Steve has to get his wisdom teeth out. He's terrified, practically shitting his pants in the waiting room. He hates blood, and knows his mouth is going to bleed for days after this. But Bucky is with him of course, Bucky's his best friend.
Sometimes Steve wishes he was something more.
“Stevie, you're going to be fine and when it's all done they'll bring me in the room to sit with you, we've been over this,” Bucky calms Steve, placing a hand on Steve's thigh to stop him from bouncing his leg, then starts to tap his fingers along to the music playing in the waiting room.
“Steven?,” a woman, a nurse he suspects, calls his name from a doorway in the corner of the waiting room. He gives Bucky one last glance, and Bucky offers a reassuring nod and smile back.
Now Bucky has to occupy himself for the next 90 minutes. What are you supposed to do for 90 minutes in an oral surgeon's waiting room?
He pulls out his phone, opting for attempting to beat his high score on crossy road, fuck this game, he thinks. He'll play it until he gets frustrated with it, which then leads to him playing candy crush. Seriously. Who comes up with these games.
-
The 90 minutes drag. For Bucky, at least. Poor Steve is knocked out, going through so much pain and he doesn't even know it.
The same nurse that called Steve back comes out and calls Bucky back. He thinks it's a bit strange, because he's not a patient here and he's not having a surgery and he's not Steve's husband, but whatever.
He enters the room and sees that Steve is slowly stirring awake. He looks drowsy, and his face is nearly three times the size as it was when he last saw him.
The doctor pulls a chair over for Bucky, next to Steve and tells him that they have to stay here for 20 minutes, until Steve regains full consciousness, and to make sure he doesn't start gushing blood so bad that he can't breathe and a bunch of other reasons that don't scare Bucky in the slightest.
Steve is squinting and lolling his head side to side mumbling nonsense for five of those minutes. Bucky gets it on video.
“Bucky? Bucky! Bucky! Bucky! I found you! They told me they had you held hostage in a sanctuary in the dungeon! I was so scared Bucky I thought I lost you and they cut off my throat Bucky where is my throat?”
Bucky nearly falls onto the floor from laughing. He can't breathe. This is hysterical. When he finally pulls himself together, Steve is just staring at him, just full on gawking at him, mouth wide open, in his groggy bloody state.
“Steve? Are you okay?” and at that Steve starts blinking furiously.
“You're real?” Steve is out of it. Completely.
It also appears that Steve has forgotten about Bucky apparently being trapped in a dungeon.
“Yes Steve, I'm real.”
“You're real. And you know my name.”
Bucky nods.
“The prettiest man alive knows my name. Is this real? Am I dreaming?”
Bucky laughs again, but he's kinda scared. Where is Stevie.
“Wait I know you. You're Bucky. You're my best friend. My best find is the prettiest man alive.”
Bucky shakes his head. “I guess so, Stevie.”
The doctor comes back in, and lets them know they can leave now.
They nearly fall down several times, because Steve is even clumsier when he is on sedatives and when they get into the elevator Steve pushes all the buttons in there. Bucky is questioning why he agreed to do this, because he surely did not sign up for this.
Bucky is beyond relieved when they reach his car in the carpark. He contemplates having Steve sit in the back seat with child lock on, but he thinks that's too far, too weird.
Bucky gets Steve into the passenger seat, and goes around and gets himself situated. They both click their seatbelts at the same time, and Steve smiles really big, like its his biggest accomplishment.
They're driving down the road, five minutes from Steve's house when he tells Bucky he has to tell him a secret. Steve tries grabbing Bucky's hand three times and he finally gives in. “Yes, Steve I'm listening I promise,” this boy.
And Steve whispers so quiet Bucky nearly misses it, “I love Bucky”.
“I'm sure he loves you too Steve.”
Steve is smiling. “But don't tell him! Please don't tell him I don't want him to hate me Bucky can't be mad at me.”
what
Sarah Rogers moved to the same town as the Barnes when she was pregnant, so Steve and Bucky have quite literally been best friends since the day Steve was born, of course they loved each other. It has always been Bucky and Steve.
Why would Steve be worried that Bucky would hate him? None of this makes sense to him.
Bucky drives to Steve's house as fast as he can. Taking Steve to get his wisdom teeth removed caused Bucky to talk about himself in third person, and take care of an oversized child. He needs some time to relax. Pulling into the Steve's driveway, he walks Steve up to his front door, greeted by Sarah.
They both escort Steve to the couch in the living room, holding him by his arms.
Sarah offers Bucky to stay for a while, and he really hates turning her down because she's like a second mother to him but, no. He thanks her for the offer, and comes up with some stupid excuse about having to get his sisters off the school bus.
He can't breathe.
What did Steve even mean by that? Of course they loved each other, they've been friends since Steve was born.
But why would Steve be afraid that Bucky would be mad? or worse, hate him?
Unless– no.
-
Bucky's love life wasn't a sensitive subject. Sure it wasn't something he thoroughly understood, something black and white, but it wasn't something uncomfortable.
Bucky knows that he likes boys. Steve knows it too. He was the first to know. Sometimes Steve even knows Bucky better than he knows himself. After all, he was the one who called out Bucky for his many failed attempts at relationships with girls.
-
"Overthinking" would be an understatement, and "Paranoid" is going a bit far, Bucky thinks.
But he's been acting strange, and keeping his distance. He knows it, and everyone is picking up on it, considering Bucky and Steve are normally attached at the hip.
It was never really "Bucky and Steve," it's more buckyandsteve. and that's how it always was.
until it wasn't.
Bucky started ignoring Steve's texts, avoiding him at school, and ignoring his calls, and Steve never rings anybody.
This went on for a solid week, until Steve showed up at Bucky's house demanding answers.
“Why have you been ignoring me?,” he starts, plain and simple.
Bucky doesn't answer. His mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out.
He knows he can't keep this up. He's being rude and childish and he's been ignoring Steve, his best friend, and it's not right- hell if it was even Steve's fault for saying that. He was all loopy and stuff. Maybe he didn't even mean it.
Either way, he owes Steve answers. Steve deserves answers.
He realizes he was lost in his own thoughts when Steve finally hits him in the face with a pillow and shouts his name at him.
“Are you just going to sit there and act like you didn't do anything? Bucky you've been avoiding me all week, what the fuck is up?"
Steve hardly swears.
And Bucky is crying. Way to be mature and handle the situation.
He storms out of his room, barely making it around the corner before Steve's plowing into him from behind.
And suddenly- they're falling down the fucking stairs. Bucky holds onto Steve the tightest he probably ever has, protecting his head with his hands because fuck Steve still has a soft spot on his head from when he fell off the slide at the park when he was 2, and they're falling down the fucking stairs–
When they finally reach the bottom, Bucky quickly checks to see if Steve is alright, because even if they're fighting, they're still best friends and they still care about each other.
But then Bucky runs out the front door and hears it open again, and of course Steve follows him.
And he's off again. He'll go to the park. Sure Steve will follow him there too, but at least he can calm down there.
He stops when he gets to a bench, at the end of the park furthest from his house, Steve taking a seat next to him.
“You know, running from your problems or me isn't a very smart idea.” fuck, Steve. he knows.
“I just- I need to think.” Bucky lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and his breath steadies, finally.
Five minutes pass. it feels like an hour.
Neither of them have said a thing.
Bucky turns to Steve, eyes still red from crying. Steve speaks up first. “so are you going to tell me what all of this is.” It was more of a statement, in a tone that says he isn't leaving until he gets answers.
Bucky doesn't say anything until Steve lets out an over dramatic frustrated sigh. Bucky actually has no room to call Steve over dramatic, he knows that.
Dropping his hands into his lap in defeat, Bucky starts, “okay”. he needs to fix this. He started it all, and he's the only one who can fix it.
“Steve, when you got your wisdom teeth out you said something,” and he pauses, leaving Steve hanging. “and I haven't stopped thinking about it. It's been driving me crazy, and I know I'm probably overreacting but it doesn't stop it from eating me alive.” Still overreacting.
Bucky and Steve fit together like puzzle pieces. That's how it's always been. When they were kids, Steve liked subtraction better than addition. Bucky was bad at subtraction, and Steve was always there to help him when he got stuck. Steve's favorite Starburst flavors are red and yellow. Bucky's are pink and orange. It has always been Bucky and Steve.
But now Steve is scared. He looks like he could've seen a ghost and that he's about to shit himself and he's grown so impatient, “fuck Bucky, what did I say,”
“That you love me.” He says it so easily, and like it's nothing, but it took every ounce of him to repeat that out loud. Bucky keeps his eyes locked on his feet. He hears Steve mumble under his breath, something that sounds like fuck. “And that you didn't want anyone to tell me, which didn't make sense because Stevie we've been best friends since you were born, why wouldn't you love me, fuck, but it didn't make sense to me, because you told me not to tell me and I know you were all loopy, Steve but I don't know what you even meant.”
all or nothing, Steve thinks. “I meant it.” He pauses. “And not in the you're-like-a-brother-to-me kind of way. The other way.”
Bucky would be lying if he never considered his best friend as more than a best friend, but this isn't exactly a simple topic. Who do you go to for advice when you think you might have feelings for your best friend?
He isn't sure how much time passes, but Bucky knows that it is definitely his turn to speak.
“I don't hate you,” Bucky starts. “I could never hate you.”
Steve relaxes slightly, but doesn't make eye contact, doesn't look up from where he's staring at his shoes. Bucky doesn't blame him.
“I don't- I never- I can't say that I haven't thought about you in that way before. I have, and it scares me. You're the most understanding person I know, but I couldn't talk to you about this, Stevie, because I was afraid that I would lose you.” Steve looks at Bucky. Bucky can't tell what Steve is thinking.
“I think what I'm trying to say is,” Bucky swallows, “that I love you too, in the more-than-friends-way.”
Steve looks at Bucky with a smile.
It is still going to be Bucky and Steve. Just, a bit more.