Relics

The room that is waiting for them feels clammy and cold. The air is stale and stuffy from lack of circulation and there is no light.

Then there is light, but it's kind of pale with a greenish hue. Loki is looking really creepy now.

“Aw, brother,” Thor, who has followed the younger prince, complains. “You know how this kind of illumination is always giving me a headache.”

Loki casts his brother an annoyed looked over the shoulder. Then he flicks his wrist and the light changes it's colour. It's getting brighter and warmer, more Thor-like somehow.

Loki is still looking pale and tired, but not as if he was about to bite someone's neck any longer.

Tony wonders if it's safe to follow the Asgardians, and then decides to do so simply because he's Tony Stark, the world's most awesome and ballsy badass-billionaire.

It also takes him away from all those heavily armed SHIELD operatives in the ante room. And this is important because it is just dawning on Tony Stark that he is in a closed room, a cave practically, with a group of potentially hostile people who carry guns. The all too familiar feeling of nausea and panic is already rising in his throat. There is some sweat on his brows.

“Stark!” Director Fury yells after him, but Tony doesn't care.

Instead, he takes a look around.

Someone has clearly tried to make this room look like a temple. The walls are painted in blue, red, and gold, but the effect is more or less sordid. Because, well, wall colour on bare concrete without priming paint doesn't look so good. It has already started to peel off anyway. There are traces of decay everywhere.

Everything in there is just depressingly seedy, with downmarket furniture and cheap candleholders. Tony spots several chairs, a table, and something that seems to resemble an altar.

Okay. It is an altar. There is a perfect dodecahedron floating over it. It is grey, a bit like the colour of lead really, but it is emitting a golden light.

The light turns green as soon as Loki fetches the object from the air.

Tony feels that Loki's approach is quite bold. Security measures don't seem to be a thing on Asgard.

“Well, brother?” Thor asks, sounding a little impatient.

Somehow Tony has ended up standing between the brothers, which makes him feel crowded as well as dwarfed.

Jane is right, he thinks. These guys have no concept of personal space.

”Don't pressurise me, brother.” Loki says.

“I'm not pressurising you.” Thor tells him.

“Yes, you do. You always do.” Loki's voice has turned slightly petulant by now.

“Brother, I swear by the yarn of the Norns that I never do!” Thor's blue eyes are ablaze with the light of wronged innocence.

Tony, who has seen JARVIS' footage of the Asgardians's fight on the terrace of his tower during the battle of New York, sincerely hopes that this conversation is not going to lead to that type of row which could turn him into some kind of collateral damage.

“Now look...” Tony tries to interfere, and at this moment the Aesir look down on him as if they hadn't noticed him before.

“Friend Anthony!” Thor booms, and Tony thinks that his eardrum is about to burst. The god of thunder puts a heavy hand on his shoulder and pulls him even closer. Now Tony can feel him breathing impatiently.

“I'm actually trying to get some work done here,” Loki says haughtily. This seems to consist mainly of staring at the object and poking it with long, pointy fingers from time to time.

After a few minutes, a set of runes becomes visible.

One by one, the Avengers are joining them, followed by Jane Foster whose gaze keeps moving from the object to Tony and back again. Tony is still firmly in Thor's grip, and he is more or less leaning against the god's chest by now.

“Let go,” Tony says. “You're breaking my collarbone.”

Thor ignores his plea.

After a few moments Loki looks up from the dodecahedron. He gives Tony and Thor a slightly puzzled look. Then he sneers at Jane Foster.

“Brother?” Thor asks again.

”It's one of Mime's works,” Loki says with more than just a little respect in his voice. He traces the runes again. “But it's nothing more than a toy, I'm afraid.”

”A toy?” Thor asks, a little confused. “Mime is known as the greatest smith in dwarfish history. Why would he make a mere toy?”

”For a bit of fun?" Loki says. "Mime was more than a great craftsman and gifted seiðr wielder, brother. He was an artist.” There is a wistful look on Loki's face. “You may bet that to someone like Mime, all the expectations and chores laid on him must have felt like a burden. He wanted to do his work just for the work's sake, but his family never allowed him to.”

After a brief pause, Loki continues. “Sometimes Mime managed to sneak away from the family cave. Despite his tremendous talent, he was a simple man himself, and liked the company of children and simple folks best. Or perhaps he was just pretending to be a simpleton.”

”Why would he do that?” Thor asks, not sounding convinced.

”With a brother like Alberich? I imagine it would have been a sound strategy to get out of his company as often as possible.”

Tony Stark gives Loki a surprised look at the mentioning of the name 'Alberich'.

“So, Loki. Mime and Alberich, huh?”

”I remember meeting him,” Thor says. “Nasty, king-under-the mountain-type. Grabby, too. But nothing more than a barrel-chested buffoon, really.”

”Oh, he was clever, cunning, and cruel, brother. You needed to watch your back when you were doing business with Alberich.” Loki is looking at the object in his hand. “And a relentless slaver, too. Always looking for someone to bully.“

”No wonder Mime tried to take some time off, then.” Jane Foster says while Loki suddenly discovers an interesting detail in one of the murals.

Thor's grip on Tony's shoulder grows slightly tighter.

So he doesn't like his brother's attitude towards Jane, Tony thinks. Then he says 'ouch', and tells Thor again to let him go. Loki watches this little charade with an appreciating expression on his face.

"Enjoying yourself, Horny Helmet?" Tony asks.

Loki regales him with a mild and indulgent smile.

Meanwhile, Director Fury has entered the room, too. He is surrounded by heavily armed SHIELD agents who look at the artefact in the god of mischief's hand with pronounced distrust.

"Did I miss something?" the director of SHIELD inquires. "Stark?"

"Well, Loki is just elating us with the most interesting tale, Fury," Tony says with a wink. "I just can't wait to hear more. Pray, Reindeer Games, why don't you continue?"

Thor is very pleased with this sentiment and squeezes Tony's shoulder a little harder with approval. Like all Asgardians, the god of thunder loves to listen to a good tale, and he has always thought that his younger brother is a master storyteller. They don't call him Silvertongue for nothing, Thor thinks, and is glad that his Midgardian shield brother Anthony has recognized Loki's talent and shares his feelings.

"Well, Mime," Loki continues his story, "has always liked to do experimental stuff, like dream conductors, apparition portals or reality shifters. He also felt the importance of using less noble metals than gold or Vibranium for his creations, because he thought that magic objects should be affordable for all."

Tony Stark nods. Tech (or magic, though Tony still doesn't believe in this) for all. Now that's an idea he can understand, although he is quite sure that those particular objects shouldn't be available to anybody. He has no idea what a reality shifter actually does, but it sounds dangerous enough. Tony shudders to think what his father, Howard Stark, would have done if he could have laid his hands on one of those.

"So Mime basically started to work with leftovers from the smithies of less gifted dwarfs." Loki obviously thinks that it's time for a dramatic pause and stops for a moment. "Then, of course, Alberich found out."

Thor gives Tony's shoulder another hard squeeze in anticipation.

“Mime's family was less than pleased, and the consequences for Mime were very unpleasant indeed. He had to return to more usual materials like gold, Vibranium or metal alloys like Adamantium even, and it took the joy out of his work."

"Can we perhaps talk about the Vibranium at this point?" Tony asks, and regrets it at once. He thinks that he can live with the indignant look Loki gives him, but Thor's hand suddenly feels even heavier on his shoulder.

"This is when Mime actually started to sneak away clandestinely. He became a regular and much beloved guest at feasts and fairs because he knew many strange and outlandish tales, and he knew how to tell them well. When his family found out about this, they learned to live with it after a while, much to Mime's relieve. His folks decided to tolerate his excentricities as long as Mime worked hard, and continued to make an ample profit for them."

Yeah, Tony thinks. I guess this Mime and I should go and have a drink together.

"Mime was even lucky in a way, because his family never noticed that he also continued to make minor magical objects from odds and ends, and gave them as gifts to whomever he met and happened to like. When he was having a good time, he loved to indulge people with little tricks and gadgets. Just for fun, with no ties connected. I believe this is only the relic of a feast long ago, designed to give sweet dreams to any person who touches it.” Loki gives the object a crooked smile.

”More mind fuckery, then,” Clint Barton says. He is clearly disgusted. “So you're going to sleep really tight tonight, what?”

”Oh, I'm immune against such low-level magic.”

”At least this explains why a cult developed around this object. Sweet dreams, huh? Probably kinky ones, too," Nick Fury says. "Do you think it's likely that this... Alberich or any other member of Mime's charming family is going to show up to try and collect the item?” The director of SHIELD has gone on Red Alert.

”I don't think so,” Loki says in a deadpan voice. “Alberich is dead. Besides, the artefact is not even made of gold, so it's not likely to attract any dwarfs.”

”Isn't this some sort of cultural stereotyping?” Tony asks. “I mean, like, dwarfs looking for gold all the time while singing silly songs and quaffing ale...”

”I was only thinking on the value of gold as a conductor for magic,” Loki says. “Alberich, however, was the type that thinks monetary value equals usefulness. Well, with magic it isn't. And a craftsman like Mime could, and would, make the most amazing things out of tinfoil and scrape metal. He loved a challenge.”

”And what do you know about dwarfs anyway, friend Anthony?” Thor interrupts. “Have you ever met any?”

Tony looks hurt. Being scolded by Thor feels like discovering that your favourite puppy has teeth, and is going to be a fully grown pit bull soon.

”But he was right about the ale, brother,” Loki says. “You must forgive my brother, Anthony Stark. He has always had a soft spot for the little wretches, Norns help him.”

Then he takes a step forward and gently removes Thor's hand from Tony's shoulder.

“Thank you,” Tony says. He cautiously moves away from Thor, while massaging his stricken muscles carefully.

Now it's time for the Asgardian to look hurt. “I just wanted to keep you close to be able to protect you in case something happened.”

“So this thing is dangerous after all?” Fury asks.

“There's always a risk, Director,” Loki tells him leniently. “I'm surprised you don't know that.”

"Why don't you tell us what happened to the brothers,“ Natasha asks after Nick Fury has managed to regain his composure. She is directing the question at Thor, who looks at Loki.

"Naturally, Alberich grew greedy and kept looking for more gold,“ Loki says smoothly without even missing a beat. "One day, he heard about a sacred treasure on Vanaheim. It was guarded by three water-nymphs. They were sisters, young girls really, and very much loved and respected by the Vanir.“

Tony starts to grin broadly. He knows where the story is going. Damn it, Loki, you're really good at this, he thinks.

“The thought of all this gold being within reach and and being of no use to anyone in particular began to gnaw on Alberich. He thought of all the priceless magic objects his brother Mime would forge if only he could lay his hands on the nymphs' treasure.” Loki clears his throat theatrically. “Why, he even thought he could become more powerful than Odin himself.”

Thor looks outraged at the idea.

“Eventually, after an exceedingly restless night, Alberich decided to go and steal the gold. It was easy. The river in which the sisters were living is one of the holiest places on Vanaheim, and it would never have occurred to the Vanir that it needed protection. Even the Aesir left it alone when they attacked the realm. But Alberich just went there, slew the girls and hauled the treasure back to his kingdom under the mountain using a magic net of Mime's making.”

Much to everybody's annoyance Tony chooses this moment to start humming a tune. But Loki, who loves having an audience, is in no mood to allow himself getting distracted from his tale.

“When the crime was discovered, all of Vanaheim went into a turmoil. It was perhaps the single most dangerous upheaval since Asgard conquered the realm. Odin ordered Uncle Vili, who is the Aesir governor on Vanaheim, to take steps and find out who was behind the outrage. It wasn't difficult. The scryers on Vanaheim are very advanced, and Alberich (the idiot) had left Mime's magic signature all over the place. So with all evidence pointing at Mime and his dimwitted brother, Uncle Vili wrote a letter to Uncle Frey and told him to do something about it.”

“Uncle Frey is Vanaheim's greatest hero,” Thor says proudly.

“You know, Thor,” Nick Fury says. “I never thought about you guys as the type who has an uncle Willi.”

“Vili,” Thor corrects the director's pronunciation. “Uncle Vili and Uncle Vé are father's brothers. They are mighty warriors and...”

Tony interrupts his humming. “This guy is really called Vé? It sounds like a stage name for an exotic dancer.”

“What?” Thor asks. He has never heard about exotic dancing before, but knowing Tony Stark, he feels that it could be a concept worth exploring.

“Stark,” Jane Foster hisses angrily. Life with Thor can be difficult enough without Tony's contributions.

“Very well.” Loki, who can be very singleminded where he chooses to, has decided to proceed with his tale. “Now Uncle Frey, who is mother's brother, saddled his magnificent, dwarf-made riding boar Gullinbursti and set off. Because unfortunately, his twin sister Aunt Freya had been great friends with the murdered nymphs, and made scene after scene after scene. People started to avoid the twin's manor, and this upset Frey very much indeed. So when he caught Mime red handed working on some of the nymphs' gold, he didn't waste his time with asking questions and just cut the dwarf's head off with his mighty sword Sumbrandr.”

“He still had Sumbrandr then?” Thor asks.

“Why, yes,” Loki says. “He lost it much later during one of Odin's campaigns on Midgard.”

“How terribly careless of him,” Tony quips.

“On Midgard? What were they even doing on Earth?" Director Fury is horrified. This is just the kind of news to faze the director of SHIELD past all belief. “And when did that campaign take place, may I ask?”

Loki ignores the potential trap and continues his tale. “Alberich escaped, well hidden under a tarnhelm designed by Mime to make it's wearer invisible. So Uncle Frey wrathfully wrote a nasty letter to Odin, pinned it to Mime's severed head, and sent the whole parcel to Asgard. Hair, gore, and all.”

“What happened to the gold?”

“It was never found, Nicholas Fury. Dwarfs can be very cunning when gold is involved.”

Thor gives Loki a funny look at this point.

“I think you're forgetting something, Rudolf,” Tony says very calmly.

“If you are talking about the nasty letter Aunt Freya wrote to mother...”

“No, I'm talking about the fact that this story is more or less copyright by Richard Wagner.”

“Who?”

“Oh come on, Loki. It's a 19th century opera called Das Rheingold.”

“I don't know what you are talking about,” Loki says irritably. He has never heard about operas, and remembers just enough Latin, a language he hasn't spoken in centuries, to know that it might have something to do with work or profession.

“And what do you know about operas, Stark?” Natasha asks in a nasty voice. It really bugs her that she hasn't spotted it herself, but she had been distracted by watching Thor's reactions to Loki's story.

I should at least have recognized the tune Stark was humming, she thinks.

Tony sighs. “You know me so well,” he says. “Do you have any idea how many premieres I attented at the Met and other opera houses worldwide as a representative for Stark Industries? The Scala in Milan in Italy, the Festspielhaus in Bayreuth in Germany, you name them. Makes an impressive date, too. You'd be surprised how far some debutantes would go to be seen there.”

“Stark!” Jane Foster is repeating herself. Suddenly it seems very important to her to keep Thor away from this man.

“Verily, it is very strange how many of our stories are being told on Midgard,” Thor says.

“And in a most disturbing way too,” Loki adds. His older brother had spent a good part of last night telling Loki the wild and slanderous tales about him the Midgardians found so entertaining. It would take ages before the god of mischief and lies could look at a horse again without feeling grievously wronged. “I'd like to mention that I find your collective fantasy life rather offensive.”

“Yep,” Tony says happily. “That's us. Caught us out, what?”

“It's probably all very symbolic and not meant to be taken at face value,” Dr Banner says soothingly. He has seen enough green sparks at Loki's fingertips for today. “Perhaps it helps you to think about those Viking myths as allegories, metaphors or images.”

“Yes, Bruce Banner,” Loki answers in a calm voice. “The mental image has already arrived. Thank you very much.”

“Is this thing dangerous now, or is it not?” Director Fury asks. “And do you think some of these people are likely to show up and try to collect this thing?”

“Well, Mime's creations are generally thought to be very collectible, but this is really just a toy of no value at all. There are only traces of magic left, so the dwarfs won't be able to track it down,” Loki tells him benevolently. “But I shall take it apart anyway if it makes you feel any safer.”

“Brother, this is most generous of you,” Thor booms, no doubt hoping for some signs of appreciation for his brother and his magnanimity. He is disappointed again.

“I'm not sure if I should allow this,” Fury says. “And I'm sure as hell not going to leave you alone with this thing.”

“Why, Director Fury, I am most grateful for your concern about my well being,” Loki tells him with a smirk. Nick Fury couldn't look more surprised.

“I shall keep my brother company,” Thor announces.

“And I,” Jane Foster says to everybody's surprise. “I think that a scientist from earth should be present to see that everything is documented and done correctly. As an astrophysicist, I think I'm qualified.”

“Good,” Director Fury says. “Dr Foster, I think you fit the bill. I'm looking forward to read your assessment of the proceedings. Two witnesses should be enough, although the way Thor keeps fussing over Loki makes me feel he might be compromised. Anyway, I don't want to endanger more staff.”

Tony stares at him in disbelieve. Huh? This can't be happening.

Because he is convinced that if some piece of potentially awesome alien tech is going to be taken apart on his home planet it is his, Tony Stark's, birthright to be present and witness the event.

“Loki, do you need any tools for this?” Nick Fury asks. “Would you like me to take any specific security precautions?”

“How very thoughtful of you, Director,” Loki says with a sugary smile that hasn't got the slightest trace of sincerity in it. “But I have everything I need.”

He moves his hand, there are some green sparks (Tony thinks it's getting a bit repetitive by now), and Loki holds something that looks like a pencil roll in his hand. It's made of black leather with green applications and bronze details.

Tony wonders if the god has ever heard about any other colour scheme, and is just too stubborn to take notice.

“Oh, and I will have my brother and Anthony Stark with me. Nobody else.”

Loki's saccharine smile has completely disappeared as he looks at Nick Fury.

There is a sudden and eerie silence in the room while the two men keep staring at each other.

Everybody else present is holding their breath now, and Jane looks at Thor in disbelieve.

“I don't think you have a say, Loki,” Jane finally tells him in a hard voice. “You heard Director Fury.”

Tony thinks the astrophysicist has just made a mistake.

“I'm sure we can find a compromise,” Cap says after a while. He isn't rewarded with an answer.

Right, Tony tells himself. He can feel another panic attack approaching. Still in a cave. Surrounded by armed, not overly friendly forces. Loki and Fury looking as if they were about to go for each other's throat. That's not right. Not alright at all.

“What makes you think Stark is more qualified than I?” Dr Foster finally asks stiffly. Loki doesn't even look at her, his gaze still lies firmly on Fury. “Thor, make him answer my question.”

Family dynamics from hell, Tony thinks, but as the born egocentric that he is he doesn't waste much thought on the sufferings of his fellow beings.

A little voice inside tells him to stand up for Jane Foster now, plead her cause, and do all kinds of noble and formidable things on her behalf like telling the god of mischief and lies not to be an ass. But hey, alien tech... Jane Foster probably pissed Loki off in some former life or something. Tony feels just the tiniest pinch of guilt about this, but he's looking too much forward to see what Loki might show him to care.

“It's all right, Jane,” Thor says softly, but his eyes are cold. “Please leave now. All of you.”

Finally, Fury breaks his eye contact with Loki.

“I hope you know what you are doing, Thor,” the director of SHIELD says. “And I would really like some words about this with you later on. Something is off, and I need to know what it is.”

Thor only smiles in a nondescript way while Loki's face is completly blank. The message clearly is not to mess with Asgard.

“Fine,” Fury says after a few moments. His voice betrays his infuriation. “Keep your secrets for now.”

With this the director of SHIELD signals his operatives to leave the army bunker with him, followed by an enraged Jane Foster and several disappointed Avengers who would have liked to stay too.

Tony Stark is alone with Loki and Thor.