said yes, should have spent more time with her brother instead of always running from him, from everyone.
With a sigh, Wanda leaves in search of a cigarette. She doesn't really want one though, she's been trying hard to quit, but she craves it. She craves anything that might distract her, might stop her from what she's beginning to feel, what seeps in through the quiet. But it feels like too much to think about right now, she decides, and tries to move on. She is tired, and it has been a long day, and she doesn't want to think about this right now, so she doesn't.
Wanda distracts herself by grabbing a handful of strawberries to snack on. She eats one as she settles at the bench, reaching for her phone to look at the other messages still waiting to be read. There are two from work, confirming her shifts for the week. One from Clint wishing her a good night, and one from Darcy checking in that her gift arrived safely. Then there are three from Peter, which she wants to read first just to make sure he got home safely. But before she can, she gets distracted by the (7) unread messages on her phone from Scott Lang.
[1:04 PM]:
Heyo, just me. I got your number from Pieces. It's Scott.
[1:04 PM]:
*Pietro
[1:04 PM]:
Lang, obviously.
[1:05 PM]:
Scott Lang. Not Pietro Lang. :P Sorry, I'm running on like 5 hours sleep ha ha.
[1:09 PM]:
Anyway I got to talking to Pietro, let me know when you're free to talk. Maybe get a coffee. ;-)
[1:11 PM]:
Oops I totally didn't mean the winky face
[1:11]
Have a good one, talk later! :-)
At first Wanda can only smile as she tries to make sense of Scott's messages. She suddenly feels curious about what Scott is talking about and what he is up to with her brother. She smiles anyway, because she likes Scott and has liked him from the moment they met. She thinks that he is funny, and easy to talk to, and she doesn't mind at all that he sent her so many confusing messages that she can't make sense of.
She doesn't even know why Pietro gave Scott her number, or what it is he wants to talk about over coffee, but she doesn't feel like working that out right now. Her head doesn't feel clear enough to work anything out, so she doesn't. Wanda makes the decision to text Scott back in the morning and she moves on, finding Peter's messages next and reading them easily.
[8:05 PM]:
Hey thanks again for today. was so much fun!
[8:09 PM]:
Aunt May wants to know if you're free again tomorrow?? alsooo, maybe just monday or tuesday afternoon next week? :)
[8:09 PM]:
Totally cool if you're not. Thanks again, from me + May!
Wanda's smile stays long after she's finished reading Peter's messages. She wants to say yes, that is her first thought, her first instinct. She knows that there will be other people who could say yes, that they don't need her, but she had fun today. Wanda remembers smiling and laughing for so long with Peter, they were both so distracted, so happy, and she liked that.
She felt better, felt so much lighter than she did in the morning, and that's part of the reason why she wants to say yes. It's that and it's seeing the way Peter was with her. At the beginning of the day he was quieter, reserved like he was the first time they met, and then slowly he changed, grew more comfortable with her, and started to enjoy himself more, and that's also why she wants to say yes. But she has work and that should be her priority.
It's just that right now everything feels unclear, her head feels foggy from the lack of sleep, and she knows she can never make decisions when she feels like this. So once again she decides to answer in the morning and she opens up the last two messages on her phone, who are from the last person she expected to hear from today.
Bucky.
She feels hesitant to read his texts but there's a part of her that is curious, that wants to know what's in them. Wanda wants to know why he left, why he's texting her now, so she opens up his messages and makes herself read them.
[2:31 PM]:
don't know about you but I'm too tired to function..
[3:01 PM]:
forgot you had that thing on today. Have fun red. X
Out of everyone's messages, Bucky's confuse her the most. Because they are so casual, because it feels so strange to read them after the way that he left this morning. It feels different, and her head still feels too heavy to make sense of it, so she decides to leave it all for later and find a cigarette. She changes her mind before she retrieves one and settles on a second glass of wine, filling up a small cup and drinking it in a few large sips.
When she's done she locks up the window by the fire-escape and slips away into her bedroom to change out of these clothes. Deciding to have a bath later, or maybe even in the morning, Wanda changes into comfier clothes and leaves with the intention of getting a glass of water and some berries from the kitchen.
She ends up on the couch instead, curled up in the dark, with her phone plugged into a wall nearby. Wanda settles there quietly, not really feeling like watching anything on TV. She just sits there on the couch for a while, distracted by the thoughts bouncing around in her head, until eventually she picks up her phone and calls the first person she thinks of. She doesn't know why it's him, doesn't even really think about it until he picks up and warmth seeps through the phone.
Steve's voice is already so familiar to her now and she finds it strange how much she welcomes the sound.
"Wanda? Hi. How are you? How's your night?"
He sounds a little surprised at first but still happy to hear from her, and she doesn't know why she called him but she wishes she could find the words. Wanda wishes she could admit to both of them that it feels comforting to talk to Steve, that it feels different and somehow easier to talk to him than people who already know her well. She says nothing for now and shuts her eyes, not really sure what it is she wants to say to him tonight.
"Wanda?" Steve repeats. "You there, Wanda? Everything okay?"
"Yes, sorry." she clears her throat. "Hi, Steve. I'm here."
"Hey, no problem. How's everything, Wanda?" Steve answers, warmth seeping through every word. "You doing okay? How's your night going?"
"Fine, things are fine. I was just—I didn't mean to interrupt, I was hoping..."
To talk? Wanda thinks but doesn't say. To him? She doesn't know if this is why she called, doesn't know why out of all the people in her life she called him. Maybe it's because she doesn't know very many people, not well, not anymore. Or maybe it's just because there's something about him, something that radiates warmth and support, that pushed her to call him. She doesn't know, can't be sure, but she feels like this is what she was meant to do, that he was the person she was meant to call tonight.
"Wanda?"
"Yes, sorry. I'm still here. I am just tired. It was a long day and I—" Wanda stops, biting down hard on her lip. "I don't know why I called you, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called."
Steve isn't gone for long but for a moment he disappears and she knows why, thinks she might even hear him excuse himself from a conversation he was in, before he returns to her call, and it makes her feel guilty for interrupting his night. She didn't meant to interrupt his plans, to take him away from whatever he was doing, but it still doesn't feel like she can hang up yet. So she stays on the line, waiting until he comes back, voice a little clearer now, a little easier to hear, and this lets her know that he did leave to find somewhere quiet to talk to her.
"It's not a problem, really." Steve promises, voice soft. "Is this about training? Or something else?"
"Something else, I think."
She says this when she knows what it is about, knows that it is Pietro, and Bucky, and all of the little things that linger on her mind. Things like this morning and the way that she woke, how something so simple rattled her, how she's been there before. After a moment Wanda takes in another small breath and closes her eyes, wanting so badly to find a way to talk about this, to talk to him, but still she can't.
"I didn't mean to call you." Wanda admits. "I don't know why I did."
"That's alright, really. Like I said, it's no problem." Steve assures her, words warm. "You wanna talk about what's on your mind? Or something else, maybe?"
"I shouldn't have called. I shouldn't be bothering you."
"Hey, it's not a bother. Trust me. Why don't you tell me about your day? It's early, I've got some time. We could meet for coffee, I know a great place."
The words are simple but they take her back to that quiet afternoon at Peggy's place. Back to the shakes she had with Bucky, and his smile as he sat across from her in the small booth. She thinks of that and their dates after that one, and with those thoughts smaller ones trickle in, making her think of him and where he is right now.
Wanda wants to call him, to answer his messages and ask him to come over, but something stops her. It holds her back and she knows what it is, knows why it's there. It's the way he left this morning, and maybe even the way they were before it, so close, so soft. It's been so long since she was like that with someone else, and it was over suddenly that she's not sure what to think.
"Peggy's place?" she asks, smiling.
On the other end of the call, Steve's voice softens.
"Yeah, it's a favorite of mine. You know that place? You've been there?"
"Once. Only for a moment."
It's quiet on Steve's end of the call for a minute after this and Wanda leaves it, deciding not to push it or bother him. She didn't mean to do this, didn't mean to stir up old feelings or memories for him, and it's clear that she has, that while he is quiet he is lost in his head. But then he comes back to her, his voice as warm and comforting as it always is, and that lets her know that she didn't do anything wrong and he's more than happy to be talking to her right now.
"So, you want to meet up for that coffee? Or maybe a shake?" Steve suggests. "The chocolate ones might just be the best shakes you've ever had."
Her first thought is of Bucky.
Bucky at Peggy's place, drinking a strawberry shake across from her. Bucky and his smile when he knew that he was right. Bucky and those bright blue eyes, watching her across the small table. Her mind is suddenly so filled with thoughts of him that it feels like it might burst. She doesn't mean to think of him so deeply, to go back that far in her memories of him, but she is so tired that she can't help it, can't stop herself from going back there.
Back to the memory of the diner, to when they were just two strangers sitting across from each other, drinking shakes and making small conversation. Two strangers with wide-eyes and something new and unspoken between them. Two strangers who never really felt like strangers at all. But tonight? Tonight it feels like they might be, like maybe that's what they've been all along, because she's beginning to feel like maybe they don't know each other and never really will.
"I think another night, maybe." she says a moment later, still distracted. "That would be nice, but not tonight. I'm sorry."
"Again, not a problem." Steve's quick to answer. "Why don't you tell me about your day? What'd you get up to?"
"It was—"
Wanda stops, searching for words that won't come. It was, what? She doesn't know what to say, because it was a good day but now she feels the way that she does (tired, lost, alone) and she isn't entirely sure why it's just hitting her now. She doesn't know where to begin telling Steve any of this, but she soon realizes that she doesn't have to. There is something about his voice when he speaks next, something soft and understanding, that lets her know he can see that this is hard for her and he wants to help.
"That's alright. If you want, we can talk about something else?"
"I don't know what I want," Wanda admits, letting out a quiet breath. "I don't know what to say. I just feel so lost."
"We all feel lost sometimes. It's a natural part of life for everyone." Steve says, pausing as he thinks it over. "But some of us, we just carry it more than others. It's just how life is. What are you feeling lost about? What's on your mind tonight?"
Bucky.
He is the first thought, the first name, on her mind.
Bucky, and her brother, and all the lies she has told them and herself. She almost says this to Steve, she comes closer than she has all night, but something stops her. Whatever it is, it keeps her from telling him what's really on her mind. She gives him something else instead, something that is easier and still the truth.
"I don't know why I called you. I feel too tired to talk, I think. And even if I wasn't, I am not sure what I would say. I am not sure you would want to hear it. I shouldn't have called."
"Hey, I would. I'd want to hear it." he's quick to reassure her. "I always want to hear it. But you sound tired. Long day?"
"Just a little."
"I can relate to that, probably more than you think. You wanna know what I do when I've had a long day? Steve says, still so warm, so soft. "I start by putting on a little music. Something warm, with a good beat. Something old school."
She smiles without meaning to. "Old school?"
"Yeah, yeah. Think...Blues, or Jazz." he answers, sounding like he's smiling with her. "Something you can close your eyes to, something that calms you, makes everything feel better."
"And then what?"
"And then I put everything else away. I lay down, close my eyes, and just listen to the music for a while."
Wanda thinks about it for a moment, she really considers doing it, but she soon decides that she doesn't feel up to it tonight. Her iPOD from Clint is in her room, tucked away in the drawer by the bed, and after the long day she's had she doesn't feel much like getting up to grab it, or even turn the radio on in the kitchen. So for now she stays where she is, her eyes shut despite having no music to listen to yet.
Maybe later.
"If that doesn't work, I've got a second trick." Steve says soon, as if reading her mind again. "I don't use it, but a lot of people I know do. They talk to me. I bore them to sleep. Trust me, Wanda. It works without fail every time."
This time when she smiles, she ends up laughing just a little and so does Steve. He laughs at the sound of her soft giggle and that makes her smile even more.
"You aren't boring."
"I know, but I can talk for a long time if I have to." he replies, sounding like he's still smiling. "And it's worked on a lot of people. Puts them right to sleep."
"You would do that?"
"Of course, Wanda. I'd be happy to. That's what friends do. But before I get started, I think there's something you should do. That is, if you don't mind me making suggestions."
She shakes her head and sinks deeper into the couch.
"I don't mind. What is it?"
"You seem like you have a lot on your mind, I want to try to help. So here's what I do, when I feel like everything gets a bit much." Steve pauses, exhaling a breath, voice oozing warmth and understanding. "Do something with it. If you can't fix it, can't get rid of it, then talk about it. Write it down. Go for a run and get it out of you. Just do something with it and usually, for me, things always start to feel a little better after that."
* * * *
The next morning Wanda wakes up on the couch, well-rested and late for work.
Maybe she should care, should run around the apartment and get dressed, but she doesn't. At first she just stays where she is, curled up on the couch underneath a warm blanket she doesn't remember falling asleep with. The last thing she clearly remembers is talking to Steve, his voice warm as he told her another story.
She smiles at the memory of last night and Steve's many stories then slowly she sits up, soon noticing a pink note stuck to the edge of the table. Wanda stretches out for it slowly, turning it over to find that it's from her brother. It reads: see you tonight, sleep well. love you — P. xoxo
For a minute after reading the note Wanda just sits there, smiling at the thought of Pietro writing it and tucking her in with a blanket. Then she sticks the note back on the table and sinks back into the couch, resting there for a few short seconds before she realizes that she can't see her phone. She quickly searches the room and finds it on the floor by the couch, not clearly remembering how it ended up there.
Wanda doesn't remember much about last night's call. Her memory is mostly hazy but she remembers pieces She remembers Steve telling her a story about a holiday, something wild and unbelievable, but the rest of the details aren't as clear to her right now. She tries for a moment to remember more before she reaches for her phone, finding (8) new messages waiting to be read.
The first one is from Steve and the rest are split between work, Scott Lang, and Peter.
She opens the text from work first, which is actually from Gamora just checking to see if she's okay and coming in to work today. That's when Wanda realizes she's only fifteen minutes late. So she's not too late, but late enough that they've noticed and they want to know if she's coming in or not. Her fingers hover over the keys for a moment as she thinks about it, not sure about what she wants to do, and then before she even realizes it she's texting Gamora back to tell her she's not coming in today.
Wanda then sends a message to Daniel, telling him the same thing. She lies, says she's not well, that it must have been something she ate last night. She sends the message without thinking and waits a few minutes for a reply that comes from Daniel. She's not sure what she expected but it's not this. Daniel is fine with it, he's more than fine, he actually tells her to take as long as she needs. She never takes time off so maybe that's why he's so nice about it, why he insists that she take as many days off as she needs and just to text when she's ready to come back.
She doesn't know why he is so fine with it but she doesn't question it. Wanda just lets him know that she should be better in a few days and she'll keep him updated, then she sinks back into the couch, her phone clutched lightly in her hand as she tries to convince herself not to feel too bad about this. Time. That's what she needs. Just a day or two off work, then she'll go back. This is what Wanda tells herself, over again, before she picks up her phone and distracts herself by reading the messages Peter sent her very early this morning.
[7:05 AM]:
hey, sorry. I know this is super early. Just making sure my messages sent to you??
[7:16 AM]:
also May said if you say yes, we can go out to the park or library this time. Anyway sorry for all the texts. It's Peter, BTW. Peter Parker..Bye!
She doesn't know why, not right away, but the messages make her smile without even realizing it. When she does become aware of how much she is smiling, she decides that it must be seeing how excited Peter is to spend time with her that makes her feel this way. She wants the same thing and is excited just thinking about the fun they might have together together today at the park, or the library, or maybe even stopping for pizza on the way back. She thinks it might be all of this and what she feels his company brings out in her.
Something soft, something good.
Wanda must spend a few minutes sitting here, thinking about Peter and the day ahead of them, when she's suddenly pulled from her thoughts by a sound in the apartment. The sound of her brothers door clicking open and then closing again. It's so familiar that she'd recognize it anywhere. But he isn't home, she's quick to remind herself, and then she jumps to her feet. Her phone slips from her hand and clatters loudly to the floor as she tries to will herself to go, to follow the sound, only she can't.
"Pietro?"
"Nope, sorry," comes Clint's reply. "Just me."
Wanda immediately feels overcome with relief and lets out a slow breath, angry with herself for being so easily startled. Clint is always here, he's spent endless days and nights in their apartment when Pietro hasn't been around, so she doesn't know why today she feels this way, or why she jumped to her feet so quickly. She tries not to think about it too much and waits as Clint walks around to the couch, poking his head around the bookshelf to catch a glimpse at her.
When he sees her, he smiles. It's more of a sleepy half-smile but she appreciates it, likes the way it makes her feel. Safe, she thinks, is the word she would use, the way that she feels to know that he is here with her and that it wasn't someone else in the apartment. Her chest feels less tight at the realization and she lets out another breath, already feeling better.
"Want some coffee?"
She nods twice. "Yes, thank you."
Clint smiles and disappears, swiftly grabbing their coffees from the kitchen. She leaves him to it and sinks down on the edge of the couch, soon remembering her phone. Wanda scoops it up and sends a quick reply to Peter, just to let him know that she's free and happy to spend the rest of the day with him if that's what he still wants. Then her attention shifts back to Clint as he returns to the small space, bringing two coffees and a folded up newspaper with him.
He places her cup down on the table next to her brother's note and then he eases himself down into the couch on her left, the newspaper folded on his lap to read later. Wanda watches him for a moment, offering him a smile as her thanks for the coffee. She drinks two sips before she looks back at Clint, only now aware of his close gaze that is, after all of this time, far too easy to read.
"Something on your mind, Clint?" she asks.
He shrugs. "Yeah. Isn't there always?"
"This is about yesterday. Isn't it?"
The look Clint gives her next lets her know she's right again. This is about yesterday, it was always going to be about yesterday. Wanda isn't surprised, she knew that their conversations would lead them here eventually. She doesn't mind to talk about this, it feels inevitable, so she sits in the quiet and waits for Clint to start and share what is on his mind. He takes a minute, swallowing a long sip of his warm drink, before he puts it down and begins to tug at the frayed strings dangling off the sleeve of his sweater.
"I'd ask how you knew what was on my mind but you always do. I shouldn't be surprised." Clint points out, sort of smiling. "I figured this was something we should talk about. Because the last thing I'd want is for things to be weird between us. So if I said something stupid, which isn't totally unusual for me, then I want you to know how sorry I am."
Clint's words mean something to her, mean so much more than she expects them to, and she knows why. She knows that it is because he has nothing to apologize for. He did nothing wrong yesterday and he would never do or say anything to upset her. He's only ever tried to be there for her, to look out for and protect both of them, and this time was no different.
She knows that he was only trying to help, she's always known that. She was just tired and on edge yesterday, she took that out on him and now she needs him to know that, to understand that there is nothing that he needs to say sorry for.
"Please, don't." Wanda says, quickly reaching for his hand. "Don't say sorry, okay? Please don't say it. You don't have to."
"But you're—You were.."
"I'm okay." she promises. "You didn't do anything wrong."
For a moment after, Clint is quiet. Reclined on the soft couch, he spends a minute just watching her, trying to get a read on her, because he doesn't understand. He is confused because of the way they left things yesterday. He must have convinced himself he'd done or said the wrong thing, but he didn't and she needs him to know that. She sees it now, and she knows that he does, too.
"Kinda felt like you were a little upset with me, with what I said. And like I'd crossed a line I never meant to cross."
"You didn't. And I wasn't." Wanda's quick to answer, voice quiet but certain. "It was never with you. But I didn't make that clear. I don't always make it clear. I'm sorry."
"I get it, sweetheart." he assures her, giving her hand a soft squeeze. "Don't worry, okay? It happens to all of us."
"But I'm the one who should say I am sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just trying to help, I see that now. It was just a lot yesterday morning, with Darcy knocking at the window, and I didn't sleep well. It was just one of those days, I think. It was never you, I promise."
Clint smiles, his face soft with understanding. "One of those days, huh? You mean one of the crappy ones?"
"Yes. The crappy ones."
With a soft squeeze of her hand, he lets go. Clint reaches for his coffee, drinks a sip, then lets out a breath as he sinks into his couch, looking much more relaxed than he did a few minutes ago. Wanda understands why, she thinks that she even feels the same way, feels better after talking to Clint and making sure that things are okay between them again.
"Trust me, I know all about the crappy days. Come talk to me whenever you need to, okay?" Clint sighs, his eyes filled with warmth. "I'm just glad we're good again. I mean, who else could provide me with your sarcasm and withering glares?"
"And who else would I have for bad jokes and very bad coffee—"
"You don't want it?" he grins, playfully reaching for her cup. "If you really don't want it, I'll drink it."
"No, I'm good." she laughs, swatting his hand away. "I'm good, thank you. I think you've had enough coffee. This one's mine."
"Mm. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. That's actually a good point, kid." Clint smiles, reaching for what's left of his drink. "So, hey. Your brother misses you. I do, too. So I was thinking if you're not busy this weekend, maybe we could do something?"
"Something like dinner?"
"Yeah, dinner. Sure. I might be having a couple people over this weekend, not sure yet." he suggests, voice soft and warm, almost tentative. "And I know you've never been before to my place in the city before. Why don't you come? Could be fun, and if it's not there's gonna be a lot of booze. I mean a lot of booze. So much booze, Wanda. You should come."
She smiles, feeling excited. "I'd like that."
For a few seconds more Clint stays in his chair, smiling at her and looking so genuinely happy that she might be interested in this. Then he nods, decided, and stands from his chair with his cup in one hand, the newspaper in the other, and a broad smile on his lips.
"That's great. It's gonna be fun, I promise. Your brother will be so happy." he says, pauses, then turns back to her. "I mean, maybe not so much fun for me personally. Since Nat might come and I know she wants to talk to you.."
Then he trails off again, clearly concerned by this, and it just makes Wanda smile more to watch him struggle with this.
"Hmm. Maybe I need to rethink this, because I kinda feel like the two of you are gonna get together and talk about my deepest, darkest secrets and fears. But hey, what can I do now? Not like I can take back the invite, right?"
Wanda rolls her eyes, smiling as she watches Clint take a few steps back to the kitchen, still pretending to be deep in thought about this when she knows he is really just trying to make her smile. It works and she smiles up at him.
"It sounds nice, Clint. And no, you can't take it back. If you did, I am sure I would find another way to learn these secrets."
"Mm, yeah. Fair enough. Anyway, good talk. Let's do it again." Clint smiles, turning away. "And remember, if you need to talk to someone about crappy days or archery then I'm your guy."
"Oh, sure. I will take you up on that offer of archery soon."
"Great, it's gonna be fun. Lots of fun." he calls back from the kitchen. "I'm looking forward to it, kid. Just don't shoot me in the ass, alright? I don't wanna go back down that road again."
Wanda thinks that she must spend the next few minutes laughing, so hard that her ribs hurt, just imagining that happening to Clint. Because it sounds real, sounds like something that might have actually happened to him in his wild and busy life. She hears Clint laugh along with her in the kitchen before he eventually steps back into Pietro's room, to read his newspaper in quiet, and she leaves him to it.
After he's gone she stays on the couch, smiling at his jokes and at the talk they had. Things feel good between them again and she's so glad for that. She's also looking forward to this dinner at his apartment and doesn't even really mind if Natasha and a few other people might be there, because she wants to spend time with Pietro and with Clint, because she has missed them and this is her chance to do something about it.
With that still on her mind, Wanda picks up her phone and reads through the last four messages. The first one is from Steve, brief and kind, letting her know that he's free this week for coffee, training, or a run in the park if she's up for it. He also wishes her a good day and lets her know that if she needs to call him tonight that she can. Wanda smiles at the offer and sends back a text, before she moves on to the last three messages, all from Scott, that make her smile like all the others did just for a different reason.
[8:03 AM]:
hey it's me again (Scotty). Really hope I'm sending this to the right person or this might be weird now. :P
[8:05 AM]:
*Scott.
[8:05 AM]:
Hope to catch u later. And if this isn't the right Wanda, my bad. Enjoy your day. :-)
She's quick to reply to Scott's messages, letting him know that it is the right number and she's sorry it took her all night to answer. Wanda asks him what it is that he wants to talk about then she places her phone away, finishes her coffee, and lets herself enjoy the quiet apartment for a while, feeling like she has more energy now than she's had in a while. After she finishes with her coffee she leaves to shower, lathering up in a sweet smelling cherry body wash, before she returns to her room, wraps herself up in a clean towel, and picks up her phone to find a new message waiting to be read.
For half a moment, she thinks it will be from Bucky.
It isn't. It's from Peter, telling her that she's the best (he lets her know that May said that, too). Then he tells her that he'll be at the building in an hour and once again Wanda smiles, looking forward to it. She knows that it is more than this, knows that it is a combination of so many things things—a good sleep, her talk with Clint, the thoughts of good things to come, and the chance to spend more time with Peter today—that has put her in such a good mood today.
She feels good, feels happy, because of all of this and Wanda eagerly welcomes the change from the way she felt yesterday. She lets herself be excited for this, as she dresses, tidies her room, and packs a bag full of her things. Keys, cash, phone, money for pizza or ice-cream, and anything else she might need for her day with Peter, that she is very much looking forward to now. More than she thought she would, or could.
Maybe she shouldn't be this excited, maybe she should be stuck on thoughts of Bucky and work, but she isn't. For today, Wanda doesn't let herself think about anything else. She pushes it all away and forces herself to be present, to be right here and nowhere else, and it doesn't always work but something in the back of her mind tells her that today it will and that thought excites her.
* * * *
For girls night, they go to the NEON.
It's a club a few blocks from the apartment, bursting with bright lights and loud music. Darcy is running a little late, which leaves Wanda to find the perfect table for the two of them and get their first round of drinks from the bar. She orders two glasses of red wine, finds a perfect table over by the side of the bar, and then settles in to wait for Darcy. She doesn't mind waiting, not really, she just feels a little nervous because it's been a long time since she's done anything like this.
She actually can't remember doing anything like a girls night before. The last time she went out for drinks on a Friday night would have been months ago, since she usually works almost every Friday night. There was that one time she went out with Gamora and a few girls from work for drinks but she left early. She always leaves early, always looks for excuses to go, but she doesn't want to do that tonight and that's why she forces herself to wait for Darcy, to not leave just because Darcy is late, and hasn't text her back, and might have forgotten all about their plans.
Wanda makes herself stay in her seat, even though every part of her brain is telling her to go because she feels so out of place here, because she isn't used to places like this. The NEON is, unsurprisingly, very neon. Very bright, and loud, and filled with lots of colors. Lots of bold pinks and blues, lots of lights that bounce off shiny surfaces. It's not somewhere she would come on her own and she thinks that might be why she needs to stay, at least for an hour or two. It's been so long since she tried something new and she needs to do that tonight, and she doesn't mind waiting for Darcy, not at all.
She just drinks some wine to calm her nerves while she waits, enjoying the distraction that being here gives her. It's only now that she realizes how big the club is. The bar is sleek and silver, covered in glowing lights that reflect off all the walls and ceiling. The rest of the building is the same. Big, and winding, and filled with plush couches, large dance-floors, and sweaty bodies crammed together. Wanda lingers on it all for a moment before placing her glass of wine down and digging into her bag, searching for her phone that she doesn't have the chance to find before she hears Darcy's voice and lifts her head, smiling when she spots her only a few steps away.
Darcy smiles brightly when Wanda looks up, looking so genuinely happy to see her here. She lingers on the thought before she climbs down from her seat to embrace Darcy. The two hug tightly for a moment before separating, with Darcy quickly wiggling up into her seat across from Wanda's and eagerly reaching for her wine. After a long sip, Darcy lets out a sigh and lifts her gaze to Wanda's, looking so happy to be here with her tonight.
"Okay, one question. Do you just have good taste in everything?" Darcy beams. "Clothes, wine, friends?"
Wanda smiles back at Darcy, only now aware of how happy she feels to be here, to have this night with Darcy and to be able to see if this thing between them could turn into a friendship. A real one, a good one. It's been a long time since she met anyone new, even longer since she let herself make and keep new friendships. It's why she suddenly feels glad that she came and that she didn't run, even when every instinct in her body told her to go.
"And by the way," Darcy pauses, leaning closer. "You look amazing. That dress with those shoes? Perfect."
"You look lovely, too." Wanda smiles back at her. "I'm glad that you could come. I think tonight will be fun."
"Of course it will be. It's going to be so much fun." she's quick to answer, voice so light, so warm. "I'm glad you're here, too. I wasn't sure if you'd make it because you must have had a pretty long day. That kid has a ton of energy."
Memories of the afternoon spent with Peter come back to her now; the hours they spent at the park, reading, stretched out underneath the sun, laughing and eating berries. She remembers going to the library and stopping for ice-cream on the way home, and she smiles thinking about the way Peter convinced her to buy it, something about growing boys needing their nutrients. That was how he ended up with a three tier cone of chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.
With sprinkles, of course.
It was fun, she thinks now, looking back on it. More fun than she's had in a long time. It was easy fun, the kind of fun that it feels like tonight could be if she lets herself enjoy it. That's what she wants, to let herself be present, and for this to be more than just another distraction. Wanda wants more than that, wants more from this friendship, and she can see that Darcy feels the same way.
"He's a good kid. He does have a lot of energy, but it's nice." Wanda answers eventually, sort of smiling. "I think sometimes I don't have that same energy, but Peter does. And my brother, too. He is, um. How do you say it? A ball of energy? Pietro has always been like that and Peter reminds me of him."
Darcy smiles, nodding along. "Yeah, he's great. Isn't he? So are you. Thank you again for this, for having my back. And thank you for not being pissed that I woke you guys so early. Looking back on it, that wasn't my best idea. So I'll remember that for any future favors."
"It's okay." Wanda's quick to answer. "There's nothing to say sorry for."
Because it doesn't matter anymore, because it never did. Darcy isn't to blame for this; for her nerves, and Bucky's distance, and for whatever else that morning stirred up for the two of them. Wanda doesn't blame her, she never could, because in the end Darcy needed her help and had no one else to ask. That's something that Wanda understands well and because of this she could never hold it against her.
"Just maybe use the door next time?" she adds.
Across from her, Darcy smiles and seems to relax.
"Yeah, sure. Sure, of course. I'll do that or I'll call, I promise." Darcy nods. "So, tell me. Tell me about your day. Your weekend. Plans?"
For the first time in months, Wanda's weekend is entirely free. She knows that she should work, that she shouldn't lie and take time off, because she doesn't need it and she's not really sick. She's just tired and needs some time away from work before she goes back. Wanda thinks she might need a few nights like this, nights where she can enjoy herself without worrying about other commitments, just to let herself remember how this felt before she gets lost in the repetition of her old life again.
"Not much. Just a dinner, I think. You?"
"Oh, you know. The usual. There's a lunch, and a dinner, and another thing with friends." Darcy smiles, pausing as if she's checking off a list in her head. "Oh, and there's another lunch on Sunday. I mean, seriously. Who has a thing on a Sunday? Right before Monday? Not fair, but anyway. Tell me about your dinner. Is it like a casual thing or more like a dinner date thing?"
And it's right then that Wanda knows what Darcy is thinking about. It's not just that Darcy is fairly obvious, it's also the look she gives Wanda, the subtle arch of her eyebrows and that flicker of curiosity that lingers in her eyes. Darcy wants to know, to ask her what Bucky was doing in her bedroom and why Wanda pushed him away like she was hiding him, which she was. She knows that it must make Darcy curious but it's not something that Wanda really wants to talk about tonight.
This thing with Bucky is different. It's new and precious, and she doesn't want to lose it or break it. That's why it feels easier not to talk about it, to keep it hidden and just between the two of them as something that is only theirs for as long as it can be. Wanda knows that she probably won't be able to keep it that way now though, not with what Darcy knows and what she saw that morning. But despite not knowing what to call this thing or how to talk about it, she realizes that she doesn't care if Darcy knows. Maybe she should but she doesn't.
"It is just a dinner at Clint's." she answers.
Darcy's smile brightens. "That sounds great. It's so weird, I know Clint from a friend of a friend. But I didn't know he was living with you guys, or dating your brother. That's kinda weird, right? But in a cool way. That world works in some pretty awesome and mysterious ways."
"Yes, it does." Wanda agrees.
And then the memories flood back in.
The first time they met, then that night at Stark's party. Bucky dressed in his black suit, his blue eyes bright from behind his mask. She thinks of that moment and the one out on the balcony when he smiled at her so sweetly and things felt so different and so new. Wanda feels something in her chest tighten at the thought of how much she misses him already. She misses him so much, misses what it feels like they could have, what they could be, together.
In a city this big they never should have met, not once, not twice, but they did. They kept meeting, again and again. Something kept pulling them to each other and she doesn't know if it was fate or something else but sometimes she believes that it could be. Whatever it is, whatever pulled her to Bucky all of those times, she's still thankful for it, even now.
"I'm just glad you and I got to meet. That was pretty lucky." Darcy's quick to say. "Now, let's move on to the important stuff. Are you ready for some serious fun tonight?"
Wanda nods, smiling more. "I think so."
"You think so? Oh, come on. Wanda, you better be ready for some serious fun." she grins, bursting with excitement. "I can't stay out too late tonight, only for a couple hours. But we can still have fun. We're gonna dance, and do shots, and then we're gonna do some more dancing. You in?"
"The drinks? Okay. But the dancing? I don't know."
With a smile, Darcy reaches out to take her hand and squeeze it. She expects it to feel new, or surprising, but it doesn't. It just feels familiar, feels like maybe they were always meant to be here, always meant to meet that night so they could end up here, together, ready for some serious fun.
"Who cares if you can't dance? The truth is, no one can. Not really. We're all drunk anyway. So don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Let's just have fun and dance together, okay? You and me. You in?"
The memory of Bucky at the bar comes back to her now. Bucky with his sweet smile and soft touch. One hand on her waist, the other gripping hers so carefully. Wanda remembers her hands on him, too. The one on his face, the other in his hair as they kissed in the bathroom. Her chest aches with longing again to go back to that night, to go back to that moment of being so close with him, so faraway from the rest of the world.
She just wants to remember how it felt to be with him. Wanda wants him close, wants his gaze on her, warm and soft. She wants softness, and familiarity, and she wants to smile the way she smiled when she was with him. It's now that she realizes how much she misses it. More than anything, she misses him. But she didn't mean to think about Bucky or any of this tonight, so she tries to force it away. It's just hard to do that when, most of the time, he's all that she can think about.
"We'll see," Wanda clears her throat. "About the dancing.."
"It's a girls night. You're kinda obligated to dance. What, you didn't' know that?" Darcy says, only half serious. "It's a thing, I swear it. For all girls nights you're obligated to dance at least once. Guess you haven't been to many of these before."
"Not really." she shrugs, smiling. "I usually spend my nights with my brother and Clint."
"Oh, nice. That sounds great. And Bucky, too. Right?"
Wanda tenses, about to swallow a sip of wine when Darcy asks about Bucky. She pauses, drinks a mouthful, then lifts her gaze back to Darcy's to find her eyes soft and curious. She gets that, gets why Darcy is so interested in this after what she saw in Wanda's room, but this still isn't something that she wants to talk about tonight.
She sighs, placing the wine down. "I knew you were going to say something."
"Girl, can you blame me? He's really cute, and you were clearly hiding him." Darcy laughs, squeezing her hand then letting go. "I'm just curious, that's all. You can't really blame me, can you?"
"It wasn't like that." Wanda's quick to answer. "Bucky is..Different."
"He's cute. So you two are—"
"New."
It's the first thing out of her mouth, when what she means is to say no, we aren't—but she knows that would be a lie, that whatever they are they're new. That's all she really knows for now and it's all that she can give Darcy. Most days it's all that she can tell herself, that it is new, that maybe one day they will have a name for it, even though she's not sure that they ever will. If it were her choice they would give it a name, they would try to be more than what they are right now. But she knows that Bucky is different.
He is afraid of this, of ruining things, and that is why he's so cautious, why he needs to take his time. Wanda understands that so deeply, thinks that sometimes she might even feel the same way that he does, and because of this she often doubts that this thing between them will ever have a name. She tries not to dwell on it, not to care that this might be as far as they go together. Because she never expected it to become something, not from the way they met. Despite everything that has happened since that day, she will always feel glad that she met him and for the time that they've had together.
"Whatever you are, it's cute."
Wanda scrunches up her nose, trying not to answer as she reaches for her wine. She drinks a few sips, aware of how Darcy's gaze follows her, a bright and warm smile spread across her lips.
"What, you don't think you're cute?" Darcy grins. "I think you two might be the cutest couple I've ever seen."
"We aren't a couple. Or cute." Wanda stammers. "We aren't together, or dating. It isn't like that. It's different."
"Good or bad different?"
Her first instinct is to say good; because he is, because she has never doubted what kind of man Bucky is. He is good, and sweet, and kind, and when she's around him she feels so good. Wanda always feels so much better around him than she has in a long time, but when it comes to him and what she is for him she doubts it.
Is she good for him? Is she kind enough?
She doesn't know, and often doubts, and it feels far too complicated to get into tonight. She's relieved when she realizes that she doesn't have to, with Darcy finally understanding how badly Wanda doesn't want to talk about this right now.
"You know, a good friend of mine once gave me some great advice." Darcy says soon. "Give it time. If he comes back? Great. If he doesn't? Then it wasn't mean to be."
Wanda sighs, half-smiling. "I think maybe I am not as good at giving advice as I thought."
"It worked pretty well for me. But hey, that's a story for another time. Tonight is about us. Not boys, or work, or anything else. Even if boys are cute, this is a girls night. It's about us, you and me, and how cute we are. And how drunk we're going to get."
With another breath, she lets it go.
Wanda feels herself let go of all the memories and doubts that linger. She promises herself that she will enjoy this, that she won't let her mind stray to thoughts of Bucky again, because tonight isn't about him. It isn't about anyone else, only the two of them, and she wants to be here for it. Wanda wants to enjoy it, wants to drink, and dance, and make new memories with her new friend.
Everything else can wait until the morning.
"You're right, Darcy. This is our night."
There's something about the smile that Darcy gives her next that is so bright, so excited, that she can't help but feel the same way. Wanda smiles back at her, finally letting herself feel this and be excited for their girls night.
"Yes! Yes, it is. So we're gonna dance. Right?"
"Shots first?" Wanda suggests.
"I don't know if I've said this yet, but I love the way your brain works." Darcy beams. "So shots and then...?"
Wanda smiles back at her, already feeling much better. The next time they speak they do it at the same time, both smiling at each other, both excited for the night ahead of them.
"Dancing."