Chapter 9
“One never knows what one is going to do. One starts a painting and then it becomes something quite different.”
— Pablo Picasso
“So,” Howard said, dropping into an open chair in her office on Friday morning. Peggy kept drinking her coffee and pretending he hadn’t spoken. It was a routine of theirs. “I’m thinking we should both go blow off some steam this weekend. We can go to that new club opening tonight.”
Peggy snorted. “Friday night and you don’t have a date?”
He crossed his arms and frowned like a very put-out child. “I can get a date,” he stressed, “but Arlene might be there.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake Howard, then don’t go.”
“Not go? Do you know who I am?”
“A pain in my arse?”
“I’m sure lots of guys would love to be associated with your—”
“Finish that and I will make sure you will make no public appearance for weeks.”
Howard was lucky she was in an unusually good mood.
“It was worth a try,” he muttered under his breath. “Come on Peg, please?” He pouted. “It’ll be fun.”
“As tempting as your offers never are,” she started, “I have been invited over for dinner by Ana.”
“Oh so you’re going over to my place, I’m just not invited?” He placed his head in his hands and frowned further. “Tomorrow night? You can at least keep me company drowning my sorrows.”
“Sorry, busy then too,” she said without a hint of apology, stomach fluttering at the prospect of this actually being true.
“Come on Peg. It’s been so boring. And I’ll buy.”
She smirked and shook her head. “Why don’t you spend some time in your lab this weekend? You can work on your beloved hovercars.”
He sighed dramatically. “I would but our ineffectual government refuses to maintain upkeep on current infrastructure let only even discuss the multitude of investment opportunities that would result in my proposed plan of hoverstations,” he said with his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose. “Idiots. All of them.”
He wasn’t wrong about some of the civil servants they encountered.
She patted him in a reassuring manner. “I’m sure your brilliant mind can come up with something to keep you occupied.”
He sighed again, ransacking the drawer where she kept the good chocolate. Sometimes she really felt like his mother.
But even Howard could not spoil her mood. She had very important plans on Saturday, and that made turning down Howard’s company even sweeter. She had a date with Steve to look forward to and just the memory of them making a plan the previous night made her stomach fill with butterflies.
“Tomorrow?” Steve had asked, his impatience evident as he was no longer even facing the wall he was working on.
Oh how she wanted to see him and soon. Sooner than soon. But she did make plans with Jarvis’ wife before she thought this would be a possibility. She couldn’t possibly renege. But for a moment, she considered cancelling her dinner with the Jarvises.
“I’d love to. Only,” she started, “I unfortunately promised Jarvis’ wife Ana that I’d finally join them for dinner tomorrow night.”
“I understand,” Steve said with a real smile. “That’s not unfortunate at all. I’m glad you’re going to spend time with them.”
“How about Saturday? Or Sunday? Whichever you prefer,” she said.
“Saturday,” he said firmly.
“Saturday then.”
“Dinner and a movie?” he asked, voice gone shy again.
“Sounds classic. Although you’ll have to pick the movie. I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea what’s playing.”
“Deal. How about you pick a place for dinner then? I’m not picky.”
She bit her lip as she pictured sitting across from him at some dimly lit restaurant laughing over dessert they were sharing.
“Perfect.”
And it would be. A date with Steve had been what she had wanted for weeks. And now they had a firm plan for spending time with each other outside of her apartment.
“Seven o’clock. Don’t be late,” she had told him on his way out for the night.
“Seven on the dot,” he promised with a grin.
She was excited. It was no surprise she had found herself smiling unconsciously all throughout the office.
Her good mood followed her to dinner. Ana as usual, greeted her with an enthusiastic hug, inquiring about how she was feeling and about her drive over. She was pure sunshine, and she was reminded once more about how nice it was to see a couple who truly loved each other. But even Jarvis was far more bubbly than usual at her finally joining them. It made her stomach flop just a little. She silently berated herself for having held them at a distance.
“So,” Ana said with a mischievous glint in her eye, “Edwin says you’ve met a man.”
Peggy shot Jarvis a glare.
“You only told me I couldn’t tell Mr. Stark,” he pointed out. “And my dear Ana can keep a secret.”
Ana grinned lovingly at her husband but shooed him out of the room with a request for drinks. She reached out for Peggy’s hands.
“Don’t you mind him. He just likes to share news of you, particularly when it’s positive. It’s been months since you’ve spent any proper time with us.”
Peggy felt another anxious jolt in her stomach. “I do apologize. It’s been hard these past few months at work. I was thrilled at the promotion, and I hadn’t expected it to be a smooth transition. And yet the bumps still caught me off guard.”
Ana nodded sympathetically. “But it’s been getting better? I hear your team has done a lot of good work.”
“There’s still some friction, particularly from the men who used to be my superiors, and now report to me.”
Ana waved her hands. “I’m sure you’ll turn their allegiances before you know it. Mr. Stark himself has mentioned he’s glad they finally put you in charge.”
Peggy smiled. Howard. As irritating as he was, he somehow still managed to be a human being at the right times.
“So…” Ana drew out with curiosity, “who’s the gentleman?”
Peggy had to bite back an all too pleased smile as her mind immediately conjured up an image of Steve. Of the prospect of their date.
“Oh, don’t you dare deny it my dear. I can see it all over your face. I hear he’s quite handsome.”
Peggy burst into laughter at the idea of Jarvis describing Steve to his wife. “Did Jarvis tell you so?”
Ana laughed too. “Yes. I have heard that he’s quite tall with fair hair, has lovely blue eyes and that you two make a very beautiful pair.”
Peggy knew she had to be blushing, so she rolled her eyes.
“I think your husband should spend more time worrying about Howard’s romantic life than mine.” But the interest and cheerful expression on Ana’s face made Peggy want to tell her more. “His name is Steve and I’ll admit he does have very nice blue eyes. And I will tell you one secret you are not allowed to tell your husband.”
Ana promised and eagerly leaned in to hear more.
“We have a date set for tomorrow night.”
Ana squeaked excitedly. Peggy doesn’t bother to hide her smile.
“Details! Details!” she pressed in an urgent whisper.
And so Peggy found herself telling the woman more until Jarvis returned with drinks and announced that dinner was ready. Ana kept her promise and never alluded to her date at dinner, however it didn’t stop the woman from bouncing excitedly in her seat anytime her eyes met Peggy’s.
Dinner was delicious, the company just as nice, so Peggy didn’t rush her way out of her friends’ home. When Howard bust in uninvited at the early-for-him hour of ten, none of them, not even Peggy, bothered to turn him away. While Jarvis went to make him a drink, Howard ran up to his own kitchen a floor up. He returned with a box of pastries, deliberately offering it first to Peggy with a winning smile.
“Sometimes Howard,” Peggy said, taking the chocolate cupcake, “you can actually pass for nearly charming.”
She didn’t punch him for squeezing her tight and brushing his slightly wet moustache against her cheek. It occurred to her that she was getting soft.
Peggy went into the office on Saturday morning just to check in and was grateful for a light load as her head was elsewhere. She was already daydreaming about the dress she chose for her date.
She spent long hours the previous night mulling over the choices, trying to decide which dress would be the most appropriate for a first date with Steve. She had plenty of dresses to choose from, ones she’d been hoping for an opportunity to wear. There seemed to be much more of those when Angie was in town. She made a mental note to check in on her favorite actress and insist on a visit in the near future.
But the dress—the dress was important. The weather, another sweltering, gorgeous summer day, unlikely to cool by nightfall, necessitated something strappy, the kind she wouldn’t wear to work. Her eyes scanned over a favorite red dress, tucking it away in mind for a later date. Because there would be a subsequent date. She was sure of that.
Steve was right on time and she could tell he was feeling frazzled and nervous. She hoped she would be able to persuade him to relax before the night was over.
He was well put together: a button-up and light-colored slacks, and hair combed; but she had the distinct impression that he also spent a long time wrestling with what to wear, perhaps for less positive reasons than she had. She enjoyed the way his eyes seemed to drink her in. Clearly the strappy yet still casual summer dress has worked its intended magic.
He smiled tentatively, hands rubbing his arms.
“I just need to collect my purse and we can get going.”
She had chosen a casual place for dinner, choosing comfort and good food over romantic vibes and fancy fare. She had a feeling Steve might prefer that for the first date. And she didn’t need some romantic restaurant atmosphere to encourage her affections.
Steve was quieter than usual on the walk over, but she chalked it up to nerves. He seemed to relax at the sight of the restaurant.
“You look great,” he blurted after pulling out her chair. “I mean, you always do. But that dress looks great. On you.”
She chuckled. “Thank you Steve.”
“I wasn’t sure what to wear,” he admitted. “It’s um, been a while since I’ve been on one of these and I don’t even think I have any nice clothes anymore. I’m so used to my work clothes. I was worried I’d be underdressed.”
She propped her elbow on the table and rested her head in her palm, leaning in, deliberately flicking her eyes from his muscular arms to his eyes.
“You look lovely. I’d have mentioned if you needed a tux.”
He chuckled and grew more comfortable. He asked about her night with the Jarvises and the conversation flowed easily from there. They lost track of time over dinner, having such a good time chatting and eating pie. They missed the movie Steve had decided on, with the next showing not for another two hours. Peggy told him they could pick a different film or try to do a movie another time.
She saw Steve frantically googling titles of a few of the movies left. She realized belatedly that she probably could have mentioned she hadn’t wanted to cut the date short, so instead she encouraged him picking anything until he walked to the box office to buy two tickets.
The previews were already playing so they rushed into their seats in a pretty packed theater. She tried to look at him while the previews were bright trying to gauge his humor hoping the minor setback in the plan hadn’t reengaged his nerves.
Steve was clutching the left armrest leaving Peggy the one to his right. As polite as the gesture was, she found that there was a little too much space between them. She thought Steve might feel the same despite his resolute gaze on the screen.
The audience seemed to be filled with crowds of college-aged chatty guys, who hooted and hollered along to the movie’s crass humor. Neither she nor Steve made a single noise.
She honestly could not wait for the terrible movie to end. If it wasn’t the first date and Steve hadn’t been so nervous, she would have initiated the kissing to pass the time. Unless of course Steve was enjoying the movie. She should allow him focus even if she had no interest in the movie. So she kept her eyes fixedly on the screen too, even though she kept picturing Steve’s body against hers, his hair beneath her fingers… She had to adjust herself in the seat, suddenly unable to find a comfortable position.
As soon as the credits rolled, none too soon in her opinion, they both rose, smile politely at each other and walked out of the theater. They were silent through the lobby, out the door and down the block.
Peggy’s never been one to hold back her opinion for anyone’s sake, but it was a first date, and Steve had already been nervous enough. She tried to come up with a way to be honest without causing any disappointment. Nothing came. She pursed her lips and kept quiet.
They walked another block in silence.
“Okay,” Steve said, inhaling deeply, “that was one of the worst movies of all time.”
She laughed in pure relief. “Oh thank goodness you thought so too. It was absolutely horrendous.”
Steve stopped in place, frowning while shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I’m so sorry Peggy,” he said in such a dismal tone it hurt to hear. “This is not how I wanted tonight to go.”
“It’s not your fault.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face with a heavy sigh. “I was going to be more prepared. I couldn’t find a good shirt to wear. And then I rushed out of the house without remembering to bring you flowers. And I haven’t been on a date in so long, and I’ve always been bad at this to begin with, but you were supposed to have a good time. I should have known I was going to screw up what could have been a perfect first date,” tumbled out of him in an agitated mess.
“Steve,” she said softly, reaching her hand out to touch his wrist to catch his attention. When she got it, she squeezed. “It was just a bad movie. It’s not like you made it. It doesn’t automatically make this a bad date.”
“Really?” he asked doubtfully.
“Really. Although we could have spent the time making fun of it,” she told him with a smile.
“I guess I’ve been a little nervous,” he said sheepishly. “You’re way out of my league Peggy.”
“I belong to no league,” she told him gently. "Especially if you mean those bowling leagues that you Americans are so fond of. I’ve bowled all of once, so if you’d like to start a league with me, you’ll have to be patient and practice with me,” she said dryly, hoping to relieve any of his perceived inadequacies.
She counted it as a victory when he chuckled and met her eyes.
She squeezed his arm gently again. “The company has been more than lovely, Steve. And you should know I’m already quite fond of you.”
He brightened at her words. She couldn’t help but be happy to be the source of his smile.
“So can I still walk you home?”
“Oh, I insist that you do.”
He grinned. They walked close together, trashing the bad movie. They spent the walk repeating the terrible lines of dialogue and laughing at each other’s reenactments. As of course, even a bad movie could turn into a cheerful experience with the right attitude and the right partner.
“I have to admit, I do prefer the old classic Hollywood movies. Strong actors and strong stories as opposed to the stuff they crank out these days,” she told him.
“Like Humphrey Bogart and Gene Kelly,” he teased.
“There is a reason Casablanca is classic. And Gene Kelly… well nobody dances quite like him anymore. My oh my, a man who can dance is a sight to see.”
“I’ve never really danced before,” Steve told her.
“Never? You must have!”
He shook his head. “I don’t think the sixth grade Sweetheart Dance where Jessica Daniels was dared to slow-dance with me counts,” he told her in a light tone although he avoided her eyes, missing the sympathetic gaze she was giving him.
“Well we’ll have to change that, won’t we,” Peggy stated matter-of-factly.
“So you might still want to go on another date?” he asked shyly.
“Well, I rather think this one doesn’t have to be over just yet. However, if you’d like to plan ahead, then yes. I’d very much like to see you again.”
His all too happy smile really did numbers on her.
“I’d really like that too Peggy,” he said. “Although, you should probably know that I stepped on Jessica’s foot twice and she never looked at me again.”
Oh poor, poor, shy and nervous young Steve.
“I appreciate the warning but I’m not concerned about your lack of experience. Perhaps you just needed the right teacher.”
“And partner.”
Her heart fluttered girlishly. “Yes, the right partner.
They continued to walk back towards her apartment, Steve ever the gentleman, though their swinging arms brushed contentedly against one another every so often. The closer they got to her block the more an idea brewed in Peggy’s head.
“It’s still early,” Peggy said, gauging his interest. When Steve nodded she continued. “I thought perhaps we could watch something here, a movie guaranteed to please.”
He readily accepted with the lovely smile she loved.
Peggy turned into the kitchen to dig for snacks while Steve worked on getting the enormous seventy inch screen that Howard insisted upon all set up. She found a bag of popcorn, her appetite now returned, and a surprisingly still full tub of ice cream.
They both easily come to the agreement to choose Casablanca.
“I think it’s about time we actually watched it together since it keeps coming up,” Steve had pointed out.
They settled on her couch, much closer than in the dark movie theater where they had an armrest between them. Peggy could tell that Steve, here in the privacy of her apartment where they had spent so many moments together already, was comfortable. It made sense. It was the place where they met and opened up to each other. She was glad and girlishly excited once more.
They stuck spoons into the ice cream and passed the tub back and forth. It felt like they had been doing this for more than just a single night. It still surprised her just how easy it was to be with him, how quickly her feelings for him bubbled up and developed into something very real before she ever really considered it herself.
There was no question about her romantic feelings for him. It had simply come to her, a given, no forced blind dates or well-meaning “you should give him a chance” speeches from friends required. And in that way she knew there was something there.
Her loft had been a place of solitude outside of her high-stress job. She loved the peace and privacy. But here she was wanting Steve to spend more time in it.
Peggy really did love the film, always having found the story and dialogue riveting, and it helped that Bogart made Rick utterly charming. But she ignored Mr. Bogart in favor of Steve. Watching him watch the movie was even more satisfying, his own face so expressive, eyes lighting up at all the famous lines.
He was so focused he didn’t necessarily notice her eyeing him, she was relatively sure. His face was so kind, and his neatly combed hair was just inviting her to run her hands through it. He was entirely too handsome and the longer she studied him, the more she felt her heart pound against her ribcage.
It was the perfect moment, the perfect atmosphere. And so Peggy leaned over and pressed her lips to his. He was still a moment, soft and warm, and then she felt his lips move. It was simple and special. She pulled back with a smile. His jaw fell open and he was staring wide-eyed at her. She didn’t blame him not when she was pretty speechless herself, her heart still racing. The fact that she could see just how affected he was by a kiss only thrilled her further.
She pressed the whole side of her body against his and she could feel him scoot closer, still inhaling deeply. She’s warm and pleased as she touched her head to his shoulder and returned her attention to the screen.
Steve shifted next to her, until he finally pulled his arm over the top of the couch, his hand coming to rest against her shoulder. She sighed as his fingertips brushed bare skin, and slowly moved down her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. She had a feeling he was no longer really paying attention to the film either. They both were obviously more interested in playing with each other’s fingers when Steve’s wandering hand had touched her fingers. She slotted hers against his until their palms kissed. She couldn’t hide her smile when Steve squeezed her hand possessively.
“‘We’ll always have Paris,’” Steve said along with Rick.
The movie ended and before Steve was allowed to think about getting up, Peggy kept hold of his hand. He smiled and neither moved. Instead they immediately dived into a lively discussion.
“I really didn’t expect that ending the first time I saw this,” Peggy admitted. “I know everyone always talks about the romance of this movie, but I thought for sure he was going to betray Laszlo.”
Steve nodded enthusiastically. “I thought so too. It probably doesn’t help that I wasn’t so impressed with Rick in the beginning.”
“I agree. But I think that’s one of the great things about the movie. The characters are real and complex, and of course the war affected everyone’s situation and choices. And you get to see Rick choose what kind of person he really wants to be and make the difficult decision for the greater good.”
“Yeah. I like that he and both Laszlo in the end decide it means more to do the right thing, even though it’s more dangerous, to continue to fight the Nazis.”
“You know, I think there’s a little Rick in you too Steve. The noble parts.”
Steve chuckled. “Well, I don’t think I could ever look as good as he does in a white suit and the hats.”
“Oh I don’t know, I think you could pull of forties fashion,” Peggy said, imagining him in Rick’s clothes. “All those perfectly tailored looks. I wish we could bring some of that back.”
“There’s definitely something to the hats. It makes everyone look very important. And very dapper.”
“Debonair to be sure. Oh Bogart in that white jacket… Classic,” she said with a little dreamy sigh. “Hey, do you think they wanted to name the paint after his suit but thought that reference too obscure so they just stuck with Casablanca?”
Steve laughed. “I think the guys who named it never even watched it and that’s why it’s spelled as two words instead of one.”
Peggy laughed back. “That’s a shame, but highly probable.”
The conversation never seemed to lull, and they continued talking, turning the TV to a random channel with the volume low just to keep them company. And the feel of Steve’s arm around her was just as appealing.
“We don’t know much about Ilsa’s marriage. I can’t imagine it was easy for her.”
“I do wonder about the danger Laszlo put Ilsa in, but I can understand his commitment. I mean, I’d like to think if I was in his shoes I’d do anything I could to keep the fight alive,” Steve said. “Not that there would have been any girl that interested in me to cause conflicting priorities.”
A smile played on Peggy’s lips. “And if there were? A woman who saw all of you and cared about it all?” She purposefully kept her eyes locked on his.
Slowly, he started to nod, swallowing hard. “I think that if she knew me, she’d understand why I’d need to fight. Maybe she would be right there at my side. But I’d make sure she knew that despite there being more to the world than just us, that she was everything to me. That I’d do anything to try to save the world for her.”
She could swear that those words, those genuine promises were directed not at some hypothetical woman, but at her.
“Because you’re a good man, Steve.”
Steve flicked his eyes down, shrugging his shoulders modestly. Peggy leaned in to kiss him again, quick and chaste lips, taking Steve by surprise once more. Their fingers curled even tighter together.
After a long while, Peggy hummed thoughtful. “Do you suppose they were really in love? Rick and Ilsa?”
“They both say they were.”
“But after so short a time. Could they really fall in love with someone they hardly knew anything about?”
“I didn’t used to think so, that it is a movie,” Steve said. “But now… that I’m older that is, I think I could see how easily you could just know that someone’s going to be really special to you.”
Peggy met his eyes and held them. “I know what you mean.”
Steve’s brushing fingers paused their trail on her arm. “And Rick’s sacrifice,” he said in a serious tone after a few moments, “I think what he did was a true act of love.”
“Yes I think so too,” she replied, her stomach full of irrepressible flutters.
Much later, when she walked him to the door and they finally were saying goodnight, he turned and stepped into her. She liked the feel of his tall figure stooping against her. He cupped her cheek and kissed her fervently. It knocked the breath out of her. Those soft lips paired with the delicate touch of his fingertips set her body aflame.
She lost sense of herself and when their mouth finally disengaged she was downright dizzy.
“Sleep well Peggy,” Steve said full of energy.
She wasn’t sure she’d sleep at all.