To Go Our Separate Ways
“Ei, I think it’s time for us to part ways.”
The words came out shaky, soft, almost like a whisper. Eyes cast down refusing to meet the intense gaze that’s trying to peer through her soul, making her come undone. It was not an easy decision but when did breaking up with somebody became easy? Maybe if love faded away at some point in a relationship that it got dragged out but, in this case, no, they still very much do love each other, she still loves her, dearly. And this is precisely the reason why she must break up with her.
A loud sigh made her look up, the person before her was unrecognizable as she gave her a weak smile, “Miko…can we talk about this after we’re done at work?”, Ei tried to take Miko’s hand, but she was fast enough to jerk her hand out of the way as she held it against her own chest. She can’t believe what she was hearing, well, she knows Ei prioritizes work out of all things, but this is a new low even for them. She’s trying to break up with her and all she could say is ‘can we talk about this after work?’. Miko made sure that Ei could see the disbelief in her face. The whole thing is absurd, horrific even.
The purple haired woman back tracked a little, trying her best to appeal to the other woman, “I mean you always try to break up with me these days, but it never did push through. So, I thought that this is just one of those days.”, she reasoned out. “Miko, I love you. You know that...”, there was a pause, “…but we have much better things to do right now.”
It was the killing blow.
Miko’s mouth hanged open as she internalized what was just being said to her. When did her Ei became so heartless? She wanted to cry there and then, she wanted to lash out at her girlfriend, to argue with her, but she knows better, she still has her dignity. And so, without uttering a single word, she left Ei’s office and took the rest of the day off. She could hear her call her name out so many times, but it all sounded muffled, it was as if her name was a foreign language, odd, strange, gibberish. Was that even her name? She could feel hot liquid threatening to fall from eyes, but she held them well. No, they cannot fall yet, not when she is still in the same office building as her. She could feel her face emit heat, and as the overwhelming feeling kept pushing itself out of its host to show itself for the world to see, her pace got quicker. She just wanted a private time for herself.
Then there she was. Miko found herself in their shared apartment. It was barren, lifeless, and yet everywhere she looked she was reminded of Ei and all the things that they’ve done. There on the entryway, just right before the main door, that’s where they’d kiss each other before going out together to work. And then both of them would get greedy and ask for more kisses…a kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the right cheek then to the left, a kiss on the chin, and a kiss on the nose. Then they’d look in each other’s eyes looking all dreamy and very much in love as they held each other comfortably in each other’s arms, a kiss on the lips. They’d both smile in between lip locking while they remind one another that they’ll be late for work if they don’t stop…they were always late for ten minutes or so.
She made her way to the living room. There on that purple fleece covered sofa, that’s where they’d snuggle up to each other while watching random films with popcorn in hand. Miko’s head resting against Ei’s shoulder while Ei has her arm protectively wrapped around Miko’s pulling her close as they share a soft fluffy blanket. Then after a while they’d forget about the film because Miko will constantly steal kisses on Ei’s cheek. All the blushes that Ei made was always so adorable. The purple haired woman would try her best to ignore Miko’s constant teasing as she puts her full focus on the telly. Of course, the mischievous woman would squeal in delight, albeit internally, at her partner’s reaction.
She was always the greedy one in their relationship.
Miko would suddenly put her hand inside Ei’s shirt, feeling her toned belly then sliding it to the side where she would rub the bare skin with her thumb in a comforting manner then she would leave a long, lingering damp kiss on her lover’s cheek. Ei then wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. She’d trap Miko in a tight hug, pulling the blanket over them, making them fall together on the couch. They’d find their selves tangled in each other with Miko laying on top of Ei. Ei would then cup her girlfriend’s cheeks and kiss her lips, softly, sweetly. Their eyes fluttering as soon as they breakaway to catch some air, then they’d do it all over again, once, twice, many more times with every kiss going deeper and more passionate to the point that both are breathing heavily. The film long forgotten.
The memory hurt Yae Miko. She was not here to reminisce, but knowing that this is really it for them, she finds herself wanting to burn those sickly-sweet memories in her mind no matter how painful they were. She tried her best to hold herself together and moved on to their bedroom. She was hesitant to open the door as she stood in front of it, her hand hanging on the knob, afraid of the memory that will flood her mind as soon as she opens this door. But she really has no choice but to open it if she wants to pack her things and leave. Does she really have to leave? Maybe they can still fix this, they always did try and fix things after all. Maybe if she’s to tell Ei what it is that she wants then maybe it can all work out? No.
Miko did all that already. Ei is just not going to change. And she’s tired from being taken for granted. She has given her way too many chances already and she blew all of them. Miko still loves Ei, sure…but love alone can’t save a failing relationship.
Her grip on the door knob tightened, she closed her eyes as she steeled herself. She took a deep breath and finally opened the door as she breathed out. A gentle wind greeted her and as soon as she opened her eyes, she saw the bed that they were just in earlier this morning. She slowly stepped inside, closing the door gently behind her, leaning on it as she stared at the mattress.
Ei was always the one to wake up first, and she will always turn to the sleeping Miko beside her and shower her with kisses until she wakes. The best way to wake a person up…but this time Miko was the first one to open her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a while thinking to herself then looked at Ei who was still out cold. She looked so beautiful all peaceful like that. Miko turned to her and gently wrapped her arms around Ei, slowly and softly running her fingers on her shoulder as she continued staring at her girlfriend’s sleeping face. She felt Ei move ever so lightly to her touch and a light moan escaping her lips. Before she knew it Ei is already facing her, smiling groggily, still half asleep. Miko would greet her good morning in her sweetest voice and Ei would just make a small grunt and proceed to snuggle closer to her. She would then leave a kiss on top of Ei’s head.
Oh, how she wished she could turn back the time to those simpler days. She never thought that there will come a time where she will have to wake to an empty bed beside her. Where she will have to eat alone most of the time and leave the house all by herself.
She knows that Ei has been busier now more than ever, ever since she took over the company. She was very much understanding of the situation. She would even go out of her way to support her, to make her food, to remind her to take breaks, she’d adjust her schedule to fit Ei’s, she did her best to make sure that they will still have time for each other despite her busy schedule. It didn’t matter if it’s only for an hour or even a matter of minutes, what’s important is that they have time.
But slowly Miko noticed that she’s the only one adamant on making an effort in their relationship. Ei never initiates a date, it came to a point where she never stops and see how Miko is feeling or doing, even communicating things became so hard. There was one time where Ei was hit with an impossible task and she worked hard on it, completely neglecting Miko, still, she was very supportive, she tried her best to ask her if she needs anything or if there is something she could do to help but she was just ignored. It certainly did hurt Miko…very much so and despite all that she still chose to understand Ei.
It’s because Miko loves Ei. Miko still loves Ei so much.
But she wants to be treated right too.
Was that all really too much to ask?
It was too much of a burden, her emotions finally caught up to her and it all came crashing down. Miko fell on her knees and sobbed. Letting tears that was threatening earlier to fall freely now.
“Ei…you dummy...you stupid…you…”, she said in between her sobs, wiping her tears but it just continued to fall, unrelenting.
Realizing that it is futile to wipe the wetness that continue to stream out of her eyes, she let her arms fall to her side instead, “…why did you not go after me?”, and she wailed loud, louder as she let herself grieve.
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Having cried so much did not stop her from packing her things up. Her eyes were all puffy from all that crying but she still managed to get all of her clothes to her luggage. She leaned her back on the bed side as she looked at her things. She could feel her tears well up again. She placed her hands on her face and lightly tapped her cheeks thinking that it might help curb her tears. She let out a shaky breath as she collected herself again.
Nothing will happen if I keep crying here. I can’t let Ei see that I’m still here.
She whipped up her phone and dialed a familiar number. She waited patiently as it rang for a while then finally the call got picked up.
“Hey, what’s up Miko?”
“Are you available right now?”, she asked, her voice hoarse.
“You know I work until five and it’s still what? Two? Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”, the person on the other line chuckled.
“Which is more important then? Your work or me?”
Another hearty laugh can be heard, it was as if the other person knew that Miko can be such a tease, “Where are you?”
“At Ei’s”
“Okay, well, give me ten.”
Miko felt crying again. She wished Ei could be like that, but she knows that if she called her right now, she’ll just come up with thousands of excuses. So stupid. She bit her lip as she tried to calm her raging feelings. She can’t let herself mope around all day.
“I’ll see you soon then, Ayato.”
As soon as the call dropped, she took a deep breath, grounding herself. It’s becoming a routine now. She picked herself up and dragged her luggage back to the living room where she will wait for Ayato to come and get her.
She sat on the purple fleeced covered couch and waited patiently. She looked around feeling a little anxious. She could hear the rhythmic ticking of the clock, the timed sound of water droplets from the faucet on the kitchen nearby, the gentle rattle of the windows whenever the wind blows, she felt everything, aware of the little things. Maybe it's her way of coaxing herself that this is really happening now, that she is in this moment right now. She could see her reflection in front of the telly. It was strange how she couldn’t recognize herself. Then a thought came to her and she immediately went to the kitchen and opened the fridge but stopped halfway.
What am I doing?
Ei will be so hungry when she comes back home from work later. She just thought of making her something to eat because Ei is hopeless when it comes to cooking. She gently closed the fridge door and leaned on the nearby counter. She brushed her bangs up with her hand, a breathy sigh escaping her lips.
She just broke up with her girlfriend and here she is, still thinking of her wellbeing. I must be so pathetic. Maybe she could just make her a little sandwich and leave it in the fridge. Yeah, it could look like it’s for her but since she’s gone, Ei could eat it instead when she gets hungry.
Miko can’t just leave Ei with nothing, her conscience would eat her. She keeps telling herself. But the truth is, she still cares so much for her. She opened the fridge once more and took out the bread. She looked at it for a good long while thinking that this will be last time that she will do something like this for her girlfriend, her ex-girlfriend.
She started preparing the things needed for making a simple sandwich and when she laid all the ingredients out on the counter a memory flooded her.
Whenever Miko cooks something for them, Ei would surprise her by snaking her arms around Miko’s waist. She’d give her a peck on the neck telling her how the food she’s cooking smells so good and would immediately tell her that she does too after. Ei was such a dork. She must think she’s so smooth. Miko smiled at the memory, her tears falling again as she finished making Ei’s sandwich.
She took the sandwich from the counter and went to where the fridge is. She stood in front of it for a while. This is it. She opened the door, the cold greeting her as it brushed her skin. She placed the food inside and left it there. It was like stashing away something important, something precious that she will never see again. Her grip on the door handle tightened, as if she’s hesitant to close it. But I have to? Don’t I? Ei gave her no choice really, that stupid Ei. Now she has to close all the doors, all the possibilities of them together, all the futures planned. It will all end with a fricking sandwich.
A doorbell suddenly rang. She left the kitchen and went to the main door. For every door that closes a new one opens, doesn’t it? She opened the door and Ayato greeted her all smiling.
“Well, well, princess, you called?”
Miko frowned, clearly not in the mood for a friendly banter right now, “Be a dear and help with my things”, she said as she went back inside with Ayato trailing behind her, his confusion apparent on his face.
“Wait, what’s this? Are you guys moving?”
“Nope, just me.”, she took one luggage and dragged it outside.
“Does Ei know about this?”
There was no answer.
“Miko?”, Ayato grabbed Miko’s arm, stopping her.
“I broke up with her. Okay?”, she said as she faced him, her face was red and so were her eyes, she’s holding back tears again. She certainly did not want to be seen crying by Ayato.
She jerked her arm from his grip and continued taking her things out, “Now, will you just help me?”
Ayato did not utter a single word after. They just took all of Miko’s things back to his car without really having a conversation.
The whole ride on the car was too quiet. Ayato kept glancing back and forth to Miko and to the road ahead. Miko on the other hand just kept her focus on the window outside, her chin resting on the palm of her hand.
“So…”, Ayato started, finally had it with the silence, “Where are you headed now?”
“I’m thinking of staying with your sister for now.”
“Pardon, you what???”, it was as if on instinct that Ayato suddenly stepped on the brakes which prompted the car behind them to blow their horns repeatedly.
Miko looked at her driver in annoyance, she does not appreciate being thrown off of her seat, “Yes, with Ayaka. Do you have a problem with that? You know I don’t have many friends. It’s not like I can stay with you.”
“…Right.”, he said, continuing on his drive, setting the destination to Ayaka’s apartment. He could feel Miko’s been on edge, she certainly doesn’t act like herself at all, and he can’t help but worry about her. “What’s your plan now? You won’t be able to avoid Ei entirely, she’s practically your boss…unless you resign.”
Of course, she knows this, she will still have to see Ei every day, there’s just no helping it. Resigning isn’t an option either as she is currently the head of her department. She still has something to do, one final thing to do for Ei before she can leave completely. “I’m thinking of just seeing this new product launch through then I’m out.”
Seeing the love of her life once will surely be painful but she has to do this, Ei worked so hard for this, and she won’t drag her career just because of a break up. But this time she has to guard her heart unless she wants to get caught up and be wrapped up around her again.